The Hate Crime

by Rachel Sinclair

  She came up to me, and wrapped her arms around me. “Oh my God, I can’t tell you how glad I am to see you. I’ve been going crazy in this place. See, I got out of rehab and I came here right away. I’ve been here for three months now. Three months. I want to go home. I thought I was going to get to go home, but then I caught this charge. I’m stuck here now. The judge told me as a condition of my bond that I had to stay here. I kicked the drugs. Now I just want to go home, and stop being around all these other addicts and druggies. Man, they got some characters in here.” She shook her head. “Some real Looney Tunes.”

  I motioned to a table that was in a small room that didn’t have much in it except for a table and chairs. It did have a window, though, so it wasn’t entirely a depressing space.

  When we sat down, she started talking again. “Connor was telling me that hopefully you’re going to be able to keep me out of the joint. No way I want to go and spend my life behind bars. I’ll go crazy. Hell, I’m going crazy just being here, can you imagine if I had to spend time in prison?” She shook her head. “I can’t even imagine it.” She lowered her voice. “Trust me on this, I’ve been behind bars before, and there are more drugs behind bars than there are on the street. How am I supposed to kick the dragon, if I can’t change my playmates and my playground? That’s what they always tell us in rehab, change our playgrounds and our playmates.”

  Her tiny hands were shaking. She kept putting her fingers to her lips and to her hair and then onto her shoulders. She looked like she was trying to dust imaginary creatures off of her.

  As I watched her, I realized that she was high. Her pupils were dilated, and she was talking a mile a minute. “Tina, are you high right now?”

  She shook her head rapidly, but I knew the truth.

  “Tina, I think you’re high on meth or cocaine at the moment. Now, there are a couple of things I can do for you. This is your first distribution charge, so I can try to get you a thing called Drug Court. If you get Drug Court, you have to agree to be on probation for two years, drug test when they ask you to, go through counseling and a 12-step program, maintain employment, and just do whatever it is that the judge asks you to. If you get through all that, then you’ll have the case dismissed. It’s a very good deal. I would like to maybe try to do that for you - I would like to try to get you a deal like that, but I need to know that you’re going to be able to walk it down. I need to know that you’re going to be able to comply with the court requirements for two whole years.”

  She nodded her head, and proceeded to avoid my question to her about her taking Drug Court. “I know you think that I’m high right now, but I’m really not. This is just how I am. I can’t help it. I’ve always been ADHD. And I know you’re looking at me scratching, but trust me on this, I don’t feel bugs underneath the skin. Been there, done that, not doing it again. I’m really trying to be clean. It’s hard in here, but I’m trying.”

  I was skeptical, but I decided I was just going to believe her. “Now here is what Connor told me about you. He told me that your pimp, Larry Rodriguez, forced you to distribute these drugs. He told me that basically if you didn’t distribute these drugs, that you would be in big trouble. You owed him. Is that right? In fact, he told me that Rodriguez would kill you if you didn’t become his mule.”

  She nodded her head. “That’s right. And Larry is in prison. I mean jail. The feds are going to get ahold of this case, because he was caught with a firearm, and he’s a felon. I’m glad he’s behind bars. I didn’t want to keep doing what he was asking me to do. I need out of the game, man. I’m getting too old for this shit. I want to get clean, want to get off the streets, want to have a normal life. You know what I mean?”

  I knew what she meant. More than she could possibly know. When I was getting in trouble when I was young, I was always desperate to start leading a different life. I was tired of looking over my shoulder all the time, tired of getting arrested all the time, tired of going to jail. My stint in prison straightened my ass up, so it was a blessing in disguise.

  “I’ll see what I can do about your drug charge. Not making any promises, of course. I can’t possibly make you any promises.” I paused. “Let’s go over a few things. I need to know if there’s anything in your background that might cause a prosecutor to go easy on you. Maybe there’s something in your background that’ll help you because maybe you know of somebody you can roll on to get a better deal. I can even see if the prosecutors will offer you a better deal if you agreed to testify against Larry, if they need that to happen.”

  “Oh God, no. No fucking way will I narc on that guy. I rat on him, and my life ain’t worth nothing. I’m not going to live long enough to enjoy my freedom.” She shook her head adamantly. “No fucking way.”

  I sighed. I had no clue what kind of trump card we could really use for this woman. Coercion, unfortunately, was not a get-out-of-jail-free card. There was a possibility that I could use the fact that Tina was coerced to get a lesser sentence, but there was no way that I could use coercion to get her completely off scot-free. The only thing that could possibly work in her case would be if she knew something that would bring down the bigger fish.

  The only problem with that was that people were usually afraid to rat out bigger fishes. Just like what Tina was afraid of, it’s been my experience that my clients were hesitant to testify against higher-up people, because those higher-ups usually had their fingers in a lot of pies. They could have anybody killed at any moment in time. That was why little guys usually ended up going to prison, rather than avoid it in exchange for their testimony.

  She looked very nervous. Her legs were going up and down, up and down, up and down, and her hands were shaking. She looked at me. “So, what’s your other idea? You must have something else up your sleeve to get me out of jail. Come on, Connor told me that you’re some kind of magician. You must have something that can help me out.”

  All I could think of was that this woman was stupid for getting involved with a guy like Larry. But, then again, people were stupid sometimes. People made bad decisions. People like my mother. She made one bad decision after another. I mainly paid for her bad decisions, and I knew that my life would be different if I didn’t have a mother like her. Whether or not I would choose that, having a different life, was another story. I was a firm believer that everything that happened in my life up to this point, good and bad, brought me to where I was. If I would’ve changed just a few things in my life along the way, I wouldn’t be here. And, since I was happy with my life, I also looked back on my experiences and realized that everything happened for a reason.

  “I don’t know, Tina. I don’t know if I can get you a decent deal. By decent, I mean probation or Drug Court. At the moment, the prosecutors are offering 5 years in prison. As you know. They consider this to be a pretty serious charge. You’re lucky that they’re not trying to send your case to the Feds, however. That’s one thing.”

  She chuckled ruefully, and shrugged her shoulders. “Guess I gotta take what I can get, huh?”

  “I guess so. I guess so.”

  Chapter 6

  That night, I got the shock of my life. Amelia was crying when I got home. Nate was nowhere to be found, but, when I asked Amelia where he was, she said he was up in his room, playing video games.

  “What’s going on?” I asked her.

  She shook her head. “It’s Sarah. Sarah’s been calling me again. She’s been saying all kinds of terrible things about you. Is it true, dad? Is it true that you really aren’t my father?”

  My heart sunk into my shoes. Why was Sarah doing this? She had zero interest in Amelia when we were married. She made that abundantly clear. In fact, her behavior towards Amelia when she was sick was the reason why I divorced her. Yet, here she was, making trouble. Telling my daughter vile and untrue things.

  At least, I hoped that they were untrue. I had never taken a paternity test. There was never a reason to before. There was never a question in my mind that Ameli
a belonged to me. She was mine.

  Granted, she didn’t look like me. With her light blonde hair and blue eyes and pale skin, she definitely favored Sarah over me, as far as looks went. There was nothing in her bone structure, height or features that told me that she was my daughter. However, I always felt in my heart that she was mine. There was never a doubt in my mind about her paternity.

  Was it wishful thinking? Did I talk myself into not doubting that she was mine? Did I not want to face the reality about the situation, and that’s why I was so sure? I didn’t really know.

  I wondered what Sarah’s game was. We were divorced, and she got a decent settlement out of me. Specifically, she got $2 million in cash, and $200,000 worth of equity out of our home. She didn’t try for maintenance, and I probably would have fought it if she did try. I knew the law in Missouri. Maintenance was hard to come by for spouses, especially spouses who were supplied with a large property settlement, as Sarah was, and who could work. Plus, Sarah was clearly at fault in the breakdown of our marriage, considering she was the one who abandoned Amelia and me at a critical time to take off with John Gibson. Because of all that, my lawyer told me that the reason why Sarah wasn’t asking for maintenance was because she knew that she wouldn’t get it.

  I wondered if she was going to try to shake me down by using Amelia to do it.

  “Where is Nate?” I asked Amelia. “How is he taking this?” I knew that Nate was unbelievably jealous of Amelia, considering that Sarah refused even to talk to him. He was the one who loved her still, while Amelia appeared to not be bothered by the fact that Sarah was no longer in the kids’ lives. It was really strange - even though Sarah’s relationship with Amelia, such as it was, was clearly toxic, Nate was jealous of it anyway. I guess he figured that a toxic relationship with Sarah was better than none at all.

  “Dad, you’re avoiding the question. I asked you a question. Are you really my father?”

  “Of course I am. Why would you even ask that question?” My voice was shaking, which Amelia probably picked up on. She was too clever by half sometimes.

  She crossed her arms in front of her. “Dad, I’m not talking about you saying that I’m your daughter because you raised me. And you’ve always considered yourself to be my father. I’m talking about whether or not you gave me your DNA. That’s what I’m talking about, dad.”

  I sighed. Amelia was seven years old, going on 70. She was way too smart for me. Maybe she wasn’t my daughter? I was never that smart at her age.

  “Amelia…” I wanted to tell her the BS that she wasn’t in the mood to hear - that she was my daughter, no matter what. But she wasn’t having it. She wanted to know if I was her biological father. And I didn’t know the answer to that question. There was no way I could know that for sure, unless there was a DNA test done. I guessed that was going to be next. Sarah was clearly angling for that.

  Amelia was still watching me, looking at me suspiciously. “Come on, dad, is not that hard of a question. Are you or aren’t you my father? If you were never in the picture, would I still have been born?” She tapped her little feet on the floor.

  “Amelia, I don’t know the answer to that question. I can’t know the answer to that question unless I take a test. So that’s what I’m going to do.”

  As soon as I said that though, I started to feel terrified. What if the test came out that I wasn’t her father? What could Sarah do? A judge would have to look at the best interest of the child in determining who gets custody of her. What that meant was that, even if Sarah could prove that I wasn’t her biological father, I could still retain custody of her if the judge decided that it was in her best interest to keep her with me. Then again, it would be up to the individual judge. There was always the chance that a judge could decide that Sarah would get custody of her.

  “Okay, dad. Thanks for being honest with me. I didn’t think that you would. I thought that you would try to snow me, and tell me some kind of nonsense about how your feelings for me make you my father, and that’s all that matters. That’s not all that matters, at least according to Sarah. She’s been talking to me, and telling me that if she can prove that you’re not my father, I might have to go with her.” Amelia hung her head. “That can’t happen, dad. I can’t go and live with her. I don’t like her, and she doesn’t like me either.”

  “Now, Amelia, that’s not true. She loves you.” My voice was weak when I said that, though. I knew it was a lie. Sarah didn’t love Amelia nor did she love Nate. If she loved them, she wouldn’t be treating them the way that she did. Ignoring Nate, and using Amelia as a pawn- that wasn’t the way that a mother should treat her children. If she loved either one of them, she wouldn’t be doing what she was doing.

  “Liar.” Amelia’s tone was accusing. “Don’t lie to me dad. You know as well as I do that Sarah wants nothing to do with me and Nate. So what’s her game, dad? Why is she doing this?”

  “I don’t know.” And that was the truth. I really had no clue as to what she was thinking.

  “Dad, what happens if you take a test, and it turns out that you’re not my father? What if my father is some kind of rando? What if he’s somebody mean? What if he doesn’t want me, and Sarah doesn’t either, but they make me go and stay with them anyways? What then, dad?”

  “Amelia, that’s not going to happen.”

  “It might. It might happen if you take a test and you find out that somebody else is my father. Dad, I don’t want to go with Sarah. I want to stay here with you.” At that, she threw her arms around my neck, and started to bawl. “Dad, don’t make me go stay with that witch. Please, please don’t make me stay with her. Please say I can stay with you always.”

  I hugged her tight. As much as I didn’t want to make a promise that I couldn’t keep, I decided to anyway. “I promise you. I promise you that I will never let you stay with Sarah. Now, you need to go upstairs, and do your homework.”

  Amelia looked at me. “You’re going to call Sarah aren’t you? If you call her, tell her that no matter what happens, I’m not going to stay with her. There’s no way I would ever stay with her and whoever my father happens to be. No way.”

  “Yes, I’m going to call Sarah. And I’ll tell her exactly what you told me to tell her. I’ll tell her that, no matter what, I will fight her tooth and nail it she tries to take you away from me.”

  “Okay then, dad,” Amelia said. “I’ll go upstairs and do my homework. I want you to tell me what she says though, when you call her.” She wagged her finger at me. “And you better be firm with her, dad. You better just tell her that there’s no way I’m going to move to Chicago and leave my school, you, Nate, and everything I know, just to be with her and some rando I don’t even know.”

  At that, Amelia marched upstairs, and I called Sarah.

  “I knew you would be calling me,” Sarah said when she answered the phone. Her voice was slurred, and I knew that she had been drinking.

  “Yes, you had to know that I was going to call you. What the hell are you thinking? What’s your game? Do you want more money? Is that what this is?”

  She laughed a little on the other side. “Damien, what kind of shrew do you think I am? Do you really think I would do something like this just because I wanted to shake you down for some more money? You gave me enough. No, I don’t want more money from you.”

  “Then what do you want from me?”

  There was silence on the other end of the phone. It was a deafening silence. A pregnant silence. In that silence, I knew that there was going to be a bombshell that was going to be dropped on me, sooner rather than later.

  “Damien, believe it or not, I don’t want money from you, and I also don’t want custody of Amelia. You always told me that I was a terrible mother, and I guess that I am. When Amelia was sick, I left her and you and took up with another man. I haven’t been in contact with her, for quite some time, except to call her up and harass her. I know that I wouldn’t be a good mother to her. I’m more self-aware then you m
ight think.”

  I took a deep breath, and let it out. I didn’t know whether to believe her when she told me that she didn’t want money, and she didn’t want Amelia. She clearly wanted something. But what was it?

  “Okay, you got me. What’s your game?”

  “Why do you think there’s a game?”

  I felt my temper start to flare. “There’s obviously some game you’re playing. Why would you tell our daughter that I’m not her father? And is that true? Is it possibly true?”

  More silence. “Yes, it’s quite possibly true. In fact, I can tell you that it is true.”

  My heart started to race. “What do you mean, it’s true? Are you trying to tell me that you know for sure that I’m not Amelia’s father? Are you telling me that you’ve already done DNA analysis, and you found this out?”

  Sarah was very quiet. “Listen, Damien, it’s better for Amelia to know her actual father. I’ve already told him, and he wants to get to know her. He can give her anything that she needs or wants. Can you say the same?”

  My head was spinning. I had no idea what she was talking about. No clue. “Sarah, who is Amelia’s father?”

  “His name is Baron Wicker. He’s one of the wealthiest men in the world.”

  Chapter 7

  Baron Wicker? Baron Wicker? I knew a little bit about him, only because I had seen his name in the Forbes magazine when they went through the rundown of the richest 50 people in the world. He apparently was an heir to an oil fortune. Other than that though, there wasn’t much that I knew about him.

  “What are you doing, Sarah? Seriously? Amelia is seven years old, she’s established in school here, she has her doctors here. Her whole life is here, with Nate and me. I don’t know why you would tell her, without clearing it with me, about Baron Wicker being her father, unless you’re up to no good. Why do I feel like Baron’s going to try to get custody of her?”