Pepped Up Forever

by Ali Dean

  “What are your plans tonight?”

  “You’re nosy.”

  “Just curious.”

  “I’m hanging out with some friends.”

  “That’s vague.”

  “You want to know which friends and what we’re doing?” I ask, annoyance building.

  “Just trying to see if you were lying about having plans,” he responds. “Anyway, even if you don’t want to let me take you out for dinner, you and your friends should stop by the Marriott tonight. My teammates you met last night are staying there and are getting a keg.”

  “The Rockies are having a kegger in a hotel room in Brockton?” I ask dubiously. I mean, I don’t know what professional athletes do on their nights off, but hanging out at a local restaurant one night and drinking at a hotel another is a bit unexceptional. It’s the same stuff I do with my friends. I would have expected something more glamorous from professional baseball players. Yet I suppose they are in the middle of the season. And the guys I met last night seemed remarkably simple. In a good way.

  Clayton laughs again. “Yup. Probably by the pool though. I’m sure the hotel won’t mind.”

  “Okay, we’ll see.”

  “The guys asked me to invite you,” he adds, and I’m surprised he’s still making an effort to see me. Didn’t I say I wouldn’t sleep with him? Does he think he can change my mind? Did I just inadvertently make myself a fun challenge for him?

  But when I finally get him off the phone, I forget about it, as I’m sure he will. It will likely be months, or even longer, before we run into each other again.

  Chapter Five

  Jace

  I was anxious and excited when I pulled up to the Jamison mansion. Every time I knew I’d see her, I’d get nervous like this. It had been more frequently this summer than when we were in school. We had too many mutual friends in Brockton, when everyone was home from college, especially since Zoe and Wes were seeing each other. Pepper wasn’t avoiding me like she did last summer.

  “Hey man, you’re early.” Wes greeted me with a brief hug when I found him in the kitchen. I wasn’t usually early, but he knew as well as I did that I couldn’t help myself.

  As we moved some food from the kitchen to the bar by the pool, Wes updated me. “I talked to Zoe earlier, man, and she told me Clayton Dennison’s after our girl again.”

  Wes referring to Pepper as “our” girl didn’t bother me anymore. I used to think he wanted her like I did and at one point, I think he did. But the dude was totally in love with Zoe Burton, whether he’d admit it to himself or not. And that meant his thing for Pepper was only that – a thing – fleeting and something that probably wouldn’t have broken all three of us apart as I’d once feared. Sometimes I thought his thing for Pepper was only heightened because he knew it wasn’t going to happen for him. Even back then, in junior high, me and Pepper being together some day seemed inevitable. I wished I hadn’t fought it for so long.

  “Jace, did you hear me?” Wes punched me lightly on my bicep. “You want a beer before you hear this? It’s going to piss you off.”

  I wasn’t as much of a hothead anymore, but Wes still acted like I was going to flip out sometimes. “Relax, man, I’ve learned there are some things I can’t control anymore. If Clayton Dennison wants Pepper, I can’t do anything about it. She’s a smart girl. She knows his game.” I said this, but I was mostly trying to convince myself of it, not Wes.

  “You know he showed up at the Tavern last night with, like, eight guys from the team, right?”

  “Yeah, I know.” I was there, lurking in the parking lot. I’ve turned into such a weirdo.

  “Zoe told me he stopped by her apartment this morning when the girls were out running. Pepper’s place, I mean. On Shadow Lane.”

  He went to her home? “Yeah, toss me that beer,” I said quietly. “What’d he want?” First Ryan, now Clayton. Both were guys Pepper could fall for. But Clayton was more like me, and that made me uneasy. He was a wild card, and I didn’t trust him. Just like I didn’t trust myself. No, that wasn’t right – I trusted myself, I just knew I didn’t deserve the girl. Shit, maybe my dad was right.

  Wes handed me a cold bottle. “He left his number, that’s all I know. But she’s coming over with Zoe, and the Rockies go to the east coast tomorrow, so I don’t think they made any plans.”

  After taking a long sip, I asked, “What do you think about Dennison?” It was an open-ended question, but Wes knew what I was asking.

  “I think the dude has had a thing for Pepper since high school, man. And yeah, maybe he noticed her at first because of you, but I don’t think that’s why he’s still interested.”

  I nodded in agreement. It had been over a year since I’d done anything to publicly say Pepper was still my girl, except for maybe those words with the hockey player. It hadn’t been easy, but I felt I owed it to her, to back off and let her be. And it wasn’t hard to believe even a guy like Clayton Dennison would be interested in a relationship with Pepper Jones. He hadn’t had a girlfriend since high school, but he wouldn’t be the first to change his ways for her.

  My hand went to my chest, trying to rub away the ache. Wes put a firm hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I never would have let him see me vulnerable like this a year ago, but it helped sharing the heartache. He was my brother, and he carried a little of the pain for me. And I carried his.

  Wes’s Lincoln Academy friends, Forbes and Pierce, showed up first. The girls they hung out with in high school, Madeline, Serena and Emma, were no longer invited to Wes’s place. Actually, they weren’t really invited to any get-togethers in Brockton, though they had started showing up this summer on occasion. They were old news, at this point, and no one cared. I think people wondered if I’d be a dick and make them leave, but as long as they didn’t hurt Pepper, they weren’t worth the effort. And Pepper could handle them on her own anyway.

  The Brockton Public girls arrived next – Kayla, Andrea, and Lisa – and they each gave me those looks I was familiar with. All I’d have to do was look at them for longer than a fleeting second and they’d be leading me to the pool house. But I wasn’t in the mood, because no other girl was Pepper Jones. And I couldn’t even pretend otherwise anymore. It just felt so wrong.

  My buddies from high school – Remy Laroche, Connor Locke, Ben Hughes and Ryan Harding – came with a keg, and I started to wonder if this was going to turn into a big thing. I’d hoped it’d just be a few of us, and that maybe Pepper and I could really hang out. It seemed like an environment she’d be comfortable in, people she knew, and not so many she could totally avoid me.

  The burgers were grilling, the music was playing, and Pepper wasn’t here yet. I missed her, and the ache was so much worse than anything I felt when Annie left. It was a wonder to me I was too blind with grief to see what a foolish thing I was doing back then. But then I heard her laugh and saw her walking across the pool deck with Zoe and their tiny teammate, Jenny Mendoza, wearing a polka-dotted sundress and smiling happily, and I couldn’t help staring at her.

  I wished I had a right to go up to her and lift her in my arms, brush my lips against hers, and tell her how much I loved it when she laughed. But I forced my gaze away, not wanting her to see the longing, because it would make her uncomfortable. She didn’t like seeing anyone hurting, even assholes like me.

  There was adrenaline coursing through me now that she was here, near me. And when the girls approached the bar, I called out to them from the grill, asking if they wanted chicken or a burger. Pepper wanted a burger, and I made sure to cut an extra-thick slice of sharp cheddar for her and cooked the thing until it was almost black, just the way she liked it.

  When I handed it to her on a paper plate a few minutes later and took a seat beside her on a pool chair, it almost felt like everything was back to normal with us. We were sitting beside each other eating burgers, surrounded by friends, and I was asking her how training was going, and she answered me in a way that told me she actually wanted to t
alk to me. Savoring her words, I tried not to fuck it up.

  Chapter Six

  Pepper

  “I’ve been sticking to Coach Harding’s training plan, which is mostly just base mileage until late August,” I tell him. Jace is familiar with running terminology, and he knows that during the summer we just build up our strength and stamina logging the miles, without any speed work.

  “But?” he prompts, sensing there’s more.

  “But I want this season to be different. And I’m tempted to start adding workouts.”

  He doesn’t say anything, just watches me.

  Sighing, I concede, “I know that’s not the answer, I’ve made that mistake before. But I feel like I have more potential, and I don’t understand why I’m not reaching it.”

  “Do you trust Coach Harding?” Jace asks.

  “Yeah,” I admit. “I do. He knows what he’s doing.”

  “Maybe it’s all up here, then,” Jace says, pointing to his head. It’s not the response I’d expect. The only other people I’ve talked to about this – Zoe and Lexi – simply reassured me that I’ve done really well so far in college. I may not be quite the standout I was in high school, but anyone would say I’ve been successful. But Jace gets it. He knows what it’s like to want to be the best. I know I’m capable of more, and that’s why I’m frustrated. But if it’s in my head, what do I do? I find myself asking Jace this very question.

  “If that’s the case, what do you suggest I do about it?”

  Jace laughs, like the idea that he might have the answer to this question is ridiculous. “I can’t tell you why you’re holding back out there, Pepper. For me, it’s usually fear of something. But I don’t know what you’re afraid of.”

  I just stare at him, blinking to confirm this is Jace Wilder speaking to me. He’s not only conveyed that he’s thought through his own mental holdups, but that his primary one is fear. He’s admitting to introspection and weakness. I almost want to call him out on it, because it’s such a breakthrough, but I snap out of it. We’re not close friends like that anymore. I can’t tease him about something so serious.

  Instead, I just nod and glance away, uncertain about why I opened up to him in the first place.

  He clears his throat, and I turn my head to look at him again. It’s something I try to avoid, because Jace Wilder always takes my breath away. That is one thing that hasn’t changed.

  He’s studying me, and I wonder if he wants me to ask what he’s afraid of. The question is on the tip of my tongue, but it’s my own fear of what his answer will be that stops me. Instead, I ask him about football.

  It should be an easy subject to talk about, but it quickly ventures to the NFL, and I start to understand that this might be the source of some of Jace’s fear on the field. Fear of injury. Fear of leaving Brockton, the only place either of us has ever lived.

  Our conversation is interrupted before we can delve deeper than either of us are comfortable with, and I’m grateful for it.

  Jenny Mendoza plops herself beside me on the chair, oblivious to Jace on other side of me. “Rollie and Omar are at the Marriott at the party of the summer that someone didn’t bother telling us about.” She pokes me in the ribs.

  “What? I thought Rollie and Omar were coming over here,” I protest.

  “They were, until Omar heard the Rockies team was throwing a party in Brockton, and all his old high school teammates are going.” Of course, Omar plays baseball, and I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to tell his college teammates at State that he had a chance to party with major league players. Rollie is Omar’s best friend, and Jenny’s boyfriend, so he was probably torn. “So change of plans, I’m heading over there. Want to come?” she asks me.

  “Nah, I’m good here,” I tell her. It sounds like she already knows I was invited earlier, which makes me wonder if Clayton said something to Omar and Rollie. That would be weird, since I don’t even think he knows who they are or that they’re my friends.

  “Oh, hey Jace.” Jenny sits up straighter, having just noticed him in the chair on the other side of me.

  “Hi, Jenny, how’s it going?” he asks.

  “Good.” Jenny’s self-assurance wanes a bit in Jace’s presence. I imagine she still remembers him as an untouchable high school senior, or maybe she’s just struck by his good looks, which leave the best of us speechless at times. Either way, it makes me smile. Some things never change.

  “How’s Rollie doing? I hear you two are still together. That’s awesome,” Jace says. Jenny glances at me curiously, but I’m at a loss. I have no idea how Jace knows this information or why he’s asking about it.

  “Yeah, long distance isn’t so bad. He’s home for summer and breaks, and in a few weeks, I’ll be in Boston too,” she relays happily, remembering herself again.

  “That’s great, Jenny. I’m happy for you two,” Jace says with such sincerity I find myself looking at him again. “Are you planning on running at BU? You’re going to Boston University, right?” he asks.

  “How’d you know?” Jenny asks, unable to hide her pleasure that Jace Wilder knows about her life. He shrugs and she beams at him. “Yup. The BU cross team’s really good. Not as good as UC, but they qualified for Nationals last year, so maybe we will again this year, too. It’ll be so weird racing you again, Pepper! But on different teams.”

  I tear my gaze away from Jace and pull Jenny in for a side hug. “I’ll still cheer for you, peanut.”

  Jenny rolls her eyes and hops up, declaring she’s off to meet some Rockies players – oh, and see her boyfriend, too.

  Unfortunately, once the guys hear about what’s going on at the Marriott, they decide to relocate. Wes doesn’t seem to mind, and I have a feeling if Zoe wanted to stay at his place, he would. But now that everyone else is leaving, I worry the only people left at Wes’s house would be me, Zoe, Wes and Jace. And that would be incredibly awkward.

  As I follow the music and sound of voices to the Marriott’s outdoor pool and patio, I’m reminded of who will else will be at this party, and that awkwardness tonight is inevitable.

  Chapter Seven

  Jace

  Someone must have thrown down some cash, because the entire main floor of the Marriott was packed with people. Guys hoping to hang with major league players, women hoping to flirt with them. And it wasn’t just the Rockies players Clayton brought to town last night. It seemed most of the team was here now, having decided to make a wild night in Brockton. There was no way I would have come if it wasn’t for Pepper. And I was surprised she came. This was so not her scene.

  But her friends were here, and most of them were leaving in a couple weeks for college. I hoped that was the only reason. She wasn’t drinking, as I watched her from across the pool. Judging by the way she was eyeing the water, I bet she wanted to go in, but no one else had yet. There was a volleyball net set up, and I decided to go for it. Before tonight, I might have thought she wasn’t ready. I would have been afraid she’d turn me down. But she talked to me. Really talked to me. Without anger or pain underlying each syllable. Without trying to get away as quickly as possible. Maybe we were moving forward.

  My palms were sweating as I made my way along the edge of the pool, trying to avoid eye contact with a group of women who looked ready to jump me. I was nervous. Nervous about asking Pepper Jones to play pool volleyball with me. But I was going to face it, even if it made me feel weak and pathetic. Because I wanted her. And it just might take these little steps, which felt monumental, to get there.

  When I saw who had already reached her, and had his hand on the small of her back, I almost turned away. Was I too late? Had I waited too long?

  But I kept moving, and found myself standing across from Pepper and Clayton, with Omar, Rollie and Jenny watching us intently. I didn’t want Pepper to hate me more for stepping in where I didn’t belong, so I tried not to overreact. I had no right to stop her from seeing someone else, if that was what she wanted. But she needed to know I was here. And he
needed to know it too.

  Chapter Eight

  Pepper

  Great. Now Clayton thinks I’ve come to this party for him. He’s found me, and he isn’t hiding his delight that I’m here. I’m about to try to explain that my friends wanted to come. Can’t he see everyone in Brockton between the ages of eighteen and forty is here? But then I see the unmistakable masculine stride coming closer, until Jace is standing right in front of me.

  “Hi guys,” Jace says with a lightness in his tone that belies the stiffness of his body. “The net’s free and I was hoping I’d recruit some people to play volleyball with me.” He tilts his head to the pool, his gaze lingering on me before moving to my friends. He doesn’t look at Clayton, who has positioned himself a little too close to me.

  I did want to go swimming. I wore my suit to Wes’s with that very intention, after all. But since no one is in the pool here yet, I didn’t want to draw attention to myself.

  Omar and Rollie, who certainly can’t be oblivious to the tension in the air, jump at the idea of hanging with Jace, whom they’ve continued to idolize years after graduating high school. And I take the opportunity before I can second-guess myself. We need four players, and that leaves Clayton out. Maybe this will send him the right message.

  Jace is the first one to jump in, and I immediately know we’re going to have an audience. When women see a guy like Jace in a bathing suit, they watch. When other guys see his athletic build, they can’t help but admire. It’s been a while since I’ve endured the attention that comes with Jace Wilder, but I’m surprised to find that I’m not annoyed by it. Instead, I strip off my dress and splash in behind him, resigned that he’ll be my teammate, but excited because there’s little doubt in my mind that I’ll forget the audience and have fun.