Every Time

by Lexy Timms

  “But the passion in this painting, I could never compete with the likes of that. A good man knows his strengths, but a great man knows when he’s met his match,” he said. “Wise words,” I said, grinning. “Hailey, I am willing to help you out with anything at any point in time in the future. I do not only respect you as a beautiful woman, but I also respect you as an artist. The world deserves to see your work, but they won’t get a chance to from this gallery. You might influence the West Coast if you are lucky. But the world deserves the haunted beauty in your paintings. Whatever it will take to make that happen, I am willing to do.” His words struck a chord in me that almost made me agree to his offer. Every time Ramon came into this studio, I figured he was in here simply to flirt. I figured he thought if he dropped the money he did on my paintings, then I would somehow come running to him and beg him to make my dreams come true. But I felt the gravity of his words while the truth of them smacked me across the face, and I had to physically bite down on my tongue to keep from agreeing right then and there. “You have my card,” Ramon said as he walked toward the door. “Give me a call if you change your mind.” “And like I’ve told you, I will if I do,” I said, smiling. He nodded at me before he left the gallery, and I was once again left alone. I sat back down on the chair behind the counter and took deep breaths, trying to settle my body down. While my head wasn’t swirling with anger and regret, there was still this dullache that was being pretty persistent. There were moments where I could forget about my condition altogether, and then there were moments like this when I could’ve sworn I felt it growing bigger and bigger beneath my skull, when I could’ve sworn I felt the tumor on my kidney pressing against my skin, and when I wondered how much time I had left and what I could do with my life in that short amount of time.

  Then, the conversation with my doctor came flooding back to my mind. I knew the tumors were still advancing. At best, the chemotherapy shots and the immunotherapy were halting their progress, but they weren’t really getting any better. They might’ve shrunken a tad, but that’s why the doctor wanted to do the surgery. He wanted to remove any ounce of tumor he could before they slammed me with chemotherapy, hoping it would simply take care of the rest. And what if it didn’t? That meant I would be spending the last weeks or months of my life in a hospital with poison chiseling away at the very life force of my body. I’d be too weak to paint or eat. I’d be too weak to go out with Bryan or make love to him on a canvas. I’d be too weak to take walks along the ocean or run my gallery. I’d be too weak to experience the life I wanted to treasure before it was ripped from me. In my mind, surgery was useless. It was elongating the inevitable and carving a path for me to be miserable while doing it. Sure, I was miserable now, but it was peppered with moments of bliss like last night with Bryan on that canvas and then again in the shower. I could still have moments when I woke up to wonderful, thoughtful gifts like that coffee machine he’d bought for me. But then, what was the point of his gifts if I wouldn’t be alive to enjoy them? I didn’t know, and thinking about it brought on another headache. I placed my head in my hands before I got up to lock the gallery for lunch. Then, I grabbed my cell phone and settled back into the store. That little nook where canvases and paints and brushes were scattered along the walls to be sold had become my solace during lunch. I had a blown-up mattress I kept out in the shed, and I’d drag it in and lay it on the floor, so I could rest during my lunch. I scrolled through my phone and found Bryan’s number, and I debated on not calling him. I was in

  a very vulnerable position right now, and I could see myself spilling my guts to him over the phone while the pain in my head washed throughout my entire body.

  So instead, I set an alarm on my cell phone, decided not to eat lunch, and took a nap.

  Chapter 21

  Bryan

  I

  got a call early that morning about an issue that had developed on a jobsite. Apparently, one of the homeless men I’d hired had stumbled

  onto the property drunk and started slinging his alcohol all along the sides of the frames of the houses. I had to get out there and survey the damage while the foreman held the man in his office, and by the time I got there, he was already sleeping it off. Thankfully, the foreman took it all in stride and informed me the wood had already been finished off, so all he had to do was wipe down the alcohol dripping off in the first place.

  I told him to not cut any corners. If some of the wood needed to be replaced, I’d pay the guys for the overtime.

  I hated time like this when I had to tell this person I wanted to help that I could no longer help him anymore. I sat there in the temporary office for the site as the workers started to show up, and by the time the man woke up, it was almost nine o’clock.

  I had to sit there and tell him he was fired for breaking the rules, and he started sobbing over a night he didn’t even remember. He started babbling on about a cat and how he couldn’t find it and how some of his friends were jealous and shutting him out of groups or whatever, but there was nothing I could do. I drew two lines and two lines only with these guys, and I couldn’t be lenient with them. If I was lenient with one of them because my heart kept tugging in one direction, then everyone would expect me to make these types of decisions all the time. Projects would fall apart, my community outreach would be compromised, and the entire program could go down in flames. It killed every part of me, but I had to do it. I escorted the man back to my truck, and I drove him to an alcoholics anonymous meeting. I told him that he didn’t need to have a job to attend these meetings. I told him he would need to get his addiction under control before he could even think about improving his life circumstances, and all the while, the man was crying. He shoved his way out of my truck before I could try to console him, slamming it behind him before he started walking down the street. I couldn’t force him to go to the meeting, but holy shit, did I wish he would take the help. I sat in my truck and watched him walk all the way down the road. He turned a corner into an alleyway and disappeared, and everything inside of me wanted to go after him. I wanted to ask him what really happened. I wanted to know what had spiraled him last night. Suddenly, the passion I’d shared with Hailey was gone, and in its place was this overpowering guilt as I watched this man disappear down an alleyway. I had this sinking feeling that I’d never see him again, and the thought made me nauseous. I couldn’t go back to my office because the technicians were there. They were installing our entirely new electronic system, and my office was the last leg of their race. They installed everything into our temporary offices first. Then, they would program everything to run back into my office. I told the foremen I wouldn’t be making any rounds until we could use this new electronic system, and then I would make rounds physically one last time so I could walk them through how the system worked. It gave me enough time to calculate the kind of raise I could afford to give my foremen for the extra work this would put on them, but right now, I didn’t feel like running calculations. Right now, I needed to be around a friend.

  I pulled away from the corner and drove all the way to Drew’s tattoo shop. I pulled up and admired all the progress that had been made, though I realized they still weren’t open. That meant something had probably stalled the progress, so I cut off my truck and headed on inside. Drew was there to greet me with a massive hug as I wrapped my arms around him. “Dude, you had to fire someone today, didn’t you?” he asked. “That obvious?” “You always look like a wounded cat when it happens, man. You know that shit isn’t personal. Sometimes people can't be helped.” “But this guy could’ve been,” I said. “They all could’ve been, dude, but they made their choices. How long was this guy workin’ for you?” he asked. “Five weeks.” “See? He wasn’t even new. He did it for five weeks, and he could’ve continued making good decisions. That one’s on him, even if you don’t want it to be.” I sighed, knowing good and well Drew was right. It was a hard thing to stomach, and it was one more point that was pushing me more and more toward the jo
b Ellen was offering me. At least with a job like that, there were no rules to abide by. If someone wanted help, they could reach out on their own, and other than that, our services were there for anyone in the homeless community to indulge in. None of this “obey my rules and you shall succeed” shit. Just decent, open-hearted help no matter the circumstance or reaction. “Things look good in here,” I said. “A topic change. I gotcha. Yeah, it’s coming together well. Hailey’s color scheme’s really panning out. I like it,” he said. “I do, too. The green is a nice and relaxing touch.” “Yep. It’ll be good for all those first-timer tattoo kids. They’re al

  ways shaking with nerves.”

  “I wasn’t,” I said.

  “That’s what you think,” he said, grinning.

  “I was not shaking with nerves when you did that tattoo on my back.”

  “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that.”

  “You’re a dick.”

  “And you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to get your head on straight.”

  “Thanks.” I walked around his parlor and admired what he already had in here. He had constructed his cash register counter and painted it this wonderful shade of deep seagreen. The walls in the waiting room were this pale green, reminiscent of something you might see on an Easter Sunday or something like that. But when you walked through the door to go back into the four tattoos rooms that shot off the hallway, there was this really trippy color on the walls.

  “Drew!”

  “What, dude?”

  “What’s this paint on the walls back here called?”

  “Oh, man. That’s some seriously awesome stuff. They call it mermaid paint or something like that. Isn’t it awesome? I wanted a darker tone for the tattoo rooms, but I still wanted to incorporate the green element into it. When you stand one way, it looks black and shimmery, then as you move it morphs from copper to yellow to green and shimmery,” he said.

  I slowly started to move my body side to side and watched as the wall crawled with colors. Leave it to Hailey to find something like this that would absolutely catch the eye and suit Drew perfectly. I chuckled and shook my head while Drew stood next to me, admiring his own handiwork while I took in the few pieces of furniture he’d already moved into here.

  “When do you think your grand opening will be?” I asked.

  “Honestly? I’m thinking about delaying it until April,” he said.

  “Why’s that? Aren’t you paying rent on this space now?” “Well, I’m paying the mortgage on it, yes.” “Wait, you’re paying to own this space outright? How’d you swing into that?” I asked. “Some serious bartering and convincing the landlord he’d never be able to rent the property otherwise. The rent would’ve been way too high, and I convinced him no one with a business starting out could afford something like that and no one with an established business would look for a piece of property in a place like this.” “You were always good at that shit,” I said. “So, I convinced him to sell it to me. It cut the monthly price in half, and I can easily swing two months of it without any internal revenue until I get myself open.” “Any reason why you’re delaying it so much?” I asked. “It took me a while to fix the electrical and water problems in the building, so I want to give myself enough time to encounter any more problems. If there’s one thing I learned from construction, it’s that shit can go wrong even when you’re putting on the last coat of paint, man.” “Damn straight,” I said, grinning. “But if you slap the last coat of paint on and you don’t experience any issues, will you open early?” “I was thinking about doing some private tattoos to get my name out there. Offering discounted services, no matter the intricacy of the tattoo, so I could get my work on other people besides yourself. There’s no better advertisement than proof and word of mouth in the tattoo business,” he said. “That sounds like an awesome idea,” I said. “Let me know when you do that. I think I have an idea for another tattoo.” “Oh? What’s it gonna be now?” But all I did was grin at him as my night of passion with Hailey came rushing back to my mind. That geometric pattern would make a wonderful tattoo on the rest of my back, or maybe a smaller version on

  the inside of my thigh.

  I was still mulling it over, but I really loved how that painting and its swirling colors turned out. “How goes shit with that Ellen chick?” Drew asked. “It’s going well. I’m considering her offer still.” “Dude, you’restill thinking about it?” “It would be a huge transition, but I think she’d be on board with a lot of the things I threw out. Including getting the foundation in with my business.” “Nu-uh. Man, that’s awesome. What the hell’s holding you back?” he asked. “A couple things, but they’re minor.” “Like?” “Like the fact that she came onto me heavily during our dinner,” I said. “Wait. She hit on you?” “Repeatedly. Even went so far as to express an interest in sleeping with me. I had to put my foot down and tell her I was in a relationship already with a woman I loved. Then before she finally backed off, she told me if things ever went south to give her a call.” “Oh shit, man. That’s a mess. Did she calm down, though, after you told her?” he asked. “After I threatened to get up and walk away, yeah. It’s a whole long thing I don’t really want to get into.” “Did you tell Hailey about it?” he asked. “I did, and she was surprisingly okay about it. She was more concerned with the fact that sleeping with Ellen was a requirement for the job. I reassured her it was nothing like that, and then she told me to take the job.” “Then you should listen to the woman. Look at all the wonderful ideas she has.” Drew ushered his arm around his tattoo shop, and I couldn’t help but shake my head at him.

  “What’s the second thing?” he asked. “I’ve got to get some things automated with the company to make things easier. Because of the work that would already be in front of me with the foundation, I’d have to split my time between the company and the foundation. If I don’t want the company to dwindle, some things have to be electronic to make things easier for me there.” “Makes sense. You gonna take the job after all that shit’s done?” he asked. “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not quite all the way there yet, okay?” “Fine. Fine. I get it. So, how’s Hailey?” I paused for a moment and allowed the question to rattle around in my head before I answered. “Well, you were there at the dinner,” I said. “I didn’t ask how she was feeling. I asked how she was, dude.” “I mean, she’s fine. She-she’s more than fine after last night.” “Uh-oh. You lay down a little lovin’ on her?” he asked coyly. I smirked at the memory of that very first orgasm and how it took little to no movement on my part to have her weak and trembling in the crook of my arm. I shivered simply thinking about it, and it wasn’t until Drew started laughing that I was ripped from my lewd thoughts of her body. “Oh shit, dude. You got it bad,” he said. “I do, and after last night, I want more than to just move in with her.” That statement silenced Drew’s laughter completely. “Wait, what?” “I love her, Drew,” I said as I turned toward him. “More than I’ve ever loved any other person in my life. She completes me in a way I’ve never experienced, and not just sexually. It’s like her life was made for mine. In every way. And I can’t let that go. I can’t risk losing that again.” Drew looked at me with a shocked sort of happiness on his face before a grin tugged at his cheeks.

  “She helped me heal wounds my brother’s death left open and seeping. She was there through all the agony and heartache it took to pull my family back together. She kept me going when I wanted to stop, and she never gave up on me, even when I hate fucked her and—” The words caught in my throat as tears rose to my eyes. “Oh, dude. This is serious,” Drew said. “It is. We were bound together by my brother, even when we didn’t know each other yet. That’s special, Drew. That’s some next level shit that most people never find. I-I want to ask her, you know? To marry me.” The smile that encompassed Drew’s face confirmed for me the idea that had been rattling around in my head ever since that moment when I’d pinned Hailey’s wrists above her head and realized I never wa
nted to live without her by my side. “I just don’t know if it’s the right time, you know? It’s obvious there’s something going on. I mean, you saw it at dinner, but that isn’t deterring me. I want all of her, even her secrets she can’t tell me yet.” “That’s love, man, and I support you all the way. I’ve never seen you like this with a girl before. She’s truly something special,” he said. “She is.” “I can’t help you with something like this. I want to, but I can’t. You have to follow your heart on this one. It’s brought you this far, so it won’t fail you now at this stage. In my eyes, the engagement here is easy. She’ll say yes. You know she will. Then, you just set a wedding date for whenever. You’ve got this in the bag, so don’t overstress it, man.” “But asking her, that’s some serious shit. Women like romance and big romantic gestures. What would Hailey enjoy?” I asked. “Dude, think about what you just said. Have you ever known Hailey to do anything big or romantic? Ever?” I thought back to last night and thought that was pretty big and