Lost in the Wind

by Calle J. Brookes

  Her rejection would sting him far more than even April’s had done.

  He’d known months after the twins were born that he hadn’t truly mattered to his wife; just like he hadn’t to his father and biological mother. He’d let those wounds callous over years ago. He had mattered to his uncle as a child, and he had mattered to the twins. He had family.

  But Nikkie Jean had zoomed right past his defenses and lodged herself so tightly around his heart, he almost swore he could feel it hurting.

  She wasn’t about to let him close enough to show her that.

  But Caine had never given up easily.

  “Why would she bring the baby? So Uncle Henry could babysit? Keller would probably like that. If it was a girl, anyway. So she could put it in dresses and necklaces. But I think Dalton might be jealous of another baby around.”

  Dalton babbled something around the fist he had shoved up by his mouth.

  A girl.

  One who looked like a cross between him and Nikkie Jean. Dimples like Nikkie Jean’s would be a distinct possibility. Or maybe a girl would look just like Keller. He smiled. A girl would be nice. One just as bubbly as her mother.

  But without the constant shadow of fear in her eyes.

  What had made Nikkie Jean so afraid? That had to be the first question he answered.

  “I just thought it might be nice. She’s really nice. You’ve met her before. The same day you met Ariella and your…cousins.” He bit back a wince as he said it. He’d been careful since that day not to talk about his biological sister too much. The children already had pestered him and Henry about the past.

  Questions Caine hadn’t been ready to answer until they were older.

  How did he tell his children that his father had abused him simply for existing? His children were not quite old enough to understand that. All they knew was that he hadn’t had a great childhood. That his father had been a cruel man. Caine and Henry had kept it at that. Until the children were old enough to understand.

  But Ariella had brought questions from the children that had surprised him at how astute they were.

  “I guess. I mean, it’s just a baby, right? Not as fun as a puppy. I’d rather have a dog instead of another baby.”

  Well, that wasn’t going to happen. Not yet.

  The baby was a reality. Caine would have to tell them soon. After they had a chance to get to know Nikkie Jean a little better.

  The last thing any of them needed was the children resenting her or the baby. Caine was just going to have to figure it out. Fast.

  He’d start by finding Nikkie Jean. It was the first day off he’d had since two days before he’d learned she’d been hurt. He was going to spend it with her. No matter what he had to do to make that happen.

  46

  THEY DRESSED HER UP in extra catcher’s gear they borrowed from the opposing team. Between the two teams, they had five players in the first and second trimester of pregnancy. And a lot of catchers’ gear. Lacy insisted, as did Izzie, and all the rest. She and Jillian and Lacy—the actual catcher, who was not pregnant, that anyone knew, anyway—looked interchangeable when they came out of the dugout.

  Nikkie Jean turned her hat backward so she could see well. One issue with her eyes involved tracking and lower field of vision, even with the contacts. The prescription sports glasses weren’t the best for field of vision, either. “Let’s do this!”

  Lacy looked at her, a warning on her face. “No diving, daredevil. You’ve had a concussion recently, as well. You probably shouldn’t be playing, honestly. No diving, no reaching, no sliding, no falling, no anything. Same for you, Jillian Anne. As head physician of this team—”

  Lacy held up her hand when Fin and Nikkie Jean both protested. “As self-appointed head physician, the two of you are not to do anything even remotely dangerous. And the two of you especially need to be careful, considering your positions on the field.”

  “Bailey and Annie—cover the inside of the mound as much as you can,” Mel added. “Try to stop the ball from getting to the little chicks.”

  Nikkie Jean nodded. She understood exactly what Lacy wasn’t saying.

  Everyone on the team knew about the baby. She’d told them in the dugout. She’d been congratulated and hugged the instant it became known. Her friends were happy for her.

  That mattered.

  The game went well. There was only one time she had to stretch more than she was comfortable with, but she was able to grab the ball and toss it to Bailey who was playing third.

  Bailey’s own father had almost let her die just a few months ago. Bailey was still trying to process that.

  She and Nikkie Jean had talked about their fathers at W4HAV once, when it was just the two of them in the lounge. The charity was designed to help women in all stages of recovery from violent attacks.

  She liked to think she was at the point where she could be a guide for those whose hurt was newer. Nikkie Jean had made a point of helping run the Tuesday night therapy groups when she could. She’d made a point of keeping an eye on Bailey since she’d first started coming to W4HAV.

  Nikkie Jean had assisted Rafe in the emergency surgery that had initially saved Bailey’s life months ago.

  Fathers…could be so problematic.

  Nikkie Jean shoved thoughts of the men who really didn’t want her out of her head and focused on the game.

  The people who did care about her were counting on her now. And that was what was important.

  Not Dr. Caine Alvaro—or Dr. Jordan Carrington.

  47

  IT WAS GOING TO JUST be Caine and Dalton for the rest of the afternoon. Unless Caine’s hunt went according to plans.

  He carried his youngest toward the restrooms. A diaper change was in order before they searched for Nikkie Jean. And quickly.

  Caine rounded the back of the restrooms when he was finished with his son and almost slammed into the last man he’d ever wanted to see.

  He stared.

  An identical face—minus the long scar that bisected his eyebrow—stared back. The other man scowled and cursed partially—before stopping abruptly when he noticed the boy in Caine’s arms.

  Dalton erupted into sobs. Caine looked down at him and bounced him. When Dalton was upset, everyone knew it. His son wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted.

  He’d gotten that trait from Caine.

  “Well,” Rafe said.

  It was hard to think of him as Dr. Holden-Deane now that he’d gotten a close look at him. The hair was shorter. The guy had the smaller scars Nikkie Jean had mentioned. But other than that, there was no denying this brother that he didn’t want. “So. You do exist.”

  “Apparently, so do you. He’s a beautiful kid, with a healthy set of lungs there. I heard you met Ariella and the kids. She confirmed you weren’t a figment of anyone’s imagination.”

  “Yes. She’s a nice woman. I’m not sorry to have met her.” And he wasn’t. She seemed exactly what she was—a nice young woman about to marry Texas’s favorite politician.

  “She’s over there. Playing softball with her friends.” His twin nodded toward the field farthest from all the others.

  “Nikkie Jean’s over there?” Like a magnet, his gaze went in the direction his twin pointed. “I’m…looking for her today.”

  “Dr. Netorre? Yeah. Nikkie Jean’s…on the team.

  “Then that’s where I’m headed. I understand your wife’s playing today?”

  Suspicion hit the man’s eyes. “She is. Does Nikkie Jean know you’re here?”

  “Not yet. But she’s not going to avoid me any longer. I’ve been trying to get ahold of her for days. She’s stealthy when she wants to be.” She’d even stooped to taking the backroads behind her house to avoid passing him on the road.

  He’d seen her take the turn off one day and do just that.

  Nikkie Jean was one hell of a little schemer at heart.

  Caine wasn’t about to forget that. He smiled; he was looking forward to
the challenge that woman presented.

  “You know her well?”

  “You might say that.” He wished he knew her even better; now…he wished he had a better answer. He wished this child had been conceived under better circumstances than her just wanting to forget a loss. He wished she felt proud enough of what had happened between them that everyone who was close to her at all knew that he was the man who’d fathered her baby.

  “The baby’s yours?”

  “Yes.”

  His brother’s expression darkened. For a minute there, Caine thought he was about to get slugged. Rafe felt protective of Nikkie Jean; that told Caine one thing. Rafe and his wife would be in the new baby’s life—probably from the beginning. Which meant…Caine would have to make peace with how he felt regarding this man with the exact same face.

  “Where the hell have you been? She’s been terrified and not letting anyone see it, but those of us who care about her haven’t missed it for a second.”

  “She didn’t bother to have anyone call me,” Caine said, flatly. The idea of how frightened she would have been sickened him. His son was finally settling down, alternating between chewing on his favorite teether and Caine’s shoulder. Caine shifted him to his other hip as he and Rafe started toward the far field. “Now she’s practically been hiding from me, and with what’s going on at Barratt County, I barely have time to shower, let alone chase her down on her off time. She’s not making it easy. Nikkie Jean’s stubborn.”

  “No kidding. She’s also very vulnerable. I’d hate to see her hurt again.”

  “Who in the hell said I’d hurt her? That’s the last thing I want to do.”

  “Never said you would. And hell, she’s the mother of my future niece or nephew, apparently. Jillian has already been making plans for joint birthdays and holidays. Once she finds out our children will be cousins, there will be no stopping her. You might say I have a vested interest in making certain Nikkie Jean is ok. And healing.”

  “I don’t want a damned thing from you, or the rest of them. But I know she and your wife are close. I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize that for her. Them. But I’m not looking for siblings in my life right now. Or really ever.”

  His twin snorted. “Neither was I. Now they are everywhere. My brother—adoptive, just for clarification—is marrying my sister—biological, again for clarification. I can’t escape our mother’s children, even if I continued to try. I did at first.” His expression darkened. “Ariella’s as dear to me as my other brother’s wife. Or any one of Jillian’s sisters. Dearer. And there’s not a damned thing I won’t do to keep her from getting hurt again. By anyone.”

  Caine understood the warning, loud and clear. Rafe was giving him a message, loud and clear. “I’m not a damned monster out to hurt as many women as possible, you know. I just want my woman to stop running from me so we can deal with the future head-on—together. Before the baby comes.”

  “Never said you were. But I wasn’t too keen on finding my biological siblings. I’m still not. And I did some idiot things that hurt Ariella, and my wife. I’d hate to see someone else do the same thing. So just consider that a friendly advice from a…brother.”

  Caine didn’t respond. He knew what this brother was saying. But he made his own choices. “I’m here for Nikkie Jean only. I told her not to play today. It’s too damned dangerous so soon after her injuries.”

  Rafe snorted. “I told Jillian the same damned thing.”

  “When’s she due?”

  Rafe told him. He did the math quickly, based on the date on the ultrasound photo he still had—in his pocket. He’d made a copy, as a reminder of what he still needed to do. Until things were settled between him and Nikkie Jean, that photo was not coming out of his wallet. Except when he needed to look at it and remind himself of what really mattered. “They’re not that far apart.”

  A little more than a week apart. The babies were going to be born within days of each other, most likely. Hard to miss a coincidence like that.

  Their children would spend their childhoods growing up together.

  No matter what Caine had initially thought about his biological siblings they were in his life now. He didn’t see that changing any time soon.

  Rafe shook his head. “No. They’re not.”

  “Nikkie Jean, she’s been ok this week? All she’ll give me is a quick snotty text each morning and evening saying she’s fine.”

  “She’s fine. We made sure of it before we released her. I signed off on her charts myself. If I had known you were the father, I wouldn’t have let her leave. Jillian and I would have taken her back to our place for a few days, at least. Hell, we offered anyway, and she turned us down.”

  “She wasn’t alone. She had friends with her. Both brunettes. Pretty women, younger than Nikkie Jean. Short, dark-haired snappy one and one who looks like the world’s sweetest kid sister. Guard dogs.”

  “Izzie MacNamara and Annie Gaines, no doubt. They’re the ones that match those descriptions. They’re close; well, as close as Nikkie Jean lets anyone get, anyway.”

  Caine would have said something, questioned this unexpected source of information even more, but he had more pressing matters. Vocal ones.

  “Dad, Dad, Dad! Two!”

  Dalton babbled at the other man, no doubt seeing what Caine did. It was hard to ignore what was right in front of him. “Well, we’ve met now. Nice to know you.”

  He wanted to find her. See her for himself today.

  “I have questions. About you. I don’t want to, but I do. Jillian’s insistent that I deal with my biological family, and I’m starting to agree with her,” Rafe pointed to the far field. Apple-green T-shirts were visible in the distance. “That’s where they are. It’s a charity event.”

  “What for?”

  “W4HAV. Ari created it.”

  “I’ve heard of it, but I can’t recall what exactly it does.” There had been flyers up around the county and in the hospital lobby. He hadn’t looked too closely.

  “Each and every woman involved in W4HAV has been the victim of some sort of extreme or prolonged violence and trauma. Every woman on that field for the green team. And that is just far too many. W4HAV provides services, shelter, and counseling for the women who need it. Group therapy, life-skills training, and just basic connections to others who understand.”

  “And Nikkie Jean goes there?” Caine’s words dropped low as what the other man was telling him registered.

  It wasn’t just a failed relationship making her skittish. It was something far more.

  Rafe’s face tightened, told Caine there were secrets Rafe knew that Caine didn’t. Yet. “Yes. She goes there and she volunteers there several times a week. That’s one of the founding principles the charity runs off of. They help each other heal. Nikkie Jean, her two friends, my wife, our sister, and all of my sisters-in-law, as well.”

  The ramifications of the other man’s words had him looking at the women with new eyes. As a physician—and one who’d spent time overseas in war zones—he was no stranger to trauma.

  Or its aftereffects.

  He stayed with the other man until they came to the fence next to the right-field line. A woman waved. Rafe waved back.

  “That’s Ariella.”

  “She’s doing ok? I remember seeing what happened on the news.” He winced when his sister missed the ball. She grabbed it off the ground and tossed it in to the second-base player. It fell three feet short.

  “Healing. It had to do with drug trafficking. But she and Katie are getting counseling. At W4HAV. Ariella is the driving force behind it; and it’s already helped so many women. FCGH even refers female trauma victims to them for services. Barratt County might keep that in mind. Marc adores her. It’s easy to do.”

  “My daughter. She reminds me of my daughter. Keller looks just like her, same complexion. Same build. Same eyes. Same smile and even jawline. It was like a punch to the gut when I first saw her. I know exactly what my daughter
will look like in fifteen or twenty years now.” And that had had him opening up to the possibility of knowing her at least. Caine didn’t think he’d be able to ignore the connection. Not now that Keller had seen it for herself.

  April had apparently liked pointing out that Keller hadn’t looked like her at all. April, who had been beautiful, blond, and sophisticated, had made their daughter feel the exact opposite. At five. He still hadn’t gotten over the fury that had caused.

  But there was this woman right there who was an older version of his daughter. One who had done something important to help others.

  Ariella had changed the world with what she had done.

  He could think of far worse role models for his daughter than Ariella and Nikkie Jean. Far worse.

  “Yeah. We all resemble each other, so far. I’d like to meet the kids sometime.”

  “I’ll think about it. My, our, uncle lives with me. Helps take care of the children.” He’d not talked to Henry about the others. But Henry knew about Rafe. Now. He hadn’t always. “He and our father weren’t close. But he was always in my life. He wants to meet you. When you are ready.”

  Rafe looked at him for a moment, then down at Dalton, who was gnawing on Caine’s shoulder. “I’m not certain what I’m supposed to do with you. We needed to meet eventually. I’m glad it was here, instead of at some damned benefit or function for the hospitals. That would have invited more questions I don’t want to have to answer.”

  “No kidding.” It would have been awkward for all involved. Caine had no doubt his brother felt the same way about his personal life and the hospital as Caine did.

  The two shouldn’t intersect.

  “That’s my wife on the pitcher’s mound.” Rafe’s voice softened when he spoke of her. He pointed to the redhead winding up to pitch. Directly in the line of fire. One wrong line drive and she could be hurt.

  As could Nikkie Jean.

  He’d never found softball terrifying before, but now? Caine knew he was acting like an idiot. He knew the odds of something happening to her out there were extremely slim. Slow-pitch softball was one of the safest sports in existence.