Shadow of a Doubt

by Hunter Blain

  “Who’s Da?” Magni asked, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his black shirt. “Raziel is who took care of me.”

  “They are one and the same. It turns out that Da was the angel Raziel…for both of us,” I said, sniffling. “And right now, he’s in trouble.”

  “Where is he? What did you do, monster?!” Magni demanded, snapping out of his sorrow at the realization that his watcher had gone missing. A touch of jealousy struck me then, barely noticeable but still there, like a train horn in the dead of night from miles away.

  “In the darkness of Faerie,” I informed them. Ludvig shot me a cursory glance before returning his gaze to Magni, who still held the powerful shotgun. He knew the importance of keeping me alive, and a grieving teenager could produce a problem. The kid saw how intently his teacher was looking at him and slid the weapon over his shoulder.

  Ludvig removed his goggles and breathing apparatus before turning to look at me. He had a square jaw, dark blue eyes, and tuffs of coarse blond hair that stuck out from under his fancy hat.

  “What do you mean, darkness?” Ludvig asked in his thick, southern Swedish accent. It wasn’t the stereotypical speech pattern associated with Swede’s on TV and movies. Where theirs was an inflection roller coaster within every sentence, Ludvig’s was more akin to the near monotonous German.

  “The Shadow Court escaped their prison and took over all of Faerie,” I informed the duo.

  “Ah, I see. Dat might explain the colder climate.” I noticed how he had trouble pronouncing the “th” sound of certain words.

  “Huh?” I asked dumbly, not paying much attention to the chill in the air. For a vampire, it was more of a sensory fact than something that was noticeably felt—at least when compared to a human. I could withstand temperatures ranging all across the spectrum and barely notice. It was more like when you smelled something distinct from far away; you knew it was there, but it wasn’t overwhelming. As a mortal, I could remember walking outside from a warm house into the freezing temperatures and having my breath taken away and muscles almost seize up. “How long has it been like this?”

  “It started over nine years ago. Maybe closer to ten.”

  I gulped. Ludvig noticed as I did, forcing his brow to wrinkle.

  “If what you say is true, vampyr,” Ludvig started, using the Swedish word for my kind, “Den dat means de Unseelie, run by de Winter Court, have taken over. Dis is not good.” He looked at me intently then, as if just remembering something, and asked, “Why do odders say you are good? A good vampyr makes no sense.”

  I remembered my first meeting with Father Thomes back in 1990. He had told me that honesty was the key to trust. Inhaling deeply, I began my story.

  I told them about how my parents had been killed because of our land. About how I had watched my mother’s last moments in the brazen bull and how I could still smell her burnt flesh. How I had been offered a chance to avenge them. I kept my eyes on Ludvig as I spoke this part, glancing tentatively at Magni, who clenched his jaw as his eyes stared daggers at me. I wanted him to know about my mother so I could help him understand how truly regretful I was for my actions.

  I recanted my disagreements with Ulric about using our abilities to help people and only drinking from those we deemed bad. About how my constant desire to be good wore on Ulric, who had refused to change his ways after being alive so long. I told them about our battle in the backstreets after I had worn out my welcome with my master, and how I had accidentally caused the Great Fire of London as a result.

  I told them how Lily had come into my life after Ulric. About how she had saved mine and Depweg’s life and then enacted a life debt on us. She had removed all her commands before I was to face Ulric, which I’d thought was a show of affection and trust; but now, the possibility that it had been just another form of manipulation and control had crept into my mind. On top of that, she hadn’t issued any more commands to either Depweg or myself since then, even though we were still in her life debt. We would probably be under her spell until the end of time, or until we saved her life somehow.

  I went over how she had helped save me from the shadow assassin by letting me piggyback a ride to Faerie. I confessed to feeling like that had been the cause of the decade-long time dilation, though I couldn’t fathom her reason why. I wish I knew what she was playing at because my heart was becoming more and more scarred.

  Next, I poured out how I had met Depweg during World War II, and how we had shared an affinity for killing Nazis. I noticed Ludvig’s face experiencing microtwitches, indicating I had touched a nerve.

  Then I shared how I had met Da when I had needed him most, just like Magni had. I realized, now, that he was my literal guardian angel sent to help me grow toward the Light. I missed him terribly at that moment.

  “My goal was to save my best friend, Depweg, and his pack from you two hunters, and then go pull Da’s ass out of the fire.” Ludvig and Magni looked at each other for a moment, exchanging an entire conversation with just a glance, before turning to regard me.

  When they didn’t speak, I asked meekly, “Is-is he still alive?” My voice caught in my throat as I spoke, terrified of the answer.

  Ludvig took a big breath before saying, “Depweg is still alive, yes. We have had numerous conversations, and I am conflicted wid what to do wid him.”

  I exhaled the breath I had been holding, relieved that Depweg was still alive. “And the twins?” I asked.

  “Yes, dey are still alive,” Ludvig confirmed. “I have dem at a cabin in de woods.”

  “Where is it?”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t fink I am ready to tell you dat, just yet.”

  Sudden anger built up in my core like a flash flood, white-hot and hungry for vengeance. “And why the hell not?!” I shouted, losing my temper immediately. They had my friends, and I wanted them back, now.

  You could kill them both, you know, Baleius said, feeling my trepidation. They won’t be able to fight back without ending the world, and they know it.

  Thought I told you to quit with that shit, I barked at him in response.

  You said for your friends. The man and the boy are not your friends.

  Dude…just, lay off, would ya? Trying to be a good guy over here. Stop putting poison in my head.

  Baleius didn’t respond, but stepped away from the wheel now that he was no longer needed. I returned my attention to the supernatural hunters before me.

  “Look, I like your werewolf friend, but he is still a werewolf. I hunt all supernatural creatures—”

  “And help Satan in return!” I fervently interjected.

  “What do you mean?” Ludvig asked, perplexed at the connection.

  “Supes are required to hunt and kill all demons for a multitude of reasons. Satan tricked most of the supes to flee to Faerie by having warlocks create doorways at all the major ley lines in the world, leaving the Lilith-damned world defenseless. Now you…you come along and kill our last remaining defenders.”

  “It’s not our fault!” Magni interjected in a near panic, the way children did when they were trying to eloquently describe why their parents shouldn’t be mad at them but knowing they couldn’t, which only exacerbated their frustration.

  “Care to explain how killing the last of the supes is not your fault?” I regretted my choice of words the second they left my big, stupid mouth.

  Magni’s expression melted and turned to solid stone before he stated with a coldness that sent shivers down my spine, “I guess my mother never taught me better.” It was like looking at an abstract version of myself. There was nothing behind his eyes but disdain for me.

  Seeing the situation beginning to spiral, Ludvig stepped in and said, “Any of de remaining supes dat we killed, were a credible danger to humans. It was as if dey had no accountability anymore. One of dem even dressed up as a clown and ate children up norf.”

  I forced the volcano of rage in my chest to subside, which was easy to do as I struggled with the word “norf.” I
t took me longer than I cared to admit to realize that he had meant “north.”

  Closing my eyes and rubbing them with my fingers, I asked, “You’re telling me that the supes that didn’t go to Faerie thought they could do whatever they wanted with everyone gone?” It was known that the supernatural community policed their own. Stood to reason that if there was no one around to uphold the law, then why bother. Heck, the reason why humans didn’t go around killing each other for transgressions like cutting each other off in traffic—or even just breathing loudly—was because it was illegal to do so, with stiff consequences.

  “Yes,” Ludvig answered, confirming my theory.

  “A clown, you say?” I asked, letting my hands fall away from my eyes.

  “He said his name was Pennywi—” Magni began.

  “Sh-sh-sh-sh-shhhh!” I shushed urgently, holding my finger up and looking around dramatically. “Do you want to get sued?” I stage-whispered. Magni frowned at me before he caught on and made the drastic mistake of letting the corners of his lips curl up in a smile before he realized what was happening and forced it back down. Ha! I was basically in. He was going to like me, and forgive me, and say, “It’s okay you killed my mommy, Mr. Buff Vampire, because we’re bestest friends now.” Probably.

  “So…” I started, unsure of what to say. “What now?”

  “In regards to?” Ludvig asked.

  “I bet you’re fun at parties, aren’t you?” I poked at him. Magni stifled a quick giggle. Ludvig glared at him briefly before returning his hard eyes to me. “I mean, big guy, that you can’t kill me, and I don’t want to kill you, right? And you have my best friend who I know you know is a good guy; it’s why you haven’t killed him yet. Did he tell you he was working with a priest to do God’s work?”

  “Your God means liddle to me, vampyr. I am Swedish.”

  “What the fuck does that mean, huh? You’re a Viking who worships Odin? Is that it?” I was growing annoyed again while simultaneously being distracted by his delicious, flowing blood.

  “Dat is a stereotype. Most Swedes are agnostic or affeist, actually.”

  “Aff-e-what now?”

  “Affeist. You know, dey don’t believe in de afterlife.”

  “Oh! ATHeist!” I said with emphasis on the “th” sound. He remained impassive.

  Focusing on what he had said, I responded with, “Fine. It’s also a stereotype that all supes want to be evil or rule over mankind. Depweg is one of the finest men I know, and you have him locked up like a damn prisoner. So I’ll ask again.” I let my eyes glow a fierce red. “What now? And keep in mind I’m only asking to be civil.”

  Magni let the strap of his shotgun slide off his shoulder as he subtly took hold of the weapon.

  “It would seem you have us at a disadvantage, yes?” Ludvig said calmly.

  “Appears that way, doesn’t it, bub?”

  “I assure you, dere is no need for aggression.”

  “Hey, who attacked who first?” I demanded.

  “We didn’t know exactly what we were hunting. And you have been gone for a long time now, haven’t you?” he countered. “We only knew dat someding was killing men and making it look like werewolves.”

  “Yeah, about that. How did you know I had set a trap?”

  “We found some of de drained flesh.”

  “Neat,” I exhaled, shaking my head at my lack of planning and surplus of laziness.

  “What is dis, neat, you say? Is dat not a word for someding good?”

  “Oh, man, just shut your pretty mouth,” I chided while shaking my head in exasperation. Then I lifted my head and let my red eyes underline my point. “Take me to Depweg, pretty-fucking-please.”

  “Like I said; dere’s no need for aggression. I will take you to him,” Ludvig said, signaling a truce. Having a verbal understanding, he focused on healing himself by placing a hand on his bicep and closing his eyes in concentration. A warm glow emanated from between his fingers; after he was finished, he repeated the process on the gash on his other arm. I noticed his bleeding had not only stopped, but the skin beneath was fully healed.

  Aggression? I just wanted to see my friend. Didn’t seem unreasonable to me. Maybe it was a little harsh, but…Something tickled my brain and I looked inward to see that Baleius had placed a hand on the steering wheel.

  You son of a…I said, slapping his hand away.

  I was just offering my assistance, should it be needed, Baleius told me innocently.

  I know what you were doing, I retorted quickly. Look, you can’t go around killing everybody you disagree with.

  Why not?

  Damn it, dude! Now’s not the time. Just—just stop being a dick to everyone, I ordered, fatigue at having to explain everything taking over. I was beginning to see what people meant when they referred to me as exhausting.

  My eyes shifted back to purple and my posture relaxed. Ludvig and Magni took note of this, relaxing their own stances in return. We were basically at a standstill; I couldn’t kill Ludvig without losing the opportunity to save my friend, and he couldn’t kill me without killing everybody in the feck’n universe. And the kid, well, I didn’t think I was physically able to harm him at all now that I knew who he was. Even with what was at stake, if he put the gun to my head, I didn’t think I could stop him from squeezing the trigger and ending my existence. I deserved his wrath. I deserved to be punished.

  “Sorry about that. Now then, let me try again,” I said before clearing my throat. “You seem like a reasonable fellow. How about taking me to see my ol’ buddy, Deppyweg?” I asked with a smile that I hoped came across as friendly.

  13

  It didn’t take long to make it back to the Hunter’s decked out van. It was a four-wheel drive monster with off-road tires, limo tint windows, and blacked out, well, everything. In the cover of night, it would be hard for most creatures to distinguish the vehicle.

  “Shotgun!” I called out as I jogged to the passenger door.

  “I don’t think so, monster,” Magni answered flatly, brandishing his own shotgun as he approached confidently.

  “At least you didn’t rack it menacingly,” I relented, moving out of the way.

  “Why would I do that? It’s already locked and loaded. Racking it would expel an unused shell.”

  “I…never mind,” I said, not feeling like explaining the typical movie trope. I slid open the side door and was greeted by a BDSM’s wet dream.

  Chains hung from the ceiling, while black hoods, handcuffs, and zip ties were organized on the side opposite the door.

  “Neat!” I proclaimed, impressed.

  “You keep using that word,” Ludvig said as he shut the driver’s side door and started the ignition.

  “Are you gonna say that ‘I don’t think ita means what you think ita means?’” I asked in a terrible Spaniard accent.

  “What? No. Why did you say it like dat? Dat’s not how I sound.”

  “‘Dat’s not how I sound,’” I mimicked perfectly. “It’s from a movie! Lilith damn it, you guys are terrible at this!”

  “What’d I do?” Magni asked from the passenger seat, annoyed.

  “Ugh, nothing! Just take me to Depweg,” I said before adding, “Pleeeeeeease,” with extra syllables.

  Ludvig and Magni glanced at each other, unsure of what to make of the situation. After a moment, Ludvig typed the destination into the GPS and put the van into gear before pulling onto a dirt road that led out of the wooded area.

  “Hey, kid, can I ask you something?”

  Magni turned his head to look at me with a confused scowl, pondering what I could possibly ask, and then turned forward again before saying, “What do you want?”

  “Is your name really Magni?”

  “No. And yes. My name was Collin until Ludvig adopted me.”

  “Interesting choice,” I said while nodding my head.

  “It means Mighty in Old Norse. Collin was but a child. Magni,” Ludvig started, glancing appraisingly at his st
udent, “is worddy of that name.”

  I mouthed “worddy” a few times until it clicked. “Oh, worthy.”

  “Dat’s what I said.”

  “I mean, it’s honestly a badass name.”

  Magni didn’t respond. I understood his situation. Here I was, the monster that had killed his mom, offering a compliment. Pretty sure there was no self-help book on how to handle that situation.

  “Can I, um, ask you another question, Magni?”

  He didn’t answer, but turned his head to stare at me.

  “How…uh…how did you meet Da—I mean, Raziel?”

  “Raziel saved me…from you,” Magni began with venom in his voice. Then it softened as his mind relived the memories of the one who had been there for him when he had needed it most. “Then he made sure I went to a good place that cared for me. I didn’t like it at first, because it wasn’t my home. It was a school and a dorm with kids that had money—I mean, their parents had money. It was hard, at first, but Raziel visited me every day after my studies were over. He would talk to me about supes, and tried to help me understand why you killed my mommy…my, um, mom,” he corrected himself, feeling vulnerable at the childlike term “mommy.”

  “Every day?” I asked, feeling somewhat dizzy that I had never known how much my actions had forced Da’s hand.

  “Yeah, every day. He would leave at sundown and always say, ‘Remember, I won’t always be here; but I’ll always be with you.’ It made me feel…calm, like I wasn’t alone anymore. Then I met Ludvig—who adopted me—and Raziel stopped coming. The last time I saw him, I asked him why, and he said I was in good hands now, but that he would always watch over me.”

  “Yeah, that sounds like him,” I choked up for a moment, remembering when we had first met; but now was not the time for that. “Thank you for sharing that. I had always wondered what he had set up for you. He always told me that you were in good hands and that I should stop asking.”