At the time he hadn’t been interested enough to figure it out. But what if Nicole had left?
He didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t want to think about losing her. He’d meant what he said. He loved her. Not that she was likely to believe him.
Brittany ran into the house. “Daddy, Daddy, where are you?”
“In here,” he called.
She raced toward him and threw herself at him. “Oh, Daddy, it was so horrible. Raoul heard you and Nicole talking and he told me about the baby. Daddy, tell me it’s not true. Tell me you didn’t do that with her. Daddy, you can’t have another child. You can’t.”
A baby. He’d ignored that part of what Nicole had said, had pushed it from his mind. It had been too much to deal with. A baby? Now?
He looked at his teenage daughter, the little girl he’d loved so much. Loved and failed.
“You’re grounded. You weren’t supposed to leave your room.”
“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes. “Nicole is pregnant and you want to talk about me being grounded?”
“Where did you go?” And then he got it. “You went over there, didn’t you?”
“I had to talk to her. I had to find out if it was true. I told her it didn’t matter, that you’d never want to be with her or have another child. It’s disgusting.”
Hawk had been annoyed with his daughter before. And disappointed. But he’d never been truly angry. “Nicole has been nothing but kind and supportive of you. Even when you were running off with Raoul, she was understanding. And this is how you thank her?” Hawk pushed her away.
Brittany stared at him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you’re a selfish, thoughtless person and not at all who I thought my daughter would be. I’m angry and ashamed of how you’ve acted.”
She blushed and tears filled her eyes. “You can’t mean that,” she whispered.
“I absolutely do. Hand over your phone.”
“What?”
He grabbed her purse and pulled out her cell phone.
“Daddy, no! You can’t take it. This is crazy.”
“You’re right. This is crazy. I’ve screwed things up, but I’m going to fix them. Let me be clear, Brittany. You’re my daughter. My child. You are not an equal or an adult. You’re spoiled and immature.”
“Takes one to know one,” she said, practically spitting the words. Apparently her embarrassment had been short-lived.
“You’re right. I haven’t been on my best game, either. But that’s going to change, starting right now. We’re both going to grow up. I think I’m going to have an easier job of it, but I’m willing to be wrong.”
“I hate you.” Tears spilled onto her cheeks.
“I’m okay with that.”
“I’ll never forgive you.”
“Not a problem.”
She fled the room and thundered upstairs. Her cell phone began to ring. Hawk turned it off.
He’d screwed up royally. With Brittany and with Nicole. He needed his daughter to figure out her responsibility in all this, and he had to make things right with Nicole. But how? How to convince her that he’d been surprised by the news, not angry.
A baby. They were having a baby.
He’d never thought about having more children, but why not? She would be a great mom and he would know more than he had with Brittany. Besides, he loved Nicole and wanted to be with her. If she loved him, then they could be a family together.
But how to convince her he meant what he said? How to show her that he was the right man? How to win her back forever?
THE LAST THING Nicole wanted to do was go to a football game. But it was the last game of the season and Raoul had wanted her to see him play.
They’d spent more time together this past week. With Brittany grounded, he’d been home every night and they’d spent quiet evenings reading or watching TV. It was like having a baby brother around and Nicole knew she would miss Raoul when he went off to college.
As she settled on the bleacher seat, she thought about how much her life had changed in the past couple of months. She’d lost Jesse and she still couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. Her heart cried out for Nicole to find her sister and bring her home. Her gut and her head said Jesse had to figure it out on her own.
There were other changes, too. Raoul and Sheila. Nicole had never thought of getting a dog, but she liked the company. Now she was going to have a baby.
Even though her child was probably the size of a pea, Nicole was still excited. She ignored the fear that said she’d totally messed up with her sister. After all, she’d been a kid herself. She knew a lot more now. She wanted to have a baby, be a family. While she’d never seen herself as a single mother, she wasn’t worried about being on her own. She was more than capable. Not to mention the fact that she had a great support system in place.
She hadn’t heard from Hawk in a couple of days. She knew she would eventually. Even if the thought of another child horrified him, he wasn’t the type of guy to walk away from his responsibilities. So he would want to work out a sensible arrangement. It was too bad that he couldn’t be enough in love with her to put his past behind him and live in the present.
But he wasn’t. She appreciated that he’d been willing to say he loved her. That meant something. He just didn’t love her enough to want it all.
Several of the parents called to her. She waved, but didn’t try to talk to anyone. She would simply get through the game then go home. It hurt to be here. It hurt to try not to look at the field and then have her gaze shift that way so that she could see Hawk.
She wondered how long it would be until she could see him and not feel that painful combination of need and longing. The sexual draw was as strong as ever, but even worse was the love that welled up inside of her. She’d fallen for yet another disaster of a man and didn’t seem to be in any hurry to get over him.
Maybe she should give up on romantic love. She could fill her life with other things. Oh, but she would miss him.
She shifted her attention to the guys on the field and easily found Raoul. He looked up and waved. He was too far away for her to be sure he was smiling, but she sensed he was. He felt responsible for her, now that she was pregnant. Crazy but true, and she adored him for it.
“Nicole?”
Nicole turned and saw Brittany standing next to her. Nicole went on alert, not sure what the teenager intended. But instead of screaming, Brittany sat down and ducked her head.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured in a low voice. “About how I acted before. My dad says I’m not very mature, and I guess he’s right. I’ve had a lot of time to think while I’ve been grounded, and Raoul’s been yelling at me about how I hurt you.”
She raised her gaze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do that. I just wanted to act out. I still do, but I’m trying not to.”
Nicole didn’t know what to say. While she appreciated the apology, she didn’t totally trust it. “It was a lot to take in,” she said carefully.
Brittany smiled. “I know. First me, then you. I still don’t like thinking about my dad doing, you know, that.”
“I get it. Parental relationships should not happen in the open.”
“Yeah. But I want us to stay friends. Raoul was right. You’ve been really great to me and I’m sorry for how I acted.”
Nicole knew the apology was a big deal. “Thanks for saying that. I appreciate it.”
“Are we still friends?”
Nicole wasn’t sure, but she nodded. Brittany would always be dramatic, but Nicole wasn’t going to escape her any more easily than she would escape Hawk.
The teenager leaned toward her. “You’re having my baby brother or sister. It’s kinda cool. Maybe when I come home from college, I can babysit or something.”
“Sure.” Nicole wouldn’t hold her breath for that to happen, but it was nice that Brittany was interested instead of screaming.
“He really likes you,�
�� Brittany confided. “It freaked me out at first, but it’s been a long time. Since my mom died. I guess when I’m gone, he’s going to need someone.”
It was a peace offering, however lacking in graciousness. Nicole took it in the spirit in which it was meant. “Thanks.”
Hawk “needing someone” wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She wanted him to tell her he was desperately in love with her. That she mattered, that she was the best part of his day. He didn’t have to claim to love her more than he’d loved Serena. The other woman would always be a part of him. She knew he wouldn’t be the man she loved without that important relationship. But she wanted to hear that he could love her as much. Just differently. That he wanted to grow old with her, have a family with her. She wanted to be more than a convenience or a good time.
None of which she said to Brittany. “Thanks for telling me all this,” she murmured instead.
“Okay. I gotta get down to the field for the game. See ya.”
Nicole watched her go. She felt her gaze slip to Hawk again, who was watching her. He waved and she waved back. Which meant what? She didn’t have an answer.
The game started a few minutes later. Hawk’s guys easily scored three touchdowns in the first two quarters. Five seconds before halftime, the score was twenty-one to ten. The guys were getting ready to leave the field when the band started a fanfare that quickly turned into the wedding march.
Nicole frowned. What on earth? Then the crowd gasped.
“Nicole, look!”
She stared at the reader board and saw it had changed from the score to a message.
“Nicole, marry me.”
Her body froze. This was not happening. She wanted to bolt, but she couldn’t seem to move. Then she looked down at the field and saw Hawk grinning up at her as if this was the coolest thing in the world.
Just like that? He proposed in public? No conversation, no apology for ducking out on her, no talk about the reality of their situation and how they were going to deal with the complications of her life and his life and the life they’d created together? Just a proposal, because hey, if he was willing to marry her, everything had to be okay?
She hadn’t thought the pain could get worse, but it did. If he’d really loved her, he would have talked to her. Didn’t he understand how much she needed to hear the words and believe them?
She could feel him watching her. Actually, she could feel everyone watching her. Heat climbed her cheeks. She just wanted to disappear.
Instead she grabbed her purse and stood, then walked out of the stadium. She went directly to her car and drove away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
NICOLE RETURNED HOME from what felt like an endless day at the bakery only to find she could barely move inside her house. There were wall-to-wall football players. They were polite, eating enough for five times their number and oddly protective of her.
In the time it took her to cross from the back door to the doorway between the kitchen and the great room, she’d been relieved of the small bag she was carrying, asked how she was feeling twice and had an offer to go put gas in her car.
“I’m fine,” she told them all.
“Yes, ma’am. We know,” a boy named Kenny said. “We’ll be quiet. You won’t even know we’re here.”
There were at least ten of them. She was going to know.
“There are cookies in the pantry,” she said. “And a big box of frozen mini tacos that are pretty good in the microwave. Help yourself.”
Thank goodness for Costco, she thought as she made her way through the football players and climbed the stairs. Before Raoul had moved in, she’d never seen the point of buying for four hundred. Now she understood.
She closed the door of the bedroom and walked over to the bed. She knew why the guys were there. It was Wednesday and they’d been hanging out at her house every afternoon this week. They would leave when Raoul got home from working at the bakery. For some reason, he didn’t think she should be alone. It was sweet in a way. He was trying to take care of her.
He was going to be an extraordinary man, she told herself. One day he would find someone equally amazing and they would have a marriage that millions would envy. Including her. Because her love life was still floating in the toilet.
She loved Hawk enough to both be furious and feel bad for him. His move had been totally dumb. Why would she agree to marry him when they hadn’t even talked about the baby or how they felt about each other? His announcement that he loved her had been overshadowed by his bolt for freedom when she’d mentioned her pregnancy.
But she did feel bad that he’d been publicly humiliated. He was a guy with a big ego. Maybe too big. Maybe he couldn’t recover from what had happened.
Better to know now, she told herself. If he couldn’t handle the reality of a relationship, she needed to know that. But thinking the words didn’t erase the knot in her stomach.
She curled up on her side and pulled her knees to her chest. She kept waiting for him to show up and convince her he meant it. But he’d managed to keep his distance now for four days.
A couple of hours later, someone knocked on her bedroom door.
“I’m home,” Raoul called. “The guys are gone.”
She stood and crossed to let him in. “You can’t keep doing that. Your friends need to get their own lives. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
He ignored that and instead held out a large, thick envelope with the University of Washington logo in the corner. “They’re making a really good offer,” he said. “They’ll want me to live on campus the first year, but I’ll still be close and I can come back anytime you need me.”
He was only eighteen. This wasn’t his baby and she was only the person who’d given him a place to stay. But Raoul was loyal and responsible and he wanted to make sure she was taken care of.
“I don’t know if I should slap you or hug you,” she said, settling on putting her hands on her hips. “Either way, you are not putting your dreams on hold because I’m pregnant.”
“I’m still playing ball. They have a good team and they’re in a good conference. This is an offer I need to consider.”
“You are not picking a college based on the fact that I’m pregnant. I’m the grown-up here. I’ll be fine.”
“I want to be sure.”
Which was too sweet. “Raoul, I was born to take care of the world. I accept it. You need to consider all your offers and make your decision based on what is best for you. Pretend I don’t exist.”
“I can’t. You’ve been there for me.”
“We’ll talk about this later,” she said. “Okay?”
He nodded.
She was more touched than she could say and in more pain than she wanted him to know. While she knew he was speaking from the heart and she would always remember this moment, she also understood why he was worried. He didn’t think Hawk was going to come through. She had a bad feeling he was right.
CLAIRE’S STOMACH had grown since the last time Hawk had seen her at that dinner at her house. He hadn’t paid attention to the changes pregnant women went through since Serena had been carrying Brittany, and that was a long time ago. Now he found himself wanting to ask how Claire was feeling and when she was due. It just wasn’t natural.
But then nothing had been right for a while now. He missed Nicole more than he’d ever missed anyone. He was also angry and humiliated by the way she’d left him hanging out there.
It had taken him a couple of days to cool down and try to see things from her point of view. But the embarrassment still burned.
“I don’t know what to do,” he told Claire as she led him into her living room.
“Which is why I agreed to see you,” Nicole’s sister said. She motioned for him to sit on the sofa, while she took one of the chairs opposite. “I heard about what happened on Friday at the game. Did you really think it was a good idea?”
“Obviously or I wouldn’t have done it. I wanted her to know
I was serious.”
Claire stared at him for a long time. He could see a lot of Nicole in her sister, although Nicole was much prettier.
“You took off like your butt was on fire when she told you she was pregnant,” Claire said. She didn’t sound amused.
Hawk resisted the need to squirm. “I wasn’t expecting it. I needed time to figure out what was going on.”
“Telling a woman you love her then running for the hills isn’t exactly the kind of demonstration we’re looking for.”
“It was a lot to take in. I didn’t have any warning.” He leaned forward and stared at Claire. “I didn’t expect to fall in love with her, okay? I loved Serena and when she died I figured I was done with love. I dated some, but I never seemed to get serious. I didn’t see the point. No one got to me the way Nicole does.”
He paused to remember their first meeting. “She’s so damn tough on the outside. Smart and mouthy. She’d rather eat glass than let anyone think she’s got a vulnerable side, but she also has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. She’s kind and generous and she’ll get in my face when she thinks I’m wrong. God, I love her.”
He rested his forearms on his thighs. “But I don’t know how to tell her that. I don’t know how to make it right. I pulled what I thought was this big romantic gesture and it blew up in my face.”
Claire’s expression softened. “Hawk, I hate to break it to you, but nothing about what you did was romantic. It wasn’t about Nicole and her needs. It was about you and your ego. You didn’t just want to propose, you wanted to be the star. That’s not the way to win most women and it’s sure not the way to win Nicole.”
“I know that now,” he muttered. “What is the way?”
“Tell her what you told me. Tell her why you love her. Tell her that she’s special and you’ve never known anyone like her. Tell her you love her more than anyone in the world.”
He started to say he couldn’t love her that way. That Brittany would always have a special place in his heart. Only his feelings for his daughter had nothing to do with his feelings for Nicole. They were totally different relationships.
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