The broken pieces of me spread apart, dangerously close to breaking. “What do you mean? Of course it’s what I want.”
I went to stand too. I needed to go to him and hold him and kiss away any part of him that thought I didn’t want to be with him in every sense of the word.
But he held his hand out, stopping me. “Finish your food,” he said. “You barely touched it.”
“I’m not hungry now,” I countered. “I want to talk about it.”
“I don’t.” He sighed. “Not now. I’ll see you later.”
As he walked away, I scrabbled at the thrown-together pieces of my heart, trying to keep from falling apart all over again. Feeling lost, I sat back down. My gaze focused in and out on the plate in front of me as panic rose in my chest.
I put my head in my hands. I was an idiot. I should have told Jon about my meeting with the nutritionist, about the letters, but I’d been too scared of what those things said about me. Honestly, I still was. Would he want to be with someone who was so much drama?
“Abi?” someone said.
I lifted my gaze into bright blue eyes lined with thick, dark lashes. My mind went to the slip of paper still in my backpack, the neat writing marking his phone number. “Eric. What are you doing here?”
He held up his tray. “Oh, you know, catching beautiful girls by surprise with my wit and boyishly good looks.”
Despite the anxiety rolling in my chest, I smiled.
“See?” he said. “It’s working.”
I rolled my eyes. “Is it?”
“I don’t know. Are you going to let me sit down?”
I chewed on my lip. For whatever reason, I nodded. Maybe I just needed a distraction. Someone who I wasn’t failing.
He slid into the seat across from me and immediately dug into his cheeseburger. Eric wasn’t ripped or toned or even lean, but he was strong. It made me wonder, did he used to play sports? Did he grow up on a farm? Did he go to the rec center and play pickup ball games for fun?
“You think too much,” he said, using a wad of napkins to wipe a glob of ketchup off his chin.
The ridiculousness of it all was exactly the distraction I needed. “You’re a mess.”
“Yeah, but you can’t spell mess without...” His eyes turned toward the ceiling. “Yeah, I don’t know where I was going with that.”
My laugh came even easier this time.
“So what’s your story?” he asked.
“What’s yours?”
A shadow crossed his eyes but quickly passed. “We don’t need to talk about it.” He nodded toward my chest. At the Upton Track graphic on my shirt. “You’re on the track team?”
I nodded. And for a second, I let myself pretend that’s all there was to my story. That I had a normal family. A normal high school experience with a few dances, a few heartbreaks, and a few really good friends. Then I shrugged and let the dream live on a little longer. “That’s about all there is.”
His blue eyes narrowed, somewhere between fun and teasing. There was something else there I couldn’t quite place. “You’re being modest.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I bet you were...what, homecoming queen? Star of the track team? Made it to state but didn’t medal? Broke some poor sap’s heart when you came to college because you wanted to leave yourself open for...” He plucked at his shirt, winked a big blue eye at me. “New opportunities.”
“You are full of yourself.” I giggled.
“Maybe,” he said. “But why aren’t you?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Instead of going back to my room, I called Stormy and took to one of the winding sidewalks around campus. It was getting colder outside, but I needed the space away from the four walls of my shared room.
She picked up within a few rings and gave me her regular greeting. “Hey, chica.”
“Hey.” My voice came out shakier than I meant it to, and suddenly, everything about me, my life, felt shaky.
Jon and I never fought, not since we’d been together. And he never looked at me with disappointment in his eyes. I never had easy, flirting conversations with other guys. It shattered me.
“What’s wrong?” Stormy asked, concern apparent in her tone.
I dropped my face in my hands and rubbed. “What isn’t wrong?”
She let out a sympathetic laugh. “Why don’t you start at the beginning, babe?”
So I did. And even though I’d only been in college a week, it took nearly an hour to tell her everything that had been going on. How Jon felt more distant than ever and that the nutritionist was off her rocker. But I made sure to tell Stormy the good things too, including my new almost-friends and the nice thing Coach Cadence said about me. I hesitated, considering if I should tell her about the notes.
“Wow, you’ve had a big week.” She let out a small laugh. “All I’ve done since Monday is wait tables and binge watch Riverdale on Netflix.”
The hurt in her voice was obvious. Stormy had problems of her own. She didn’t need me to call and complain about what, on paper, looked like an amazing opportunity.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I don’t know—I just...I...” She sighed.
“Are you sad you stayed in Woodman?”
“What do you think, Abi?” Frustration edged its way into her tone. “I’m living with my mom and stepdad, waiting tables, trying to save enough money to get a place of my own. And then what? I get married, have kids, and never do anything for myself my entire life?”
My heart ached for her. “It doesn’t have to be that way. You are one of the smartest people I know.”
“Look, Abi,” she said, a wall around her feelings again. “You got your fairy tale. Things worked out for you. They don’t happen like that for everyone.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The line went silent, and I slouched down on the bench, letting my head drop back over the backrest. There I went, blowing everything that mattered to me, yet again. I should have asked her about her life instead of going on about mine for an entire hour.
Mom’s words echoed in my brain, crashing against my skull until all I could hear was her telling me I didn’t deserve friends. That no matter what I did, I would be worthless.
I was having a hard time not believing her.
Still, I wasn’t giving up. I hadn’t lost sixty pounds, trained for hours a day, put myself out there and risked the ultimate heartbreak for nothing. I sent Jon a text and started back to my dorm.
Abi: I’m ready to talk when you are. I mean it.
After putting my phone in my pocket, I started back toward the tall dorm building, framed against the darkening sky. When I arrived, Anika was already in her bed, leaning against the wall with her legs dangling over the edge.
At the sound of the door opening, she closed the textbook in her lap and smiled at me. “How’s it going?”
I blew a stray hair out of my face. “I’ve had better days. You?”
She shook her head. “I’m reading my textbook on my first Friday night of college. The outlook isn’t great.”
“What’s Kyle doing?”
“Some team bonding thing.” She shrugged.
I dropped my bag on the desk and fell into my chair. “Girl. We’ve got to do something about this.”
“You sure?” Her eyes lit up. “What did you have in mind?”
Her reaction made me wonder if she felt as nervous and out of place as I did. Unfortunately, I was as clueless as she was about how to navigate college life.
“Um. I have no idea. Do you know of any parties going on?” Even as I said it, I cringed. Binge drinking at some random house didn’t sound like a great time.
Her face mirrored mine. “Maybe a movie?”
Another bad idea. She knew it, and I did too. We could have done that back home.
“Do you know anyone older who goes here?” I asked.
Her expression turned stormy for a fraction of a second before she sh
ook her head. “You? Maybe someone on the track team?”
“Yeah, but...” I kicked myself, realizing I hadn’t even asked Nikki or the other girls for their numbers. I was so far out of the game, I wasn’t even in the ticket line. How I managed to have a solid friend group at home, I didn’t know. I shook my head.
“Anyone from class?” she asked.
My mind went to the slip of paper in my backpack and the confident, funny guy it belonged to. “Kind of?”
She lifted her eyebrows.
“I mean, he gave me his number in class.” Guilt wracked my stomach. “I haven’t called him or anything.”
Her eyes narrowed in a way that told me she knew there was more to the story, but she wasn’t going to ask. Instead, she said, “Having guy friends isn’t a crime, Abi.”
I nodded toward her mirror and the cute guy in most of her pictures. “Like him?”
She smiled at his image. “That’s Bran. The jerk went to community college and left me here.” Her lips fell into a frown. “And Kyle’s already so tied up in football.”
“I hear that.” We were only a week in, and it seemed like Jon and I would have to fight more than ever to make our relationship work. But after today, I didn’t know if he was up for the challenge.
“What’s Jon doing?” she asked.
“Working on homework with some friends.” I tried to make it seem normal, like this wasn’t the first Friday night in months we hadn’t spent together.
“So you’re calling that guy?” she asked.
Chewing on my lip, I nodded and reached into my backpack. My fingertips brushed the crisp fold of the notebook paper.
A gnawing feeling hit my stomach, like I shouldn’t be doing this. But then I went to my message I sent Jon. He had seen it, and he’d chosen not to reply.
I typed in the new numbers, testing them, and held the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” he answered.
I closed my eyes. “Hey.” But then I stalled. What could I say next to show that I wanted friendship, maybe some guidance, and nothing more?
“Abi?”
“How many girls did you give your number to the first week?”
“Let’s say I had about a one in a hundred chance of getting it right.”
I rolled my eyes. “Uh huh.”
“What’s up?”
I glanced at Anika, who was sitting on the edge of the bed now. “My friend and I are bored. Wondering if you had any ideas?”
“Is your friend hot?”
I rolled my eyes again. “You’re lucky I’m not within arm’s length.”
“Uh huh.” Even through the phone, his grin was apparent. “Do I have any ideas.” He scoffed. “Meet me outside the dining hall in ten. Oh, and wear sneakers.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Eric waited for us by the dining hall entrance. It was dark outside, but a nearby light pole cast a glow over his face, enhancing the planes and edges there. I still didn’t know what he had in mind, but he wasn’t dressed for a night on the town. No, it looked like he’d just gotten done working out at the rec. Minus the sweat.
He looked at Anika. “Is this the friend? She is hot.”
If I thought I blushed badly, Anika was worse. By a hundred. She giggled awkwardly and shook her head. “I’m taken.”
He made an exaggerated frown and shrugged. “I’ll be patient.”
She laughed—a real one this time—and said, almost to herself, “You remind me of my friend.”
Since Anika seemed lost in memories, I asked, “So what’s this mysterious plan?”
Instead of replying, Eric lifted an arm and pointed at the campus’s bell tower. It rose from the library, looming even taller than the dorms.
My eyebrows came together. “What...”
I looked down at my shoes, then at Anika, who appeared to be just as panicked as I was.
“No,” I said. “No. I could get kicked off the track team.”
“Relax,” Eric said, holding up a key. “I work for facilities. I’m allowed.”
My shoulders relaxed, even if I only partly believed him. It was hard to tell when he was joking with that ornery look constantly gleaming in his eyes.
“I’m game,” Anika said, surprising me. “What?” she questioned with a shrug. “It’s not any worse than a grain elevator.”
The cement silos on the outskirts of town came to mind. “You’ve climbed those?”
With a sheepish smile, she nodded.
“Come on.” Eric started walking. “We’re burning daylight.”
“It’s nighttime,” I pointed out.
“And?”
I rolled my eyes at Anika and followed.
As we walked to the library, he pointed out the things no one told you on your campus tour. Like the fountain where if you got in, you’d be a virgin for life. Or the dorm window that looked different from all the others because some guy threw a microwave out of it last year. I found myself seeing the college in an entirely new light. It didn’t seem so intimidating and pristine when he said things like that.
Eventually, we got to a solid metal door at the back of the library. There was a big padlock on it, even though the library was still open through the main entrance. Eric selected a key from what seemed like a hundred on his keyring, like he’d done this a million times before. The lock unlatched with a heaving clicking sound, and Eric led us into a shabby hallway that looked nothing like the rest of the campus. Already nerves lit my veins, the feeling of forbidden-ness setting me ablaze with adrenaline.
“Where are we?” Anika asked, her voice echoing off the cinderblock walls.
Eric started down the hallway. “This is the service entrance.”
Following him, I scanned the walls and the signs by each door. They indicated books in storage, the boiler room, a bathroom. And that no one was allowed back here.
He stopped at an elevator and pushed the grubby up button. A grin shined on his face as he looked at us. “Ready to get high?”
I cringed. “That’s a terrible pun.” Still, I laughed.
Anika’s laughter joined mine. “Seriously.”
The door chimed open, and he stepped onto worn brown carpet. We followed him in, and the elevator suddenly felt much smaller than it actually was. I could smell Eric from here. Feel his presence. The cologne that was so different from Jon’s. His body that was so broad, the opposite of Jon’s lean frame. It just made me miss Jon that much more.
My heart hurt thinking of my phone, which still hadn’t chimed. Jon should have been here with us. Exploring, going on adventures, seeing the campus like never before.
After ten floors, the elevator opened to a metal door that Eric had to unlock with one of his many keys.
When it slid open, we got the full view of the bell tower—the tarnished brass, brick walls and cement floors, and then all of campus and Austin spread before us.
“Wow,” Anika breathed.
Wow was right. I stepped farther out onto the cement floor, eyes wide. We couldn’t see the stars here, but the glittering lights of the city shined just as brightly. In contrast, the campus was a dark blanket cutting into the city with only a few lamps illuminating the sidewalk.
I rested my arms on the wall, wanting to take it all in for as long as I could.
Eric placed his folded arms just near enough to mine for them to touch, and the breeze lifted his hair as he looked at me. “What do you think?”
“Everything seems so small from here,” I said.
His lips quirked. “Exactly.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Let’s go,” Eric said. “One more stop.”
Anika and I looked at each other. She was probably thinking the same thing I was: that I wanted to stay here forever.
“Unless you’re too tired?” he said, a hint of goading in his voice.
Something in me fought against his words. Maybe the same part that wanted to prove my mom wrong, that got me up each morning to work out and kept me f
rom eating unhealthy food.
“I’m game,” I said.
Anika’s watch lit up. “Yeah, me too. As long as we’re back by midnight.”
“You have a curfew?” I asked, teasing.
Eric smirked. “More like a booty call.”
Anika’s blush told me he wasn’t far off.
“Kyle’s taking me on a date when they get done watching film,” she said.
My heart did something between melting and freezing. This was my first Friday night as a college student, and I was spending it with two people I barely knew, not my boyfriend, like Anika would be soon.
I got my phone out of my pocket again and checked the screen. Nothing.
“Let’s go,” I said.
We went back down the elevator and stepped onto the campus that looked so different now. Part of me longed to be back in the tower, seeing everything, but removed from it. Removed from my problems.
Life didn’t work like that, though. The broken pieces had to be held together, even though they knew what it felt like to be shattered, separated.
“Where are we going?” Anika asked.
“You’ll see, beautiful,” Eric said.
Her lips pulled against her smile. “Uh huh.”
I walked a little bit behind them, feeling out of place. But to be honest, it had been a while since I’d felt in place. Probably not since the chili cook-off when all of my friends and I were wearing those ridiculous shirts...
“Is she always this quiet?” Eric asked Anika.
Anika shrugged. “Kind of.”
“I’m right here!” I protested.
Anika gave me a guilty smile. “You’re just busy and tired, I think, from track.”
Eric studied me a moment before looking back to the sidewalk in front of him. “Your parents must be really proud of you.”
Abi and the Boy Who Lied Page 8
