Sexy Love (Sexy Series Book 4)

by Dani Lovell

  “This is so nice, Lexie, I love falling asleep with you.”

  “It’s the start of the rest of our lives, doing this.”

  “It’s exactly that. And nothing could fill me with more enthusiasm.”

  “Good.”

  He leans forward to kiss me gently, before resuming the conversation of earlier. “Okay, so where did we leave off?”

  “We talked about Walter and your name and then you were going to tell me how all of this affects me.”

  “Right, I remember. Well, my mom, as you can probably guess, is still alive and very much the woman she once was, only now she’s old and frail and can’t do much for herself. She never really liked doing much for herself anyway.”

  “Right, so you still see her?”

  “This is what nobody would understand. She’s a bad person, she neglected me and has been to jail and prison more times than I can count on two hands, but she’s still my mom, whether I like her or not. She’s old now, but she still has an inexplicable hold over me and I cannot explain that to anybody. She was awful, but I can’t leave her to rot.”

  “That’s because you’re a good man.”

  “I don’t know what it is. It’s hard to explain to somebody that the woman who did the things that she used to do and say the things that she used to say is still somebody that can control me.”

  “Does she do that? Does she control you?”

  He pauses, staring deep into my face, his looking almost fearful, ashamed. “It’s hard to admit it and feel like you’ll still see me as a strong and determined man.”

  “Oh Sebastian, please don’t say that.” I stroke his cheek with my hand. “You are strong and determined, you’re one of the strongest men I have ever met, and this is only proving that to me even more. Please don’t worry about things like that, I will never think that way.”

  He nods, appreciatively. “Okay. It’s not easy to admit.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “The control… that’s how it affects you. She contacts me telling me she needs me. She knows I can get to her, she knows I fly. Because she has been a secret in my life for so long, whenever I hear from her, I automatically shut down from everybody, knowing I need to get there, sort her out, and get back again. During that time, I don’t have any contact with anybody, unless it’s a work emergency, and even then it has to be extreme.”

  “Like you’re living outside of your life?”

  “I guess it’s a lot like that, yes. It’s like I return to my childhood and while I’m there, I can’t let myself think about my real life. When I’m in my real life, I don’t really allow myself to think about her.”

  “Would you tell her about me?”

  “No.” He speaks with absolute certainty. “She’s nasty. She’d probably try to get me over there more to keep me away from you. You would never be introduced.”

  “Really? Don’t you think that might help? It might help you?”

  “No. I couldn’t bear to subject you to that. She’d hurl abuse at you because you’re taking what’s ‘hers’.”

  “You?”

  “Me, yes – my money, she wants money. My time.”

  “Do you give her money? Do you mind me asking that?”

  “No, not at all. I help her out with medical bills, insurances and household repairs, but I don’t give her cash, she wouldn’t spend it appropriately or healthily. She tries to get it out of me, but that’s where I stand firm. If I gave her money, I’d end up having to be over there a lot more to sort her out, and I just can’t do that. My life is here now.”

  “Do you ever want to stand up to her?”

  “Yes, and I feel that I do about a lot of things, but when she calls saying she needs me, I go into auto-mode and zone out, get over there, do what needs to be done and then leave. Sometimes I can be in Kentucky for over a week.”

  “My God, Sebastian, what would she do if you had a normal nine-to-five job and couldn’t fly out of state at the drop of a hat?”

  “But I can, and I have – so I do.”

  “Okay. I can’t say I understand entirely but I’d like to try so maybe you can leave that with me to work on.”

  “Yes, I’d like that. Maybe it’ll give me a little extra strength knowing that you’re at home waiting for me. It’ll help to have you know where I am and what I’m doing.”

  “So when you went AWOL, that’s where you were?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did she contact you when we made love that morning and you left abruptly?”

  “She did. I felt awful; I didn’t know what to do, I was already zoning out of real life and into the other one. The easiest thing was to act like a douche.”

  “You definitely did that, but it’s different now that I understand the position you were in. Were you there for as long as we didn’t speak?”

  “No. That time I was there for about ten days, she was in the hospital, she had a fall when she was drunk and broke her leg. I thought about you every minute of my time there, but because I’d been gone for so long without an explanation, it made it harder to contact you when I returned. I thought I had blown it and didn’t know how to explain myself, until I couldn’t stand it any longer and had to get in touch and at least try to blag it.”

  “Wow, Sebastian – it looked so completely different from my end.”

  “I’m sure it did.”

  “You know, this changes an awful lot. This means that I no longer have to excuse the fact that you got cold feet or treated me poorly, because it never actually happened – you weren’t treating me badly – it just looked that way.”

  “Well, I did – I should have been in touch but I didn’t know what to say.”

  “You didn’t want to lie, that’s totally understandable.”

  “I hope so, I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know that now.”

  “Seb… do you think you’ll ever learn to say no?”

  “I honestly don’t know. I’d like to think that I wouldn’t allow her to take my time away from you, so maybe it’ll be something you can help me to work on. I know that my time with somebody who loves me unconditionally, like you, is worth so much more.”

  “I’m glad you’re open to the idea of trying. It could help you to know that you have a rock with you at all times. Even when you’re over there and I’m here, I’ll be with you. We’ll communicate in a way that you haven’t done before whilst there. I’ll know where you are, like nobody ever has. We’ll keep this a secret together, but we’ll also go through it together. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Wherever I am, Lexie – I’m with you. Always.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  MONDAY 13TH JULY

  I don’t think anybody could be more excited about this wedding than Tilly. It’s only five days away and she’s practically squealing with delight down the phone every hour.

  She’s also crazy-excited about flying over to London on Seb’s empty leg to collect Oliver, Clare and their gorgeous new babies, Max and Henry. They’re only a few weeks old and everybody is so excited about meeting them. Having seen them over video call, I know they are the most beautiful little creatures and they’ll be getting a lot of attention on their first vacation!

  They have been so busy getting everything ready for the trip since they were born, including passports for the babies. Clare told me all about how they had to take them all the way to central London in order to get the documents in time to travel. It sounds hectic, but Clare and Oliver say that they are loving it; they’re just looking forward to a long relaxing break away with their new family at the end of the planning.

  They’ve decided to stay in the States for an entire month after the wedding, which is wonderful, Seb and I are really looking forward to spending time with them and getting to know little Max and Henry. They’re just so tiny! They weighed little over five pounds each when they were born which is average for twins, apparently, but it seems just so small for a human being! Like littl
e puppies or something!

  I think the idea behind the long trip was to enjoy their new babies in a place that they adore, surrounded by friends and family. They specifically wanted to be around for a while after Bea and Daniel returned from their honeymoon so that they could spend a little quality time with them, in their second home.

  Everything over on this side of the pond is also very busy, but Bea and Daniel have been very organised with the wedding, so they’re calm and collected and looking forward to their big day, Saturday.

  I’m working today and tomorrow, and will then be taking the jet to London with Sebastian and Tilly. Oliver and Bea’s parents are already in LA, helping out wherever necessary, which has been wonderful for Bea, she adores them spending time over here, as does Tilly.

  Things with Sebastian and I have been just perfect. We have stayed with each other almost every night, apart from the nights that Sebastian has been flying. He has had one call from his mom in that time, he was home with me and as soon as he saw the screen, he took a deep breath and held my hand before answering.

  I can fully appreciate that it must have been so strange for him; he hasn’t even told another person about his mother’s existence, but there he was, answering her call in my presence. He held my hand throughout the conversation and though I didn’t want to intrude in his private talk, I couldn’t help but notice how his voice changed.

  His tone wasn’t soft and cheerful when he spoke to her; he became serious, monotonic. He had no warmth in his voice at all, he must hold a huge amount of resentment, I’m not sure that I could have kept in contact with a woman who called herself my mother but treated me in the abhorrent way in which this woman treated Sebastian. He’s a bigger person than I could be.

  I think what he finds hard, is that this person who has done nothing but hurt him and others around her is still here, living and breathing the poison that she emanates, yet a kind, generous and loving man like Walter, who took him in when he needed somebody and helped him become the man he is today, is no longer living.

  He was older than Sebastian’s mother, and he knows that Walter was ready to go when he did, but he misses him terribly, and although he does have a love for his mother that only he can understand, he’d much rather be nursing an old, loving man – than the woman who told him that he’d amount to nothing.

  Luckily, on this occasion, she only had a burst pipe and Sebastian could arrange for somebody to fix it from here without having to visit her. She seemed happy enough with that, but just hearing her course, deep voice through the cell phone rudely demanding he fix it, was my first hand experience of just how she treats him. She shouted at him, she belittled him, she complained about having to live in a trailer when he has all the money in the world and could buy her a nice house.

  It’s probably a good thing that I’m never going to meet her, because I wouldn’t stand for anybody talking to him like that in front of me. It was all I could do to refrain from tearing the cell from his fingers and giving her a piece of my mind there and then. I may be a lady, but that goes out the window when somebody disrespects my family like that. Luckily I’ve never been in a position with somebody so despicable before.

  He expects her to call again within a couple of weeks when he’ll probably have to fly over there, but until then, we have my brother’s beautiful wedding and every night to ourselves.

  When it happens, I know I’ll feel frustrated that she’s treating such an incredibly kind man the way she is, but I’ll also understand that this is the way Sebastian wants to play it, and I’m going to respect that fully. Whatever she did to him, he cares for her because she’s his mother. He doesn’t like her, but he doesn’t wish ill of her and that is what makes him - Sebastian.

  It’s a freeing feeling to know that I no longer have any doubts about Seb, he has never treated me poorly in order to satisfy some selfish need, he has never ‘gone off’ me or decided to pursue somebody else. All of the doubts and worries of days gone by have been eradicated by explanation.

  Spending my free time with him every day has enriched my life massively in a way that I never knew possible. I couldn’t live without him. Coming home from work to my place or his and finding him cooking for me or listening to music is a never-ending thrill. Having him make love to me at any time of the day or night, creating new experiences together sexually – it’s rejuvenating, life-changing. I never knew this type of happiness and exhilaration could exist in my life, outside of work.

  I still feel the thrill every single day when I walk into the office, but now I get an extra blast when I return home. If he’s working late, I enjoy relaxing alone and curling up into my bed, waiting for him to wake me up with his gentle embrace deep into the night.

  What we have together is unique, I feel like we’re two peas in a pod who both understand the other where nobody else might. We stand united, surrounded by our own shields, keeping the darkness and damage of the outside world as far from each other as possible.

  I know everybody in love thinks that nobody understands their level of ‘togetherness’, but I truly feel that what we have is one in a million – no one could break into the protective case that we have effortlessly built around ourselves.

  I know that my love for Sebastian is everlasting, and I will love him with every inch of my being until I die, and even then it will spread into eternity. I know it’s possible to live every day in a blissful state of happiness, living through the challenges of life together, just like my parents, and without effort, I know - I’ll make it happen.

  ~~~~~~~

  She believed she could, so she did.

  FIVE DAYS LATER

  SATURDAY 18TH JULY

  BEA

  ~

  DANIEL

  iMessage

  Today 6:54

  Good morning, baby. I missed you last night, it seemed wrong to look forward to today without you there, but I know it’ll only make seeing you in a few hours all the more special. I never knew I’d be so lucky, as to have somebody like you. I can’t wait to see your beautiful face later, to begin the rest of our lives. Beatrice Hart - this morning, Beatrice Berkeley - tonight. Whoop whoop! Xxxxx

  ~

  I smile and stretch in the bed as the sun beams in from the window, warming my face. The breeze through the open balcony doors smells perfectly of the beach.

  “I’m very sad that I didn’t get to see any bum this morning.” I frown and jolt sideways to see where Tilly’s voice is coming from. I see her sitting on a chair on the balcony in one of Luke’s giant shirts and a chunky pair of socks with rabbits all over them; toes perched on the edge of the table and champagne glass in hand.

  “Hmm?” I ask, croakily with a smile.

  “You! I never get to see your bum out of the covers anymore; you’ve obviously worked on that.”

  I laugh, remembering those times on our first LA holiday when she woke up to my backside on display. “Yeah, sorry about that. Good morning.” I sit up in the bed and rest back against the headboard, yawning.

  I look out of the doors at the stunning view past Tilly, nothing but beautiful sand and sea, and I remember exactly why we chose this location for our big day.

  “Good morning, bride! How are you feeling?”

  “Very excited,” I smile.

  “Me too! This hotel is gorge, isn’t it?”

  “Lush, doll. Lush.” I yawn again and look around the room, preparing myself for what needs to be done.

  “Can I get you a drink, darling? Champagne?”

  “Actually, I think I’ll start with a cup of tea.”

  “Tea?” she cries, “How dare you! You’re getting hitched today, you can’t drink tea!”

  “Calm down, calm down,” I say, rolling my eyes as I pull back the covers and slide out of bed. “It’ll just wake me up nicely. I’ll have some Veuve afterwards, I promise.”

  She raises an eyebrow as she sips her drink. “As long as you do, I suppose I’ll let you off.”

  “Wh
y, how kind of you. How did you sleep without your monkey?”

  “It was a bit strange, but I slept through the night so it was obviously a luxury. Luke said she was really good for him.”

  “You’ve spoken to him already?”

  “Yeah, they’re having a lovely morning at the house. I bet Emily is loving having all of the men doting on her.”

  “I bet she is! Have you seen my mum yet?”

  “Yes, I saw her about half an hour ago in the hallway on her way to Clare’s room with Henry.”

  I giggle. “It’s so funny, I’m supposed to be the one that’s up super early and it seems everybody else was awake before me!”

  “That’s because everybody else has babies with them! You’re doing well though, Bea – you don’t seem stressed out at all!”

  “I’m not,” I respond, simply. “I think I’m just excited.”

  “Good, it’s going to be such a beautiful day.”

  “Oh, I do hope so,” I say with a smile as Tilly joins me inside while I wait for the kettle to boil.

  She puts her glass down and wraps her arms around me. “I love you, BB.”

  “I love you, too. Thank you for being here.”

  “Of course! That’s my job! Now, what can I do?”

  “Um… I think we’re pretty organised, really. Breakfast should be here in about an hour and then the flow of professionals will begin shortly after that. So I’m going to shower after I’ve eaten. I’ve already ordered room service for when Daniel and I return tonight… so I think that’s it.”

  “Room service? What for?”

  I grin. “Warm chocolate sauce.”

  She gasps and swats my arm in delight. “You dirty little minx! Does Daniel know?”

  “Nope, my little surprise.”

  “Oh, I love it! Well, I’ve already showered and dried my hair - ready for the hairstylist, so I’m free to help you with whatever you need.”