MOON

by Lindsay Becs

  That’s where I met Tara. She’d been a suicidal drug addict, and they thought we’d be good roommates. I’ll never understand who thought we were a good fit, but we did become friends and allies to each other. We both aged out of the home at eighteen. She went back to her family, and I went to mine. My mother smothered me, and hers didn’t want anything to do with her. She moved here, to Gulley Hollow, to get away from her past and family soon after. It took me years to convince my parents that I was capable of living on my own, let alone move a state away. But they finally agreed when my first therapist found Dr. Greer here and had a meeting with her. She helped put them at ease, knowing I had support here.

  So, I moved to Gulley Hollow five years ago. Tara got me a job where she works at the Pot Meet Kettle Café, I found a little apartment within walking distance, and I meet with Dr. Greer once a week to keep my mother off my back. I have the same routine every day. Not much varies, but I’m on my own.

  “Tell me something good.” Dr. Greer asks the same set of questions every week, but they always seem to hold new meaning. It’s strange how that works.

  I swallow, not knowing if I want to confess or not, but decide to go for it. “I was attracted to a man today. That’s never happened before.”

  “Really? That’s good, Selene. You’re allowed to be attracted to men. Not all men are bad.”

  I nod my head because I know this, but ever since I waking up in the hospital I’ve been disgusted by every man I’ve encountered. They don’t necessarily scare me, but I don’t like them as a whole.

  “What do you think made this man different?”

  I bite my lip in contemplation. “He seemed familiar, but I don’t know why. He made me feel safe.”

  “I’m assuming he was a customer at the café?” I nod my head. “Had you seen this man before?”

  “I don’t think so.” I try to rack my brain for any memory, only to come up empty.

  “This is a big thing for you. This is really good.” She smiles at me again. “Now, tell me something that hurts.”

  “I don’t think I’ll see him again.” I look up at her with wide eyes, shocked at my admission. She too tries to hide her surprise. She nods her head as she writes on her pad of paper.

  “Lastly, tell me something real.”

  I figure I’ve already said too much, so I go for broke. “He left his number for me, and I want to call it.” I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I always said the least amount as possible to people. I only ever really talk to Tara and Dr. Greer. I don’t even talk to my family much.

  “Why do you think you feel that way?”

  “I really don’t know. I just felt pulled to him. It was so strange; it was like my heart found a lost piece when I looked at him.” I glance up from my lap then to see her looking back at me with soft eyes full of hope.

  “Selene, I want you to be careful. But I also want you to know that these feelings are good. I’m not going to make the decision for you whether you should call that number or not. You need to make that for yourself. But listen to your heart; oftentimes it knows more than our minds want us to. Just promise me one thing. If you call him, you tell me about it. No secrets, remember?” She winks at me. This is the side of Dr. Greer that I love so much. She is my doctor, my therapist, yes. But she is also a friend and treats me as a person with a heart and feelings more than a broken, used shell that needs fixing.

  “Promise.”

  I walk home with a smile on my face. I still don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m happy to have turned a corner. I feel like I could be normal for the first time in my life.

  Selene: 7 years old/ Endy: 10 years old

  “Look. Do you see those stars that look like a pan or cup with a handle?” I nod my head, seeing what he’s pointing to. “That’s called the Big Dipper. That’s usually the easiest of the star constellations to find.”

  “Wow!” I say, looking up in wonder at the night sky covered in a blanket of shining stars. I wipe the tears from my eyes and lean my head against his shoulder, arms around my knees, feeling safe with him for whatever reason.

  “Are you alright?” he asks me quietly after a few minutes of silence. I nod my head because I have to be tough. Today showed me that. The mean man hurt me more the more I cried today.

  I’ve been here for a week, sitting in the dark of the dirt room alone. But today the mean man had the boy with the kind eyes bring me to him. I could tell he was sorry when he left me in that bright room alone. The room had nothing but a bed with pink bedding across from a wall with a big mirror on it.

  “Do you have a name?” I ask the boy.

  “You can call me Endy,” he says with a small smile, looking down at me. “I’m going to call you Moon because your eyes look like the full moon tonight.” I give him a small smile back, my body still shaking from earlier. “I’m going to try to take care of you the best I can. You know you can trust me, right?”

  I nod once more. I want to believe him. Part of me feels like I can. But I’m also scared. He was, after all, the one that pushed me in the car. He was the one to take me to the bad man. But when I look up into his face, I see blue like the sky. My eyes are the moon and his are my sky. Maybe together we were meant to be friends and I can trust him after all.

  “I need to get back. And I need to get you back inside the cellar. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I’ll check on you when I can at night.”

  “O-Ok.”

  He helps me stand up from the ground outside the door that would lock me into darkness again. My body hurts and trembles and I am tired. He helps me down the steps and onto the mattress in the corner. Then he does the best thing. He hands me a flashlight. Tears fills my eyes again. I’ll be able to see now. I won’t be in total darkness anymore. “Thank you, Endy.”

  “Goodnight, Moon,” he says at the top of the steps before he closes and locks the door behind him.

  I smile to myself, holding my new flashlight tight to my chest. “Goodnight, Moon,” I whisper to myself, thinking about the book by the same name that Daddy used to read to me.

  Tears fall from my eyes, turning to sobs before I fall asleep.

  I wake up with tears on my face. This is a different kind of dream from the usual nightmares I have. I close my eyes again and feel a sob bubbling up. I let it wrack through my body as I lay in bed and feel all the fear and hurt, safety and protection that was all in my dream.

  When my sobs settle down, I look to see it’s almost four in the morning. I wipe my hands down my face, drying my tears. I know I won’t be falling back to sleep, so I change into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and tie up my running shoes.

  I step out into the darkness of the last early morning hours but stop in my tracks when I look up and see the Big Dipper right in front of me. “Endy,” I gasp.

  It was real.

  My dream was real. I don’t know how I know, but I can feel it. It was real. Every part of it.

  It was the first real thing I’ve remembered since I was found twelve years ago.

  4

  Tavin

  As soon as I drive away from the diner, I know I need to go back. I make the rest of my trek to deliver my goods and pick up my load to take back. I speed as fast as I can and sleep as little as possible the next night. Not like I was sleeping well anyway knowing I’d found my Moon.

  I wanted to ask her so many questions. They were running nonstop through my mind. But mostly I was curious if she really didn’t know who I was or did she just not want to make a scene?

  I suppose I do look different. The road and cigarettes have aged me. My beard is long and unruly since I don’t keep it trimmed and nice. I’m not the same nineteen-year-old I was when I left her, just as I know she’s not the same sixteen-year-old.

  Regardless of time and distance and everything else, I know that I still love her with everything inside me. Every inch of me itches to feel her and hold her again. My hear
t beats only for her. Now that I’ve found her, seeing her again has made my dying heart beat a little more. Those mere minutes of seeing her face breathed life back into me that was snuffed out long ago.

  I call into my dispatchers and tell them I’m having engine trouble and need an extra day to get back. I lied. I really just need an extra day in Gulley Hollow.

  I check into a motel in town. Excited for a real shower, I turn on the hot water and let it beat on my tired body. Once I’m out, I feel myself getting nervous. My hands are shaking as I light my smoke and step outside. I close my eyes as I inhale the nicotine, hoping it’ll help settle my nerves some before I walk down the block to Pot Meet Kettle and order a stack of pancakes with a side of Moon. I chuckle to myself and flick the butt of my cigarette over the rail.

  As I enter the diner, the bell rings just like before, letting them know I’m here. The sound sets off a bundle of nerves in my stomach. I start to question everything. Should I be here? Should I leave her alone? Does she even want to see me again? Maybe she came to her senses that I’m the bad guy. Does she still love me? Does she know who I am? Should I tell her if she doesn’t? Maybe I should leave.

  I turn to do just that when I hear her. “You came back.” And the dam of all my doubts breaks open when I turn and see her eyes filled with hope.

  “I wanted to try the cheesesteak sandwich. Didn’t seem like good breakfast food last time though.” Why that’s the first thing I say, I have no idea.

  I watch her lips twitch up a little in the corner. “You came to the right place then. Have a seat.”

  I give her a nod and begin to sit in a booth next to the door. “No, not there!” she yells, making me jump and her cheeks blush. “I’m sorry. What I meant was, will you sit in my section?” She swallows nervously.

  I smile at her then. “Lead the way.”

  She turns and I follow her to another booth in the back corner of the diner. I can’t help the way my eyes fall to the sway of her hips. She’s like I remember, but so much more. My fingers are itching at my sides to reach out and touch her. My lips want to kiss her. I just want her in every sense of the word. I’ve missed her so damn much.

  “Is this alright?” she asks, looking down at her hands where she’s picking at her nails.

  “This is perfect. Thank you.”

  She looks up from under her lashes at me then. “I’ll get that cheesesteak in for you.” And then she’s gone.

  If I ever questioned my feelings for her, they have all been answered with a resounding Yes, you love her!

  I sit there in the booth watching her. Much like I did last time but now I’m facing the entire place and can watch her with ease. She’s so beautiful without even trying. Such a natural beauty.

  That thought makes me cringe for a second, thinking that was why he chose her. I shake my head to rid the thought of him away. He has no place between us anymore. I won’t let him ruin this.

  “You came back.” I open my eyes at hearing those words for the second time since I stepped inside. “Thought I told you she doesn’t do your brand,” the waitress says pointedly with her hand on her hip.

  “Guess I want to take the chance.”

  “You need to leave her alone. She’s been through enough in her life. She doesn’t need a lonely transient looking to fill a void.”

  I’m surprised by her candor again. “That’s not—”

  “You eat and then you leave and you never come back,” she interrupts me.

  “I can’t promise that,” I say truthfully.

  “I am not above bodily harm. Do you understand me?”

  “I promise I’m not here to hurt or use her. I just want to talk to her.”

  She looks me up and down for a few seconds, making me feel uncomfortable. “If you need a body to use, I’m here. But I mean it. I will hurt you if you hurt her.”

  She starts to walk away but stops when I speak up again. “Thank you.”

  She turns, looking confused. “What for?”

  “For looking after her. She’s lucky to have you. I’m glad she does.”

  “We look after each other.”

  I give her a nod before she leaves. I think about that then. Does she know our story? Has Selene told her about me? Or has she kept that to herself like I have?

  I notice Selene walking back to me then with a tray full of food and a small smile on her face. It makes me smile, too.

  “That’s more than a sandwich.”

  “You look hungry.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” she says, looking at the food she’s placing on the table and not at me. I watch her cheeks tint. That shade of pink is my new favorite color. “I brought you fries, our house pickles, a piece of chocolate peanut butter pie, and a water.”

  “Thanks. It looks good.”

  “It’s all my favorites.” My heart skips when she says that.

  I meet her eyes then and ask her to sit with me.

  She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear as she bites her lip. “Let me tell Tara I’m taking a break.” Her grin splits her beautiful face, and my heart stutters.

  I nod in approval, but really it’s more because I’m afraid if I open my mouth, I’d shout in excitement and I didn’t want to scare her. When she walks away, I take a few cleansing breaths to calm my nerves and take a drink of my water to wet my dry mouth.

  I’ve just taken a big bite of my sandwich when she takes a seat in front of me with a shy smile that turns into a giggle. The sound is the purest music I’ve ever heard.

  “What’s so funny?” I ask around my mouthful of cheesesteak. Her hand is covering her mouth, and I want to reach up and take it away. I never want her to cover her beautiful innocence.

  “You have cheese hanging from your chin. Here,” she says, handing me a napkin.

  I wipe my face and feel my own cheeks blush beneath my beard. “Thanks.”

  “So, I have a name tag so you know that my name is Selene, but what’s your name?” she asks nervously, picking at her nails again.

  I swallow down my disappointment that she doesn’t know who I am. “Tavin.”

  Her brows pinch together for a quick second, like she’s trying to piece things together, and then she smiles again. “That’s a different name.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  We sit in silence for a while, me eating the food she brought and her watching me from under her lashes while she continues to nervously pick at her nails. Lifting my glass of water, I wash down the last of my lunch. I look at the lone piece of pie sitting in the middle of the table as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

  “Do you, uh, want my pie?” I ask her, breaking the silence.

  “That’s alright.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “It’s your dessert.”

  “I’m getting pretty full. You want to split it with me?”

  “Al…alright,” she stutters with flushing cheeks. “I’ll go get another fork.”

  “It’s OK, we can share that, too.” I don’t know why I say that. I’m sure it makes her feel uncomfortable, and from the darkening of her already pink cheeks, I see I did. I just don’t want her to leave. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” I trail off, not knowing how to finish or what more to say. To keep from talking further, I stab the fork into the pie and stuff a huge bite in my mouth. She giggles when I pause and my eyes go wide. It’s the best thing I think I’ve ever tasted. “This is delicious!”

  “It’s my favorite,” she says softly.

  “Here.” I hold the fork up with another bite on it for her to take. Her eyes travel from mine to the pie and back again before she licks her lips and opens her mouth. I feel my dick twitch from watching her. Her mouth wraps around the silver utensil, the only thing separating her mouth from my hand, and pulls back, taking the pie with her. Her eyes close and she lets out a quiet moan, making me grow harder from the sound. We both swallow at the same time, her the pie and me all the dirty thoughts running through my head.

&
nbsp; “So good,” she says, opening her eyes again and meeting mine once more. “Thank you for sharing.”

  I clear my throat and shift in the booth, trying to discreetly adjust my stone-like cock in my jeans. “I’ll share with you anytime.” I smile and she blushes. Damn, I love that color. “Thank you for bringing this delicious pie into my life.”

  “You’re welcome.” She looks down at her hands in her lap again. “I should get back. My break is probably over.”

  “Selene?” She looks up at me, and I about die at the sight of her hopeful, full-moon eyes. “Can I take you out tonight? Dinner or a walk or a movie or something?”

  She looks back down and bites her lip, nervously busying it. “I, um, I don’t, uh, date.”

  “That’s alright. I enjoy your company is all. I leave tomorrow to head back to the west coast.”

  “I’m sorry.” She sounds so defeated, and I hate it.

  “You have nothing to apologize for. Maybe I’ll see you here next time I drive through. I’ll need to get a pie fix in now that I’ve had that,” I say, nodding toward the empty plate between us.

  “Will you stop in for breakfast before you leave?”

  I smile big then; I can’t help it. “I will if you want me to.” She bites her lip again and nods. “Alright then. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  She stands to leave but pauses, looking over her shoulder, and says, “Bye, Tavin.” I hold up a hand to wave but am struck dumb watching her walk away.

  I drop money on the table to pay my bill, but draw another constellation on the piece of paper before I leave.

  5

  Selene

  Demons try to pull me down

  My head is spinning as I begin to drown