The Daddy Dilemma

by Tia Siren

  I pulled into the small parking lot adjacent to the park and saw that Ashley was already there—with Jasper. They were sitting in the area with the picnic tables at the bottom of one of my favorite trails. Ironically, it was the same bench where I’d seen Anna that day. It made me happy to see Jasper, and but I was a little bummed at the same time. I wouldn’t be getting laid, but on the bright side, I would be spending some time with my son.

  “Hi.” I greeted them with a warm smile, not sure what to expect. “Hi, Jasper.”

  “Hi.” He waved, holding up what appeared to be a coffee.

  I looked at Ashley, a little surprised, but who was I to question her parenting decisions? I didn’t know the first thing about kids, but I didn’t think coffee was a good choice. If she wanted to give her kid coffee and amp him up, that was her choice.

  “It’s chocolate milk,” she said.

  “What?”

  She looked at Jasper’s cup. “He has chocolate milk. I didn’t give him coffee.”

  “Oh.” I smiled, a little relieved.

  “Here,” she said, pulling a cup from the cardboard carrier on the table. “Black, right?”

  I nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

  Something felt off, and I was instantly on guard. I glanced behind me, looking to see if there was someone sneaking up on me. She was being a little too nice. Something was about to happen, but I had no idea what it could be. My stomach was a bundle of nerves as I looked from her to my son.

  “Have a seat,” she said, waving a hand at the bench across the table from her and Jasper.

  Before sitting, I looked at the bench, wanting to make sure there wasn’t glue or tacks. The woman had me on my toes. She was acting strangely. I didn’t think she was a killer, but I had watched plenty of reality television. Women did some crazy things in the interest of protecting their children.

  She took a sip of her coffee. We sat there for a few seconds before she opened her mouth and shocked the shit out of me to the point that I felt like a fish out of water, gasping for breath.

  “Jasper, honey, this is your daddy.”

  My mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. Jasper was off the bench and running around the picnic table a second after she made her announcement. He threw himself at me, his arms going around my neck and squeezing me tight. My arms automatically went around him. I embraced his little body against my own. I fought back the emotion that brought tears to my eyes and a giant lump to my throat.

  “I have a daddy!” he squealed.

  I nodded. “Yep.”

  “Every birthday I asked for a daddy before I blew out the candles, but I didn’t tell Mom because if you tell, your wish won’t come true. I always asked Santa to bring me a daddy, too. I got one! I got one!” He clapped his hands.

  “His name is Brock,” she said, “but you can call him Daddy or Dad or whatever you like best.”

  “I’m going to call him Dad. I’m not a little baby. Only babies say daddy,” he said with a great deal of authority.

  “Hey,” Ashley protested. “I call my dad Daddy.”

  “But you’re a girl. I’m a big boy. I can’t be in the first grade and call my dad Daddy. I’m going to call you Dad,” he announced.

  I nodded my head in agreement, still too shocked to add anything of value to the weirdest conversation I had ever been a part of. “Dad works for me. I would really like that. I’m Jasper’s dad,” I said, testing the words on my lips.

  Imagining the baseball games and parent-teacher conferences where I could use that phrase made me flummoxed. I was Jasper’s dad. Me, an actual dad. I suddenly felt old and very inept. I didn’t have the first clue about how to be a dad.

  “Okay, Dad,” Jasper said, hugging me one more time.

  I looked up at Ashley. She was standing next to the table, watching her son with amusement on her face. I still couldn’t believe she had done that. There had been no warning. I hadn’t had a chance to prepare what I would say to my son when he found out who had fathered him.

  Instead, I had prepared myself for a fight, a long and dirty fight that would leave us hating each other with Jasper caught in the middle. I thought for sure I would have to drag her ass to court and use the DNA results to prove paternity. I had gotten them back earlier in the week. It was no surprise to learn I was his biological father. The test had merely been a formality.

  Then she sprang this on me. It didn’t make any sense. I had a feeling the other shoe was about to drop, but for now I wanted to enjoy the moment. I knew from experience that when something looked or felt too good to be true, it usually was. Ashley had done this to me once before. I had thought I was getting my happily ever after and she had ripped it away without even looking back.

  “I’m glad you’re my dad,” Jasper said before pulling a rock out of his cargo shorts. “Here is a rock for you.”

  “Thanks, bud. That’s a cool rock. I’m pretty glad you’re my son,” I told him, ruffling his short hair.

  He smiled before pushing his glasses up his nose. “Can I go play now, Mom? You said I could after we talked to the man. My dad, I mean.”

  “Yes, you may. Stay close, please.”

  She sat on the bench across from me. I looked at the rock in my hand and then at Ashley. She seemed completely normal, as if she hadn’t just rocked my world. I looked over at Jasper and watched him kick some dirt with his shoe before moving to another area.

  “Mom?” he called.

  “What?”

  “Can I go play on the playground?”

  “Yes, but please don’t lose your glasses. If they fall off, bring them to me, okay?”

  Jasper took off running toward the small playground and started to climb one of the toys. I watched him for several minutes. I vaguely remembered being a kid. He seemed so, so—normal. Well adjusted. He was lacking for nothing, it appeared. Ashley had done a great job with him. It made me proud to be able to call him my son.

  “Why?” I blurted out.

  She shrugged. “Well, I figured if we’re going to be living in the same town, he may as well know who you are. I don’t want people gossiping about who his father is. I want it all out in the open.”

  “The same town? What do you mean?” I asked.

  This could be very good and very bad. If she planned on sticking around, I would have a real relationship with my son. It also meant she knew something I didn’t about the farm. Had she found a way to keep it?

  “Jasper and I will be leaving New York and coming here to live.”

  “Oh.”

  “It isn’t right for me to deny Jasper his father forever. He deserves the opportunity to know you, especially since we’ll be right here.”

  “You’re moving back?” I clarified. I knew I sounded ridiculous, but my head was swimming from her confession. Maybe that was her plan: throw me off and then announce she was keeping the farm.

  “Yes,” she said, not explaining further.

  “Then we can share custody?” I asked hopefully.

  She smiled. It wasn’t a real smile, but one that said “step away or I will bite you.”

  “I’m not quite ready to approach that subject just yet. Can we take it slow here?”

  I nodded. “Slow, yes, but we can’t avoid it forever. Now that he knows I’m his father, I want to spend time with him. I want to take him to games and go camping and teach him to fish.”

  She laughed. “Slow down. You need to get to know him first, don’t you think?”

  I nodded. “I guess. I have a lot of missed time to make up for. I want to spend as much time with him as I can. You have to be willing to let me hang out with him. I can’t possibly get to know him if you deny me time with him.”

  “I know that, and I will. Let’s take it slow though. We have to ease him into the idea of having a dad before we spring weekend camping trips on him. Although, I don’t think he would mind a bit, and I think once you get to know each other, I’ll be more than happy to have a little weekend break no
w and then.”

  I laughed. “You’ve done good, Ash. Like, really good. He’s amazing. I can’t wait to get to know him.”

  “Thank you.”

  “So, what exactly did you mean when you said you’re moving back?” I asked again, hoping to get a better answer—an answer that would tell me what I could expect for my land deal.

  The smile she bestowed on me sent a shiver down my spine. I knew I had lost. Somehow, the woman had done the impossible. She didn’t say the words, but I knew. A pain in my stomach erupted at the thought of the money I would not get and the money I had wasted on lawyers and planning.

  “I meant we’ll be staying. Jasper and I will be living here for the foreseeable future. Is that okay with you?” she asked sweetly.

  I nodded. My voice seemed to have escaped me. “Staying,” I croaked out.

  Another one of those slightly evil smiles spread across her face before she winked. “Yep. We’re staying.”

  Lord, help me. My plans for the future evaporated, and I experienced one of those moments of pure panic. I couldn’t live in the same town with Ashley if she wasn’t mine. I could never bear to see her with another man, or my child with a man that wasn’t his father. My life had just been turned upside down in the best way imaginable, but I had no idea if it would work out.

  Lord, help us all.

  Chapter 19

  Ashley

  I knew it was wrong, but I got a great deal of satisfaction from telling him we were staying. I could see the shock and horror on his face. He wanted to ask but was too afraid. How could he ask about the farm when I had just gifted him with a son? That had been my plan. I’d wanted to throw him off, and I had. He’d been so smooth and calculating. He’d thought he had already won, but he hadn’t.

  “Uh, so, are you going to be living at the farm?” he choked out.

  I smiled again. “I am.”

  He nodded. “Oh.”

  I had to laugh. The whole situation was too good not to laugh. I had practically done cartwheels last night when I’d discovered I could save the farm. I had planned to go into the bank on Monday and take care of it without telling Brock a thing, but then the idea of telling him to his face popped into my head. That was too good to pass up.

  “We’re going to be neighbors,” I said, poking him a bit more.

  “You’re keeping the farm?”

  He couldn’t seem to wrap his head around the idea. “Yes.”

  “How? How did you pull that off?” he asked, clearly not believing I had the means to do it.

  I grinned. “I liquidated everything: my business, most of my stocks, and I am selling my loft. The bank has agreed to stop the foreclosure proceedings upon receiving the large chunk of money I’ll be paying Monday and the promise to pay off the remaining past-due amount once my loft sells, which will be soon.”

  He was shaking his head. “Wow.”

  “Yep.” I winked. “You’re stuck with me.”

  His shock and joy turned into anger. I had expected it.

  “It won’t last. You’ll get tired of living in a small town and pick up and run away again. You’re only doing this to get at me. Once your dad is back on his feet, you’re out of here. You know that. I certainly know that, and I’m sure your family knows that, too.”

  I shrugged. His words didn’t bother me. There was nothing that could destroy my elation. I finally felt as if I were settled. This was my home. The farm was where I wanted to raise my son. It had taken some time, but I now knew I could be successful. Living here didn’t mean I could never take vacations or travel. This place would be my center.

  “I’m sorry to tell you that isn’t the case at all. I’m staying, Brock. I’ve learned my lesson. I hurt a lot of people when I took off. I’m very sorry for that, but now I’m here to stay. Running away seemed like the right thing back then, but I’ve grown up a lot.”

  He smirked. “We’ll see.”

  “Brock, we need to be able to get along for Jasper’s sake. You don’t have to believe me—I don’t care if you do—but don’t be a dick. I want Jasper to know he has two loving parents who can make nice with each other. I’m not going to be fighting and arguing with you every step of the way. I hope you can be a grown-up and think of your son instead of holding on to the past,” I told him, trying to be nice, but he was starting to piss me off.

  “Well, history is the best predictor of the future, right? I’ll feel better once we get a custody agreement in place. That way, when you decide to pick up and run, again, I will have a say in where you try to take Jasper.”

  I bit back my anger, but I wouldn’t let him get me riled up.

  “Fine. There’s something else I need to say.”

  He rolled his eyes. “This should be good.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “Knock it off.” I leaned in close and lowered my voice. “We can’t hook up anymore. We need to be able to have a relationship that isn’t dirtied up by sex.”

  “Dirtied up? That’s a new way of putting it.”

  “You know what I mean. Sex complicates things. We have to be civil, and I don’t want a sexual relationship giving either one of us the wrong idea about our relationship,” I said.

  There was anger in his eyes. “Trust me, Ashley, I certainly don’t have the wrong idea. It was just sex. You really need to get over yourself.”

  “Don’t be mad, Brock. You know we aren’t good for each other. Yes, we are still physically attracted to each other, but that could be a dangerous thing for us. I don’t want to fall into a relationship with you based on sex alone.”

  “Got it. Any other bit of news you need to tell me? Any more rules about my life I should know about?” he asked, clearly pissed.

  “Brock, please don’t be so angry. I want this to work. I am not trying to make your life difficult. I want to be able to talk to you without you thinking about sex or wringing my neck, which I can tell is exactly what’s on your mind right now,” I joked.

  He didn’t find my humor funny. “Nope. What you are seeing here is complete disgust. I hate that you think you can dictate everything. You have this idea that you’re the center of whole damn universe.”

  “Oh joy, you and Anna have bonded. Did she tell you what an evil sister I am?” I said in a whiny voice, meant to mimic the whining Anna had been doing since the moment I’d gotten home.

  He shook his head. “Again, it’s all about you. I have to go. I have other things to do that, believe it or not, don’t involve you.”

  She shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll sic your lawyer on me. I’ll be waiting. I do have a lawyer of my own if you want to do it that way. Personally, I think that will make matters worse and end up costing us a lot of money, but that’s up to you.”

  He smirked. “Money going to be a problem?”

  “Nope, because I am an excellent photographer and I can find work anywhere.”

  He stood up from the table, still holding his coffee. “I have to go,” he repeated.

  Instead of getting in his truck and leaving, he made his way to the small playground area. “Hey, Jasper, I’m leaving now, but I promise I’ll be seeing you real soon.”

  Jasper climbed off the toy he had been on and gave Brock a big hug. Brock dropped to his knees and hugged him back. The sight warmed my heart. I prayed Brock’s anger would lessen and we could have a good relationship for the sake of our son. I wanted Jasper to feel loved by both of us and not like he had to tiptoe around us. Brock and I would be spending a lot of time in the same places, and starting off like this was not good. We needed to be friends, or at least tolerate each other.

  It was hard to imagine we had once been so crazy in love and now he couldn’t stand to talk to me. I knew I had brought it on myself, but it still stung. Deep down, I felt a little something for the man who had fathered my child, but I couldn’t go down that road again. That had blown up in my face the first time. I wouldn’t do that to myself, to Brock, or to Jasper. It was best if we kept our distance.
r />   Brock stalked by me without saying another word.

  Jasper came over and crawled onto my lap. “I’m glad he’s my dad. He seems like a nice man. He promised to take me fishing one day soon.”

  I smiled. “He did, did he? Well, that sounds like a lot of fun. I bet you Grandpa has a fishing pole you can use.”

  Jasper pushed his glasses up his nose. “Maybe Grandpa can go with me and my dad.”

  I bit back a laugh and my very adult retort. “Maybe, but not until Grandpa gets to feeling better,” I said instead, not wanting to burst his little bubble.

  Another twinge of guilt hit me as I realized how badly I had destroyed family connections for Jasper. My dad and Brock were not on good terms because of what I had done. Before I’d taken off, the two had had a good relationship. They had been a lot like father and son. Jasper wouldn’t get the chance to have family get-togethers with all his family in one place. It was a little sad, but I knew it was more the norm these days than the odd case.

  “You ready to go home?” I asked.

  Jasper climbed off my lap, “Yep. We need to go help Grandpa move the circles.”

  “Move the what?” I asked.

  “The circles. The big sprinkler things out in the cornfield. Grandpa told me all about them and how we have to move them to make sure all the corn gets water,” he said with a great deal of authority.

  I laughed. “Oh, okay. I think I better help then. That sounds like a big job.”

  He nodded. “Yep. That’s why Grandpa asked if I could help him.”

  “We have a lot of work to do, Jasper. I hope you’re going to help me get the farm and the house all fixed up,” I told him, thinking about how much work there was to be done.

  It was a daunting task, but I was looking forward to the challenge. I decided to document the progress with pictures. The sheds needed fresh paint, as did the house. The porch could use some sprucing up, and I needed to make one of the rooms into a great room for Jasper.