Shattered

by Kele Moon

  “Angel,” he rasped. “Are you okay? Was I too rough?”

  She shook her head.

  “Look at me.”

  “No.”

  He tried to lift his upper body away from hers, but she tightened her arms around him. He quickly stopped and held still. “What’s wrong?”

  “Just hold me, Des.”

  “I am. I’m never going to let you go, Ams. You’re mine forever.”

  That’s what she was afraid of.

  He had her pinned on the old mattress, and it felt so right being under him, as if she belonged there. That was the worst thing of all. The differences between them were even more severe than they once had been. She used to dream that they’d live some happy life together, but life with Jeff had taught her the downfall of being with a man in a powerful position. It came with a lot of responsibilities and drawbacks.

  “You lead your pack now, right?”

  “I do. Albert can never come between us again.”

  “How many people depend on you?”

  He didn’t answer right away. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “I was married.”

  “I heard.” His entire body stiffened over hers. “You’re divorced now, correct?”

  She almost flinched, hearing his harsh tone. “Yes. He was a lawyer, owned his own firm, and was very wealthy. He fought me tooth and nail after I left him.”

  “He didn’t want to lose you. No one would.”

  “It wasn’t that. It was about the money. I wasn’t going to walk away without a dime. I put up with a lot of shit for the years we were married, and I deserved some compensation. I demanded a fourth of his net worth. He could keep all the business assets and houses, but I wanted a cash settlement. I fought him to get that.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” Desmon tugged her hair lightly once more. “Will you look at me?”

  “No. Not yet. It’s better if I say this while I can’t see your face. I took a backseat in Jeff’s world. He had to impress clients and life was always a production. You know, like a show. I always had to act as though I was happy, even when I wasn’t. I had to dress a certain way, play the part of devoted wife. He ended up doing a lot of things that hurt me. When I confronted him, he said certain behaviors were expected of him. There’s always a price to pay when you’re with someone in a powerful position.”

  Desmon said nothing.

  She tried to figure out how to get her point across. “I can’t be with you, Des. I’m never going through that again. I don’t know what it’s going to cost me, but I’m sure it’s too much. I’m already over my limit of pain that I’ve endured and survived.”

  “I’m not your ex.”

  She took a deep breath and blew it out, finally pulling her face back and turning her head. She stared into his beautiful blue eyes. “You said you don’t have to sleep with women who want to mate your men, but what other painful things will I face? I’m not like you. I know your kind doesn’t think much of humans. We’re sheep.”

  “Albert thought that way. I don’t. You know I don’t.”

  “What about the people you lead? Who’s to say they won’t hate me?”

  “They won’t. One of my enforcers just took a human mate, and they’re very happy. She doesn’t want him to change her, but our pack accepts Brandi as she is.”

  “How many other women are you going to sleep with to keep up appearances or whatever?”

  “What?” His eyes widened, making him look truly horrified. “None.”

  “Bullshit. You’re powerful, if you’re running your pack. My ex kept mistresses. He told me I should have expected it. Powerful men need them to impress others. And let’s not even talk about what happened at The Barn with Merl.”

  “I’m not your ex,” he reminded her once more. “That bastard cheated on you?”

  “He got one of them pregnant. That’s how I found out. A process server showed up at our house during a dinner party. The guy stated why Jeff was being sued, loud enough for everyone to hear. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have found out it was to establish paternity. He’d dumped that mistress when she’d refused to get an abortion, so she went after him for child support.”

  “What kind of asshole did you marry?”

  “A big one.” She adjusted her arms and lightly gripped the curve of Desmon’s shoulders. “I didn’t know what I’d be dealing with when I married Jeff. I was naive and stupid. What’s the price of being with you, Des?”

  “We get to be together and happy.” All the anger slipped away from his features. “I’d never hurt you, Angel.”

  She shook her head. “We’re too different.”

  “You’ve always known what I am.”

  “Actually, you never really answered much about that. I don’t know anything about your culture, aside from it being extremely screwed up. I still have nightmares about your sixteenth birthday.”

  “So do I.” He flinched as though talking about it hurt him. “Things are different now. Not perfect, but I’m working on it. Albert really fucked up my pack. He hurt a lot of us by twisting the rules. Like the mating thing. He said it was old tradition for the alpha to take the female first, but he just wanted to fuck every woman he could. He used any excuse he could get.”

  “Didn’t he have a mate?”

  “He did for eight years, but she was in a bad car accident. Albert found her. She’d lost control in the rain and slammed head-on into a boulder. Wolves are tough, and we heal from a lot of things a human couldn’t survive. It’s a good thing, too, because it’s impossible to take our kind to a hospital. Our blood work isn’t right, you know? Anyway…Albert had killed our only pack doctor in a rage. Her injuries were too severe to heal from on her own, and she died. After that, he tried to nail any woman who caught his eye.”

  “I’m glad he’s dead,” she admitted. “Maybe he won’t show up in my nightmares anymore, now that I know that.”

  “I would kill him all over again if it would undo what he did to us,” Desmon whispered, his voice more of a growl. “And your ex-husband better stay away. You were mine, and he didn’t just steal you from me—he hurt you.”

  “I’m not yours. I already told you I can’t do that,” she reminded him, but the impact was sort of lost because he was still buried deep inside her. More so, his cock remained hard and thick. When she tried to pull away, Amber ended up biting her lip instead to hide the moan because she was still so hyper-sensitive from whatever the bloodlust was doing to her. “God, Des.”

  “Tonight you are mine, Angel.” Desmon thrust against her, making her choke back another gasp. “And I’m going to make sure you know I’m not your ex-husband. I’ve had too much taken away from me in my life—I cherish what’s mine. Even if it’s only for one night.”

  He wrapped both of his large hands over her wrists. Then he took her harder, making her cry out and arch into him because the lust hadn’t been eased the way she’d thought. If anything, it was more intense as he licked down the line of her neck, and then bit lightly at her shoulder with teeth that felt sharper than they should be.

  “You feel so fucking good. If you agreed to be my mate, I’d want to live inside you just like this.”

  It was so easy to believe Desmon when he was moving inside her. She found herself wrapping her legs tighter around him as he kept her pinned to the bed, forcing her to feel the bliss of the hard, firm strokes of his cock. Her pussy clenched as she instinctively fought for release, even though she had just come.

  She turned her head, letting him lick and nip at her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone, a few of his love bites on the edge of painful, but somehow it only heightened the pleasure.

  “I want to claim you,” he growled, this time sounding more wolf-like than human. “You have no idea what it’s taking to hold myself back, Ams.”

  She bowed beneath him when the ecstasy slammed into her, and screamed as it started pulsing through her system. It was too intense to fight as it rolled over her, wave
after wave that seemed to grow stronger rather than wane like usual. She tossed her head against the pillow, breathless, lost in the release, but she still heard Desmon let out a low, animalistic growl.

  His hips started pumping against hers harder, faster, until he stiffened over her. It felt as though his cock grew inside her, extending her pleasure, but it was difficult to tell when everything was hazed in bliss.

  When he let her go, she wrapped her arms around him, holding him when she should be pushing him away. It had been such a hard year, and for one night, she needed this fantasy. She wanted to touch the dreams of her youth, even if she would surely wake up in the morning and know it was a mistake.

  Desmon held Amber rather than pull out of her as he rolled to his side and took Amber with him. He brushed her hair away from her face and studied her features with that amazing light gaze of his, then he sighed. “I can’t fix it all. I can’t change the past. The only thing I can do is enjoy you tonight. All night. Tomorrow, we’ll deal with the rest.”

  Amber was starting to realize Desmon was the boss of his people for a reason. What he said made sense. When he spoke, a part of her wanted to believe him, even if it left her wide open to being hurt again.

  In the morning, she could sensible. Tonight, she just wanted to enjoy Desmon and forget the rest.

  6

  Amber awoke to the smell of cooking bacon and brewing coffee. The scent was warm and homey in a way she wished she could associate with her childhood, but couldn’t.

  Her body was achy, and she rolled over on the small bed, burying her face in the sheets. She could still smell Desmon there, just slightly, that spicy, masculine scent of his that she knew wasn’t store bought.

  It was just him.

  The combination was very appealing, like a hazy dream of someone else’s life that was a little too perfect, but no less compelling because of it. Amber knew not to trust it. She’d been married to a rich man. Her entire existence had revolved around making sure everything appeared picture-perfect. Enviable.

  The big house.

  The luxury cars.

  The designer clothes.

  All to paint a picture of perfection that was nothing but a mask that hid the stress and misery. Power had always been so much more important than humanity or kindness to her ex-husband. He was willing to step on anyone, including Amber, to hold on to that image and keep others impressed and intimidated.

  Never again.

  Amber tried really hard to steel herself against believing the dream as she dug her robe out of her suitcase and tied it on. The ache between her thighs was noticeable. She just wished she didn’t enjoy it as much as she did.

  She’d never felt so thoroughly well-fucked before.

  Desmon wore her out to the point that, hours later, she was still exhausted. It was nice, like the smell of bacon in the air and the tinge of alpha male on her sheets. It didn’t matter, it was temporary, a way to touch the past for one night—now they were back to reality.

  Except, it was Desmon standing in the kitchen, shirtless and barefoot in only jeans. He was cooking, both Katie and Bea already sitting at the counter, eating breakfast.

  To their credit, neither of them spoke, but Katie’s smirk and Bea’s blush said it all. Since they were all aware of what happened the night before, Amber decided to ignore the elephant in the room and ask Desmon, “What’s this?”

  He looked at the bacon in the pan. “Sometimes us wolves eat in the morning. We call it breakfast. I thought you might enjoy the tradition.”

  “Funny,” she said dryly.

  “I’ll dish you up some so you can try it.” Desmon put two strips of bacon on a plate, and then reached for the pan with scrambled eggs. “Do you want coffee?” He pointed to the coffee maker with the spatula in his hand. “Just tell me if I’m overwhelming you with our cultural differences all at once.”

  “I’ll take coffee.” She sat on the stool next to Bea, who was reading a book as she held a piece of bacon she was nibbling on. “I’ll call the school for you and explain that Mom died.”

  “I enjoy going to school. It will keep my mind occupied. Besides, I have a Calculus test today.” Bea gave her a wan smile, and then looked at her phone on the counter. “I’m going to be late.” She leaned over and kissed Amber’s cheek. “Love you.”

  Bea jumped up before Amber had the chance to say anything else. They hadn’t been close in a long time, but it was obvious her youngest sister wanted that to change. Amber wanted it too—desperately.

  Bea kissed Katie’s cheek, too, and Katie grabbed her hand. “You want me to drive you?”

  “No, I know you’re late for work. I’ll take the bus.” Bea shouldered her backpack.

  “I could drive you,” Amber reminded her. “I have a car, too.”

  “No. Eat your breakfast.” Bea grinned as her gaze darted to Desmon. “Bye, Des.”

  “Bye, Bea.” Desmon put eggs on Amber’s plate as Bea walked into the living room. “Hey, listen, I want you to stay on pack land the next few weeks. A lot of wolves saw what happened at the bar. That could make any of you a target. I know you have school, and our enforcer’s watch the bus routes, but after that, keep near home. All of you stay close.” Desmon looked to Amber with an arch of his eyebrow. “That means you, too. Promise me, Ams. If you’re going to drive Bea to school, let me know.”

  “Sure,” Amber agreed as she took a sip of coffee, knowing it was for protection, more than control, that he wanted to know where she was going.

  “Yeah, we’ll stay close,” Bea agreed, and then hit Katie’s arm. “We all will.”

  Katie shrugged in agreement. “I don’t have any money to go out anyway.”

  “I have to take off.” Bea gestured to the door.

  Desmon waved her off with the spatula. “Learn lots of important things.”

  “Always,” Bea promised, and the front door slammed behind her.

  They all sat in companionable silence after Bea left.

  Desmon gave Amber her breakfast and she ate, surprised at how good it was. “I’m impressed,” she had to admit to Desmon, who stood by the sink eating the food he’d plated for himself. “Given the chance, my ex-husband could burn water.”

  “I already told you, I’m not your ex-husband.” There was a slight growl to Desmon’s voice. “And judging from last night, I bet I have lots of skills he doesn’t.”

  Amber couldn’t believe he’d just said that, and she looked to Katie, who dipped her head to hide her grin. “You think that’s amusing?”

  Katie shook her head, but her smile betrayed her. Then her gaze darted to Desmon, like that was enough to keep her silent. That just irritated Amber more. Even in this cozy, domestic breakfast scene Desmon was trying to paint, his power was obvious.

  “You should call in to work,” Amber told her sister, rather than give in to the bait. They couldn’t hide from reality forever. “I want to make sure your wishes are honored when we start handling the funeral arrangements for Mom, and I’m sure your boss will understand.”

  “Yeah, but my bank account won’t. We’re poor, Amber. Not sure if you know what that’s like anymore, but I can’t take off. Not if I want to keep Bea from starving,” Katie said bitterly.

  “We would never let you and Bea starve, Katie,” Desmon cut in before Amber could say anything. “Are you having a hard time buying food? I noticed your fridge was close to empty.”

  “I’ll buy my sisters food,” Amber snapped at him. “You don’t get to just come in here and take over because of last night.”

  “He was helping us before you got here. You’re the one who’s taking over.” Katie jumped off the stool. “Alpha Desmon offered us a pack plot at the cemetery when I found out Mom was dying, and he already started making the arrangements this morning. That’s what he does. He takes care of people. Maybe he’ll teach you how…before you leave again.”

  “I sent Mom money.” Amber was shaking when she realized how difficult it had been for her sister
s. “I sent her fifteen hundred dollars a month from the moment I married Jeff.”

  “Then I guess they drank it.” Katie grabbed her purse off the counter and walked out of the kitchen without a backward glance. “’Cause we never saw it.”

  Amber sat there after the front door slammed and Katie left her alone with Desmon. Her cheeks were hot with embarrassment, fury and sadness. She hated that he had a front row seat to not only their sibling meltdown, but her failure as a sister.

  “Death is hard on families.” Desmon sighed. “Don’t be mad at her, Ams. It’s so easy to get angry. To be bitter. It’s hard to be young and have so much responsibility.”

  “I know. She has a right to be bitter.” She held a hand out toward the door. “But she makes me feel like every problem in her life is my fault.”

  “I wasn’t talking about her, actually. I don’t know if she’s bitter or not.” Desmon flinched when he said it. “But I do understand some of what Katie is going through, and I wouldn’t blame her if she was.”

  “Right.” Amber dropped her hand when she realized he was talking about himself. “How old were you when you became alpha?”

  “Sixteen.”

  She frowned. “But—”

  “I never recovered from what Albert did to me. I know I keep saying this, but a commitment to mate is very different for wolves than it is for humans. My primal side felt as if he’d stole my mate from me. After everything else I’d already endured because of him, my wolf constantly lurked right under the surface, angry, waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Unfortunately, Albert was a bigger asshole than we anticipated. I could’ve saved lives if I had killed him the night he chased you away. I could’ve spared Jazz.”

  “Jazz?” she frowned.

  “Jeramiah. My friend who took you home that night.”

  “Did he kill his own son?” Amber gasped in horror.

  “No.” Desmon shook his head. “Jazz is still alive. He holds the pack with me. We’re co-alphas. It’s unusual now that we’re older, but at the time, we were both young wolves. We needed each other to lean on. Plus, we were both dealing with similar loss.”