Pepped Up Forever

by Ali Dean

  “Do they have any news?”

  “Are you ready to go out there now? It looked like you needed a minute before talking to the detective.” And this time, there’s a little hesitancy in his voice, like he’s wondering if he was too heavy-handed earlier.

  “Yeah, I want to know what’s going on.”

  But what I find out is that there’s nothing going on. They haven’t found any of the three guys, or the car that Clayton, Steve and Juan described. The policeman introduces himself as Detective Marshall, and I’m unsure if that’s his first or last name. He asks more questions, probing about more than just the attack, but my history with Wolfe and possible motives for his actions. Glancing at Jace, I realize I don’t know how much I’m supposed to reveal. Has he already told them about the video? The previous incident? The drug-dealing? The drugs implicate Wes and Jace, and so for that reason, I keep it vague. I tell them that he sometimes crashed our high school parties years ago, and gave me a hard time.

  When Jace sees where I’m going, he adds that he hung out with Wolfe a few times, but they were never good friends.

  Detective Marshall doesn’t seem too interested, though Gran is drilling holes through both of us.

  “It doesn’t sound premeditated, based on the words he said to you about spotting you at the game,” Detective Marshall says. “The history is helpful, it explains that he knew you and had a reason to target you, but it’s likely he’s done this before with other women.”

  I clench the table at his words. “What do you mean?” I choke out.

  Detective Marshall eyes me. “Well, it sounds to me like this assault might have turned into a sexual assault. Men who do that tend to be repeat offenders.”

  Even with the incident in high school, I’d refused to fully accept that was Wolfe’s intention. It was too awful. “You don’t think it could have been some kind of, I don’t know, kidnapping type of thing? We told you about his reputation as a drug dealer and maybe even an addict.”

  Detective Marshall straightens his files, not making eye contact with me. “That seems less likely. It’s just a good thing Clayton Dennison came out when he did.” The detective glances at Jace, and he doesn’t hide the question in his eyes. Why is Jace here with me, when I was meeting Clayton last night? But it’s not really pertinent to his investigation, and he leaves a few minutes later.

  Gran is fired up by the time the three of us are alone. “Talk. Now.”

  We know she doesn’t mean about last night. She got all the details over the phone soon after it happened and before I even got back to the apartment. Jace shoots me a glance and I nod, letting him know I’d rather he tell the story.

  When it’s over, Gran says the most unexpected thing. “I don’t want you seeing Clayton Dennison anymore, Pepper.”

  “Um, Gran? He wasn’t involved with the drugs or the video or any of that stuff with Madeline and Wolfe. He’s the reason I’m okay.” Clayton wasn’t even part of the background story we gave her. Right, so Clayton does have a different history with drugs, but that’s not the point.

  Jace’s body is a ball of tension beside me.

  “You’re not okay.” Gran’s angry, maybe the angriest I’ve ever seen her, and she looks like she might even cry. Suddenly, I don’t care that her desire for me not to see Clayton is the most absurd and random thing in light of what we’ve just revealed.

  “Gran,” I say softly. “I wasn’t planning on it anyway, okay? I’m planning to call him today to tell him that.”

  She nods, her chin wobbling, and then she storms off to her room. Just then, the doorbell rings, and Jace goes to answer it, his body tensing once again after he looks through the peephole. But he opens it, and a huge bouquet greets me. When I see the guy standing behind it, I realize the conversation won’t be over the phone after all.

  “Clayton,” Jace says sharply.

  “Jace.” Clayton’s voice holds the same edge, and I suddenly realize it’s up to me to intervene.

  “Um, Jace?” I come up to his side and place a steadying hand on his shoulder. “I need to talk to Clayton alone, okay?”

  Jace’s muscles don’t relax, even though he must know that I’m going to end things, if there even are ‘things’ to end, with Clayton, given what I just said to Gran.

  Jace opens the door wider, letting Clayton inside. Both of their bodies are wired tight, and it’s a relief in some ways when Jace finally leaves the apartment. The small space can only handle so much testosterone.

  Clayton leans down to kiss me on the cheek, which seems a little presumptuous, but he did, after all, rescue me last night. Taking the flowers and placing them on the table, I thank him for the gesture, and then lead him to the couch.

  “You really didn’t have to come all the way up to Brockton on one of your rare days off, Clayton,” I admonish him.

  “Of course I wanted to check in on you. I’d hoped you’d stay in Denver so I could keep an eye on you last night, but I understand wanting to come home. Your Gran stayed with you, right? And checked in on you every couple hours?”

  I nod, for some reason feeling it’d be inappropriate to tell him who really checked in on me. Jace had somehow changed into different clothes from last night, so he must have returned to his house. I’m glad for it. Something tells me this conversation would be harder if Clayton knew Jace had been the one taking care of me.

  “I have to thank you, Clayton,” I say, starting with the obvious. “You didn’t hesitate to confront those guys last night, and a lot of people wouldn’t have run right up to them like you did. If you hadn’t been there, and reacted like you did, I can’t even imagine what might have happened.”

  Clayton nods, accepting my thanks, and he takes my hands. “Pepper, if you hadn’t been in that alley to meet me, none of this would have happened. I hope you know that I am so sorry for asking you to meet me there. There are usually other girlfriends or family too, and it didn’t occur to me you’d be all alone,” he adds.

  I shake my head. “I don’t blame you at all, Clayton, you couldn’t have known. There were crowds just around the corner. It seemed safe.” Well, actually, it was a little creepy, but still, it’s not fair for him to blame himself. Especially when he doesn’t know that Wolfe had been targeting me well before last night.

  Clayton takes my hands in his then, and again I feel like he’s on a different wavelength entirely about where we stand. I didn’t think I’d indicated we’d progressed to this level of comfort together, but I’m so inexperienced at all this that I’m beginning to wonder if the date, the responding to texts and calls and accepting his gifts adds up to something more serious than I realized. If that’s the case, it’s even more important we never go on that second date I promised.

  “Clayton, I just don’t think we should continue trying to see each other anymore.” I look up at him, wondering if I should continue with my explanation, but as usual, I find him difficult to read.

  “You don’t?” he asks quietly, and I wish it wasn’t the case, but his voice is tinged with hurt.

  “It’s just, I’m about to start college again. This is a really important year for me with running, and I’m going to be so busy. And you’re in the same boat with baseball,” I add.

  “I’d make time, Pepper. You can’t tell me what I’m too busy for. I’ve shown you that I’ll be there for you, haven’t I?”

  His words, once again, strike me as off. It’s like we’re talking about two different things. We went on one date, yet he’s acting like we’re in a serious relationship. Did our little flirtations in the past mean something more? Am I reading this all wrong? Man, maybe I do need to date more. I’m really clueless.

  “You have Clayton, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put words in your mouth or make assumptions about your life. The truth is, starting a relationship with you right now just isn’t going to work for me.” I’d mention the level of commitment it would require again, but that seems unwise at this point.

  “Is this about
what happened last night?”

  “No,” I answer immediately. But maybe it’s a decent cop-out, since he’s being a little bit more adamant than I expected. “Well, yeah, maybe a little. I just, it doesn’t feel like the right timing,” I add, hating myself for twisting the truth. I really hope I’m not giving him false hope for the future, but I’m not about to tell him I simply don’t feel strongly enough about him to keep trying. He’ll tell me I haven’t given him a chance, and maybe he’s right. But I know I’m doing the right thing. At least, it feels right. Plus, Gran told me to, and while she gives orders all the time, this one was different.

  Clayton stands abruptly, and it takes me a second before I react and stand with him. He walks to the door. “I hope you feel better soon, Pepper.” But he doesn’t make eye contact with me, and he shuts the door hard, leaving me feeling like a total jerk.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Jace

  It had been three weeks since the assault, and no sign of the attackers. I was pissed. I knew this wasn’t a major crime, or at least, it didn’t turn into one, in the grand scheme of things, but I was sure with enough resources, Wolfe Jenkins could be found in no time. The cops just weren’t trying very hard, and it was difficult to accept that this wasn’t a top priority for them, when it was constantly on my mind.

  We withheld the other evidence we had against Wolfe, for now. It didn’t seem to have a purpose for the moment, since the cops were already after him. If we needed it, we could bring it out, but I’d rather hold onto it. I still didn’t understand why Wolfe had targeted Pepper, or what he’d had planned.

  Wes left a week ago for Princeton, and we’d talked about hiring a bodyguard for Pepper. But Pepper would hate that, and she was being smart. She wasn’t fighting me on driving her everywhere, and now that preseason was back up for cross country, she was never running alone. She had six housemates, and I hadn’t bothered second-guessing myself when I’d sat them all down on move-in day and told them to lock the damn house, and never leave Pepper there alone. So, we’d opted against a bodyguard, and I was on edge.

  At least Clayton was out of the picture. I’d watched him leave that day, knowing Bunny had probably eavesdropped on the whole conversation from her bedroom. He’d actually looked kind of upset, but he was trying to keep his cool. I could identify with that. But I hadn’t felt bad for him, not really. Yeah, he’d helped Pepper out, but she wouldn’t have even been in that situation in the first place if not for him, so I wasn’t exactly all grateful to the guy. With the drugging incident nearly three years ago, he’d carried her out of the bar, but Ryan was there too, and he would have done it. It wasn’t like Dennison was a huge hero. And with the hit and run, someone else would have come up on her momentarily if not him. I wasn’t about to feel indebted to the guy.

  Instead, I was waiting patiently for the right moment to tell Pepper just what I wanted from this renewed “friendship.” But until I felt like there was a shot she’d trust me, really trust me, with her heart and shit, I wasn’t going there. She trusted me in other ways, though, that’d become clearer with each day since the assault. But her safety was my top priority until Wolfe was behind bars.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Pepper

  We’ve moved into the purple house. The guys on the cross team have all lived in the same house for years, and the girls finally found one big enough for seven of us this year. It’s purple. And, since the guys’ team call their house “yellow house” we’re going with originality too. We’re hosting our first party tonight, and I’m trying to get into the spirit, but I’m wary. They haven’t found Wolfe yet, and it’s making it hard to relax and enjoy being back with my teammates again. I keep thinking he’s going to pop out from the shadows any minute.

  I’m co-captain this year with my best friend at college, Lexi Morris, and I know I’ve got to get my act together and focus. Though I’m only a junior, there weren’t too many seniors to pick from for captain this year, and, since Lexi and I make a good team, I guess I was the choice as her co-captain. Gina Waters is the only other senior who has raced on varsity. Officially, Lexi and Gina are redshirt juniors because Lexi was out her freshman year with an injury, and Gina didn’t race her junior year. Still, both are planning to graduate this spring and won’t be taking advantage of their extra collegiate cross season. There are three other seniors on the team, but they’ve never been one of the top seven runners. Aside from Gina and Lexi, my housemates are juniors like me – Caroline Hopkins, Wren Jackson, Erin Tokac, and Kendra Smith. All of them know what happened to me this summer, and it helps to know they’ve got my back, but I’ve got to step up so Lexi doesn’t have to lead the team alone.

  “Girl, are you sleeping?” It’s Gina, standing in my doorway and looking ready to party. She’s wearing a sparkly strapless dress and has a bottle of tequila tucked under her arm.

  “Is it that obvious?” I ask with a grimace. I haven’t been sleeping well, not at all.

  “Well, you’ve got some rocking raccoon eyes. Want some help with makeup?” she offers. One thing I’ve learned about Gina in the past year, she loves doing other people’s makeup. She doesn’t overdo it either, and I happily let her sit me in a chair and consult her makeup bag.

  Gina left in the middle of my freshman year, not of her own volition, to get treated for bulimia and anorexia. She came back to school last fall. At first, she was so embarrassed, she’d hardly talk to any of us. Yeah, she looked different. She was a lot heavier, and she didn’t like it. When her restricting and purging habits came back, she decided to quit racing for the year, because it was too hard being slower than she was when she was sick. She didn’t give up on her teammates though, and I admire her for that. Instead, she got over her embarrassment and embraced us. She ran with us all the time, and eventually her muscles got used to running at a healthy weight, and her strength grew until she was right there with us at workouts.

  Since preseason started last week, she’s been totally confident in herself, and to say I’m relieved that she’s in a good place now would be a giant understatement. I know she still struggles, but she talks about it openly.

  “You rocked the hill sprints this morning,” I tell her. She selects a shade of concealer and then scolds me to stop talking as she begins to apply it.

  “Yeah, it’s funny. When I have a good workout, I’m like, wow, imagine how fast I’d be if I weighed less! And when I have a bad workout, I think, it’s because I weigh too much. But it’s just that voice in my head and I try to think of it as this little devil on my shoulder who I’m supposed to brush off and ignore.”

  I’m about to agree with that last statement, but she shushes me again, not wanting me to mess with her work.

  “Do you want me or one of us to move a mattress in here and sleep with you? Would that help?” She pulls back and then tells me I have permission to speak before rummaging around for her eye makeup.

  The truth is, I’m fairly certain the only person who would help me sleep is Jace and there’s no way I’m admitting that to anyone. “It’s okay, I’ll get over it.”

  “I’m going to sleep in here tonight,” she announces before adding a layer of eyeshadow. “We’ll see if it helps.”

  She ignores my protests as she admires her handiwork, and when I look in the mirror, I agree she’s done a good job hiding the dark circles under my eyes. “So, are you wearing something sexy tonight, or what?”

  “Why would I wear something sexy?”

  “Why not? It’s fun! Let’s see your options.” She’s not real impressed when I show her a few outfits I’d normally wear to a house party. She disappears and returns with a pile of clothes, and before I know it, I’m dressed in a fire engine red bandage dress, the fabric so tight around my body it feels like a corset.

  “Yeah, that one doesn’t fit me anymore, but you should keep it. You need more sexy in your wardrobe.”

  “Yeah she does!” Lexi’s voice booms from the hallway before she appears in
my room.

  “Dude, where have you been all day?” She was the one who had the idea for this party, and she’s been totally MIA.

  “With Brax,” she sighs dreamily and falls dramatically on my bed. Gina and I exchange curious glances. “He’s finally done it, ladies! He’s declared his love for me!”

  “What?!” Gina and I squeal simultaneously before bursting into giggles.

  Lexi launches into a story about how he took her on a picnic after our morning workout, and told her he’d been thinking about her all summer, and decided he didn’t want any more of “this back and forth shit,” and she was it for him. It sounded very romantic, for a guy like Brax Hilton, who takes very little seriously. After graduating last spring, he joined the professional training group in Brockton that I’d love to be on when I graduate. Though his sponsorship deal is minimal, he’s working at a local gym to make ends meet. And, apparently, he’s ready to settle down with Lexi Morris.

  “Well, well, well,” Gina announces, holding the bottle of tequila over her head. “This calls for shots!”

  It’s been a long time since I’ve taken tequila shots, but I agree that this moment calls for a celebration. Brax and Lexi have been on and off for years, and it’s about time they stop the “back and forth shit” as Brax called it.

  “To love!” Lexi shouts, and Gina and I echo the sentiment before downing the liquid.

  After the shot, I relent to wearing the red piece of fabric, but I put a stop to Gina trying to squeeze my feet into matching heels. I’ve got to go with flip-flops to tone this down. She tries chasing me around the house with red lipstick, but her own three-inch pumps slow her down. By the time our teammates arrive, I’m buzzed with energy, and feeling like a normal college girl for the first time since moving back on campus.

  Surrounded by my team and in my home, I can almost relax. Yeah, I look around every once in a while, just in case Wolfe Jenkins has somehow managed to worm his way into the party, but I’m mingling, trying to spend some time with the freshmen runners and get to know them better. A few look a little shell-shocked and I wonder if this is their first real party. Or maybe they are surprised, like I was, that top college runners party so hard. They’ll realize eventually that we tone it down as soon as the season picks up, but for now, I let them absorb it all.