Friends in the Stars

by Mackey Chandler

  The temptation was to tell him it was none of his business, but Pamela said nothing. She’d rather talk her way out of this and couldn’t think of anything innocuous to claim as a reason for being here true enough to pass the lie detecting software. Standing right next to this big Derf was intimidating, and she never even considered threatening anything that big with the silly little pistol in her pocket.

  “It’s complicated,” she volunteered. The software totally agreed that was true, but it wasn’t very enlightening.

  “We’re also having some security issues, there were other units broken into,” Strangelove said. “Would you please join us to help us resolve this security breach?”

  Strangelove was polite, but a carnivore of his mass and reach could well afford to be polite and one still felt compelled to accept his invitation.

  “Alright,” she agreed. Maybe in the process she would luck out and find out what she wanted to know. It reinforced her decision that Kirk seemed to agree.

  Strangelove herded them back to the group where they stood to the side from Lee and Jeff with some extra room, looking like they were afraid the pair had some communicable disease.

  “My extra security is here, and these Humans were trying to sneak out,” Strangelove leaned between Lee and Jeff and informed them. “This is all getting very complicated. Excuse me, I’m going to brief my officers.”

  Born and Musical were explaining their work relationship with Leonardo to Lee and Jeff, and why it would be better for their dealings at the university to allow him to get away with this invasion without a public fuss.

  “We have too much invested in the relationship with his department, our equipment is housed in their building and we use them for support in fabrication,” Born said. “He gets to share the equipment so he has his own reasons to keep his mouth shut. The Leader over all of us, you’d call him a dean, already knows Leonardo is – well Derf terms don’t translate well. You’d call him a flaming jackass I think. Since Bacon is on the top side of the relationship as Leader, he doesn’t get the grief from him that his peers experience. No matter how disagreeable he is, he does get results in his department.”

  “I get results because I’m disagreeable,” Leonardo grumbled. “It isn’t a social club.”

  “At least we aren’t his students,” Musical said. “I’m repelled at his attitude, and yet I’m afraid he may be right about it producing results.”

  Vic noticed the bit about his students made Atlas very uncomfortable.

  “That’s you,” Victor told Born and Musical. Our storage was busted into too. I’m not sure I want to be as forgiving. Just out of curiosity, what would happen to us if we just shot him out of hand for trespass and attempted theft?”

  Atlas looked even more upset, figuring he’d be included if Leonardo was shot.

  “Here? Probably nothing,” Born said. “He isn’t clan Derf and we aren’t on clan territory. No Mother would claim an interest. Trade towns don’t have law, they have customs. People would very much disapprove if they knew he was subdued, and you stood and talked it over, then shot him anyway. It would have social consequences. You’d lose business and friends. It just isn’t done like that.”

  “I’m starting to think Derf are a lot easier going than Humans,” Vic said.

  Born’s eyes got bigger and he opened his mouth and shut it – firmly.

  “Go ahead and say it,” Vic said.

  “Human’s are pushy,” Musical said. “Born is too polite to say it. Badgers are closer to Humans that way than Derf, so I understand.”

  “I wonder if the Humans living here have adapted to Derf ways,” Vic said, “because if they are following gentle Derf custom, instead of harsh Human law, I think you’d see a lot less thieving trespassers shot dead as seems to be the case here. I’ll admit, I’m of conflicted feelings about that.”

  Chapter 21

  Down the hall, Strangelove was having a quiet conference with his reinforcements.

  “So we found these two Humans and two Derf in the facility separately. The Derf are known, but we have to ascertain who these Humans are and why they are here. The woman seems to be his superior and was not quickly forthcoming. She did seem a little intimidated, while the Derf was not at all and has been aggressive with us.”

  The senior of his two armored up security looked thoughtful. “Leader Strangelove, how many vehicles did the rest of you bring here?”

  “Two Derf, one Badger, and four humans in just one vehicle, and it was snug.”

  “There were four cars parked outside when we arrived,” the soldier said.

  “Ohhh… Good man,” Strangelove said. “Go down the hall end to end and thermal scan every unit and listen carefully.”

  The soldiers nodded and went off to do it.

  Strangelove rejoined the back of the group at the scientist’s door and got a hard, questioning look from Jeff.

  “Extra car outside. Guards scanning the building for extra people,” Strangelove keyed in his pad and showed it to Jeff. Lee saw the action and took a peek too. Both the Humans nodded and let the professions take care of it. The discussion here with the unrepentant Derf and his sidekick was still interesting.

  “What exactly do you have in your storage room here?” Musical demanded. You still have lots of open room in your facility without needing rental space outside town.”

  “That’s really none of your business,” Leonardo said.

  “I bet you don’t have a thing in it,” Musical said. “You just rented it as a ploy to get easy access to the gate and building so you could snoop and steal our stuff.”

  “What number is your unit?” Vic demanded. “Are you next to ours where you could cut through the wall and gain access?”

  “We don’t even know who you are, much less that you were renting here,” Leonardo told Vic. “It’s not like anybody is making introductions like civil people.”

  “Oh sure, we always engage burglars with polite formalities. So, you were targeting just us,” Musical said, and took an aggressive step toward the two Derf. It was physically ridiculous, but he just radiated hostility enough to alarm the Derf.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” Vic said. “Do I have to take that key away from you and try it until I find a fit?” Vic wasn’t that much bigger than Musical, but for some reason, he seemed a much bigger danger.

  “Number 119” Atlas volunteered. He was holding the key and didn’t want to fight these people. He didn’t understand why Leonardo had to continue to be a hard guy when they were outnumbered and outgunned. Sometimes you need to make nice-nice.

  “So, you are next to us,” Vic said, eyes narrowing.

  “It’s what the business assigned us,” Leonardo protested. “It was probably just the next open unit. We all rented about the same time. I know Miss Moneybags Anderson and her researchers, but I still don’t know who you are sir.”

  “I’m nobody, but my wife is Lady Eileen Foy, Voice and peer to the Sovereign of Central and ambassador to Red Tree. By their invitation, Protectorate of the Derfhome star system. Her mission is under Red Tree’s protection on-planet. Strangelove and his men are the current providers of that protection,” Vic said, hooking a thumb at the Derf.

  “Oh… ” The last was probably what gave Leonardo pause. He knew Red Tree.

  “I’ll check it out,” Strangelove said. He didn’t bother to demand the key. He walked over to room 119 and inserted the bottom hook of his ax behind the lock and lifted. The snap of the hasp breaking was a single snapping sound and he pulled the door open.

  “It is empty,” Strangelove reported, surprised. “I thought they’d have something in it for the sake of appearances.”

  Atlas was supposed to put something in the unit, but he hadn’t gotten around to it. He was sure he’d hear about that from Leonardo.

  “He’d have to care what anybody thought to bother,” Musical said, still ticked.

  The soldiers came up to Strangelove and said something too low for
the Humans to hear. Strangelove looked surprised and pointed across at 114 behind them. “Somebody is in there,” he informed the group. They can’t tell if it is Human or Derf, there isn’t a shape they can image, just the diffuse body heat.”

  “You know something,” Lee said, examining Pamela’s expression.

  Pamela didn’t deny it but didn’t volunteer anything.

  “Who… or what is in there?” Lee asked directly.

  “Ask them if you want,” Pamela invited, not helpful at all.

  “If you know, does that mean you have a key?” Lee asked.

  “No, I don’t have a key and never have,” Pamela said, and the software verified it.

  “Want to do that trick again?” Lee asked Strangelove, and made a prying motion.

  The lock hasp was turned to close, making it look locked from a distance, but open on closer examination. Strangelove looked back at everyone and held the open lock up for them to see, bewildered.

  Bill and Sam were cowering behind the skid of crackers. When Strangelove called them out they showed their hands and came out warily.

  “Don’t shoot,” Bill said. “We were locked in there by that woman,” he said pointing at Pamela.

  “Good for you. Step out in the hall please.”

  Strangelove pointed at his soldiers and raised a single digit and motioned one of them to check the room out.

  “Odd, that I didn’t hear you beating on the door demanding to be rescued if they locked you in there. You must have heard people out here in the hall,” Strangelove said.

  “You all seemed to have a lot of loud trouble of your own.”

  Bill pointed out. “We thought we might be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.”

  “You Humans must lie awake at night inventing these sayings,” Strangelove said. “Who are you, and why would the lady lock you up?”

  Leonardo and Atlas crowded the door to see these new people but didn’t push it to come out in the hall.

  “We’re lawyers,” Bill said, “Earth lawyers.”

  “Given my experience, that’s reason enough to lock them back up,” Lee said.

  “You have no idea,” Pamela said. “I had to work with the older one there for a couple of years and he’s completely untrustworthy and amoral,” she accused.

  “Are you lawyers too?” Lee asked, looking at Pamela and Kirk suspiciously.

  “No, I worked with him back when I worked at the USNA State Department,” Pamela said, “but my dad is a businessman and Kirk and I are here to establish a honey industry on Derfhome.”

  “My verification software is shouting these are incomplete ambiguous statements,” Jeff said. “I’d expect them to be misleading and self-serving.”

  “No kidding? You needed software to figure that out?” Lee asked.

  “I have some problems with socialization,” Jeff admitted. “You should have met me a hundred years ago. I’m much better, even if I’m still learning.”

  Pamela was bug-eyed at his claimed age. Jeff looked like he might be pushing thirty by Earth standards. That meant he was one of those she’d never knowingly met.

  “Sir,” one of the Red Tree soldiers called to Strangelove, “nothing in here but one hell of a lot of Graham crackers, and the weirdest thing, somebody shot a hole through the whole skid of them.”

  He was sampling from a pack of them.

  “Maybe they do have some actual business here,” Strangelove decided. “It’s much less strange than renting a unit and leaving it to sit empty.”

  “They’re not business people,” Pamela objected. “They wouldn’t know how to run a hot dog stand without screwing it up. They’re intelligence agents if you couldn’t figure that out,” Pamela said, “but don’t assume too much actual intelligence is involved.”

  “You don’t out your own people,” Bill said angrily. “You can be criminally charged for such a revelation back home.”

  “You aren’t my people,” Pamela said, “and I was never officially told where you went after State. I just know you’re the kind of slimeball who’d gravitate to that sort of work. We had an office party to celebrate and bought a funny cake when you disappeared.”

  “Oh!” Strangelove said, with sudden realization, “you must be the replacements for the pair who tried to board Miss Anderson’s ship a few weeks ago.”

  “We’ve had our law offices here almost two years,” Bill said. “We have both Derf and Humans we’ve advised on Earth Law. We can tell you who to check with to confirm that. We have no idea what happened with any ship recently.”

  “Nice cover,” Pamela said.

  “Not as sweet as running a honey company,” Sam sneered. “Are you conspiring with the Foys in this food business? Are you storing your honey here with them?”

  “What are you talking about?” Pamela asked, confused.

  “We have food in the other storage room,” Vic said. “Obviously he knows. That means he has been spying on us.”

  Vic looked back and forth between Leonardo and Bill. “Now I have no idea who busted in.”

  From the look on his face, he might shoot both of them to make sure.

  Bill looked horrified that he’d revealed too much.

  “Oh my God, they’re both spies and competitors,” Lee said, finally figuring it out.

  “But, they’re from the same Earth nation,” Strangelove said, confused.

  “Now I admit, I don’t know from which intelligence agency,” Pamela said, “but they have the stink of spies all over them. It could be any of a dozen law enforcement agencies under the USNA or one of their military intelligence agencies.”

  “And you are from the State Department and have no business doing any intelligence function,” Bill said.

  “If you check, I’m on sabbatical and doing some work for my dad,” Pamela said.

  “As if he’d bother with beekeeping,” Bill said. “If it isn’t a billion-dollar industry he’d look down his nose at it like running a lemonade stand.”

  “But you do acknowledge knowing her?” Lee asked.

  “Only too well, I used to work in State and left to get away from the likes of her.”

  “We get that you two find yourselves in – intense dislike,” Strangelove said, “but I bet you haven’t priced a liter of honey here or examined how much we import if you think this would be an insignificant business.”

  Eileen rejoined Vic and told him, “If anything is missing it’ll take a full inventory to find it. Just the one box is open, and it looks full.”

  “May one ask what happened to these other agents?” Pamela wondered.

  “They tried to board Miss Anderson’s ship while my boss Champion Garrett was on board personally guarding it. They were undoubtedly intent on stealing the New Japan software. They were working as techies mounting Fargone missiles. If they were stealing any secrets from them they were already on the inside. That’s Fargone’s concern to discover if they got anything, not ours.”

  Kirk who’d been keeping quiet, asked, “Did he kill them?”

  “And make a mess in Miss Lee’s ship?” Strangelove asked, “of course not. We wouldn’t honor them with being that credible a threat. The Mothers have a peculiar sense of humor. After sucking them dry they passed them off to Sol system allies, who dressed them up in elaborate mid-twentieth century uniforms with all the proper period stuff in their pockets and snuck them back on the WPS in Earth orbit. They wanted to drop them on Australia but that was too difficult to pull off.”

  “It still must have cost a fortune and a great deal of trouble to get them to LEO,” Kirk said. “Are you going to do something similar with… these two?”

  The hesitation made Lee wonder if he thought that might be his fate too.

  “We may have a different sense of humor,” Strangelove said, “but surely you know that most jokes are funny once and lack any power repeated. To do the same thing again would be tiresome.”

  Leonardo decided the focus was no longer on them, but inst
ead of just trying to walk away he acted with his usual bluster.

  “None of this is our concern and my assistant and I are out of here. Make way,” he demanded of the people blocking the door and made a threatening gesture with the pry bar he carried.

  Vic stepped to the side to shield Eileen, his hand was going to his pistol again. Strangelove was pulling his ax and Lee had her pistol out still pointing at the floor, but she tensed and shifted her weight in a way that said that might not last. Everybody had a weapon in hand eyes scanning because it wasn’t at all clear Leonardo was the only threat. There was a complex set of opposing interests in play here.

  Jeff really didn’t want the stupid Derf shot by everyone he was threatening. There wasn’t a person here it was safe to bluff and he was about to die. Once the shooting started it might not stop with Leonardo. The only way to defuse it was for Jeff to shoot him first.

  The drone over Jeff’s left shoulder had the best shot and activated the Air Taser. The guide beams that ionized the air channels for the discharge were almost invisible even in the darkest night, but the discharge itself was a loud >SNAP< and a feathery fractal of lightning that etched itself on the retina.

  Leonard jerked arms flung wide and the big pry bar went flying, missing everybody. He flopped on his back inside the door with a patch of chest fur smoking. The stink of burnt fur was immediate and nasty.

  “Oh dear gods, you killed him!” Atlas wailed.

  Everybody stepped back away from their neighbors and it was an armed circle, even Bill and Sam producing the weapons Pamela had suspected. Everyone’s eyes were shifting back and forth, all of them balanced on a knife-edge from violence, ready to shoot if a gun was pointed at them.

  “He is not dead,” Jeff shouted, and hoped it was true. He’d jacked the power up to about three times what a human could stand. To about where it started damaging badly shielded electronics. He’s been rushed and guessed.

  On the floor, Leonardo shook his head back and forth and said, “Owieee.”

  “I’ve always been told Tasers just irritate Derf,” Strangelove said.