Every Minute I Love You (a Tomb of Ashen Tears Book 3)

by Kailee Reese Samuels

  “I don’t want you to ever stay away, Iris.”

  Her eyes graze over my body as she smiles with her delicate coral lips. I know that look in her eyes. She wants to kiss me, but I understand that is probably not our best decision. I dip down to brush my lips over her hand and spot the diamond eternity band I gave her. “Thank you for the opportunity to prove myself worthy.”

  “There was never another choice.”

  I let her hand go and she breathes. I see her chest undulate at the dip of her cleavage in the dress. I catch a glimpse of those breasts I adore. “… Can I just say you look hot as sin?”

  With the tension thick in the air, she giggles. “Go make me proud.”

  “Yes, Ma’am.”

  Yoshi clears his throat as I take my spot. Iris and I are locked on each other and nothing else matters. She demurely tucks her chin down and tries to restrain her smile. It is almost pointless. She is madly in love with me as I am with her. “As you can see, the lotus has decided to impetuously join us.”

  “I don’t know if I would say it was impetuous, Yoshi. I spent hours getting ready,” she snarks and breaks into a wide, blushing smile. I cannot contain my happiness. “I mean, a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do. And this girl wants to do that.”

  I tighten my lips and lower my head because now she has my daego olive skin turning a bright shade of crimson. “The intended would be very accepting of such.”

  “I can imagine,” she giggles, tossing her head back. “Formalities.”

  “But of course,” I say, shrugging. “I gotta impress your famiglia.”

  “Mr. Raniero,” the one on the far left says. “Tell us about your substance abuse problems.”

  Iris’ smile flatlines quick. “I’ve had some issues since being without the lotus.”

  “Do you believe these are a direct result of the choices you have made?”

  I see the glassiness in her eyes as I confide, “I do.”

  “You do realize there will be no grace period or excuses given if you make a critical error.”

  “I expect if I drop the ball, you will eliminate me.”

  Iris glances down. “You like to party though,” she whispers. “Will it continue?”

  “We’re going to party until our last breath,” I insist, keeping my focus on her. “But if you are asking if I plan on keeping my dick in my pants…” She shoots a glare straight through my heart like an arrow. “It is all yours.”

  “As soon as the engagement is over?”

  “I swear,” I say, lifting my pinky in the air. She blinks and lifts hers. “I will be good to you.” My jaw sharpens as I force the truth to be heard. “I realize I’m begging for the Christmas present I don’t deserve. I realize I’ve done so many things wrong. And maybe they should be regrets, but I took them all as lessons and I promise to do my damndest to not let those errors happen again.”

  A little smirk perks up at the corner of her mouth as the man scoots his blue flower forward.

  The man on the far right asks, “How many children would you be willing to have?”

  “As many as the lotus would like.”

  Iris peers over her sweet nose and smiles. “Can I name them?”

  “Yes.”

  “All of them?”

  “Yes.”

  I receive another blue lotus of approval.

  The door behind the table opens as a woman enters. I recognize her from her picture—Kali Ose. She glances up to me before placing the bold blue porcelain teapot and cup in front of Iris. She pours her tea and Iris takes a sip. “Have you had coffee yet?”

  “No.” She grins and peers up to Kali. They speak for a moment and she disappears. Casually, I make idle chitchat, “What kind of tea?”

  “Matcha, you want a drink?”

  “No, I just want to watch you,” I say as we have the private moment in front of her family. “I could sit here and do nothing but watch over you for the rest of my life.”

  I hear the sound of the one red lotus being changed over to blue. I quickly stand and approach the man. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t fail her.”

  “Never.” I turn around to see Kali bringing a red cup towards me. “What is this?”

  “Chrysantheme,” Iris informs with a wink. “No, coffee.”

  God, I love this girl.

  I slam it back and set it next to Iris’ blue one. “Take your pants off.”

  Her straight face isn’t teasing. Backing up, I unbuckle my belt and snap it off. Her eyes light up as I place it on the table in front of her. She clutches her delicate fingers around the warm leather before bringing it to her nose and setting it in her lap. I unfasten my trousers and let them fall before her family.

  Kali gives me an approving glance. “Is there a meaning behind the piercings?”

  “I’ve had them for years. It’s part of who I am. It’s part of my spirituality.”

  “It’s part of your essence,” Iris whispers, twirling her finger. “Show off the goods. Let me drool a little.”

  Stepping out of my pants, I turn and flex my back and ass at her. “He for sure gets my approval,” Kali loudly says before leaving. Iris laughs as I realize one thing—if I hadn’t done those years at Juliet, I would never have been able to do this. Being naked was almost second nature now. I don’t apologize or excuse anything.

  I start to walk back when Iris says, “Stay.”

  The man to her right says, “Tell me about being shot.”

  “It scared me because I knew I had been given the assignment of watching over Iris.”

  “You’ve been guarding her for years,” he mentions. “Are you prepared to take another bullet for her?”

  “Yes.”

  “And then what?”

  “It is my wish that she marries Deacon Cruz.”

  He gives a side-eyed glance to Iris. “… Your lover?”

  “Yes,” I say, not denying it, as Iris’ cheeks twitch from behind her tea cup. “I believe he has already met with The Chairman.”

  “Since you brought him up, you do understand in many ways, Mr. Cruz is a far better intended than you?”

  I peer at Iris, hiding with her cup in her face. “I do. And so, does Iris.”

  “I don’t love him like I love you,” she bursts out with a fierce resolve. “And I never will.”

  Her declaration sends a chill through me as I cannot stop myself from smiling. “I love you too, baby. More than words.”

  She blows a kiss to me and I catch it in the air. I place it on my heart and think about sliding my hand down. She knows it too as I mischievously grin. She rapidly blinks, looking like she may explode. I flick a brow at her and hold back.

  “Do you plan on continuing your involvement with Mr. Cruz?”

  “He’s my right-hand man,” I reply.

  “And do you believe he will take a mortal wound for the lotus?”

  “Without a doubt.”

  He shoves his blue lotus to the edge of the table.

  “Yoshi,” I say, smiling.

  “Sal,” he says, staring. “Tell me one thing Iris could do to lose your attentions.”

  Crossing my one arm over my chest while the other strokes my chin, I pause and consider the question. “If she stopped loving me.”

  “What if she did something you didn’t agree with?”

  “Three years ago, she did that often.”

  The regal looking little doll snorts so loudly they all glance in her direction. “Would you say she misbehaves?”

  “No, I would say she can be a bit…impetuous, and at times, bratty.”

  He chuckles and plops his blue lotus down.

  I have all twelve.

  I’m busy celebrating the success in my head when Iris says, “Mr. Raniero, are you aware you just called the Lotus Queen a brat?”

  “I am, Ma’am.”

  “Good luck with the rest of your test,” she says, leaving both of her cups side-by-side. It makes a bold statement. Her family
will accept me; she may not.

  She flutters around the table as I finally see the whole dress. The full skirt billows around, swishing along the floor, as the slit runs from her tiny feet up to her jeweled, dark purple, very tight shorts. Her legs are incredible as I imagine them wrapped around me.

  As she gets closer, I take a whiff and smell her perfume. She tosses the belt around my neck and slowly removes the purple cape. The embellished black bodice shows off every curve as she drapes it in my arms.

  She swipes the belt back. “Have fun, Sal.” Lifting on her tiptoes, she firmly kisses my lips and whispers, “You’re such a cocky, bad boy.”

  “What happened?”

  “We’ll talk,” she says, turning away. “In a few days.” She winks, waves her fingers, and disappears into the back room.

  And now, I know, I blew it.

  53

  Diddle in My Grotto

  As much as I wanted to believe I had it in the bag, nothing could’ve been further from the truth. The interview with the council was the easy part, but what came next, no one could’ve prepared me for.

  In the same room, I was placed on a rack by her family, beaten and whipped for the mistakes I made over the last nine years. I was tortured in ways that made Kaci’s edge play look easy. I endured sensation deprivation, degradation, and humiliation. I was plugged, flogged, and branded. There were needles and violet wands, sounds and cock-rings with jagged teeth that bit and twisted.

  All the while, I was forbidden to ejaculate.

  The scene was never about sex, but possessing the necessary discipline and strength to emerge out of the cocoon to the next level.

  With the surge of growth, Sir Masa tied my ass up in classic Kinbaku-style—and as if I wasn’t high enough on the scene already, I found the ultimate freedom in letting go of control.

  I understand I’m a Dominant, but I’m also a student of the craft, self-discipline, and an intense pain slut—but none of those things made me a submissive. And he never treated me as one.

  “You’re so much like me,” Masa remarked, drawing the leather whip over my skin. “The full experience of BDSM isn’t one sided but both. It can’t happen with just anyone, the magic has got to be there.”

  “The spark…” I replied, relishing in his attention. “I would never have allowed all of this, at this point in my life, from anyone at home. Not even the Master who trained me. This has been a carnival of kink fun. And I thank you—greatly—for the challenge.”

  “You deserve it,” he said. “Just know if you need to find the balance, I am here. You are a practitioner of the spiritual side of the dynamic as am I. When Iris told me about you, I knew we were kindred spirits. And much like I have taken you on the shamanistic journey through lust and love, I know you would do the same for me.”

  “I would,” I assured, welcoming his enlightenment. The schools of thought in the world of kink were as varied as the recommended way to teach painting. It was a creative source and everyone had a unique, non-duplicatable experience. What worked for one might not work for the next, but when a Master hit pay dirt—making the mind soar—the entire scene became an ethereal embodiment of soul, spirit, and sex.

  Sir Masa understood this in me—he got it.

  Like no one ever had.

  And he was magnificently brilliant.

  For two days, I embraced his ritualistic initiation into the Lotus world. I was alone, hanging in the red ropes, when Kali Ose strolled in. She took the sight of me in for a long while, and then she moved the blue porcelain tea cup to the front of the table and smashed the red one beneath me.

  And I finally cried, for the first time—hard.

  My physical reserves and emotional resources were depleted. And then, knowing the weakened state I was in, they sent me to Iris. Her goal was to exhaust me, and she succeeded.

  I was no longer a cocky bastard, but a broken man. The temporary but intentionally triggered subdrop was—just for her—just like she wanted it. The code in my brain wasn't wired for emotions, so Iris hot-wired and stole the bastard—me.

  And through the process, I found passion and more heart than I had ever given. Iris knew how to make me feel—through pain—and pushed my limits to the extreme. I passed out in the limo and woke up in a bed, in a house, free from restraint May 17, 2018.

  I sit up with my back on fire.

  “You need to lay down,” Iris urges in a light gray velvet jogging suit with white cami. She’s carrying a small tray. “You’re exhausted.”

  I touch her hand. “Where am I?”

  “Gifu, where Deacon stayed with me.”

  “… Are we alone?”

  “Yes,” she says with a smile. “And we will be until you get to feeling better.”

  “What did they do to me?”

  “A scarification of the lotus symbol beneath the Iris Amarie,” she whispers as I lay back and groan. “You need to get on your side. Do you want something?”

  “How big is it?”

  “Massive,” she replies with a straight face until breaking out with a grin. She sits on the edge of the bed. “About four to six inches.”

  My eyes open wide and shutter closed. “Is The Chairman going to accept me since I’m now marked with a lotus?”

  “My family loves you.”

  I peek at her and mutter, “Really?”

  “Yeah,” she says, leaning down to kiss my forehead. I take her chin between my thumb and forefinger and pull her to my lips. “We can’t,” she breathes into my mouth. “You need to rest.”

  “What happened to you?”

  “I grew up. I changed. I developed.” Her eyes skim over my face. “Same as you.”

  “Stay with me.”

  She takes off her jacket and curls her tiny body against mine.

  And we sleep like we haven’t slept in years.

  I rested for the better part of four days while Iris took care of me and doctored the new body mod. I was so proud of it, and I hadn’t even seen it. She fed me. She stayed with me. She loved me.

  For the first time since arriving at the house, I walk around in awe of the architecture. I find her curled on the sofa, sipping tea, and reading early one morning. My bags are sitting just inside the doorway.

  “Hi…”

  “Hello,” she says, shutting her book and peering up at me. She smiles and I know the house isn’t the only thing I’m awestruck by. She is gorgeous. Her long dark auburn hair is pulled up in a loose bun, her minimalist makeup shows her natural beauty, and I’m becoming a real sucker for the new coral lip color. “How do you feel?”

  “Who the hell are you?”

  “My name is Iris Nakamura.”

  I step forward and extend my hand. “Sal Raniero. I’d take you for a latte and chocolate croissant, but I have no idea where we are.”

  She doesn’t stop grinning and the happiness in her lights up the entire room. She slides her hand against mine. “Pleasure to meet you, Salvatore.”

  “Hell, I love you,” I mutter, crouching down. “I love you so goddamned much.”

  “I love you too.”

  “What now?” I ask, brushing the back of my fingers over her skin. “What do we do?”

  “We meet with my grandfather.”

  “Is he going to beat the shit out of me?”

  “… Keishi?” she giggles as if the thought is unheard of. “Hardly. He’d have his family do it.”

  I acknowledge the punishment I deserved. “Did he order it?”

  “No,” she replies. “I did.”

  I don’t know what to say. “You wanted to know if you could break me?”

  “I wanted to know how long you could take it. Masa kept reporting back, asking what to try next, and I went through everything I could think of without causing major damage.”

  “You say this as I’ve got a lotus branded on my back.”

  “You’re mine,” she confides and my heart warms. “All mine.”

  “I don’t want to go back,” I pa
infully admit. “I don’t want to leave you again.”

  She tilts her head and sets her feet on the ground. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

  “Do I need a shirt?”

  “I would prefer you didn’t ever have a shirt, sweetheart.”

  We walk the property, hand in hand, and I know this is real. This is what we’ve waited years for. I tell her everything—the issues with Dom, Nico killing Nissa, The Bordertown Murders, Emily’s push for more, the two bodies in my house, and all of the highlights of my last two plus years without her. The one thing I don’t mention is the meeting with The Commission because it’s not a done deal. I’m on the verge, but I’m not made and I don’t believe it matters because I haven't been accepted yet.

  “So, where did my Iris go?”

  “After you left Texas, I started thinking about how you were dealing with your family. It got me thinking about my own. I had avoided it for so long because I knew what my grandfather wanted for me. I didn’t think if I came home that he would allow me to have the one thing I wanted more than anything.”

  I glance at her and pop my knuckles with my thumb. “And what was that?”

  “You.”

  “I know you talk about your family being racist, but you have to understand the stigma there is on the opposite side. Keishi isn’t racist, but he knows your family is. There is an inherent fear I will be mistreated.”

  “You think I would ever let that happen?”

  “I know you wouldn’t…” She stays silent as we reflect on the koi pond. “But he doesn’t know you like I know you.” We resume our stroll and she confides, “So I came home from Guam, I started running and things changed. I shifted away from being lost to embracing who I am. It’s been a profound journey for me.”

  “I can tell,” I say, still amazed this is real as I pull her into my arms. “I’m sorry about some of the things I’ve done.”

  “I kept tabs on you, I knew.”

  “This is going to take some time to get used to,” I say, staring into those eyes that imprison my heart. “I thought you were beautiful the moment I saw you, but you are like…someone new…”

  “… Is it bad?”