Finding Our Forever: (A Defining Moments Novel)

by Andee Michelle

  “Um, no, I’m good,” I say before basically running from the room.

  I get it now. I’ve gone to college long enough to know that there are girls who chase the athletes in hopes of landing themselves the next big rookie. I should’ve seen it before, but I never thought Destry would be into this shit. He’s so not like that.

  When I get back to the living room, Destry is red in the face and Will is laughing.

  “I don’t even have to ask what you walked in on because I can see it written all over your face,” Dez remarks, stern faced.

  I just smile and shake my head. He and I will be having a discussion about this once we aren’t around all these guys. He’s seventeen for shit’s sake.

  Tyson and Tynlee don’t come back into the living room, which is good because I’m not sure I could keep a straight face.

  As Destry and I head out, he says good-bye to his friends and Tynlee comes flying down the stairs, shouting his name.

  I can see the war he’s fighting on his face. He cares about this girl.

  Before she even gets to the bottom of the stairs, she flings herself into his arms and holds on to him tightly. I can hear his voice speaking to her softly but can’t make out the words because his face is buried in her hair. Her shoulders shake with her soft cries and I realize I’m impeding on their good-bye. I sneak out quietly to Dez’s car and wait for him.

  About ten minutes later, he emerges from the house, a solemn look on his face. He gets into the car and I see Tynlee’s face in the window watching him walk away.

  “You okay?” I ask gently once we’re on the road back to his dorm.

  He just nods instead of answering and I let it go. This is obviously hard on him and he’ll tell me when he’s ready.

  Once we’re back at his friend’s place, he takes off to shower before bed and I take a minute to check my phone and respond to Sara’s text from earlier. My screen lights up and I notice there’s another one from her that came in a few minutes ago.

  Sara: I miss you already.

  I’m smiling at my phone like an idiot when another one comes in.

  Sara: I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be letting myself miss you, but I do.

  Followed closely by.

  Sara: We need to talk when you get home.

  And my smile disappears.

  Shit.

  Me: I know. And for what it’s worth, I miss you too, even though I shouldn’t.

  THE NEXT TWO DAYS fly by. Destry and I pack all the stuff he’s been storing in his buddy’s garage into the small trailer we rented. When I asked where the guy who lived here was, he told me the guy’s mom had gotten sick and he’d needed to go home for the summer but didn’t want to leave his house empty for two months while he was gone. That’s why he’d asked Destry to stay. I can tell there’s more to the story, but he doesn’t explain further and I don’t ask.

  We’re officially on our way back to Colorado and I couldn’t be happier. I haven’t heard from Sara since our texts the day I arrived in Boise, and I’m a little bit nervous about this talk we need to have.

  I need to take my mind off Sara so I start a conversation with him we’ve needed to have.

  “So, what’s the low down on you and that Tynlee girl?”

  I glance over at him and his jaw is ticking as he clenches his teeth together.

  “Look, I know what you think and you’re wrong,” he barks out. This is not the Destry I know. My little brother is the calm in our storm. He is the comedian, the “laid back, down to earth, keep us all grounded” guy.

  “So tell me what it is that’s got you all riled up,” I coax him. “You have some sort of feelings for that girl or there’s no way you’d be this worked up.”

  I see the tick in his jaw again and watch as he takes a deep breath but doesn’t respond. He continues to drive, working whatever he needs to work out in his mind.

  A few minutes later, he finally breaks the silence.

  “Tynlee is one of the first people I met in Boise, and she immediately tried to get me to sleep with her. I mean, she’s hot, but she’s just not my type,” he tells me honestly, but I’m not sure how she isn’t his type. She’s pretty and seems nice enough.

  But then he continues.

  “Her whole story is not mine to share. Let’s just say that she had a bad childhood and looks for affection by sleeping with just about anyone who pays her any attention. She’s so smart, Eli. Smarter than you and me put together, but she has zero self-worth, and it breaks my heart that she can’t see that. I’ve tried to tell her. I’ve tried to show her. She just won’t accept that she is more than just a piece of ass,” he tells me, his voice growing angrier the longer he explains. “She received a full-ride scholarship here from Georgia for academics, Eli. She keeps a 4.0 without even trying. One day, she’ll be Dr. Tynlee Scott. I have no doubt.”

  I’m actually pretty amazed. She seemed like one of those girls, the ones who cling to athletes for a free ride. I had her pegged all wrong.

  “So, tell me why you’re not with her if she means so much to you.”

  “She’s not my type,” he spouts off, shrugging his shoulders as though it’s no big deal.

  “Destry, you’re in love with that girl. Why in the hell are you in denial?”

  He glares at me before answering. “I do love her, but not like you’re thinking. She’s become one of my best friends. She gets me and I get her. I don’t put up with her shit and I don’t let her use sex to fix things. She uses sex like a Band-Aid. I really wish I could make her see how amazing she is so she’d stop self-destructing.”

  Now that we’re having this discussion and he’s letting his feelings out, I realize I’ve misunderstood their relationship.

  “I can’t even tell you how hard it is for me to leave her here, Eli. I begged her to transfer and come with me. Even offered for her to stay with us until she gets on her feet, but she refused,” he says, looking at my face for a reaction to his invitation. “She’s a senior and said she was going to finish her senior year at BSU before going on to medical school back in Georgia, which I think is a really bad idea. Her family is worthless, and I hate the thought of them getting their hooks into her even deeper.”

  He stops talking and just drives. His grip on the steering wheel is making his knuckles white and I can see he is fighting with himself about leaving her.

  “Dez, if there is anything you can think of that I can do to help you persuade her to come to Colorado, you tell me. I’ll do it.”

  He swings his eyes to me and I see the weight he is carrying lighten a little.

  “Thanks, bro. I don’t know that there’s anything else we can do. I won’t stop trying until she agrees or gets sick of me and stops talking to me. I think having you on my side and maybe becoming friends with her too would help. Just remember, she’s off limits,” he growls at me.

  “Well, I’m off the market anyway. Plus, she’s not my type anymore either,” I say with a chuckle as I watch his expression go from grumpy to interested.

  “Tell me about what’s happening with Sara.”

  “I don’t know really. She leaves in a few weeks for PA school in Arizona. Once she found out she was going to be leaving, we kind of had an agreement of weird sorts that we would just enjoy our time together while she was still here and then when it was time for her to leave, she’d leave. No strings attached.” It hurts to even say that out loud. “It seems to not be so easy to keep that frame of mind.”

  When I look back over at my brother, he’s smiling from ear to ear. “It looks like someone’s actually in love. How does she feel?”

  Looking back out the passenger side window, I respond with the only thing I know for sure. “We have a good time together, but I don’t know what else this is. Neither of us were looking for serious, and now that she’s leaving, I have a feeling that the ‘talk’ we need to have when I get home is going to be a good-bye.”

  The fact that even I can hear that pain in my voice is a bad si
gn.

  He notices my discomfort and thankfully moves on to other subjects. He asks about how Ben has been doing and tells me he’s been really standoffish the last few times he’s spoken to him. I just tell him that he’s trying to deal with all the shit that happened with Mom and Dad, but I know that’s not all of it. I leave out the “business man” bullshit he still won’t tell me about and his non-relationship with Ramzi. With the way Dez feels about Tynlee’s self-destructive course, he probably doesn’t need to hear another story of a woman letting a man use her. Although Ben denies that he has feelings for her, I know he is full of shit. He likes that girl big time.

  The drive is long and seems to take forever. We talk about everything from Mom’s continuing Italy residence, to our guess about what happened with Cord, to more about Sara and Tynlee, to what we should do about our relationship with Dad. It’s nice to have this time with him, but in the back of my mind, I’m still dreading the conversation I know is coming with Sara.

  Halfway home, I get a text from her.

  Sara: Think you’ll be up for dinner at my place tonight?

  She’s not wasting any time. I wish she didn’t have to leave. I wish things were different. Why couldn’t I have met her five years from now?

  WHEN I WOKE UP this morning, I was a tiny bit emotional that I had to take Eli to the airport. I know he needs to go help his brother pack and move, but I was feeling a tad selfish with his time. I don’t want to be away from him, and just that thought alone makes me feel like an idiot. No strings. I’m leaving in a few weeks. Stop getting attached, Sara!

  I try to keep the conversation light as I drive, but my emotions are all over the place. I know we probably need this time away from each other because we’re basically together all the time now and it’ll make it just that much harder when I leave.

  By the time we get to the airport, my throat in on the verge of closing and I don’t want to cry. What the hell is wrong with me?

  I quickly kiss him, and before I can pull all the way free of his embrace, he tells me he’ll miss me, and my throat constricts even more. I can’t respond, and I don’t want to cry in front of him, so I just nod, kiss him again quickly, and jump in the car. Looking in my rearview, I can see him standing there, looking confused, watching me drive away.

  Jesus, I need to get my shit together.

  A few minutes later, my phone rings, and when I see it’s the hospital, I’m thankful for the distraction. Dr. Hill needs an extra hand in the emergency department so I agree to work tonight and tomorrow. It’ll keep my mind focused on something other than Eli and how much I miss him. I need to be there in an hour, so I head home to change my clothes and get ready to spend the next twelve hours up to my elbows in injuries and random bouts of food poisoning.

  An hour later, I pull up to the hospital parking garage, decked out in my least favorite scrubs seeing how I usually end up scrapping whatever I wear when I cover E.R. I put my hospital ID up to the scanner to get into the garage and when the date and time flashes on the screen, my heart stops.

  That can’t be right.

  It can’t be the seventeen.

  My period starts on the twelfth.

  That would mean I’m five days late.

  I’m never late.

  Oh God.

  This can’t be happening.

  A horn honks and breaks me from my daze. I drive into the garage and park in the closest spot to the door.

  I press my hand to my boobs. Yep, they’re sore, but they get sore when I have PMS sometimes too.

  Have I felt nauseous lately?

  Nope. Not at all.

  I have been overly emotional though. Also a PMS symptom.

  I stumble numbly toward the entrance to the hospital, playing over the last few months in my head. We’ve never had unprotected sex. How could this happen? What am I going to do? How is Eli going to react?

  Right before I head out on the floor, my phone chimes with an incoming text from Eli and my heart drops into my toes.

  Eli: Hey babe. I made it to Boise.

  I can’t respond. What do I say?

  For the next few hours, I throw myself into work. I try not to think about the fact that I might be pregnant.

  Pregnant.

  Me.

  On my first bathroom break, I decide to respond to Eli as normally as possible. I don’t want him to worry.

  Me: Sorry, baby. Got called into work at the last minute. I have to work tonight and tomorrow night, so I’ll be sleeping during the day the next two days. Enjoy your time there and call me when you get home. <3

  I put my phone back in my pocket and go back to work. This may just very well be the longest twelve hours of my life.

  During one of my dinner breaks, I texted Eli again to tell him I missed him and that we need to talk when he gets home. Even if I’m not pregnant, we need to discuss my leaving soon.

  His response brings tears to my eyes. Even though I said it first, seeing his text that he shouldn’t miss me either makes me wonder if we’re on the same page when it comes to this talk.

  By the time I get home from work, I’ve been awake for more than twenty-four hours and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I thought about just doing a test at work, but I don’t want anyone at the hospital in my business. Then I considered stopping at a store on the way home and grabbing a test, but was just too damn tired.

  To be completely honest, I’m terrified to find out.

  I shower quickly and throw on my comfiest PJs before falling into bed half asleep already.

  WHEN MY ALARM goes off for work, I wake slowly but am instantly aware of the way my hand is resting on my stomach. Even in sleep my mind is going a million miles an hour about this baby.

  I make quick work of getting ready for work. I’m still torn on whether to take a test or wait a few more days and hope that I start. Or should I tell him and wait for him to be here when I take the test? I don’t know what the protocol for this is. We aren’t a couple, are we? Do non-couples do the testing together?

  On my drive to work, I pass several pharmacies but can’t bring myself to stop and buy a damn test. It helps me make my decision to wait for Eli.

  At this point, six days late, I’m almost 100 percent certain I’m pregnant. I am never late.

  My shift goes by in record time due to a three-car pile-up that landed twelve people in the emergency room with traumatic injuries.

  By the time I leave the hospital, I literally can’t see straight I’m so exhausted. I consider taking a power nap on one of the cots in the employee locker room but decide against it. I need a good solid ten hours of sleep in my own bed to recover from this one.

  Eli should be home tomorrow, and I have a feeling I’m going to need my strength for that discussion.

  Showering and falling into bed, I’m out before my head even hits the pillow.

  I DIDN’T SET AN alarm because I don’t have to work the next three days, so I figured I’d catch up on my sleep. Well, catch up on my sleep I did. I fell asleep around 7:00 a.m. when I made it home from the hospital, so when I see that it’s dark out, I initially assume it’s around ten-ish.

  Rolling over to check the time, I realize it’s four in the morning. That means I slept for twenty-one hours straight. I’ve never done that. Ever.

  Then it hits me that Eli will be home today. I grab my phone off the nightstand and check to see if anyone has texted me. Okay, I’m checking to see if Eli texted me.

  There is one message and it’s from Ramzi telling me I’m a shitty friend because I haven’t talked to her in days, and she is now in a huge depressive state. It makes me laugh because she’s loves being dramatic. I should call her and tell her what the hell is going on with me, but I really want Eli to be the first person to hear about this. I’ll tell Ramzi once we know for sure.

  Since it’s only 4:00 a.m., I make myself a cup of coffee and curl up in my favorite chair in the living room to read. Nothing like losing yourself in someone else’s world for a
little while.

  I HEAR RINGING but can’t seem to pry my eyes open. I roll my body to the side and become weightless as my body crashes to the floor.

  Ouch!

  What the hell?

  My eyes finally open and I’m on the floor in the living room. It takes me a second to remember how the hell I got in here, and then I chuckle because I must’ve fallen asleep on the couch while I was reading earlier. How did I fall back asleep so soon?

  My phone starts to ring again and I pull myself up off the floor to answer it.

  “’Lo,” I mumble into the receiver without even looking at it.

  “Well good morning to you too, sunshine,” Ramzi barks at me. I glance at the clock on the wall and am floored when I see that it’s after ten in the morning. I fell back asleep for another five hours?

  “Hey, girl. What’cha up too?” I grab my now cold cup of coffee and head back into the kitchen to make a fresh cup.

  “I just wanted to see if you were up for some girl time. I miss you now that you’re either always at work or with Eli,” she jokes. She’s right. I barely see her these days.

  “After two twelve hour night shifts, I’m pretty beat, but I could definitely go for some lunch. Where you wanna go?” I ask her.

  “Let’s hit that new burger place over on West Parkview. I’ve heard good things,” she tells me quickly. “Get your shit together, Calhoun. I’ll meet you there at 11:30 a.m.”

  Before I can respond, she hangs up. I swear that girl doesn’t know how to say good-bye.

  I take a little longer in the shower than I’d planned too, but I was in serious need of some time with the razor. Sasquatch, anyone?

  By the time I get out of the shower and dressed, I have very little time to primp so I just throw my hair up in a bun, sunscreen my face, and head out.

  As I drive toward the restaurant, I consider my options with how to have the discussion with Eli when he returns. I’m officially a week late. He’ll be home this evening, so maybe I should invite him over to my place for dinner. We’ll need the privacy.