The Phoenix Project

by M. R. Pritchard

  “The table would be best.” He points to the dining room table. “I’m sure you remember me, I’m Dr. Akiyama.” He stands next to Adam so I can see his face.

  “Wait. Where’s Lina? Where is she?” I look around the room. I am surprised when I see Crane standing in the corner of the living room, watching me, his face pale.

  “She’s sleeping upstairs. She hasn’t woken up.” Ms Black is now standing next to me, speaking in a soft soothing tone. “Your dog would barely let me in her room.”

  I try and smile, stopping when the sharp pain from Baillie’s punch spreads over my jaw. Adam sets me on the table and the Doctor starts cutting at my night shirt. My face flushes with embarrassment, the last thing I want is everyone to see me like this, stripped down.

  “No people,” I tell the Doctor, waving at the room, he nods understanding.

  “I need everyone out, except you,” he points to Adam. “I need your help. Go get some ice for her face”

  Ms. Black and Crane leave without saying a word. I can still hear the commotion of people outside, but at least there is no one in here while the Doctor does his work, except for Adam, and I’m sure he is about to get quite the show. The Doctor cuts off my top and shorts, leaving me in just my underwear. I close my eyes, and try not to think about Adam seeing me like this. My injuries are cleaned, bruises inspected. When they roll me onto my stomach, so the Doctor can check my back, he lets out a low whistle.

  “You should have waited a few more days on those stitches, you’re wound is ripped open, I’m going to have to stitch it again.” I let out a deep groan. “There’s too much scar tissue. I’m going to give you a little morphine for the pain.” He gives me an injection of the anesthetic. It takes the pain away almost immediately. Leaving my mind in a hazy fog. He stitches my back, applies medical glue to my lip, and my foot, then packs up his bag. “We need to stop meeting like this, Andie.” He squeezes my hand, and gives Adam a list of instructions on how to care for me.

  As he leaves Adam follows him, speaking to someone outside the door for a moment, before closing it. I make no effort to move, and when he walks back to the dining room table I’m still lying on it, in nothing but my underwear, unable to move. I can’t remember when I shaved my legs last, or if I’m wearing my good underwear, but the morphine helps me not care much.

  Adam stands over the table, watching me for a moment and sighing, “Well, we can’t just leave you here like this.” He goes upstairs and opens the bedroom door. Stevie bounds down the stairs and stand up next to me, her front paws on the table. She licks the side of my head.

  “Good girl, Stevie,” I tell her.

  Adam returns with some clothes and helps me put them on. He holds my elbow, helping me slide off the table. But when my feet hit the floor, both of my knees give out. Adam sweeps me up in his arms before I drop to the floor.

  “The morphine,” I hear myself mumble to him.

  He carries me upstairs to the room where Lina is, so I can see her sleeping peacefully. He takes me to the other bedroom and sets me on top of the comforter. I make no effort to cover myself. I don’t want to sleep but the morphine is too strong, the Doctor must have given me too much. I am out instantly.

  --

  I wish I could say the morphine helped me rest, but my dreams are filled with terror and I never stop running. There are wolves, shadows, darkness. I hear screams from Lina, see Baillie’s bloodied corpse rise from the puddle of blood on the bridge. He chases me, and the only place I can think of to run to is my old house. It’s night in my dream, but the lights to the house are on, the door unlocked. I run in and turn the deadbolt into place. Baillie’s corpse pounds and claws at the door, eventually it gives up and walks to the street where there is a waiting hearse. The corpse climbs in the back and lies down, then the hearse drives away.

  “Where have you been?” A familiar voice asks. I turn around to see Ian standing in the living room with me. I’m afraid to tell him what has happened. I’m afraid of his response when I tell him that I abandoned him and that I chose to save our daughter over him. How I made no effort to save him or to beg that he come with us. Somehow I get it out. I tell him everything, that our town has changed into something new, the Phoenix District and we are being held captive. That I had no choice, Crane had Lina and I had to get her back. She’s just a baby, she’s my baby.

  “Ian, I miss you so much,” I choke through the tears running down my cheeks. The guilt of trying to move on so quickly is catching up with me. Ian makes no attempt to hug me, or kiss me, or welcome me home. He listens to my story, a stern look on his face, and when I am done there is nothing but silence.

  “You think I don’t know about your little friend? What’s his name, Adam?” Ian spits out. “I’ve seen you with him. You didn’t even let my corpse get cold before sneaking off with your new boyfriend.”

  “Ian, it’s not like that. He helped me get home. He helped me get to Lina. With you gone, Adam is the only one I can trust. I have to keep her safe. I have to get her out of here.”

  “Did you ever think to keep me safe?” Ian tugs at his finger and pulls off his wedding band. “I knew I couldn’t trust you with my heart.” He reaches back and throws the wedding band through the living room window, shattering the glass. And that is all it takes for my heart to truly break. Warm tears flow down my cheeks. Somehow, I know this is all a dream, but it’s so vivid, it feels so real.

  “Ian, I love you. I want you to come back to me…” I reach out for him while walking across the living room. But now there is a glass in his hand, filled with ice water.

  He waits until I’m almost next to him, “Enjoy your new life, District Sovereign, be careful of whom you trust.” He swirls the ice in the glass for a moment. “You know what they say, if it talks like a pirate and it smells like a pirate then it’s a pirate.” He throws the ice water in my face and then he is gone.

  --

  When I wake up there is something cold on my face and it makes me wonder if I wasn’t dreaming. But when I reach up with my hand I feel a frozen pack of ice. The morphine must have worn off because my joints are aching and stiff. I pull the blanket off myself and attempt to sit up. Another heavy bag of ice falls off my hip and onto the floor. When I reach down to pick it up I have to stop halfway, the new stitches in my back giving a sharp tug. The bag will have to stay there.

  Lina bursts into the room. “Mom, you’re awake.” She throws her arms around my neck. “How do you feel?”

  I can only assume she is staring at the bruises on my face. “Who is downstairs with you Lina?”

  “Oh, Ms Black is here, and Adam and someone named Bugtown Pane, I think…” She taps her little finger on her chin, trying to remember.

  “Did you just say Bugtown?” I laugh lightly. Lina giggles back. “Did you mean Burton Crane?” I ask her, enunciating each syllable.

  “Oh, yeah, that must be it. Mommy, Adam made the best pancakes, with apples in them, you have to try some.”

  “Okay, Honey, I just want to get cleaned up first.”

  Lina kisses my cheek and then I hear her run down the stairs announcing to everyone that I am awake.

  The walk to the bathroom is painful. For the first time in my life I wish I had a cane. When I get to the vanity I inspect my face in the mirror. I had braced myself for the worst, but the ice packs must have helped. There is a cut on my bottom lip that still has the gleam from the dried medical glue. A bluish-green bruise covers my jaw. A collection of dried tears collected near both of my ears. I look down further to see the faint imprint of Baillie’s fingers across my neck. I try to think of what other damage was done to my body last night. I pull the band of my shorts away and stare at the large bruise covering my hip. I would like nothing more than to soak for an hour in a hot bath. But unfortunately the bathtub here is shallow, and short. So instead I take a long, hot shower.

  The hot water rinses the dried blood from my body and it collects in a puddle by the drain. The scratches on
my palms and knees burn under the soap. There’s a sharp ache in my chest, at first I try and remember if I injured myself, then I remember the dream, loosing Ian. I realize the ache is not physical, but emotional. Thankfully the shower is loud enough to muffle my sobs.

  I do my best to choose clothes that cover the wounds, even though the heat of summer is starting. I don’t want everyone seeing what happened to me last night, especially Lina. She has seen enough already. I pull on a pair of brown linen slacks, a loose black blouse, and sandals. I open my make up case and try to cover the bruises on my face and neck. When I am done I stare at myself in the mirror. I hope I look presentable enough to go downstairs. Still, I don’t want to face Crane.

  My descend down the stairs is slow and painful. Stevie waits at the bottom, wagging her tail. Adam shows up when I am close to the bottom and holds his hand out to me. But all I can think of is my dream, when Ian yelled at me. I don’t look at Adam or take his hand. Instead I hobble over to one of the plush living room chairs and ease myself down into its cushioned seat.

  There’s a stack of books on the coffee table and sheets of paper with Lina’s handwriting on them. Ms Black is outside with Lina on the porch, they each hold magnifying glasses, looking at something on the railing. Crane eyes me from the couch. He looks pale and troubled, similar to last night when Adam carried in my busted body.

  “How are you feeling?” Crane asks.

  “I’ve felt better.”

  I’m not in the mood for talking. And I’m sure whatever Crane wants to talk about will be serious, requiring me to use my foggy, aching brain.

  “I’m sure you’re not up to talking right now, but there’s no time to waste.” He pauses, giving me a chance to speak up but I say nothing. “As you know Baillie has been dealt with. I tried to choose Committee members who wouldn’t hold such simple grudges, who had a higher level of thinking and compassion for others. Obviously he was the wrong man for what we are trying to do here. We will search for his replacement on the Committee, until then, I think we should have Adam sit in on the Committee meetings. His background is superb; he may be just the person we need to take Baillie’s seat.” Crane pauses again and we both look to Adam. He’s still standing near the stairs, where I brushed him off. “We will be working around the clock on your new living quarters. Until then, you are not to leave this house without a Volker at your side.”

  “Stop trying to keep me captive, Crane.”

  “I’ve told you before. I’m trying to keep you safe. You obviously have no desire to keep yourself safe, which is apparent after you ventured out by yourself at night.”

  “There was more to it. I couldn’t have Lina see what had been thrown through the window.”

  “Yes. I figured. Either way, pack your things. Construction should be completed in a few days. Now that Mr. Baillie has departed us I’m sure I don’t have to worry about any more threats to your life. But, one can never be too careful.” With that Crane stands, bows to both of us and leaves.

  I stare at the wall, fuming. I’m so tired of Crane telling me what to do. Controlling my life. Controlling my daughter’s life. I miss our old life. I miss Ian.

  Adam sets a plate of pancakes in my lap, and a steaming cup of coffee on the table next to me. Ian rarely cooked. I was always the one cooking at home. I stare at them for a long time, trying not to cry again, thinking.

  Lina bursts into the room. “Mommy, you have to try them. Oh, and look what we found.” She is holding what looks like a large black bug between her fingers. “It’s a cicada skin. Isn’t it cool?” She giggles then bounds back out the door.

  “You have a remarkable daughter, Andie.” Adam finally speaks from the couch where Crane was just sitting.

  “Yes. I know. Everyone keeps telling me this.”

  “I know last night was really bad, but you’re safe now. I want you to know I won’t let anything happen to you or Lina.”

  “I know. You are required by District regulations to protect all Sovereign.”

  “This is more than regulations, Andie.” A slight crease is starting to form in Adams forehead. I’ve seen it a few other times, when he is concerned or slightly angered.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just, everything is starting to sink in, and I just want my old life back…” I cover my face with my hands and take deep breaths, trying not to cry. Trying not to show Adam that I am much weaker than he probably already thinks I am.

  Finally when I recover, I eat the breakfast Adam made. Lina was right, the pancakes are delicious, and so is the coffee. Adam sits for a while, watching me. I’m too embarrassed by my crying to look at him. When I’m done eating he takes my dishes to the kitchen and cleans them. I walk out onto the sunlit porch with Stevie and watch Lina inspect the yard with Ms. Black. They get along well together and Lina has already learned so much. Something at the edge of the yard catches my eye, a person in dark clothes. I lean forward to get a better look. It’s a Volker guard. I scan the yard and see more of them watching and patrolling, near the trees and the lakeshore, and the townhouses next to mine.

  It’s not long before the pain in my hip and jaw start to ache badly. I turn around to go inside and the sight of Adam standing silently behind me startles me. “I think I need to go lay down,” I tell him flatly.

  “That would be a good idea. You should get your rest after last night.”

  He opens the sliding glass door for me and follows me inside. I scale the stairs slowly and lie down in the spare room. Adam shows up not long after I pull the covers over myself. He carries a bag of ice in each hand. He places one on my jaw, and then lifts the blanket, placing the other on my sore hip.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him.

  “I know.”

  “No you don’t. I had a dream about Ian. It wasn’t good. It was actually pretty terrible.” I try to control the trembling of my chin.

  “I know.” Adam pulls the blanket up to my shoulders.

  “How do you know?” I ask.

  “You talk in your sleep.”

  He brushes a piece of hair off my forehead, tucking it behind my ear, just like Ian used to do, then he leaves the room. I wonder how much of the conversation he heard. Did he hear me pleading with Ian? Could he hear the guilt in my voice for leaving my husband behind?

  I hear Lina giggling in the back yard. I focus on the sound of her voice and before long I am asleep. This time there are no morphine dreams.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Lina wakes me. She’s tapping on my forehead, her eyes, an inch away from my face, at least twice their normal size. They are so big I can see the tiny dark flecks in her green irises. I notice she’s examining me with the magnifying glass.

  “Hi, mom,” she greets me, distracted with whatever she is looking at magnified on my face. “Adam says dinner is ready.” She speaks through the glass, magnifying the size of her lips and baby teeth. I reach my arms out and hug her.

  “I love you, little Catalina,” I whisper in her ear.

  “I love you too mom. Let’s go.”

  She pulls my hand trying to tug me out of bed. Getting up is much easier this time and so is walking down the stairs. I smell the sweet and tangy scent of spaghetti sauce and the pungent aroma of garlic. The table is set for three and I can see Adam’s back as he works at the stove.

  “Where is Ms. Black?” I ask Lina.

  “She went home. She said she would come back tomorrow and we can learn more fun things.”

  Adam turns around. “Good, you’re up, dinner’s done.”

  Adam collects the plates from the table and takes them back to the kitchen. He returns a moment later, each plate piled high with spaghetti and garlic bread. Lina fills me in on her day as we eat. She talks nonstop, even with food in her mouth. Any other day, I would remind her that it’s not ladylike to talk with food in her mouth. But after all she’s been through, I decide it is ok for her to be a poor mannered child for the moment.

  I still can’t bring myself to look Adam in th
e face. Even after all he has done for us. We clear the table together. Then I leave Adam in the kitchen while I get Lina ready for bed. She plays in the bathtub for a while and after she reads me a book. By the time I get her tucked into bed the sun is almost done setting over the lake.

  I return to the living room to find Adam sitting on the couch. I hold back the urge to throw myself on the couch next to him and I sit on the opposite end of it instead. I try to think about what I can say, to thank him for all he’s done, to apologize for being rude to him earlier. I know it’s wrong that I want him to wrap his arms around me, like he did last night when he carried me home after Baillie’s attack.

  “I know you’re upset about Ian. Don’t you think he would have done the same thing if he were in your position right now?” Adam asks. He’s leaning back on the couch, arms resting on the side and back of the couch, pulling the fabric of his t-shirt tight against his bicep.

  “I don’t know. I would hope that he would do whatever he could to protect Lina.” I stare at his arm, his chest; finally I look in his eyes, the now familiar pale blue.

  “I think you are doing exactly what he would have done.” I know he’s just trying to make me feel better but the guilt of losing Ian still lingers in the back of my mind. “I know what it’s like to lose a member of your family.”

  I remember he lost his entire family. I saw the fresh graves myself, when we were walking into town. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” I shake my head and cover my eyes with my hand.

  “How are your bruises?” Adam changes the subject.

  “Fine, I guess. The only thing that hurts right now is my hip.”

  Suddenly he is scooting himself closer to me, so he’s sitting mostly on my cushion of the couch. He reaches out, holding my chin gently with his fingers. I watch him nervously from between the fingers of the hand that is across my eyes.

  “The ice must have helped. The bruise on your jaw is barely visible.” He rubs his thumb across my bottom lip. “This looks good too.” He smiles a little. I think he’s looking at the cut on my lip. I hold my breath, afraid that he is so close to me, inspecting me. I tell myself it’s nothing, twice now he has seen me barely dressed, getting stitched together on the dining room table. Before I realize what he is doing Adam slides his arm under my legs and pulls me onto his lap.