by Dixon, Ruby
"I'll be here." No-rah leans back on the pillows, watching the little one nurse. She looks tired, my mate. Fragile. I am going to spoil her this day, I decide. I will stop by Stay-see and Pashov's hut and see if they will be willing to cook a few meals in exchange for some fresh meat or furs. I will get the tea she likes best from Asha. I will warm some water and bathe her when the new kit is asleep. I will help the girls with their sewing and with keeping the hut clean, and we will let No-rah rest.
My work has doubled, but I could not be happier. My family is growing again. To think that eight turns of the seasons ago, I thought I would always be alone. Truly, no male is as lucky as me.
I head into the village, but I am stopped constantly. Harrec and his mate wish to hear about the new kit. Vektal congratulates me on the addition to the tribe. Claire and Ereven offer to watch the girls and take them hunting to give me and No-rah time to relax. I eventually find Stay-see, and she is delighted to make meals for my mate. She will bring some by in the morning, she promises, and pushes a basket of fresh-made seed cakes into my arms as I leave.
I find Asha with Air-ee-yon-uh and their kits, along with my girls. Ah-nah and El-sah jump to their feet with excitement.
"Is my brother here?" Ah-nah says, looking up at me with wide eyes.
Before I can answer that it is a sister, Analay speaks, not looking up from the toy he plays with. "Not this one."
"Not this one what?" I cannot help but ask.
He blinks up at me, his little face serious. "This one is not a boy. Not this resonance."
I am speechless. His mother gives me a helpless shrug and then turns to her son. "Analay, can you get me a fresh change for the baby?" She pats the infant in her lap, smiling awkwardly at me. "Zoari needs her big brother's assistance."
Analay jumps to his feet and races away, eager to help.
His mother glances back at me and speaks in a soft, low voice. "I'm sorry. I know he keeps bringing it up. It's just…he loves Anna. Adores her. I know it makes Nora upset, but he's too little to understand that talking about the future like that might be seen as pushy." She adjusts the kit in her arms, moving it to her shoulder and rubbing the small back. "We've talked with him and he knows resonance has to come first. He's content to wait."
I grunt. I do not want to be disloyal to my mate. I know No-rah is very protective of Ah-nah and wants her to be able to make her own decisions, but if resonance chooses, it chooses.
"It wasn't a boy, was it?" Air-ee-yon-uh asks.
I pause. "It is another girl. Her name is Es-tur."
She nods, as if she already knew. Perhaps she did. Her son races back inside with a bundle of old leather squares that the mothers use for little bottoms, and he smiles with pride. "I found them!"
"Good job, Analay. You're such a big help." She beams at him.
I gesture to my girls, my head full of strange new thoughts. Another kit in the future. A boy. "Come, girls," I say to my children. "Your mother has a sister for you to meet."
"A sister?" El-sah exclaims, excited. "Oh boy!"
"Girl!" Ah-nah sings out, and they both laugh.
I thank Asha for watching them, nod to the others, and usher the girls out into the village and towards our hut. I will talk with No-rah later about what Analay has said. I do not know if she will be happy over his words, but I like the thought of a son. Later, though. For now, there is a new kit to think about, and she is perfect, just as she is.
21
One week later
NORA
"There now," I say, putting one last stitch on the fuzzy hem of Anna's new patchwork tunic. "You both look cute as buttons."
Elsa scrunches her nose as she looks up at me. "Mama, what's a button?"
Oh. "It's a fastener. A round one. We used them back on Earth. It's just a saying." I smooth an unruly lock of hair back into one of Anna's topknots, and admire my little ones. The girls worked all week long to finish their tunics so they could have them for the feast tonight, and I stayed up late last night to finish the hems for them. They look adorable, though, a matched pair except that Elsa has a big red leather heart over the chest of her tunic and Anna wanted a yellow crescent moon. "Beautiful, both of you. Now go run along and see if Stacy roasted some hraku seeds for you."
Me, personally, I'm looking forward to the shredded not-potato cakes, because they remind me of latkes from home.
The girls race out of the hut, practically ripping the leather door covering from its fastenings as they do. I bite back a sound of frustration and let them go; they're little, and they've been good all week. They can cut loose today. The drums have started already, so they're eager to get to the celebration.
I wrap another binder around my milk-heavy breasts, then put on a loose tunic that ties up the front, because Esther is a bit of a pig and will no doubt want another meal the moment I come close. It's like she has a sixth sense when it comes to her mama. Dagesh can carry her in a sling all afternoon and she'll be quiet and perfect, but the moment I come near, the hungry beast awakens. She's so little and sweet that I kind of love it, though.
I pull my hair back in a messy ponytail, trying to smooth a few flyaways. I'm allowed to look a little rumpled, given that I just had a baby a few days ago, but everyone dresses up for a party, even out here. I put on my boots, wrap a cloak around my shoulders, and then stuff a couple of extra cloaks and some leather nappies into a bag, because someone's going to need them later. When I'm ready, I head out of the hut and toward the big longhouse.
As I do, I see Lila emerging from her hut with her little one strapped to her chest. I sign at her in greeting. Hello. Is she sleeping?
Yes, Lila signs back. Sleeping.
Rollan? I spell out his name with my fingers, and then continue signing. Lila has her hearing back, but old habits die hard, and we all still sign around her sometimes. It's good when there's a sleepy baby involved, too. You need help to get ready?
My son is with his father, Lila signs. She looks tired, but she smiles. Her hand goes to Lola's tiny head and she strokes the baby's hair. I'm ready. You?
I am good. I indicate we should walk together.
Where is Esther? she asks me, and when her baby stirs, she sighs and opens her tunic, settling her against her breast. "So much for signing. Is your littlest with your mate?"
I smile, because at this angle, Lola is all blue skin and dark hair, and for a striking moment, she looks just like my tiny Esther. My twins were born blonde, so it's startling to me to see a baby with a cap of black hair at my breast, even though most of the kits here are dark haired. "She was being fussy so Dagesh took her for a walk. It puts her to sleep right away."
"How are the girls adjusting to being big sisters?" Her steps slow as she walks, but I don't mind. I'm not in a hurry.
"Most of the time, they love it. They want to treat Esther like a doll, and I have to watch to make sure they're careful with her. How does Rollan like his new sister?"
Her expression turns wry. "He's a little jealous, but it's getting better. He's not as much of a fan of sharing Mommy and Daddy as we thought. Rokan is trying to spend extra time with him while I have the baby."
We chat a little more, and the sound of drums grows stronger the closer we get to the longhouse. I can hear talking inside, and even though I'm not much of a party girl, I'm filled with anticipation. It's a night of just getting together and talking, of eating good food and sitting around the campfire and chatting for hours. One of the elders will start up a game of story spinning, and all the children will be drawn in and kept occupied, so the adults can relax. Someone will break out the sah-sah, someone will bring out body paints, and everyone will go to bed many, many hours later having had a wonderful time.
The heavy leather flap that covers the door to the longhouse is pulled back, and Rokan grins at his mate. "I have saved you a seat." He nods at me. "Your mate is near the fire."
I thank him and head in, waving a quick goodbye to Lila. I'm sure we'll be talking a lot
in the next while, since we both have very young babies right now. Josie does, too, and I make a mental note to go spend time with her when I have a bit more energy. She can commiserate on having three young ones, as well. Many of the women have a second child at this point, but three is a special kind of exhaustion that only a mom can understand. I scan the crowded longhouse. Drayan has a drum between his knees, pounding on it. Little Kae is at his side, with a child-sized drum, and tries to keep the beat with him. Someone's already making out under the furs in one corner of the lodge, and I'm not entirely surprised to see it's Hassen and Maddie. A quick glance shows their son Masan is with his cousin Rollan, both of them playing with Masan's pet dirtbeak. I'm not thrilled to see the bird here, but Maddie has assured me before that it hasn't picked up the habits of the wild ones and Masan is diligent about keeping it clean.
I can't pick on the kid for having a bird, though. Kate sits with her mate Harrec, and their rapidly growing snowcat is draped over both their laps, snoozing. They chat with Summer and Warrek, and Summer is excitedly talking, her hands moving in the air, even as she's ensconced in her quiet mate's lap. Nearby, Holvek's little dvisti colt is wearing a little tunic that Megan made for it, and Holvek seems to be trying to teach it a trick while Aehako and Cashol look on.
By the fire, Kira is helping Stacy, who loves to handle the cooking for the feasts. I smell hot not-potato cakes and my mouth waters. Kemli and Megan are nearby, the latter seated and rubbing her belly while Kemli stirs what smells like tea. Esha's making little cakes of something on hot stones—probably hraku-seed treats.
It looks like everyone's here. I see the brothers Pashov and Zennek with their father, Borran. Pashov's got their youngest, Tash, in a carrier strapped to his chest. Vadren sits with them, and Marlene's little Zalene is in the elder's lap as Marlene chatters excitedly to Ariana. Zolaya has Analay next to him and their newborn Zoari in his arms, giving his mate a break.
I look to Analay's side and sure enough, there's my Anna, her face painted with bright swirls. She looms over the seated boy, talking a mile a minute while her sister gets her face painted by Tiffany. Salukh and Lukti look like they're painting cranky old Drenol's face, and the elder has a surprisingly tolerant expression. I'm not surprised—he adores quiet, thoughtful little Lukti.
A person moves, and then I have a glimpse of my handsome mate, Esther bundled in his arms. He's in a group, talking to Hemalo as Asha feeds Shema and talks with the healer, Maylak. Kashrem holds their littlest and seems content to listen in.
"I saved you a seat. Come on." Claire appears next to me and steers me through the group.
I laugh, pleased. "It's so crowded in here. Every time I see everyone gathered together, I can't believe how big the tribe has gotten." I let her lead me through the jumble of furs and stretched out legs, toward a spot that's not too close to the fire, but just close enough. The awnings on the longhouse have been rolled back to let the smoke out, and overhead, the stars glitter. It's a clear, perfect night. Inside the longhouse, it's toasty warm, and I take off my top layer of furs and set it on the rock that Claire saved for me. It's big enough for Dagesh to squeeze in next to me, or for the girls to pile on once they get tired, and I shoot her a smile of appreciation. Her mate Ereven hands her their little girl Relvi the moment she sits down, and I catch sight of Georgie and Vektal nearby, even as Talie, Vekka, and Erevair race past, nearly knocking a bowl out of Vektal's hands. The chief sighs heavily and gets to his feet, chasing after them.
I sit down on the rock, and the moment I do, fatigue hits me. I give Claire another grateful look. "Thank you. I forgot how exhausting it is to have a new baby."
"No worries." Claire adjusts Relvi in her arms, the little one sucking her thumb and staring up at me with big eyes. "Your girls did a great job on their tunics. They look adorable."
They do. I can pick their bright hair out of the group, and I'm not entirely surprised to see that Anna's still with Analay, though she looks to be the instigator of that particular conversation. I watch as my daughter says something to him and he gives her the shyest, sweetest smile. For a moment, he looks just like Ariana, who is an absolute sweetheart, and I feel guilty for worrying over his “seeing” so much. I want Anna to be her own person, but Analay's just a kid. I can't be mad at him spouting off things he thinks he sees.
As if he can sense my thoughts, Analay looks over at me. I give him a bright smile, and he returns it, his round little face happy as my daughter paints a bright yellow streak on his nose.
Even if he's right about his senses, I suppose it's not the end of the world. I just want Anna happy, and it's clear she adores him.
A hungry wail crests over the hum of conversation, and my breasts immediately leak. Dagesh cuts through the crowd, heading toward me with Esther, and he settles her in my arms so I can feed her. Once she's nursing, my mate kneels in front of me. "Can I get you anything, my pretty one?"
"A couple of the latkes once this one finishes eating?" I ask. I'm starving, and nursing just seems to whet my appetite.
"I will get some now and feed you," Dagesh insists, then cuts his way across to the fire and talks with Kemli and Stacy. He's such a good mate. I beam at his backside, utterly content.
Claire leans over and gazes at my nursing daughter. "Look at those big, bright eyes. She's a beauty. And so plump, too!"
"She's definitely a chunk," I say proudly. I suspect Esther's going to be big like her daddy, whereas Anna and Elsa are more delicately built. "A good addition to the tribe."
"Every addition is a good one," Claire says cheerily. We talk about nothing in particular for a while, mostly how to season the sa-kohtsk meat that was cached for the brutal season. It tastes bitter and stringy, but it's a waste of so much meat that we're determined to figure out a way to make it tasty. Claire wants to try marinades. She had Ereven bring back a chunk of haunch and has been experimenting with soaking the meat in fat drippings and a ton of herbs. "The longer the better," she tells me with a wink. "Everything improves with time—food, friends, mates…everything."
I look over at my mate. Dagesh isn't the most exciting of men, which I thought I wanted when I was younger. I wanted someone that made me breathless, someone that would lead me on a rollercoaster of emotions. Dagesh isn't that guy. He's mild natured on the best of days, with a streak of kindness a mile wide. He's dependable and steady, and the antithesis of what I thought I wanted.
He's also someone that's utterly devoted to me and the girls, a wonderful father, and helps me out with the children without me having to ask. He's a good provider, and thoughtful. He's handsome, and best of all, he pays attention. He finds out what I need and makes sure I get it. He asks for permission when we want to try something new in bed. He gives, rather than takes.
I thought I'd always want someone that took and didn't ask. Turns out I was wrong about that. I was wrong about a lot of stuff.
If you would have asked me at the age of twenty-one if I wanted to raise a big family on a planet covered with ice and have my mate chosen for me by a parasite, I'd have thought you were insane.
Turns out, it's exactly what I need.
The khui knows. The khui always knows. Dagesh might not be the wild-eyed prince of my dreams, but I don't need or want that guy anymore. I want the good father, the good listener, the big alien man that's there when I wake up in the morning and tells the girls bedtime stories. I want a mate that's thoughtful and devoted, the mate that isn't afraid to spank me or hold me down in bed if I need it, but will also make breakfast and braid pigtails when I'm too tired to get out of bed.
It couldn't have picked better for me.
The khui always knows. Maybe Analay's khui already knows about Anna's khui, too. If it picked so well for me, I need to trust that it will pick equally well for my little girl. I need to trust in the universe.
And when my mate returns to my side with a steaming latke and a smile, I know the universe has my back. It gave me Dagesh, after all.
Author�
�s Note
Hello there!
It’s hard to believe that I started the first Ice Planet Barbarians book in 2015. That feels like forever ago! I think it’s one reason why I put off writing the last one for so long? I never wanted it to end. :)
But way back in 2015, I had read literally everything on the market that had an alien in it, and I was frustrated because there wasn’t a lot that hit the sweet spot of what I wanted to see more of. So when I was feeling particularly fried between deadlines and tired of bikers, I decided to dust off an old file of mine that I’d entitled ‘Symbiont Romance’ (tapeworms! so sexy!) and give it a shot. I didn’t have it all quite nailed down in my head. Some readers will notice that there’s a darker tone to book one, and Vektal carries a sword while everyone else uses spears. At that point I was just sort of figuring things out and having a blast. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I’d write a twenty-something book series PLUS a spinoff series. I didn’t think anyone would want to follow me for six books (the original plan if all went well!) much less write me and demand stories of the children of the characters.
But here we are! And I’m so happy to be here and to have shared this world with you. It started out a little dark, but as I found my footing, it turned into less of a story about a bleak alien landscape and more about finding community on the fringes of the universe. It became about friends and re-learning skills most people have forgotten, and it became about finding your person.
Specifically, it became about finding your person and learning how to be a couple.
I kind of love that aspect about the stories. I love that no one’s changing who they are to meet someone else’s needs but more about meeting in the middle and figuring out how to get what you want without compromising who you are.
Which brings me to this story. Nora’s character formed for me when in book 3, Kira overhears (thanks to the translator in her ear) Nora being spanked in bed and demanding more. I thought it was just a funny, awkward moment, but a friend of mine immediately wrote me and said “Oooh, she’s kinky!”
