He smiled. "I like it, but I still think you should take some time for yourself. What's Barry think about you living up here in this office or at the ball field."
"He probably doesn't know. He's an owner. He gets to live out his life." I chuckled. "My Dad has owned the team in Seattle forever, for as long as I can remember, and he expects a lot out of his GM."
"He has the same one he's always had, right?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Alan has been my father's right hand for a long time."
"And what about you going up there? I'm sure everyone's been busting your balls, er... your…."
I saved him from himself. "Everyone has been after me about it. My dad just shifted his will. It's nothing to really think too much about. He's still healthy and running circles around all of us. I'm here for a long time to come, I'm sure."
"Well, I for one hope so, kiddo." He stood. "And I'll say it again, you need to get out of here. It's Saturday and everyone is at home enjoying their families. You should be too."
"Thanks. I'll leave soon." I pulled a stack of contract renewals back toward me and tried to focus, but there was no use. His words rang in my ear. Everyone is enjoying their families. I snorted. I didn't have a family anywhere near me.
I had Lance in New York and Daddy in Seattle. Niki, my best friend was in New York too. How in the world I let myself end up in California away from everyone I loved was a mystery. Or was it?
Memories flashed before my eyes of the night I decided to pack my shit and leave Seattle for good. I was twenty, and although it had only been seven years ago, it felt like a lifetime.
"Stop it!" Danny yelled as we stood in the rain outside of his apartment. "You know I can't keep doing this shit with you, Ter."
"I know." I glanced down, hating myself for putting him in the position of having to come after me again. I only wanted his attention, and I'd have done just about anything to get it. "So where do we go from here?"
He ran his fingers through his hair and lifted his chin to the sky. His t-shirt was light blue and tight against his muscular chest. Every cell in my body was on fire to feel him against me, to know him intimately. "I don't know."
"Okay," I whispered as the familiar burn of rejection welled in my throat. We'd been dating off and on for years and yet we were moving in different directions. He wanted to play for Seattle, and I had a job offer in Oakland. My career would never take off if I stayed on my father's team. I'd never make a name for myself.
"Okay?" His voice hardened. "Okay is all you have to say? All these years of me talking to you about us getting married and building a life together and you can't even fucking consider staying here with me?"
"You don't want me, anyway." I crossed my arms over my chest and prayed that the rain mixed with my tears was enough not to let him know how much I was hurting. "I've tried a million times to pull you close, but you keep me at arms distance, Danny."
He reached out and gripped my shoulders, pulling me tight and leaning down with anger in his face. His nose touched mine, and I stifled a groan. It was better to see him riled up and pissed than showing no emotion at all. "You don't think I want you? I'd tear the clothes from your fucking body here in the street and make you scream my goddamn name a million times if I thought it was right for us, but it's not, Ter. You don't want an asshole that uses you, and I don't want a woman that craves that shit."
"I didn't-"
"Hush," he barked. "I'm staying here to play for your father. I'm not coming to get you out of another wild ass situation." He glanced back at the bar I'd been in with Niki. She was still somewhere in there, having a good time. Where she'd end up taking a man home, I never would have done that. I just wanted Danny to come after me, to prove that he loved me. It was silly and childish, but I was second string to his career. I was nothing that excited him anymore, and as soon as he started playing for Seattle, he'd get around a bunch of alpha asshole playboys and find a girl that was better than me, sexier than me... just simply not me.
"Thanks for the help." I pulled out of his hold and walked back toward the bar.
"Terra! Don't do this. I'm as serious as a fucking heart attack right now. I don't want a woman that wants this shit in her life."
I lifted my hand and waved to him, but kept my eyes on the door to the bar. I didn't want anything other than him, but I needed something to make me feel. If it wasn't drugs and sex, then a little bit of danger and a rough crowd would do.
He left me for baseball, and I left him to feel alive again.
"Thank God all that shit is over." I stood and grabbed my purse. There was no reason to sit in the office and stare at lines on a page if I couldn't concentrate enough to actually read them. I'd moved to Oakland the next month and found my place in the middle of the field again. It gave me some sense of peace to know that I'd traded in whatever was going to happen with us for the thrill of the game. It was something at least.
And the need to hang out in bars, ride motorcycles and act like a wild ass was completely out of my system.
I had a new danger that I played up against daily - being a woman in a man's world.
It was a painful challenge most days, but fuck if I didn't love it.
"Miss Harmon. Looking nice, ma'am." One of the outfield players wagged his eyebrows playfully at me as I walked up to the group of players gathered at the edge of the field.
"Behave, Rodriguez." I smiled and turned to face our coach. "Keep going. I just wanted to stop by to wish everyone luck."
They continued on with their spiel about the game that was starting in an hour or so. Paul walked around the outside of the team and came to stand beside me. He crossed his arms over his massive chest and stole glances at me until the short meeting was over.
He reminded me of Danny in so many ways. Thick arms and a great smile, a tight ass in his uniform and a huge cock. That's about where it all stopped though.
"Terra." He turned to face me and reached out, grabbing my shoulders. "You've been avoiding me."
I gave him a non-committal nod. "Yeah. I have."
"Why is that?" He licked the side of his mouth. "You mad because I'm a baseball player who acts like a player."
I smiled and pulled back. "Good luck tonight. I'm sure we're going to win this one."
"I'm not pitching tonight," he called after me.
"I'm well aware, idiot," I mumbled under my breath and made my way up to the owner’s box. I needed to tell him things were over between us. He was a desperate reach for me to feel something sexual, and it had worked for a little while, but me not giving it up, in the end, shut us down pretty fast. I was good with oral and anal and everything in between. I just wasn't ready to give my virginity up. It was stupid and traditional. I was sure I'd fucked up the sanctity of it a million times over with my slutty ways post-high school, but maybe not.
My phone buzzed in my pocket as I reached the box, and I paused to answer it before going in.
"Terra Harmon."
"Hey, Sis. Just calling to wish you good luck." My brother, Lance.
"Well, thank you kindly, Sir." I turned and pressed my back to the wall behind me. Funny how hearing my brother's voice left me thinking about Danny - again. Hell, if I were being honest, everything had me thinking about him lately. It was the situation with my dad. Him planting the idea that I'd be headed back to Seattle in the next five to ten years had old memories and far too many feelings rising up inside of me.
"You're welcome. So, when are you going to make your way up here to see me and that sexy little pole dancing friend of yours?" I could hear the smile in his voice.
I laughed. "She hates it when you call her that."
"Then maybe she should get herself a real job. She's a smart cookie."
"And she loves what she does." I defended Niki, though I really didn't need to. My brother thought of her like another sister. "I take it you're back in New York now?"
"Yeah. It was good to see Dad. I just wish you would have been there too."
"Maybe next time." I nodded to some of the guys walking into the box beside me. "Is there some reason why you decided to push Dad to change his will?"
"Oh yeah." He huffed. "I hate baseball. It's about time I came out of the closet on that shit."
"If you think for one second that we didn't all know that you hated baseball all these years, you're outta your fucking mind. You cringed and curled up on the ground in the fetal position when we pitched you a ball." I smiled and wrapped my free arm around myself.
"Hey. I was four years old. We can let this one go now."
"You were seventeen."
"Same difference." He paused to chuckle. "Anyway. I got to have breakfast with Danny while I was there."
My body stiffened and I had to work hard to pull in a quiet breath. "Oh yeah? How is your old friend?"
"We still on that kick?" His tone softened a little. My brother knew far more than he should have, but he was much more than a brother to me. He was my best friend outside of Niki.
"Yeah. We always will be." I moved away from the wall and turned to walk to the railing where I could watch the game. "How is he?"
"He's good. Not great, but good. You know he's got Lyndsay with him now?"
"Jannie's little girl?" My heart ached in my chest. I knew Jannie had died a few years back, but I couldn't bring myself to go back home, so I made some stupid shit up about not being able to get off. The decision still haunted me.
"Yeah. She's as cute as a button, and he's all about her. She's got blond curls and big blue eyes like Jannie did."
"God, that's sad." I pressed my hand to my heart and took a shallow breath. "And Danny is doing okay with raising her and still being a slut on TV."
Lance laughed. "He took over your spot of wanting to live a wild life, and you took his of wanting to settle down and chill."
"And the little girl plays in how? I imagine it's hard to live as a slut and still find time to raise a baby." I knew I was crossing the line, but no conversation about Danny ever ended well for me. There was too much involved. Too many hurts. Too many memories. Too many desires unfulfilled.
"No clue, but he's doing it well. I'm proud of him. I think it's the need to fit the persona of a cocky bad boy pitcher that has him fucking a different woman every night."
Now Lance was just being mean.
"Alright. I gotta go."
"Oh. Did I hit a nerve?"
"Fuck you too, bro." I ended the call and slipped the phone into my pocket. We'd forget and forgive by the morning, but the thought of Danny sleeping around would haunt me for the rest of the evening, much like it had since I waved goodbye and walked out of his life.
He wasn't at all the man he used to be, and scary enough, part of that excited the hell out of me.
Chapter 5
Daniel
"So why is Martin so dead set on getting Terra lined up to take over the team?" My father leaned back in his chair.
I reached out and ran my hand over the old wooden table in their dining room. I'd grown up around that table. A shit-ton of memories were made there, my favorite being Terra laid out, letting me touch all over her. We'd come so close to making love as kids, but I always stopped it.
"What?" I glanced up and forced myself back into the moment. "You say something, Dad?"
He chuckled and reached out and gripped my forearm. "What's going on with you? You've been out of it a lot lately, and you're spending a lot of time at the bars again. Lyndsay is all of our responsibility, of course, but she looks to you as her father. You're all she really has, Dan."
I nodded, knowing he was right. "I'm lonely." I shrugged and leaned back in my chair. "It's stupid, but it's true."
"It's not stupid, but you know what I'm going to tell you." He lifted his eyebrow and smiled.
"Yeah. I know, dad. I'm not going to find the kind of woman I'm after in a bar." I glanced down at my hands as the sound of my mother and Lyndsay laughing in the kitchen warmed my heart. "I wouldn't be nearly as worried about who I bring home if it weren't for peanut." I nodded toward the kitchen.
"And that makes you a good man." He reached out and tapped the table in front of me like he had been doing my whole life. It was his gentle way of telling me to look up. "You'll find her, Dan. I promise you. Just start looking with more than your pecker."
I snorted and shook my head. "You could have left that part out."
"What part?" My mom walked into the room with a platter of eggs, bacon, and pancakes. "What did we miss?"
"Yeah! What did we miss, Daddy?" Lyndsay reached for me.
I pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her before leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Nothing. Your pawpaw was being a dirty old man."
"What?" My mother put the platter down and gave my father a stern look. "What were you talking about before I came in?"
"Dan's love life." He reached for a piece of bacon and smiled at me. "Tell your mom what I said, big man. Go ahead."
"Nope. I'm outta this." I grabbed a plate and moved Lyndsay in the seat next to me. She smiled up at me, and I couldn't help but lean in to kiss the top of her head again. "Tell Mimi and PawPaw to let it go. We'll find us a queen when the right one shows up for my princess."
Lyndsay giggled. "Nope. Mimi and PawPaw can do what they want. They give me chocolate cake when you're not looking!" She sounded just like me somehow. The thought of it made everything better. My sister would have been proud of her little girl, and probably even of me.
"Peanut!" My mom and dad yelled together.
I glanced over at them. "I knew about the cake. You guys leave crumbs everywhere you go."
We all shared a good laugh before my father prayed over the meal. It was my mom that broke the silence.
"So, if we're talking about your love life."
"We're not." I gave her a look that usually got me in trouble.
"Don't raise your eyebrows at your momma, boy," my father barked out.
I lifted my hands in surrender as Lyndsay giggled beside me. "Sorry. There's just nothing to talk about, Mom. I'm trying to focus on the team and Peanut right now. I don't have time for anything else."
"But he told me that he's lonely." My father winked at me.
"Brother." I rolled my eyes and got scolded for that too. It was like I was sixteen again.
"Daniel." My mom reached over and slid her hand over mine. "Why don't you ask Martin what's going on with Terra? She was such a big part of your life back when you were behaving better. Maybe she could be a part of it again."
"Oh, Lord. Not Terra Harmon again." My dad shook his head before shoving a piece of sausage in his mouth.
"Roy. Watch how much pork you eat. You know your heart doctor-"
"Back to Terra please." My father licked at his fingers. "She was a wild child back then, Dan. You know it. You tried to keep her in line and it ended up breaking you two up and destroying you. I thought we'd never get you to smile again after she walked out of your life."
"I don't need a recounting of the past, Dad." I picked up my fork and ate a bite of my eggs, groaning at how good they were. No one made them like my mother did. "She's living in Oakland now, and doing really well for herself."
"Married?" My mom smiled as if there were an innocent bone in her body.
"No clue." I shrugged. "I didn't ask Martin or Lance at breakfast earlier this week."
"Lance was in town?" My mom reached over and pulled my napkin in my lap.
"Yeah." I picked it up and wiped at my mouth. "I guess Martin is putting Terra as his heir to the team."
"Oh. Wow." My mom's eyes brightened a little. She loved Terra Harmon like crazy, no matter how many struggles I'd had when we were younger. She believed we were made for each other. I believed it too, but the time had passed.
"Back to Terra." My father butted in as Lyndsay hopped down with a piece of sausage in her hand.
"Keep your hands off the couch, Missy!" Mom called after her as she bounded away.
"Otay Mimi!"
I smiled. "There's nothing to talk about, guys. Terra isn't going to come back into my life."
"She sure as hell is if Martin croaks, Dan." My dad leaned toward me. "And you need to be prepared. The girl is a wild child."
"She is not!" Mom countered.
"I don't know what she is guys, but drop it. We had a thing in high school, and yes, I thought we would end up together raising kids by now, but we didn't. She's a great girl but deserves someone else. I'm not the guy I used to be. You both know that." I took a few more bites of my breakfast, hoping like hell they would leave it alone. I yearned for Terra bad enough on my own. I didn't need them bringing her up as if the universe was playing a fucked up joke on me.
"Alright, but my opinion still stands as your mother." Mom tilted her head as her expression softened. "You need to start looking for love, Daniel. You're not the kind of man that deserves cheap sex from hookers."
Embarrassment welled in my chest as my neck and face burned. "Mom. Really?"
"She's right, son. You need to leave that life behind. It's dangerous and the fires of hell are waiting for you."
"Oh, brother." I picked up my coffee mug and leaned back. "If I'm going to hell for sleeping with a hooker then we're all in trouble. That's the least of my worries."
My mom chuckled. "Enough of this nonsense. Eat your breakfast and get some rest. You're pitching tonight, right?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good. Pull out some of that fancy shit you got hiding in your back pocket." My dad's smile widened. "You know what I'm talking about."
"Alright, Dad. I will. Just for you."
"Top of the third and Daniel McAdams is on fire tonight ladies and gentlemen." The announcer's voice filled the stadium.
I got into position and threw one more practice pitch to Gary from the mound. The displays around the stadium registered 96 miles per hour. My arm ached, but I was still throwing heat. The crowd erupted as loud music billowed from the speakers.
I glanced to my first baseman and nodded. We were shutting this shit down fast. I needed a quick game and a win on my list of accomplishments. It would take away the dark thoughts I had about my love life or lack thereof.
We Belong Together: A BBW Second Chance Romance Page 3
