Tough Love

by Susan Rice

  I am also thankful for my friends and colleagues from McKinsey & Company in Toronto, many of whom have stayed close over years and distance, and at the Brookings Institution. I wish to thank especially Corinne Graff and Carlos Pascal for their support, along with many fellow Brookings scholars whom I am proud to call friends.

  I am indebted to the entire U.S. Mission to the United Nations team, and especially Salman Ahmed, Brooke Anderson, Amar Bakshi, Ana Barahona, Rick Barton, Warren Bass, Anya Benenson, Josh Black, Dorothy Burgess, Elizabeth Cousens, Jeff DeLaurentis, Rosemary DiCarlo, Susan Din, Ravi Gupta, Alex Hughes, Mark Kornblau, Colleen King, Katie Lillie, Kathleen McGlynn, Alex McPhillips, Michael Pan, Alex Pascal, Erin Pelton, Taara Rangarajan, Maria Riofrio, Rexon Ryu, Hillary Schrenell, Lindsay Scola, Jennifer Simon, Mark Simonoff, Priya Singh, Caroline Tess, Stanton Thomas, Joe Torsella, Meridith Webster, Alex Wolff, and all of the wonderful Diplomatic Security agents who served on my detail. I am also grateful for the collegiality and support provided by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and her team.

  Upon my return to the White House as national security advisor, I was deeply fortunate to have led so many talented professionals in every NSC directorate. I also remain grateful for my enduring friendships with and immeasurable support from NSC colleagues in the West Wing, particularly Wally Adeyemo, Tony Blinken, Suzy George, Avril Haines, Colin Kahl, Lisa Monaco, Denis McDonough, Michael Ortiz, Ben Rhodes, Curtis Ried, Loren DeJonge Schulman, Dilpreet Sidhu, Adam Strickler, Jake Sullivan, Anne Withers, and the amazingly talented and collegial White House senior staff. I am deeply thankful for the invaluable support of the NSC Systems who kept me connected 24/7 from literally every corner of the globe, especially Gary Bresnahan, Allen Jones, Will Reynolds, and Phillip Abenes, as well as all the extraordinary U.S. Secret Service agents on Point Guard detail.

  I am very appreciative of the camaraderie, commitment, and invaluable contributions of the NSC Principals with whom I served as national security advisor, including Vice President Joe Biden, John Brennan, Bill Burns, Ash Carter, James Clapper, Martin Dempsey, Joseph Dunford, Michael Froman, Chuck Hagel, Eric Holder, John Kerry, Jack Lew, Loretta Lynch, Samantha Power, Penny Pritzker, Raj Shah, Gayle Smith, and their immensely talented, hardworking deputies who made all our work possible.

  I remain deeply grateful to President Barack Obama for his confidence in me, his remarkable leadership of our country and the world, his calm, rational, and steady hand at the helm, and his enduring friendship.

  At every juncture of my life, I have been blessed with the love and support of dear friends whom I will always cherish. In particular, I want to thank Hutchey Brock, Laura Richards Coleman, Trinka Roeckelein, Sarah Whitehouse, and Andrea Worden whom I first met in my early school days and who have stuck by my side every year since. Several other good friends from high school, college, and graduate school are mentioned in Tough Love, but there are many others too numerous to name who were powerfully influential and remain important to me.

  From Beauvoir to National Cathedral School, from Stanford to Oxford, I salute the teachers and coaches who taught me not only vital knowledge and skills but also to adhere to the core values and high standards they instilled.

  Tough Love has truly been a collective endeavor. My first cousins, Caroline Dickson and her husband Taft Broome, Valerie Dickson Horton, family historian Daryl Dickson, as well as my mother’s friends from Radcliffe, Kathy Sreedhar and Ellie Fuchs, and cousins and friends Cliff and Adele Alexander, were generous in sharing their recollections. My stepsiblings—Ben, Cate, and Craig Fitt—provided helpful memories and perspective. I discovered more distant relatives in this process who have also been generous with family history, notably Mildred Rice Jordan and Michelle Forrester Covington.

  Tennis coach Karim Najdi and my trainer Aaron Gamble encouraged me every step of the way, offering unique insights while kicking my ass on a consistent basis.

  For over twenty years, Adela Jimenez and Bertha Montiel have given our family their love, support, and invaluable assistance, and I could not have managed without them. Kadiatou Touré, Missy Moore, and Ticey Westbrooks kept both my parents going strong, providing me the confidence, strength, and sanity to keep serving to the best of my ability. I am eternally grateful to them as well as to each of my parents’ other caregivers.

  In very different but vital ways, Elizabeth Jennings and my beloved late godmother, Peggy Cooper Cafritz, helped raise me and make me who I am.

  My greatest debt, of course, is to my mother, Lois Dickson Rice, and father, Emmett John Rice, who gave me all the tools I needed to grow, thrive, and serve. Their unconditional love and support, their wisdom and example shaped me and guided my journey more than anyone else. My love for them is infinite and my debt to them immeasurable.

  Above all, I must thank my devoted family. My brother, Johnny, traveled this journey every step of the way with me, as he has every stage of my life, contributing his far better memory than mine as well as his advice, criticism, and support. Andrea, Mateo, and Kiki Rice were wonderfully supportive as readers and cheerleaders.

  I could not have written this book without the indulgence, selflessness, unrelenting support, and careful reading that my children Jake and Maris provided throughout this process. They were deeply generous in letting me tell a good deal of their personal stories. Each has made this a better book, as they have from the outset made me a much better person.

  Finally, I could not do what I do or be who I am without Ian, my life partner, my forever love, and my best friend. Ian read every word of every draft and offered invaluable feedback. For two years, he gave me, as always, the space and the support—emotionally and practically—to live this project and complete it with him. No one deserves more credit for Tough Love and what comprises its ingredients than Ian. I can never thank you enough.

  Reading Group Guide Tough Love: My Story of the Things Worth Fighting For

  By Susan Rice

  About this Book

  Recalling pivotal moments from her dynamic career on the front lines of American diplomacy and foreign policy, Susan E. Rice—National Security Advisor to President Barack Obama and U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations—reveals her surprising story with unflinching candor in her memoir, Tough Love. Whether as a mother, wife, scholar, diplomat, or fierce champion of American interests and values, Rice conveys with clarity and humor how her many roles protecting the home front—of her family and the nation—were informed by the tough love she received growing up and throughout her life. Through the strong examples of her parents and of generations past, she was encouraged to compete and excel in settings where women and people of color are few. Rising to the highest echelons of the U.S. government, Rice never forgot her origins, and now she shares the wisdom she learned along the way with her characteristic humility, integrity, and conviction.

  This inside look at a woman whose public persona has been both praised and attacked spans three decades of recent, poignant history—from “Black Hawk Down” in Somalia to the genocide in Rwanda and the East Africa embassy bombings in the late 1990s, and from conflicts in Libya and Syria to the Ebola epidemic, a secret channel to Iran, and the opening to Cuba during the Obama years. With unmatched insight and her usual bluntness, she reveals previously untold stories behind recent national security challenges, including confrontations with Russia and China, the war against ISIS, the struggle to contain the fallout from Edward Snowden’s NSA leaks, the U.S. response to Russian interference in the 2016 election, and the surreal transition to the Trump administration. Clarifying her positions on incidents that have incensed and motivated world powers, Rice offers an unvarnished opinion on her own role in the country’s legacy on the world stage, as well as her optimism about the future. Ultimately, Tough Love makes an urgent appeal to the American public to bridge our dangerous domestic divides in order to preserve our democracy and sustain our global leadership.

  Tough Love is a wonderful read for anyone who wants to compete an
d thrive in unforgiving environments and to get back up if they’ve been knocked down.

  Questions and Topics for Discussion

  What about Rice’s upbringing and family roots made her path in government a logical, perhaps expected, one, and what made her decision exceptional? Consider her parents’ work in economics, politics, and education and the impression their work ethic made on her as a child.

  Rice says of her own children, “I believe that kids come into this world precooked to a substantial extent, with the capacity to be molded and shaped, but with much of their nature established”. How is this idea of one’s innate personality manifesting itself from an early age apparent in Rice herself? Consider her relationship with her brother, Johnny, and her third-grade teacher’s advice to “Stay strong [but] try to be more gentle and less impatient with the other kids”.

  Unlike today, Rice grew up in an age of three news networks, which she describes as delivering the news “unvarnished and un-spun”. What were some of the events or issues in the news that had the strongest influence on her understanding of the U.S. government, and how did her family’s engagement with the news help shape her opinion on policy and forge her skills as a negotiator?

  In what ways has the role and presence of the media changed in delivering information to the public? Consider what Rice learned in later years from her friend at Fox News about how the network used her Sunday show reports on Benghazi, as well as the public defamation she was made to endure for having delivered the Intelligence Community’s initial assessment about the attack. Did the explanation of the network’s turning to Rice as their new “villain” for a “ratings bonanza” make sense to you, and do you observe similar things happening in the media today?

  Writing in the era of #MeToo, how does Rice describe her experience of sexual harassment when she was a fourteen-year-old page in Congress? She also describes an uncomfortable encounter with Donald Trump and Charlie Rose. What was her response at the time, and how does she feel about her actions now?

  During her first government post, in the Clinton administration, Rice went to Rwanda in the wake of the genocide of 1994. How did that searing experience shape her approach to Africa as a public leader, and her response to instances of gross human rights violations in the future?

  What is Rice’s comfort level in seeking assistance and advice from mentors, ranging from her schoolteachers to senior leaders like Madeleine Albright, Tony Lake, and Richard Clarke? How does she combine both humility and confidence in engaging with people who are more experienced than she is?

  Throughout her life, Rice faces implicit and explicit challenges to her career because she is a woman, wife, and mother. What seemed to you to be the hardest trials Rice had to face, such as her struggles breastfeeding while making dangerous trips to Africa, the commute between Washington and New York to serve at the U.N., and even her decision to serve tea to an opposition leader in Nigeria?

  What do Rice’s views about the power of meeting people where they are say about her? She writes, “I learned that leadership is more like conducting a symphony than performing as a virtuoso player of any single instrument—often with multiple, potentially dissonant musicians and the need to achieve harmony among them.… The most enduring outcomes are not always the swiftest ones; indeed, the best route from Point A to Point B is not always a straight line but could be a path with twists and turns”. Do you agree with this? Why or why not?

  Did any of the events Rice describes, such as the 9/11 attacks, Ebola outbreak, several elections, the capture of Osama bin Laden, and others, bring up memories or feelings in you? How did hearing her perspective as a government official change your view of these events? Did you come away from reading the book feeling differently about anything or anyone, including Rice herself?

  Rice calls the false accusations published in Vanity Fair in 2002—that she refused incriminating evidence against Osama bin Laden during her talks with Sudan—her “maiden national hazing”. How would you have reacted if you were in this position? Consider how she describes the effect of such stress and anxiety on herself and on her family in this instance and others.

  Rice has a unique relationship with Barack Obama given what she describes as similarities in temperament, management style, and values. How does this match enhance their working relationship throughout his administration?

  Recall for yourself how and to what extent you heard about the 2012 Benghazi attacks and Rice’s involvement with them. What does this book’s testimony clarify for you about Rice’s statements? What do you imagine would have happened if she had listened to her mother and did not go on the morning shows? Did you agree with Rice’s decision to drop out of the running for secretary of state? Has your understanding of how government information is shared with the public changed at all? Does her experience make you question whether you have been told the full truth of other stories in the news?

  Rice shares behind-the-scenes details of many highs and lows of the Obama administration, especially in Chapters 20 and 21. Which stories surprised, amused, disturbed, or enlightened you the most? Consider both moments of major conflict or decision making, such as Syria, the discovery of the Snowden leaks, or Russia’s involvement in the 2016 election, and day-to-day anecdotes, such as Rice’s wardrobe advice to Obama for St. Patrick’s Day. Did these accounts change your previous opinions on the government or president during that period?

  How do Rice and her top NSC deputies, collectively dubbed “the Furies” by President Obama, complement, challenge, and support each other? What is significant about their collaboration as women in these top-leadership positions?

  Consider what insights Rice brought to policymaking as a woman and mother: “Motherhood… has given me a sense of priority about what matters most. It has invested me more deeply in the future and in the long-term consequences of policy choices”.

  Rice describes the dangers of our country’s increasing polarization as, among other things, “afford[ing] our adversaries easy openings through which to pit Americans against one another—to distrust, discredit, and ultimately, detest each other”. Do you see this happening within your own family or communities? What concerns you most about our current political climate, and are you inspired by Rice’s encouragement that you look for ways to connect with others?

  Consider Rice’s relationship with her son, Jake, whose political views have diverged from hers. What keeps their bond loving and mutually supportive despite their different political views? Is there anyone in your life whose views conflict with yours, and how do you get along?

  About the Author

  AMBASSADOR SUSAN E. RICE is currently Distinguished Visiting Research Fellow at the School of International Service at American University, a Non-Resident Senior Fellow at the Belfer Center for Science and International Affairs at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, and a contributing opinion writer for the New York Times. She serves on the boards of Netflix and the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts and previously served on several nonprofit boards, including the U.S. Fund for UNICEF.

  Rice earned her master’s degree and doctorate in international relations from Oxford University, where she was a Rhodes Scholar, and her bachelor’s degree from Stanford University. A native of Washington, D.C., and a graduate of the National Cathedral School for Girls, she is married to Ian Cameron; they have two children. Rice is an avid tennis player and a long-retired basketball player.

  Twitter: @AmbassadorRice

  Instagram: @ambsusanrice

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  Notes

  CHAPTER 1: SERVICE IN MY SOUL

  Mother has a quiet: Lois Ann Dickson, “Her Home Is Her Castle, Her Children Her Pride,” Portland Sunday Telegram, May 14, 1950.

  “They were Republican in politics”: David W. D. Dickson, Memoirs of an Isolate (Ormond Beach, FL: Corporate Images Publishing Co., 1995), p. 14.

  Sturbridge’s clothing store: Ibid., p. 8.

  arrived in New York on May 16, 1911: Declaration of Intention, David Augustus Dickson, June 16, 1913, Portland, ME. “Petitions and Records of Naturalization, 1790–11/1945,” Records of District Courts of the United States, 1685–2009, Record Group Number 21. Waltham, MA: National Archives at Boston.

  Maine has long had very few blacks: Maureen Elgersman Lee, “What They Lack in Numbers: Locating Black Portland, 1870–1930,” in Creating Portland: History and Place in Northern New England, Joseph A. Conforti, ed. (Durham, NH: University of New Hampshire Press, 2005), p. 236.

  David was active in the local NAACP: Dickson, Memoirs of an Isolate, p. 22.

  Bowdoin’s record on integration: Kenneth Chenault, “The Blackman at Bowdoin,” an Honors Paper for the Department of History. Bowdoin College, 1973, pp. 3, 6. Courtesy of the Bowdoin College Library.