Table of Contents
Selfless
COPYRIGHT
DEDICATION
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
EPILOGUE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. William Shakespeare
SELFLESS
Copyright © 2017 by Shantel Tessier
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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Cover Designer Dark Waters Covers
Editor Jenny Sims
Formatter CP Smith
DEDICATION
I want to dedicate this book to my husband, Jason. Happy Birthday, baby. Thank you for always believing in me even when I don’t. You are my inspiration for Ryder. All the sweet and romantic things he says and does for Ashlyn, you always say and do for me. You truly do treat me like a queen. I love the hell out of you. And don’t know what I would do without you. Our love story is not like any other. We are the exception to the rule. Here’s to a love that will never fade or bend. We are stronger than the heaviest winds.
CHAPTER ONE
RYDER
I pull my phone out of my pocket and send a quick text to Milton to tell him to come back and pick me up when I hear the door to her apartment open.
“Ryder.” Ashlyn calls out as the elevator doors start to close.
I look up at her from my phone and hate how sorry those beautiful blue eyes look. Like she knows she just broke my heart. She stands there, that overly large shirt still on, but she added a pair of sweatpants and flip-flops.
With everything I have in me, I manage to pull my eyes away from her and look back down to my phone.
“Wait.” I hear her call out but I make no attempt to stop the doors from closing.
She jumps inside just in time, trying to catch her breath before begging. “Ryder, please. Let me explain,”
“What’s there to explain?” I ask flatly as I place my phone in my pocket and look up to see how many more floors I have to endure with her. The space is closing in on me. The smell of her sweet perfume is enough to knock me off my feet.
She sucks in a deep breath. “I didn’t—”
“You know; it doesn’t matter what you have to say.” I interrupt her. “I get it.” I don’t get it, though. I want to turn to her and ask her why? What had I done wrong? What did Bradley do that he deserves her? But I close my lips.
“You don’t,” she says defensively.
I can’t listen to her voice anymore. “Save it,” I say, still refusing to look at her. I can’t look into those blue eyes or at those soft lips. I can’t look at the face I’ve come to dream about. Saw a future with. All of that is gone now. “I get it, Ashlyn. He’s your best friend. That you fuck.”
“He’s my best friend, but …”
“You guys are different,” I say, interrupting her. There’s nothing she can tell me that she hasn’t already informed me of. “You’ve said that.” I nod once still unable to look at her. I may break. I have to be strong. I’m not some pussy who needs a woman to love them. I fuck them! I’m the male version of her! I’m not gonna beg and plead for her to want me.
I feel her hand reach out to me, and my entire body tenses. Just the thought of her touching him and then me … it’s too much.
The elevator dings, and the mirrored doors slide open and I all but run out of it and through the lobby of the Q’s. I’m not far from the glass front doors when I feel her hand grab my upper arm, and she yanks me to a stop. My muscles tense, but I can’t hold it back anymore. I spin around and harden my eyes as I look down into her blue ones. They’re full of unshed tears, and they piss me off. “Why are you down here, Ashlyn?” I snap, my voice echoing through the large lobby.
She cringes and speaks softly. “I want to apologize.”
I yank my arm free of her hold. “No need to apologize for who you are.”
Her eyes widen in shock at my words, and she wraps her arms around herself. “What does that mean?” she whispers as her eyes search mine as if she’s looking for some kind of sympathy. She won’t find it!
“Just a fuck!” I state carelessly then, without wasting another second, I turn around and walk out the front doors, leaving her standing there holding herself.
I can feel her stare on me, and it just makes me even more pissed! She practically chased me out of her apartment and for what? To tell me that she loves him? That after all this time, she finally realizes Bradley is the guy for her? That she’s sorry she couldn’t love me? No thanks.
I don’t need her to explain that I’ve lost the war. I figured that out all on my own.
“Mr. O’Kane …” Milton greets me. Guess he got my text. “Something wrong?”
“Shut it, Milton!” I snap, making my way to my Cadillac that he has parked curbside.
I get into the back and pull the door shut before he can do it. I keep my face straight ahead even though she wouldn’t be able to see me with the blacked-out windows anyway. I refuse to do it!
I can see Milton out of the corner of my eye as he pauses by my window. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and I wish I could erase the past three weeks of my life.
I open them when I hear the front driver’s side door open. Milton looks at me through the rearview mirror. His dark eyes look at me as if waiting for me to say something. “Something wrong?” I snap.
His brows pull together and his eyes look away from me to focus on the entrance of the Q’s— she must still be standing there. “What are we waiting on?” I demand.
His eyes come back to mine in the rearview. “Nothing, sir.” He places the SUV in gear and pulls into traffic as lightning lights up the night.
I lay my head against the headrest and let out a sigh. Fuck, she left my life just like she came into it—fast and unexpected!
I sit straight up, the nightmare finally over, when I hear a sound of a door hitting a wall. “Shit!” I hiss, and my hands come to my pounding head.
“Mr. O’Kane?”
“What?” I snap, looking up at my assistant, Kelly, as she walks t
oward me.
What the hell? I look around and realize I’m lying on my office floor. Did I sleep here?
She frowns as she looks down at me. “Here. I got you some coffee.” Kelly hands me a mug, and I bring it to my lips, taking a small sip.
“Thank you,” I say and notice that my voice is scratchy. I set the mug between my legs and let my head fall into my hands. Fuck, what did I do last night?
“Here’s some Advil,” she says.
“Do you happen to know how I ended up like this?” God, I hope I didn’t fuck her!
She shakes her head. “I came in an hour ago and found you on the floor.”
Phew! My father already fired his assistant for sleeping with me. I’d hate to have to fire mine. “An hour ago …?” I grab my phone from the floor beside me. Hitting a button, I wait as it lights up. “Shit!” It’s almost nine o’clock.
“I tried to wake you …”
“You should have tried harder,” I growl, running a hand through my hair. She reaches out her hand to help me stand, and I shove it away. I manage to get up by myself, but once I’m upright, the room sways a bit. Looking down at my clothes, I close my eyes and sigh. “I need to change.”
“I’ll go to your apartment and get you a suit.”
That would make her useful. “Thanks,” I say with a head nod, and she turns around, leaving me alone.
Sitting in my chair, I place my elbows on my desk and let my head fall into my hands. “What the hell did I do last night?” I remember walking into Ashlyn’s apartment to find her standing half-dressed with Bradley. Then I stormed out. I thought I came up to the office, but I don’t remember drinking up here.
I take a quick look around and don’t see any empty bottles on the floor or on my desk. I open my phone to see if I spoke to anyone. I had received a text from Vicki last night around midnight.
Vicki: I need to talk to you. It’s important.
Thankfully, I hadn’t responded. I go to my recent call list and see that I had a phone call from Ashlyn that lasted thirty-one seconds.
I drop the phone onto my desk as if it went up in flames. “Fuck!” This day just keeps getting better.
What did I say to her?
Why did I even fucking answer it?
What had she called to tell me? Sorry? Would she have been that stupid? To think I needed an apology? To think I cared that fucking much?
That’s the shitty part ... I do care that much. Or I wouldn’t have woken up on my office floor feeling like a truck ran over me. I’ve never had that happen before. Not until her.
I throw my almost dead phone across my office, and it hits the wall with a thud before falling to the floor.
Minutes later, I remain behind my desk with my head in my hands. It’s still pounding. And as if on cue, my office phone stars to ring. It’s gonna be a typical Monday.
“Yes, Mr. Lowe. I can get it signed and back to you today,” I say into my phone with my head still down.
The door to my office bangs open, and I jump to my feet, letting out a long breath when I see it’s my sister. “I’ll have to call you back,” I say then hang up as I hear him protesting. “Becca? What are you doing here?” My head pounds harder from the sudden movement, and I feel a little dizzy.
“How long?” she demands.
I run a hand through my hair because I know it’s standing every other way from sleeping on my floor. I don’t want her to go back and tell Ashlyn just how awful I look. I run my hands down my wrinkled t-shirt that I wore to the bar last night. Kelly still hasn’t had the chance to leave yet to pick me up a suit. Shit just keeps coming up. “I’m not doing this with you,” I say, knowing whatever she is asking has to do with Ashlyn.
“How long, Ryder?” she demands again.
“It’s over.” I growl. Does she think I’m playing some game with Ashlyn? I’m not like her. I either want all of her or none at all. I’m not playing hard to get. It’s over, and it hurts like fucking hell.
She stomps up to my desk, letting me know she’s not giving up on this, and I hold in a sigh. “How long before you buy Talia’s?”
My eyes widen at her words. “How do you know about the Anderson file…?”
“How could you do this to Ashlyn?” she asks, interrupting me. “You know what this job means to her.”
I sigh. “It’s business.” I decide to say, but I’ve been thinking the same thing since I found out where Ashlyn had her job interview.
“Business?” she asks with a huff. “God, you sound just like Dad,” she growls.
“I have a job to do.”
“And Ashlyn is going to lose hers,” she snaps. “When do you plan to tell her?”
I look away from her, and my eyes narrow on where I slept on the floor last night. I can’t talk to her. I just can’t. Call me a pussy. A dick. Either one would be true. “That’s none of your business.” I decide on.
She slams her hands down on my desk and I look back up at her. “I thought you were a good guy, Ryder. I thought you loved her. But now I see you’re not capable of that.”
My jaw tightens at her words. If only she knew just how much …
“You’re a lot like Mom in that way. All you care about is money.” My nostrils flare. I’m nothing like our mother. I would never do to Ashlyn, what she has done to our father. “So just so you know, if you do this, you’ll never get her back.”
Get her back? Doesn’t she understand that is not an option? Did she not see what happened in their kitchen? Is she honestly going to pretend that Bradley didn’t stay the night again last night at their place? “She was never mine to begin with,” I respond flatly.
“You’re right,” she says and then swallows. “She wasn’t.” Then she turns around and storms out just as quickly as she entered.
**
My day hasn’t gotten any better. In fact, it has gotten worse, if that’s even possible. My headache is still pounding, and the words my sister said before she walked out of my office keep repeating in my head. You’re right. She never was!
How did I not fucking see it? And why can’t I seem to let it go? I just continue to torture myself.
“Ryder, are you there?”
“Yes, Mr. Clevens,” I say into my phone, nodding my head as I try to hold it to my ear with my shoulder. My eyes scan over the papers that scatter my desk. I don’t even know what he said to me. “What was it you …?”
“I asked how much longer you think it will be,” he snaps, irritated with me.
“Maybe a week or two …”
“What?” he huffs. “You said it would be two days last Friday. It’s now Monday!”
Fuck! “I know, but things came up …” My eyes catch sight of a document with his name on it.
“What the hell has come up that it’s gonna take another two weeks?” he demands. He doesn’t let me answer. “Ryder, you know this deal is very important to me and my company. It needs to be done. Now!”
“Yes. I agree, but …” My life is no longer my own. I wish I could focus on what is important, but I can’t seem to focus on anything but the gorgeous blonde who somehow managed to make me fall in love with her just to break my heart.
“This is not acceptable,” he huffs.
“I know,” I growl, mad at myself. “I made the call. Now, I’m just waiting to hear back …” I look up as something catches my eyes to see Jaycent in my office. When did he come in?
“Ryder?” Mr. Clevens snaps in my ear. “Fix it or I will go somewhere else,” he all but shouts.
“I’ll take care of it,” I say, but he’s already hung up. I lift my head, and my phone drops from my shoulder and hits my desk with a thud. I don’t bother to put it on the receiver.
“Bad day?” Jaycent asks.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I snap, “Fuck this day.”
He plops down in front of my desk as if he’s here to stay. “Drank a little too much last night,” he observes, looking me over.
“Not sure how much
I had,” I say honestly, still having no memory of last night. Kelly was finally able to go to my apartment and pick me up a suit, but I haven’t had the chance to put it on yet.
“Enough to want to fuck a woman in the bathroom,” he says flatly.
My head snaps up, and I look at him wide-eyed “I did what?” God, I hope it wasn’t Vicki. She did send me a text …
He holds up his hand. “You didn’t do it. Just tried.” I fall into my chair and let out a long breath. “You really remember nothing?” he asks, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees.
I shake my head. “I woke up this morning on my office floor with a pounding headache and smelling like booze,”
He sniffs the air and pulls his lips back. “You do stink.”
I snort. “That’s the least of my worries.”
He sits back and stares at me as if I’ve fallen off the deep end. So I continue to fill him in on my day. “Then my sister shows up yelling at me about how I should do business.” I huff. “Like she knows what she’s talking about.”
“Did she make sense?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No. She doesn’t know what’s going on here, and I don’t have time to explain that to her.” She has a point. I’ve known all along that Ashlyn would lose her job. I didn’t tell her ‘cause I didn’t want her to hate me. Now she’s gonna think I did it for revenge. I’m fucked either way.
He nods as if he understands what kind of hole I have dug myself, but he can’t possibly know how deep I’m in. “And Ashlyn? How is that going?”
“It’s over.” I’m so tired of people talking to me about her.
“You didn’t seem that way last night. You were checking your phone every two minutes.” I snort, hoping I didn’t look like the little bitch I am. “Then you were willing to go to the bathroom with that woman like you were a man trying to forget another.”
“I’ve already forgotten,” I say flatly. Lies. All lies.
“You told me that you loved her.” My body stiffens where I sit. My eyes drill into his with my shoulders pulled back and body rigid. “Pretty sure you’ve felt that way long before last night. Remember that?” he goes on, shoving the knife deeper into my chest. He sighs when I say nothing. “Ryder, she …”
Selfless (Selfish Series Book 3) Page 1
