The Loss (Heartache series #1)

by Green, Vicki

  It doesn’t seem to take me as long to get back to the cabin, maybe because of the adrenaline and excitement of what I discovered. I rush up the steps, forgetting about stretching, and knock on the door. Silence. I knock again. Nothing. My heart starts pounding and not from the running any longer but out of fear. We’ve been so careful. Running back down the steps, I run around the other side of the house, peeking in the living room window but the blinds inhibit my view. I take off to around the back of the cabin and over to the bedroom window. I’d lowered it after got up this morning, but the blinds were open a crack. There she is, laying down in the bed. Sound asleep. I lower my head, trying to calm my breathing and my racing heart as I fill with relief. Valuable lesson learned. Next time I go running without her, take the fucking key with me. I tap on the window, and she startles. Now, I’ve scared her too. Dammit! I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack. I thought he’d taken her. I thought I lost her.

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  A noise wakes me up, scaring me to death, and I was having the best dream! I look up and see Jase peering in the window and sit up quickly, holding my hand over my heart. Shit! He must be locked out. I rise quickly, pointing my finger out of the room, and he smiles. Dang, I slept so hard. I climb out of bed and wince. And man am I sore. I’ve exercised pretty regularly in the last few months but not like that. That obviously uses a whole lot of different muscles. I’m walking better on my foot though and am hoping in a few days I can go running with him. I’m sick of being cooped up and think I might be slowly losing my mind, well, except for the extraordinary sex we’re having. Shit! Now I’m horny again.

  I get to the door and am bowled over by his arms, his body so close to mine that I can barely breathe. “Jase. Can’t breathe,” I choke out but his arms tighten around me. His body is trembling, and I try to push my hands up but his arms are too tight. “Jase,” I squeak.

  “I thought you were gone. I thought…. I thought….”

  “Shhhh, baby. I’m here. No one’s taken me.”

  His face is buried in my neck, his hands all over my back, and finally he begins to calm down. He moves back, taking me off guard, but his grip is still tight around me. “I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed. Never again.” He brings me close again and my heart breaks. He’s scared. So scared. I’ve never seen him afraid of anything, except when he lost Liv. But that was a different kind of fear.

  I push against his chest again, and his arms relax. I reach up and place my hands on both sides of his face. “It’s okay, Jase. You’re not gonna lose me. Never again. I would never let that happen. I love you.” His mouth covers mine, and he kisses me in a frenzy. I welcome his warmth but nervous about his reaction.

  He releases my mouth and then his arms move down to my waist. “I know. I’m being ridiculous. It just made me freak out when you didn’t answer the door. My mind just went wild with possibilities.” He kisses me again, the worry look in his eyes starting to evaporate and his shaking has stopped. “But I meant what I said. I’m not leaving you here alone again, at least not without taking the key. That was just stupid anyway.”

  I smile and bring my hands down to rest on his arms. “I appreciate that you’re being cautious but really, I’m fine.” I lay my head against his chest. His heart is still beating way too fast. He rubs my back as his chin rests on the top of my head.

  “I just worry about you. If anything ever hap….” He pulls back and smiles. “I won’t let anything happen to you, to us. We’ve only just found each other again.” I lean up and kiss his lips, his arms wrap back around me, and we just stand there in silence, in our love.

  “You’re in for a treat tonight,” he tells me while digging through the freezer. He turns his head with my silence and laughs. I raise my eyebrow and give him a smirk. Shaking his head, he pulls something out and walks over to the stove. “Besides that,” he smirks back. I can’t stop the giggles that leave me. I hear some sizzles from the skillet when he puts the contents into it.

  “What is it?” I start to get up to go find out, but he hides something to his side, so I can’t see. Ugh! He used to do this to me all the time when we were growing up. I thought maybe he’d grown out of it. Apparently not.

  “No peeking! You just sit right back down, woman,” he says through his smile.

  I giggle again at his playfulness. I give him my best pout and both of his eyebrows raise high. “But you know I hate surprises, Jase,” I whine.

  He chuckles and takes whatever it is over to the trash bin then turns and walks straight over to me, placing his hands on the couch on either side of my hips. “Patience is a virtue.” I look up into his eyes that are still playful but darkening to something else quickly. He leans down and starts nipping at my lips. My heart starts beating faster, tingles flow through me and that feeling in the pit of my stomach starts to form. I start to giggle again but then press my lips against his mouth.

  “You know I don’t have patience. It’s not my strong point,” I whisper against his lips. His unique smell invades my senses, the warmth of his lips. I grasp his hard biceps and squeeze. So strong, so vibrant.

  “Better watch it, Kitten. I’m about to haul you over my shoulder and take you to bed. Then the surprise will be burnt to a crisp.” His eyes widen. Wetness pools south and I swear he can tell. Damn! I can’t help it. All he has to do is look at me, and I’m lost in him. He stands back up, taking my hand and pulling me up. “Come on. Don’t want it to burn,” he winks. Forget the food, suddenly I’m in the mood for something else.

  He leads me to the table, pulling out the chair for me. I watch him go to the stove, then get a couple of plates from the cabinet, his muscles flexing with his movements, and I subconsciously lick my lips. I shake my head from my lust filled thoughts. The smell of what’s cooking fills the room, and my stomach growls. He chuckles, and I can’t hide my smile. God, I love that sound and missed it so much. I watch as he walks over to the table, carrying our plates and when he sets mine down in front of me, I lean over, close my eyes and take a huge whiff. “Pizza!” He laughs and sits down next to me, and I dig in. “Mmmmmm,” I moan when I take the first bite. I haven’t had pizza in forever. Bill wouldn’t allow it at our house. Said it wasn’t healthy and I needed to watch my figure.

  “Alena.” I open my eyes, mid bite, and look into his eyes. They’ve turned from their normal brown to dark, his face intense. “If you don’t quit making sex food noises I’m not going to be held responsible for my actions.” I swallow hard. Not due to nervousness but horniness. Damn, what he does to me. From his voice, his touch, his eyes when he looks at me and the memories of him making love to me. Crap! He may not need to worry about hauling me over his shoulder ‘cos I may just jump him right here.

  My mouth turns up into a smile, and I take another bite. “I can’t help it. I haven’t had pizza in so long. It’s so good.”

  He takes a bite, and I watch his jaw move as he chews. Now, I want to lick his jaw. What the hell? “Why haven’t you had pizza? It’s always been your favorite food.”

  My chewing slows as I furrow my brow and start picking at the cheese on my slice. “Well, I….” I look up and see he’s watching me intently. Taking a deep breath, I shrug. “Bill told me I needed to watch my figure so….” His face morphs from relaxed to anger in seconds. “I know. Please, don’t start.” I look down at my food and lose my appetite. Setting my slice down on my plate, I take my napkin and wipe my mouth.

  “I thought I’d lost you back then,” I continue. My eyes move back to him, and his anger fades into sadness. “I tried so hard to help you with your loss but you were so closed off, so stubborn and not letting me in. We’ve always leaned on each other yet you wouldn’t lean on me and I felt lost, not sure how to get through to you.” He looks down, setting his slice on his plate. I feel bad for bringing this all up, dredging up all the sad, painful, and horrible memories,
but it would happen sooner or later. “I died inside along with you that day, Jase.” His eyes move back up to mine and soften. “Not only for losing Liv but for losing you at the same time. We were best friends, all our lives, and I wanted more. So much more but was afraid.” I watch his throat constrict as he swallows and know I hit a nerve.

  “I can’t believe how stupid I was. I always thought it would wreck our friendship, our closeness, to tell you how I felt. Then, meeting Bill, him helping me through stuff, trying to get my head back on straight, I thought I could move on and have a happy life without you.” My chin begins to quiver as I remember living through those times. “But I can’t….” I clear my throat and press my lips together. “I know I would have never been able to.”

  He rises, pushing back his chair, and comes to me. I rise quickly as he envelopes me into his arms. He moves them away and cups the sides of my face, almost squeezing them too hard. His eyes search mine frantically, his expression serious. “I never thought about your loss. I couldn’t live happily without you either. Never. Believe that. I’ve felt the same way, Alena. Too afraid to tell you. Afraid I would screw it up.” A tear leaves my eye, and my chin still shakes. “We’ve both been stupid.” He smiles and I try to, but it’s so hard. My emotions are all over the place. His face returns to seriousness. “Believe me now, I’m not stupid anymore. I want you, always.” I lean up, my mouth is pressing hard against his before I can think. His hands remain on my face, and his body moves closer until my breasts are heaving against his broad chest. “God, I fucking love you. No more time wasting, no more time apart. I promise you,” he whispers against my lips then proceeds to kiss all over my face.

  We don’t finish our pizza. He quickly manages to put it away in the fridge and then grabs my waist, lifting me up, and over his shoulder. I laugh, my tears forgotten, as he takes me into the bedroom and all the soreness I’ve had all day doesn’t matter as we make love, our passion overtaking all of our pain.

  Chapter 13

  “But…. Why can’t you tell me where we are going,” she whines again and stomps her small foot. Damn, she’s fucking cute and all mine.

  “Baby, if I told you then it wouldn’t be much of a surprise,” I smirk and wink. She huffs, crossing her arms under her breasts, which raises them, causing her cleavage to increase. Dammit! We have no time!

  “Okay, but you know I hate surprises. I mean, really, what’s the big deal anyway? You’re acting like a kid at Christmas.” I just give her a smile and wink at her. I can tell she’s getting infuriated with me, but it’s all good. She won’t be for long.

  I pull my backpack around my shoulders and then reach down to take her hand. “Come on.” I lead her out the front door and turn around, locking it, then we walk down the steps. As we walk towards my truck, I veer around it and see her look at me from the corner of my eye. Her head tilts as her nose scrunches then she huffs again. Fucking adorable. I start down the rocky path and then stop abruptly, her hand pulling mine.

  “What did we stop for? Please don’t tell me this is it.”

  I grab my backpack, pulling it off me, and then smile. “Come here, Kitten.” Confusion is riddling her face. I chuckle then pull on her hand until she’s in front of me. I pull her around to my back and release it, bending down. “Get on.”

  “What?”

  I turn my head and smirk. “It’s too far for you to walk on that ankle and there’s some rough terrain. Get on.” She looks like she’s pondering my request but then smiles and hops onto my back. Memories overtake me to another time, another place. So many times we did this, horsing around at the playground up the street, on the school parking lot on our way to my car and even when we were out at Wacko Taco’s drive-in parking lot. So much past we share. Most good memories.

  Standing up, I put my hands underneath her legs and pull her up, making sure I have a good hold on her, my backpack strap around my arm. She giggles. I forgot about her ticklish spot under her leg. I smile to myself as I begin walking. It takes me quite a while to get through the rocky path, when I hear her gasps as she looks around at the tree filled area. My foot slips a couple of times on some uneven ground covered with jagged rocks, but I catch myself and grasp her legs tighter. I know we’re getting close to the clearing, so I stop and release my hold on her. She grabs my shoulders and then slides down my back. I can feel her breasts as she moves, and my cock hardens instantly.

  “What are we stopping for? Are you okay? Am I too heavy?” I turn around, the look on her face telling me that that asshole must remind her constantly of her weight when she’s perfect the way she is. Actually, she could stand to add on a few pounds.

  “First of all, you’re not heavy. Second, I’m fine,” I let out another chuckle. “Third, we’re almost there and I want to do something.”

  Her brows raise as her arms wrap around her waist, lifting up her girls again and my cock twitches. Shit! I wish she’d stop that, but I guess no matter what she does my cock notices. “Just what do you have in mind?” Damn her! There it goes again.

  I take the few steps to her and walk around her, to get up close. I grab my backpack, putting my arms through it and sling it behind me. I put my arms around her and start to put my hands close to her eyes. She grabs them firm. “Wait! What are you doing?”

  I lean down close to her ear and whisper, “Trust me.” Her head turns and her eyes look into mine then she nods and turns back to face forward. I cover her eyes with the palms of my hands and smile. “Now, I’m going to guide you but we don’t have too far to go. Just make sure you can’t see or you’ll ruin the surprise. Okay?” She nods again. “Good girl.”

  I push up against her, and she starts to walk. Feeling unsure of herself, she takes ahold of my arms and walks slowly. “I’ve gotchya.” We keep walking, and I have to steady her a couple of times. Finally, I see the clearing through the edge of the trees. We make it to the edge and the perfect spot for her to take in the entire view. I bend down next to her ear again and feel her body shiver when I speak. “Ready?”

  I watch her swallow and nod slightly. “Yes,” she whispers hoarsely.

  “Okay. Get ready for something amazing,” I whisper against her ear and her body quivers. I’m starting to wonder just what she thinks this is gonna be. My mind suddenly flashes to a whole different concept, and I have to shake myself out of it. “Surprise.” Slowly, I uncover her eyes, and I watch her blink a few times then gasp. Her eyes are wide as she turns her head, spanning the area.

  “Beautiful,” she says in awe.

  “Certainly is,” I whisper.

  She turns her head, seeing me staring straight at her and she smiles. “I was talking about the scenery.” Her smile broadens as I cock my eyebrow and smile.

  “I know. So am I.”

  A light pink blush moves across her face. Even more beautiful. I take her hand, squeezing it tight. “Come on.” Her smile is intact as I lead her into the clearing and towards the pond. When we get close to the side of the water, near the waterfall, I let go of her hand and remove my backpack and squat down. Opening the zipper, I pull out a blanket and stand up, laying it out on the grass and look over at her. The breeze is blowing her hair back as she gazes at the waterfall. “Alena, you can sit down. I brought a picnic.” Her head turns, her hand grabbing some wayward hair, pulling it back from her face, and I swear her smile hasn’t left her since I uncovered her eyes.

  She walks over and sits down, crossing her legs, and continues to look into my eyes. “You’ve thought of everything. This is really gorgeous, Jase. How did you find it?”

  I lower my head and start taking the food out of my bag. “When I went for my run yesterday. I thought I was going too far when I saw the opening in the tree line so I kept going and stumbled upon this.” I look up and tilt my head, watching her look out at the view. “I knew you’d love it so I formed a plan.”

/>   She looks over at me and then down at the food I laid out. “So resourceful, Mr. Briggs.” She reaches down and grabs a grape, popping it in her mouth and smiles as she chews.

  I grab a handful of grapes and start popping them in my mouth. “I thought we could even go swimming.” Her brows raise and then her face softens. “Look. I know you’ve been going bat shit crazy cooped up in the cabin so I thought you’d like to get out and this place is secluded.”

  “It’s beautiful. I’m so glad you found it.” She turns her head, looking around, and then at the waterfall. “How can something be so beautiful when so much ugly moves around you?” She sighs. “I’ve made quite a mess of my life. I’m not proud of it. How do I make it right?”

  I reach over and take her hand. She turns to me with such sadness in her eyes. “You did what you had to do for you. Quit beating yourself up. It’ll all work out. I’m gonna make sure of it.” I release her hand and cup her face, rubbing my thumb across her soft skin. “I’m not ever letting you go again, Alena. Count on that.” She leans in, and our mouths collide. My hand moves up to the side of her head, my fingers threading into her hair as my tongue delves into her mouth. No more beating myself up for missing out on the years we could have had together. Now’s the time to make her safe and to be together. Forever.

  We break our kiss and just sit there staring into each other’s eyes. She smiles. “Okay. No more sadness. What’s done is done. Let’s move forward. So I was thinking….”

  My curiosity is definitely piqued as I lean back and wait. “Should I be nervous?”

  She laughs. Sweetest sound. “No. Well, I don’t think so.” She acts shy. So cute. “I was just thinking that after this is over….” She starts picking fuzz on the blanket. “I can do my graphic designing anywhere and I don’t want to live at my parents,” her eyes move up to mine, “but I don’t think we should live together either.” My face falls along with my heart. I had thought after everything was settled, she’d just move in with me at my house. “It’s not that I don’t want to but I think I need some time to be myself, ya know? Get my life back in order and get back to how I used to be before…. Well, before all this happened. I hope you understand.” I look down, pressing my lips together and think. “I’m sorry. I’ve hurt you again.”