Claire licked her spoon. “Was the sex good?”
“Amazing.”
“That’s something.”
Nicole took a deep breath. “Are you still mad?”
“I’ll get over it. Tell me about Hawk.”
“There’s nothing to say. We had sex, I got pregnant.”
“You fell in love with him.”
“Yeah, that, too. Not very smart, huh?”
“You can’t control your heart.”
“Right now I can’t control anything in my life.”
“What do you want from Hawk?” Claire asked.
“A happy ending. But I’m not fooling myself. I know that’s not going to happen.”
“It might.”
“Unlikely,” Nicole muttered. “He doesn’t want more children. He never gets involved. His life is complete. He doesn’t need me.”
“On the surface.”
“Have I ever mentioned how your ongoing optimism gets on my nerves?”
“Everything gets on your nerves.”
That was true.
“Are you happy about the baby?” Claire asked.
Nicole felt the need to touch her stomach, as if that would connect her to the child growing inside. “Sort of. How crazy is that? Like I need more responsibility in my life.”
“Oh, please. You love responsibility. You always have.”
Nicole glared at her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I know a lot more than you think. You thrive on responsibility. Why else would you have kept the bakery? You could have sold it years ago, taken the money and done something else with your life. It’s in a great location. Just the land has to be worth a couple million. So you’re there because you want to be there. You love Jesse, so as much as she bugged you, you never wanted to get rid of her. Even now. With all she’s done, you miss her. It will be the same with the baby. You’ll eat up the responsibility.”
Nicole didn’t know if she should be impressed by Claire’s insights or totally pissed off.
“It’s kind of cool that we’re all pregnant,” Claire said. “The three Keyes sisters. The timing is pretty amazing.”
“So’s the fact that none of us are married,” Nicole said, not wanting to think about Jesse pregnant and gone. “Although you’re engaged, so you’re almost married.”
Claire squeezed her arm. “You’re having a baby. Aren’t you excited?”
Despite everything, Nicole smiled. “I am. I’m also terrified.”
“Me, too. The mom thing. What if I don’t know how?”
“You know. You lead with your heart. Sometimes that’s very annoying.”
“You know, too. You’ve had practice.”
“I didn’t do a great job with Jesse.”
“You did. She created a lot of the problems herself. Plus, you were just a kid.”
Nicole nodded slowly. “I miss her. I keep wanting to go find her.”
“And then what?”
Nicole didn’t have an answer for that. “My head tells me I have to let her go. My heart says she’ll never make it on her own. I don’t know which one is right.”
Claire squeezed her arm again. “You’ll figure it out.”
“I hope so.”
RAOUL ARRIVED a few minutes after Claire left. Nicole hugged him hard, then hit the back of his head.
“Don’t run off again. You scared me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Sheila missed you. I had to explain to the puppies where you were. I won’t cover for you again.”
“You won’t have to.”
They stood smiling at each other. Nicole felt as if some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
“Go unpack,” she said. “If you’re lucky, I’ll cook dinner later.”
“I’d like that.”
He carried his duffel bag upstairs.
She watched him go. Life would be a whole lot easier if he would stop seeing Brittany, but she doubted her luck was that good. She would guess it was just a matter of time until Hawk’s daughter showed up, so she might as well cook enough for three.
She headed into the kitchen, then made a detour to the front door when the bell rang. She half expected to see Brittany on her doorstep, but instead found herself staring at Drew.
This was so not how she wanted to spend her evening.
“Hi, Nicole,” he said. “May I please come in for a few minutes?”
Her instinct was to say no. She wasn’t in the mood for his rants right now. But it would probably be faster to let him say whatever he wanted and then get him the hell out of here.
She stepped back to let him enter. He closed the door behind him and gave her a tentative smile.
“You’re looking good,” he said as he shoved his hands into his pockets, then pulled them out again. “Better than good. Great. Really great.”
“Is this about money?” she asked. “Do you need a loan?”
“No. It’s not about money. It’s about…” He looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m here to tell you that I was wrong about, you know, everything. I hurt you. You were great to me, Nicole. I never appreciated you the way I should have. I’m sorry about what happened with Jesse. I take full responsibility for that.”
Her first thought was that he was on drugs. Her second was that he’d had his body hijacked by some kind of space alien.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted.
“Then let me talk. I still love you, Nicole. I’ve never stopped loving you. I know coming on to Jesse the way I did was totally wrong. I was messed up in the head. But I’m clear now and I know what I want. I want you. I want us back together, the way it used to be.”
An apology at last. He was taking responsibility. While she appreciated it, she knew it was too little too late.
“The divorce will be final in a couple of weeks,” she said.
“We can get married again. It will be great.”
She studied him, his blue eyes, the way his smile was slightly lopsided. At one time she’d done her best to convince herself he was the one.
“Why?” she asked, curious rather than angry. “Why do you want to be with me?”
He frowned. “Because I love you.”
“Do you like me?”
“Sure.”
“What do you like about me?”
“I don’t understand.”
She shrugged. “We don’t have very much in common. You like to party and it’s not really my thing. You enjoy going out every night and I like staying in. I’m sort of a morning person and you’re a night owl. You never liked that I work at the bakery, I don’t really like your friends. We don’t have very much in common, Drew.”
He looked at the floor, then back at her. “I’m at my best when I’m with you.”
Which was kind of sweet and still all about him. “Maybe you should try being your best on your own.”
“But…”
“Drew, you don’t really love me. I’m not sure you like me all that much. You weren’t happy married to me. Were you? Really?”
He slowly shook his head.
“We’re not in love,” she told him. “It’s over. I think you need to go find someone who likes what you like, who understands you.”
“I guess.” He looked at her. “But you loved me. You know, before, right?”
She thought about how she felt about Hawk. It was so different, so powerful, so unlike anything she’d felt before. That was love. Really deep, lasting love. But there was no win in hurting Drew and that’s all the truth would do.
“I loved you,” she lied.
“Well that’s something.” He gave her a small smile. “I guess I should go.”
She moved around him and opened the door. “Goodbye, Drew.”
He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Bye, Nicole.”
And then he was gone.
She leaned against the closed door. Life was nothing if not interesting.
/> She’d barely gotten halfway across the room when there was another knock. Nicole sighed. She was just going to have to get mean. She didn’t want to hurt Drew, but the situation was getting out of hand.
She turned around, crossed to the door and pulled it open. But instead of Drew, Hawk stood on her porch.
Her body reacted as it always did, with heat and longing. Her heart fluttered. She wanted to throw herself at him, to kiss him and then take him to bed. None of which was going to happen.
“What do you want to blame me for this time?” she asked.
“Nothing. Do I do it that often?”
“More than I would like,” she muttered, stepping back and letting him in. “I take it Brittany got home.”
“A couple of hours ago. We had a talk. How are you? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He cupped her face and kissed her. “Brittany’s grounded. I took her car away from her.”
Nicole didn’t know what to say. “That’s a good thing?”
“You were right about me not acting like her parent. I didn’t take responsibility and I didn’t make her take responsibility. I kept hearing your voice in my head, Nicole. The one telling me the right thing to do. That’s what’s happened. When I wasn’t paying attention, you crawled inside of me. I never thought I’d care about anyone again. But I do. I love you.”
He stood there looking so hopeful and proud. Nicole told herself she should be happy—that this was everything she’d ever wanted. Only she knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. She didn’t know what had brought Hawk to this point, but she had a bad feeling it wasn’t reality.
She desperately wanted to believe, to hope, to have this be the moment her dreams came true. But she wasn’t comfortable taking that leap of faith. Not with her heart on the line.
“You don’t love me,” she said as she pulled back. “You can’t possibly have room in your life or your house.”
“What does my house have to do with anything?”
“It’s a shrine to Serena. I know she was your wife and you loved her, but it’s been what, five years? Six? Nothing has changed. You’ve never moved on. You still use her to keep everyone at bay and when that doesn’t work, you use Brittany. You’re happy just being on a team of two. There’s no room for anyone else, Hawk, and you don’t want there to be. You’re trading on your looks and your charm.”
He glared at her. “If you’re not interested, just say so.”
“I wish I wasn’t, but I am. This isn’t about me trying to hurt you or be mean.”
“The hell it isn’t. I love you.”
The words cut so deeply because she wanted to believe them so much.
“Do you?” she asked. “Seriously? You love me? Are you sure? Are we getting serious now? Are you proposing?”
He took a slight step back. “I want us to get serious.”
“How serious? What about a family? Do you want kids with me?”
He took another step back. “It seems early to be having that conversation.”
“I guess. I just wondered where you saw this going.”
She waited, hoping she wasn’t reading the look of panic correctly, even though she knew she was.
“I don’t know what you want,” he told her. “I care about you. Isn’t that enough for now?”
It was as if he wanted to be rewarded for suddenly realizing she was more than a convenience. Talk about special, she thought with a sigh. She might as well get it all out there right now.
“I’m pregnant,” she said, staring into his eyes as she spoke. “We’re having a baby.”
She held her breath, hoping she was wrong, desperate for him to be happy. She wanted to see him smile, then laugh. She wanted him to say that they would work everything out now that they were having a baby together. She wanted him to know the truth and then tell her he loved her.
Instead he turned and walked away.
CHAPTER TWENTY
NICOLE SAT CURLED UP on the sofa, eating ice cream. She really wanted wine or a margarita, but that was out of the question, thanks to her pregnancy.
“You’d better be worth it,” she told her stomach as she scooped up another spoonful.
She felt empty inside. Drained and not even hurt. She suspected she was still numb and the pain would come later. Then she would have to deal with the reality of carrying Hawk’s child, loving him and knowing he didn’t or wouldn’t love her back. But until then, there was the smooth escape of a sugar rush.
“Nicole?”
Nicole ignored the high-pitched shrill call of her name.
Brittany raced in through the kitchen and into the great room. “How could you do this to me?”
Nicole didn’t even look at her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re pregnant!” Brittany yelled. “You had sex with my dad! I thought you were my friend. How could you do this?”
“Aren’t you grounded?” Nicole asked, still concentrating on the ice cream and ignoring most of what Brittany said. Right now there wasn’t room for a teenage drama queen in her life. “Aren’t you supposed to be at home in your room?”
“That isn’t your business.”
“That would be a yes,” Nicole said conversationally. “I also heard your dad took your car away from you. I’m going to take a stab here and say he didn’t tell you about the baby. Which means someone else told you.”
She was guessing Hawk was going to take a few hours to absorb the news. No way he would have dumped this information on Brittany. No one else knew except…
She raised her head and saw Raoul hovering behind Brittany. Apparently he’d heard the conversation she’d had with Hawk.
That pain she did feel. It felt a lot like betrayal. She looked at him. “You told her?”
Raoul shuffled his feet. “I had to do something.”
“And you thought letting her know was a good idea?”
“Not anymore.”
“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here!” Brittany stamped her foot. “I hate this. I hate all of it. My dad was never mad at me before he met you. You’ve changed everything. I didn’t think you would do this. He doesn’t love you. I know he doesn’t. I want you to know that. You’re not going to take him away from me. He loves me best.”
“Brittany, stop it,” Raoul told her. He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her out of the kitchen. “Don’t talk to Nicole like that. You don’t want to do this.”
She jerked free of him. “Don’t tell me what to do.” She spun around and faced Nicole. “I’ll never forgive you.”
“Back at you.”
“What?”
“There’s nothing like a crisis to bring out a person’s character. I’m not impressed with yours. Good thing you didn’t get married, Raoul. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to face this every day for the next thirty years.”
“You bitch!” Brittany yelled.
Raoul stepped between them. “That’s enough,” he told his girlfriend. “You don’t get to talk to her that way.”
“You will not take her side.”
“I will. She’s been good to me. She took me in and Sheila.”
“But you love me.”
“I do, but I respect Nicole and you should, too.”
There was a quiet dignity in his words, a maturity Nicole didn’t expect. His defense of her soothed the wound of betrayal. She watched them, wondering who would blink first.
Brittany squared her shoulders. “I’d like you to take me home, now.”
“All right.”
She walked out of the kitchen. Raoul looked at Nicole.
“I keep screwing up. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m not doing any better myself. Life is nothing if not interesting.”
“Are you happy about the baby?”
She put down her spoon and covered the ice cream. “I am. Despite everything.”
“Good. I’m glad. Hawk will come around.”
Nicole did
n’t want to talk about that. “You’d better get Brittany home before her dad finds out she’s gone. I doubt he’s in a mood to be patient with her.”
“Yeah, I know.” He hesitated. “You said stuff like this shows a person’s true character. You’re doing great.”
If only… “Not for long. I’m planning a breakdown for later in the day.”
“I’ll be around if you need me.”
“Thanks, but I’ll get through it.” By herself. She was good at that.
Raoul left and she was alone in the house.
The silence didn’t bother her that much. She curled up on the sofa and flipped channels. There had to be something on to distract her from her earlier conversation with Hawk and his reaction to her pregnancy. Something to help her stay numb.
But the pain was there, creeping closer. She’d allowed herself to hope and then she’d fallen in love and then she’d been unable to protect herself. Sure, this wasn’t what either of them would have chosen, but if he really loved her, he would have wanted to at least talk about the pregnancy. He wouldn’t have run for the hills. He wouldn’t have made it so clear how much he still loved Serena.
HAWK STOOD in the middle of his living room, seeing it for the first time in years. Everything was exactly as it had been when Serena had still been alive. The paint on the walls, the furniture, the pictures. Even the damn ceramic rabbits he’d always hated.
He crossed to the fireplace and fingered the pictures there. So many of them. Brittany, Serena, wedding pictures and vacation pictures. There were more in the hallway and going up the stairs. Serena’s presence was still tangible in the house, as if she’d lived here until yesterday.
Hawk hadn’t meant that to happen. He loved Serena; he would always love her, but he’d never meant to build a shrine to her. He’d never meant to use her to put his life on hold or keep people away.
Nicole was right…he’d been getting by on good looks and charm. His relationships had never gone anywhere before. Most of them had ended after he’d brought the woman in question to his house. Now he knew why.
Sweet Spot Page 24
