Still A Dog

by Mark Anthony

  “Nah, I’m good. Like I said, LL can’t sit still so he’s ready to get into something. So I’ll be there soon.”

  Meagan said, ‘okay’ and then she hung up the phone. And before I exited the bathroom I made sure to pop a Viagra into my mouth and I drank some water from the bathroom faucet and swallowed the pill.

  “Daddy, look,” LL said as he pointed to the television show.

  I looked at the television and there was paparazzi-style magazine show called DMZ.

  My mouth dropped to the ground and my heart started to pound as fast as it could as I realized how Mashonda’s mother Joy had played me. The show was going into a commercial break but they were saying that after the break they were gonna air exclusive footage of me that was captured on a cell phone video camera of me living it up, getting drunk, popping champagne bottles and having oral sex on a nightclub dance floor just a week after settling with the victims and family member of a deadly DUI accident that I had caused.

  I turned off the television and told LL that the media sometimes makes stuff up in order to make money and that I didn’t want him to watch that.

  “But Dad ...”

  LL was so smart and mad inquisitive for his age and I knew that he had mad questions for me but I cut him off before he could finish talking. And that was because I still felt a ton of remorse about everything that had happened and I had never really had the chance to sit down and talk to him face-to-face and explain things to him the way I wanted. I felt that at that moment down in Orlando wasn’t the right time.

  “Listen, you wanna get some of your friends and go down to the pool out back?” I quickly asked, trying my hardest to change the subject by averting his attention.

  “No doubt!” he replied and then went immediately to his suitcase to look for his swimming trunks.

  “Are you coming?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I’m coming, but I have a horrible headache so I just wanna lay down for a minute and rest. I’ll be there in like a half hour,” I said to him before reminding him to take a towel with him and to take his flip-flops.

  “Make sure you hurry up and come,” he said to me and in a flash he was out of the room.

  LL had told me that he was gonnna go get his best friend on the team to go to the pool with him, a kid named Aziz.

  When LL left the room I turned the television back on and DMZ was airing the piece on me. They were slowing down the video and zooming in on me and highlighting shit in order to show the girl going down on me while I took a bottle of champagne to the head and chugged it.

  I cringed at the sight of what I was seeing and I could only imagine how damaging it would look to me once the local New York stations got ahold of the video and started blowing it up on the airwaves, especially since DMZ is a national show.

  The only thing that I had going in my favor was that parts of the video were dark and I wasn’t all that easy to clearly make out. But at the same time there was portions of the video where it was clear what was happening and the image of the person in the video clearly looked like me.

  I wanted to call my agent to see if he thought it would be necessary to do any damage control with the publisher. See, the fact was I hadn’t officially signed the deal and if the DMZ thing were to blow me up in too much of a negative light, I was worried that the publisher might balk on the deal and dead the whole thing before the ink got a chance to be applied and dried.

  My first instinct though was to get my ass up to Meagan’s room and handle my business with her before she had a chance to hear about or see my video. But I went against that instinct and I called my agent instead. His phone rang out to voice mail.

  “Yo, Tony what up? We got major problems. Hit me back as soon as you get this. I’m stressed the fuck out and need to know what’s good and what you think.”

  I immediately took off for the elevator and headed for her room. While I made my way to her room I just couldn’t believe how fast DMZ had gotten that video of me out to the public. The only thing that I could think of was that right from the gate, Joy must have purposely been on a preassigned mission to set me up and get some dirt like that on me so that she could turn around and sell it.

  I was pissed off like a son of a bitch because I was stupid enough to have allowed myself to have been gotten by her. But I was even madder at Steve for having invited fucking Felicia and Joy to the club.

  Anyway, I knocked on Meagan’s door and she came and opened it right away and without hesitation she gave me a long, deep kiss even before I had a chance to fully enter the room and close the door behind me.

  “I know we don’t have much time so just follow me,” Meagan said and she led me to the Jacuzzi where she already had it full of water.

  She took off her clothes and she stepped into the Jacuzzi and instantly I knew that the twenty milligrams of Viagra that I had taken was working because my dick was instantly rock-hard and I took off my clothes and joined her.

  “He’s definitely happy to see you today,” I said to Meagan as we both sat down next to each other and had the bubbles from the Jacuzzi massage our backs.

  Meagan took her hand and she started stroking my dick while it was still under the water and I was trying my hardest to be patient, but I wanted to fuck her so bad that I couldn’t wait any longer. And since I knew that we weren’t gonna be using a condom I told her straight up that I was ready to fuck.

  She stood up and turned her back to me so that I could fuck her from behind. And just as Meagan braced her hands on the rim of the Jacuzzi I could hear my cell phone vibrating and I knew that it was more than just a text message simply because it continually vibrated. Then finally it stopped.

  Meagan turned her head and looked at me real seductively. With her eyes she was just inviting me to hurry up and fuck her. And just as I was ready to move closer to her and stick my dick in her, my cell phone started vibrating once again, and I knew that it was somebody calling to tell me about DMZ.

  “You should answer it,” Meagan said to me as I placed my hand on one of her ass cheeks.

  “Nah, I’ll let it go to voice mail,” I said and as soon as I said that the phone went silent.

  No sooner than I could see the pink of Meagan’s pussy did my cell phone start vibrating again.

  “Lance, just answer it, it has to be important for someone to be calling you like that.”

  I stepped out of the Jacuzzi and I looked at my phone and it was a 212 New York number that I didn’t recognize but I answered it anyway thinking it was my agent calling me from his hotel room or something.

  “Hello?”

  “Lance?” someone shouted into the phone with a white accent.

  “Yeah, who is this?”

  “Lance, this is Coach Cohen. We need you to get down to the pool right away. There was an accident with LL—hurry!”

  “What?” I screamed into the phone. I could tell from the panicked tone in Coach Cohen’s voice that something bad had happened. And instantly I started putting on my clothes and getting dressed. I didn’t even take the time to dry myself off or anything.

  “It was an accident in the pool. We went to your room and you weren’t there, and so I had to go to my room to get my cell phone because I didn’t have your number memorized. Lance, hurry, the paramedics just got here.”

  “Oh, shit! Okay, I’ll be right there!”

  “Is everything okay?” Meagan asked.

  “No, something happened with LL at the pool. Some kind of accident,” I said as I bolted from Meagan’s room with my shirt unbuttoned and with my pants falling down. I headed right for the elevator and it was indicating that it was on the first floor and I knew that I couldn’t wait for it so I bolted for the stairwell and ran as fast as I could down six flights of steps. I eventually emerged into the lobby and I asked someone what was the quickest way to the pool and when I was told I headed into that direction.

  When I got to the pool I saw a crowd of people and I knew that was where LL was.

  �
�Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me!” I said as I pushed my way past people until I got to LL.

  He was lying on the ground with his back on the ground and his stomach, chest, and face facing straight up and staring at the sun. His eyes were closed and there was a paramedic who was feverishly performing CPR chest compressions on him.

  I dropped down to LL’s face and I began calling his name, asking him to wake up.

  “LL, it’s Daddy. Come on, man, wake up! You’re gonna be all right. Just wake up,” I screamed and then I felt the other paramedic trying to restrain me and asking me to please step back so that they could do their job.

  “This is my son! I’m not going anywhere!”

  Then a police officer came up to me and restrained me and told me that for my son’s sake it was best that I let the paramedics do their job.

  I was hyperventilating and I felt like I was gonna pass out. The entire scene seemed surreal and like it was part of a movie or something.

  “What the fuck happened?” I screamed.

  LL’s teammate Aziz and his mom came up to me and she was crying. Aziz told me that him and LL and two of the other players on his team were in the pool swimming and playing and having a good time and that LL did a flip in the water. He came back up and then did another flip in the water but he took a real long time to come back up to the top. So Aziz and his friends just thought he was joking around but after a few minutes they realized that something was wrong and they ran and told the lifeguard and he jumped in and pulled LL out.

  “Oh my God! I don’t believe this. So how long was he underwater?”

  “Lance, I don’t think it was more than two minutes,” Aziz’s mom said to me. But when she said that I knew that she was just trying to lessen the blow to me and that it was probably more like three or four minutes that LL had been under the water.

  A helicopter had landed on the roof of the building and the paramedics immediately hoisted LL onto a stretcher and put an oxygen mask over his face.

  “Are you his dad?” the police officer asked me.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  “Come on,” the cop said to me as he grabbed me by the arm and we ran behind the stretcher as it made its way inside the hotel with the paramedics pushing it and moving as fast as they could to get to the elevator.

  We piled into the elevator and we were then on the roof of the building, and all of us were piling into the helicopter with LL still lying limp on the stretcher.

  “We have to get him to the nearest trauma unit and with the traffic in this area due to the amusement parks this is the quickest and the best way,” one of the paramedics said to me.

  “Is he gonna be okay?” I desperately asked.

  “I can’t promise, but he did have a pulse when we arrived. It was a slight pulse but it’s still a pulse.”

  At that instant I wanted to cry like a baby, but I was certain that LL could hear me and I didn’t want him to hear my crying.

  “LL, we’re almost at the hospital. You’re gonna be okay, just hold on,” I said and then I buried my head into my hands and I began praying to God like I had never before prayed. This prayer was different than when I had been praying due to the car accident situation. This time I was feeling more desperate and hopeless and I needed God to hear me and intervene ASAP.

  After about two minutes or so, we were preparing to land on the roof of the hospital and I could see a team of doctors waiting on the roof. Just as we landed, my cell phone began vibrating and I saw that it was Nicole.

  “Hello.”

  “Lance, what happened?” Nicole asked and I could tell that she was crying. “One of the parents just called me and they were crying and telling me that LL almost drowned? Please tell me that’s not true? Please? Lance, please.”

  I was quiet and tears welled up in my eyes but I didn’t say anything as I got off of the helicopter, and I was restrained as the doctors whisked LL away and into the trauma unit.

  “Nicole, they just took him into the hospital.”

  “Lance, what are you talking about? What happened? Just tell me!” Nicole pleaded.

  “Nicole, he almost drowned in the pool.”

  “But he knows how to swim!” she said desperately.

  “Nicole, I don’t have all the answers right. But listen, they used a medivac to take him to the hospital. They just wheeled him in and they won’t let me go into the trauma unit. Baby, he had a slight pulse and I am so nervous and worried. Just please call your sister and get on a plane down here as soon as you can.”

  “Oh my lord. Lance, I can’t believe what you’re telling me. Not my baby! Nooooo! Not my baby!”

  “Nicole, please just get on a plane and come down. I’ll call you as soon as I get any updates from the doctors.”

  I hung up and before I knew it, my cell phone began to ring off the hook but I didn’t answer it and I was only going to answer it if it was Nicole. Meagan called me. My agent called me. My sister called me. My mother called me but yet I didn’t answer. I simply sat off to the side in the waiting area of the emergency room and I placed my head in my hands and I prayed nonstop. Nothing else in life mattered to me at that point and I knew right then and there that if God got me through this ordeal that I was gonna do right for the rest of my life. All that cheating shit and wild living was gonna stop right then and there. There was no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I just wished like all hell that it hadn’t taken an incident such as this for me to finally draw my line in the sand.

  Before long the emergency waiting area was filled with LL’s teammates, their parents, his coaches, and coaches and parents and teammates from the other teams who had also been staying at the hotel. One by one they all came up to me and placed their hands on me or put an arm around me and encouraged and consoled me.

  And finally after about forty-five minutes a doctor emerged from the double doors and he asked for me. I was pointed out by the other parents and then the doctor came up to me and asked me to please take a walk with him.

  I felt numb as I walked with the doctor to the back. And when we were out of earshot of all the other parents the doctor stopped and he placed both of his hands on my shoulders.

  “Mr. Thomas, before we go in and see your son, I just want to tell you that we did all that we could possibly do. Your son still has a pulse, but right now he is only being kept alive by artificial support. I’m so sorry, Mr. Thomas, but he went an awfully long time without any oxygen.”

  “So my son is gone?”

  The doctor responded but I have no idea what he said.

  I had the biggest lump in my throat and it felt as if someone had just took a two-by-four and whacked me in my ribs with it. And the next thing I know is that I threw up right there in the hallway of the hospital. I was light-headed and I was feeling like I was gonna faint.

  Nurses and doctors ran up to console me and assist me but I shook them off of me and told them that I simply wanted to see my son.

  I was escorted to the room that LL was in and I saw him with all kinds of tubes coming out of him and he looked so helpless.

  I walked right up to him and cradled his head with my forearm and my hand as I placed my head on top of his.

  I wept uncontrollably and I told LL how much I loved him. And I just couldn’t stop telling him how sorry I was for not having been at the pool with him.

  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to be in the position that I was in with me seeing my son in the state that he was in. He was basically brain-dead and was only being kept alive on life support.

  Numb is an understatement as to how I felt at that moment, but unfortunately as I cradled my son and caressed his head, I knew that it was my lifestyle and my selfish ways that had all but killed him. And other than the extreme amount of guilt that I was feeling, the only pressing thought on my mind was trying to figure out a way to take my own life in the quickest and easiest way possible.

  Taking my own life was the only thing that I would have been able to do to mak
e amends for the insurmountable and devastating loss that I had incurred.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Nicole and her sister arrived in Orlando at ten-thirty that night and they came straight to the hospital. Nicole hugged me and she seemed as if she didn’t want to let me go.

  “Where is he?” Nicole asked with tears in her eyes.

  “Hey, Lance?” her sister said and gave me a hug.

  I took the two of them in the room and Nicole burst into heavy weeping and tears.

  “Baby, wake up, baby,” Nicole said to LL as she held his hand and then kissed him on the cheek and on his forehead as her sister consoled her.

  I gave Nicole as much time with LL as she needed and she stayed with him for about an hour before she came back to me and buried her head into my chest and soaked it with tears.

  “Lance, he didn’t suffer any, did he?”

  “No. I asked the doctor the same thing and they said that it doesn’t look like he banged his head or anything like that so from what they could tell is that he may have panicked for a minute or so before passing out but they assured me that he wouldn’t have been in any pain.”

  Nicole sighed and she said that she hated to even think about LL being under the water and panicking.

  “Where was the lifeguard? Didn’t anybody see what was going on?” Nicole spoke through her tears.

  “Baby, believe me, they tried. Everyone did all they could do. The lifeguard, he was here all day at the hospital and I had to persuade him to go home. He was so distraught and upset with himself.”

  “So what are we gonna do? Lance, we can’t leave him like that if he’s not breathing on his own.”

  That was when tears began rolling down my eyes because I knew that we had to pull the plug on LL so that he could go and be with the Lord. There was no way that we could leave him in a vegetated state like that.

  Nicole and I were ready to call the doctor but we first wanted a few more minutes together with our son. Nicole went on one side of the bed and I was on the other side and we both held one of LL’s hands.

  “LL, we love you so much. Mommy and Daddy love you more than you could ever know,” I said.