by Lindsay Becs
Dear Moon,
Or should I call you Selene? I don’t even know anymore. You sign your letters Love, Moon, so I guess Moon is alright. I’m so nervous writing you back. I’ll probably not make any sense, I’m warning you now.
I’ve saved every letter you’ve written to me. Each one means so much. I’m sorry I never wrote you back before now. You never had anything to apologize for; you didn’t do anything wrong. You helped me do what I should have done after I dropped you off at that diner all those years ago. The truth was I was scared shitless. Thank you for everything you did to help me.
I didn’t write until now because I wasn’t sure what to say, to be honest, but not because I was upset with you. I never thought I deserved you, and I still don’t. But today I feel good. I feel lighter, less guilty. I don’t feel the monsters lurk as much these days, but I hate the days they still invade. Do you still have those days? I hope not.
I never meant to leave you for this long, Moon. I hope, for that, you can forgive me. When I left you that day I knew you needed time to figure out your memories, but I didn’t put into account me needing to do the same. It’s taken me much longer than I would have liked, but I’m doing it. I’m here. I’d love to see you again, but I understand if that’s too hard for you or you don’t want to.
I just want you to know that I’m better. I’m healing. I’m ready if you are. What do you think?
Love,
Endy
I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
Then I reach for my pen and paper.
Endy,
I’m ready…
19
Endy
I’m nervous as fuck right now. My hands won’t stop sweating and shaking. I couldn’t believe it when she wrote me back and said she wanted to see me again. I’m not going to be a presumptuous ass in thinking this is anything more than us having closure. But fuck, if I’m not hoping she still has even a fragment of feelings for me. I take a deep breath before pulling open the door. The bell above my head signals that a new patron has entered as the smell of coffee mixed with bacon enters my nose.
“Take whatever seat you can find, stud.” Tara smirks at me as she pours coffee for an older man at the bar counter.
I give her a nod as I make my way to the booth in the back. I sit, turning to face the rest of the diner searching for Moon, but I can’t find her.
Tara walks to my booth and pours coffee into a mug for me. “You don’t hurt her, you understand me?” she orders, setting the steaming mug down.
“I love her.” That must be the right thing to say because she softens a bit and smiles at me. “How is she?” I nervously ask.
“She’s really good. I’ll go get her for you. She’s on break.”
“Thank you.”
I spend the next few minutes willing my nerves to settle down, but the second I see her, my heart does nothing short of rocket out of my chest. She’s as beautiful as always. Her hair is a little shorter, but she looks full of life and color. A nervous smile pulls on her mouth, and I’m happy I’m not the only one sweating here. I rub my palms on my legs before standing to greet her.
“Fuck, you look good.” She bites her lip around a bubble of giggles, and I can’t help but beam at her. “Thought I told you to stop fighting back those smiles, Moon.”
She releases her lip, letting her smile grow to reach her eyes, lighting them up like I’ve dreamt about for the past year.
“Can you sit?” I ask her.
“I can do better. We can leave. If you want.”
“Can I get a piece of that chocolate peanut butter pie to go then? I really just came here to kill a craving I’ve had for a while.”
She smacks my chest with her face scrunched up. “Not if you’re going to be mean.”
“Sassy!”
“I’ll box up a couple pieces, and we can go to my place. Is that alright?”
“More than alright.”
Minutes later, we’re walking out. I throw a wave at Tara as she’s yelling for us to behave. “I’m going to kill her tomorrow,” Moon grumbles, turning red. I can’t help but laugh, relaxing my nerves some.
I steal the bag from her hands, taking out a piece of pie. I open the box, the delicious smell of sugary chocolate and peanut butter hitting me, and I groan. “I’ve been dreaming of you,” I say to the pie. Sticking the plastic fork into the nutty goodness, I take my first bite and groan again.
“Should I give you some privacy?” Moon asks with a raised brow.
“You changed,” I say around a mouthful of peanut butter.
“You have, too. But I’m not sure if it’s for the better yet.”
I laugh then. “Fair enough.” I offer her a bite of pie, but she shakes her head no. I keep eating until she breaks and opens the other box, taking a bite from her own piece of heaven. We arrive at her place before our pie is gone. Sitting on the steps, we finish eating our dessert in silence before entering, both of us taking the moment to let our nerves run their course before we have our first real conversation in a year.
When we walk inside, she offers me a drink. I down the glass of water she hands me in three gulps before putting it down on her counter. She watches my every movement, and I watch her.
“Fuck it,” I mumble to myself before closing the distance between us. I press until her back hits the wall behind her. Her eyes go wide before her pupils contract and darken; the storm raging in them is all for me. I take her gasp into my mouth, our lips melding together. She tastes like chocolate and peanut butter and what all my dreams have been made of the past year. I kiss her hard, pressing my chest into hers.
I need to feel her. I can’t help it. I’m in a good place emotionally and mentally, but physically I still need her. She fills the void in me where no one else can, in places that are shaped to only fit her.
“Wait,” she says breathlessly, pushing me away. I reluctantly step back from her.
“I’m sorry,” I say, pulling my bottom lip with my thumb and forefinger.
“It’s just… Don’t you think we should talk first?”
“I guess.”
She huffs out a laugh, her head falling back to rest on the wall behind her. She’s so perfect and pretty, new confidence glowing around her. She looks so unencumbered and carefree, and I want that for myself, too.
“I didn’t plan this. I wasn’t going to push anything. I don’t even know if you still love me, or even care really. I only know that you are fucking gorgeous and I missed you like crazy.”
Her cheeks turn pink, making me smirk. “I told you to the moon and stars, and I meant it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she smiles. “You look good, too, by the way.”
My smile grows, watching her eyes travel up and down my body. “I feel at home with you. Does that make sense?”
“Completely. I’ve felt so…” she trails off.
“Empty? Hollow? Like something was missing?” I offer.
“Exactly. When you left, it felt like you physically took my heart with you. But when I saw you today, it felt like it started to beat again for the first time in a year.”
I nod my head because that’s exactly how I felt, too. “Moon, I really don’t want to push or go too fast. We’ve both had a hell of a year. I don’t want to ruin either of us and the progress we’ve made. But I also know that I need you. Holy fuck, do I need you. I’m sorry it took me so long, but I needed to be at my best before I came back to you. I never thought it’d take me this long.”
“Endy, I understand. You don’t have to apologize.” She bites her lip for a second before continuing. “I wanted to go with you, you know.”
My brows pull together in confusion. “When I left? I know but I couldn’t—”
“When they took you back. I tried to get them to let me go with you. I didn’t want you to go alone.” I see tears fill her eyes, and I hate that she feels bad for me. “You shouldn’t have had to go back there to relive that nigh
tmare alone.”
“Hey.” I wipe the fallen tear away from her cheek. “I’m glad they said no. I wouldn’t have wanted you to go back there.”
Truth? Those were some of the worst days of my life. The second the car pulled up to the horrors and nightmares in those woods, I couldn’t open the door fast enough before my entire stomach emptied on the ground. I could hear him yelling, laughing as he beat me. I could hear the cries and screams of all the kids that had been there. I could see the horrific things that we were all made to do. I could see the bodies I buried. I could smell his cigarettes, his sweat, his filth everywhere.
I cried like a fucking baby when I walked to the cellar where Moon had stayed, seeing the marks she’d made on the walls. It had looked small back then, but seeing it as an adult, it was even smaller, dirtier. The love of my life, the person who owned my heart, had lived there for far longer than she should have. She had been made for so much more than a shitty dirt floor and the abuse she endured.
“But you had no one with you that understood.”
“Dr. Greer was there.” I can tell by the surprised look on her face that she didn’t know. I nod. “Yep. She helped me work through a lot those first few days. I wanted to be mad at her for everything, but really, she saved my life and helped me so much.”
“I can’t believe she was with you. Not that she would have told me, but wow…”
“She helped me get plugged in to a good routine, new job, a great therapist. I really owe her a lot.”
“I guess we both do.” She smiles again wiping her eyes.
“Moon, really, I don’t want to disrupt your life. But I’m here. I’ll take you in any form you’re willing to give me. Whether it’s a friend, a pen pal, a lover, or a wife. I just know I need you in my life.”
“Why just one?”
“What?”
“What if I want to be all of them? I want to be your pen pal, friend, lover, and wife. Endy, you are my soulmate. You always have been. We might have had a beginning that most would never comprehend, but overcoming that is what makes us perfect. It’s just us.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She smiles bigger knowing that I’m all in. She pushes off the wall jumping into my arms, wrapping around me and holding me tight. “Don’t let me go. Don’t leave me, Endy.”
“I promise on the moon and stars,” I say against the heat of her mouth before kissing her. Fire sparks and stars shoot around us as we both give in to what was always meant to be.
I step forward until her back hits the wall again. Her legs wrap tighter around my waist, pressing her heated center to my pulsing dick throbbing to slide into her. I pull her shirt off over her head, and then she does the same to mine between kisses. My mouth goes to her chest, leaving a line of kisses up her neck to her greedy mouth again.
“I need to be inside you,” I say into her ear with bite.
“Yes,” she pants. I carry her to the bedroom, dropping her to the bed. It’s a race as we both remove our shoes, socks, and jeans. I groan when she pulls off her bra and I see those beautifully perky tits again. Pushing my boxers down in haste, I jump onto the bed and cover her nipple with my mouth, sucking it roughly. I lavish her breasts, getting friendly with them again before sliding down her body, pulling her panties off. I spread her wide, and when I’m met with her glistening pink center, I smirk. “Endy!” she shrieks, making me chuckle. “Stop staring,” she groans.
“I like seeing what I do to you. And you’re so pretty and pink and fucking wet, Moon.” With that, I dive into her. I’ve been craving her for far too long. “You taste so good,” I growl into her, vibrations from my voice making her moan. I can tell she’s close to climax, so I back off, wanting to keep her on edge longer. I kiss her mouth, making her taste herself on my lips. It makes me harder than I already was.
I push two fingers into her and work her up again, and when she’s close a second time, I pull away, earning me a groan in complaint. I smile to myself knowing that I’m torturing her, but she’ll thank me when she explodes. I make sure to kiss and lick every inch of her skin. I end on her mouth, our tongues making love on their own. Sliding my hard cock against her slick center, being sure to hit her bundle of nerves, I work her up a third time.
Her legs wrap around my back, hugging me into her. “Don’t you dare pull away again,” she breathes out through barred teeth making me chuckle.
“Me?” I feign innocent.
“Endy!”
“That’s right, baby, yell my name to the moon.” And then I plunge into her to the hilt, making her scream. I reach between us to rub her clit while thrusting in and out. It doesn’t take long for her to climax, yelling my name. I bend to take her nipple in my mouth, giving it a bite before sucking it. I could play with her body nonstop and never tire of it. Working my way to the other side of her chest, I do the same there. When I kiss up her neck, I leave a trail of bites ending at her swollen lips. I kiss her again and again while gyrating our hips together. It’s the perfect dance between lovers.
“I love you, Endy. I love you so much,” she pants into my mouth, sending me to the stars in my own climax.
I fall next to her in bed after emptying into her. “I love you, too,” I tell her as we lay there tangled together, sated, euphoric, and in love.
After we clean up, we climb back into bed and lie in each other’s arms. No words need to be said. We lie there in perfect silence, with sex and love in the air. Our fingers dance over each other’s skin until we both fall asleep.
We wake later and order pizza, eating in bed while talking about what life was like the past year for each of us. The trials and tribulations along with the rewarding and amazing. It’s like no time has passed, yet it feels like a lifetime ago. We’ve both grown and changed in a lot of ways, for the better, but so much is the same. I guess that’s to be expected when you’ve known someone for as long as we have.
I grab her ankle and pull her until she’s sitting on my lap. I can’t help but want to touch her, have her as close as possible, anytime I can. She fills me with so much light and joy, she’s addicting.
I make love to her again before we agree that a shower is a good idea. Then I decide shower sex is an even better idea. By the time we get in bed again, we’re both exhausted and fall asleep holding each other.
I’ve always thought of her as my Moon, but truth is, when I hold her like I am now, I know I’m holding my whole world.
20
Moon
Smile big the end is near
Smile big from ear to ear
Happiness has found you, this is your time
Happiness is in you, it’s your time to shine
I can’t stop smiling. My cheeks hurt, but I can’t stop it. I’m so happy!
It’s all because of Endy. Well, that’s not totally true, but he definitely is a huge part of my happiness. We’ve spent the last two days together inside my apartment. We’ve barely dressed, instead, staying in bed wrapped in my sheets, feasting on each other more than food. There’s also been a lot of talking. Confessions of both love and of our inner demons, along with hopes for the future. I can honestly say that I feel content—happy—for the first time in my life.
“I can see you’re both happy by your matching smiles,” Dr. Greer muses while trying to hide her own growing grin. “Tell me where you see this relationship going. Tavin?”
He looks down to where our fingers are laced together resting on my thigh before his eyes meet mine. “I want… I want to see her every day. I need to make a new life, with her by my side. I hope to make her my wife if she’ll have me.”
I can’t help the tears that spring to my eyes. We’ve talked about all of that, but hearing him tell another person makes it that much more true and real. His thumb wipes the tear from my eye before he presses a kiss to my temple.
Dr. Greer clears her throat to get our attention back to her and out of our bubble. “Selene, tell me what you want. Are the things that Tavin said scary
or happy thoughts?”
“Happy,” I answer, almost before she’s finished asking. “I want all the same things. So much. That’s the only thing that scares me, how much I want—need—to have Endy in my life.”
“Do you think it’s unhealthy or wrong? Is that why it scares you?”
“It’s just… I… I…”
“Breathe, Selene. Take your time. Think about how you feel.” She tries to soothe me like she has so many times in the past when I couldn’t put into words what my mind was thinking.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Cinnamon. I smile then, feeling his warmth around me.
“It scares me that it will get taken away. That people won’t understand and try to tear down our love and what we feel for each other. I don’t want to be another news spectacle. I don’t want strangers’ opinions. I don’t even really want my mother’s, if I’m being honest. I know it’s weird to believe that we could fall in love, in the purest of ways, considering how we met and what we lived through. But we lived. We came out the other side. We fought Zeus, the devil and a monster, and won. We lived through a nightmare that wasn’t a horror movie but our reality and one that still plagues our dreams at night.
“I spent twelve years with my mind locking Endy away for safe keeping, but I’m ready now. I’m ready to start living my life the way I should. The way normal people do. With the love of my life. He’s the source of everything good. He protects me, cares for and loves me. He brings comfort and warmth and is my home. But more than anything, he understands me and I understand him because really, it’s just us. No one else matters. I want all the same things he does.”
I turn to face him then as tears fall down my cheeks. “Endy, I love you. I want to wake up with you every day to make a new life, a fresh start together, and I want to be your wife for eternity. I swear on the moon and stars, nothing will ever change that.”
