“I don’t wanna talk about Ashlyn,” I snap, and he stops. “It’s over. I have shit to do. Shouldn’t you be at work as well?”
He stands from the chair. “Yep,” he says and walks out, leaving me alone.
My head falls on my desk, and I take a deep breath. I should be ashamed of how pathetic I am. How I let myself get to this point over a woman. But instead, I just want to crawl into a hole. This morning, waking up here and hungover, I realize I can’t go home. I can’t chance seeing her on the elevator. In the lobby. Or out on the sidewalk. I have to move. Or possibly just live in my office. That’s when I realized I was at an all-time low. The fact that I’d rather live in my office than go home to my million-dollar apartment made me realize that no matter what, my life will never be the same without Ashlyn.
“What are you doing?” I hear a familiar voice ask.
I lift my head to see my father standing in my office, his hands in the pockets of his black slacks and dark brows pulled together in confusion.
I clear my throat and sit up straight. “Trying to get some privacy,” I tell him truthfully. “But people just keep walking in like they own the place.”
“I do own the place,” he says matter-of-factly.
I hold in a sigh. “What do you want, Dad?” I ask, rubbing my temples. They won’t quit pounding. Why isn’t this Advil working?
“So you broke up with your girlfriend and now your work is going to go to shit.” he states.
I narrow my eyes up at him. “Who told you I broke up with …?” My words trail off. I tilt my head to the side, and he raises a brow. “How did you know I was seeing someone?” I demand.
“I knew you were seeing Ashlyn,” he declares, and my jaw tightens. “I also know that she broke up with you.”
“I broke up with her,” I snap.
He rolls his eyes as if I sounded like a child, and I hate to admit I did.
I square my shoulders. “Who told you?”
“Doesn’t matter.” I go to argue, but he continues. “But I know that you look like shit.” His eyes look me up and down with disgust. “And I know you’ve kept yourself locked in this office all day.” He takes a quick look around and sees my suit that Kelly brought me earlier still lying on the back of my couch as if it cost a hundred dollars and not three grand. “And I know that you need a shower,” he adds.
“Are you done?” I growl.
“Not yet.” He removes his hands from his pockets and comes to sit down in front of my desk. “I also know that Ashlyn works at Talia’s.”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes and mumble. “Here we go …”
“How many times have I told you not to mix business with pleasure?” he demands.
I throw my hands up. “I didn’t know she had an interview with them until after I slept with her,” I declare, and he shakes his head. “And why the hell were they even hiring anyway? What was I supposed to do? She was so excited when they called her and told her she had the job. I didn’t feel like oh, yeah they’re going out of business. I’m gonna buy it and tear the place down and build another hotel. ‘Cause that’s what this town fucking needs was a good thing to say at the time.” My jaw is tight and so is my chest. So much is building up inside that I want to scream. I fist my hands down on my desk.
He places his elbows on his knees and leans forward. “Ryder …”
“Save it, Dad,” I snap. “I’ve had a shit day, and it’s not over yet. Becca’s come in here and jumped down my throat, and then Jaycent came in here giving his two cents on my problems and how I should handle them. If you don’t mind, I want to be alone. I have work to do.” I gesture to the stacks of papers scattered on my desk. “I may smell and look like shit, but I’m still here.”
He sits back in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest. “Is Talia’s going to be a problem?” he finally asks.
This is my dad. Business first. Out of everyone I know, he is the only one who will understand that part of my life. No matter what, you do whatever you have to do to make that dollar. That’s why things would have never worked out with Ashlyn. No matter how much I wanted it to, she would never understand that part of my life. That you do whatever it takes to make a buck. That you don’t get where I am by being nice and making friends. It’s cutthroat and bloody. And I will never change that part of my life. Not even for her.
I shake my head. “No.” The only answer I have. And that alone would have torn us apart eventually.
He stares at me for a long second before finally rising from his chair. “Okay then.” And with that, he turns and walks out, shutting my door behind him.
ASHLYN
I called in sick to work today. I couldn’t sleep last night. I laid in my bed, eyes wide open as tears spilled down the side of my face as I cried in silence. So many emotions ran through me that I felt as if I was being torn in a hundred different ways. I would go from angry to sad then to feeling sorry for myself. It was pathetic, but I couldn’t stop it. This morning, when it was finally time to go to work, I just laid there. I couldn’t get my body to move. I felt nauseous, and my puffy eyes were finally getting heavy, so I picked up my phone and called in.
I stayed home locked away in my room. I only got up once to get a bottle of water ‘cause I was tired of tasting my own tears when Jaycent knocked on the door. I let him in and then went straight back to my room. That was about an hour ago. Now I find myself back on my bed holding my phone, waiting for it to ring. Hoping that Ryder would have called me sometime today. But nothing. I think calling him last night was the biggest mistake I have ever made.
I take another drink of the wine, and my throat tightens. Every girl wants to be the exception. We all want that one guy to make us feel like we’re worth it all. I feel that way about him. And that thought makes me want to jump. Makes me want to tell him how I feel. How much I need him. I have to do it for me.
Taking a deep breath, I pick up my phone and dial his number before I change my mind. The first ring has my heart beating faster. The second one has me taking another gulp of the wine. By the fourth ring, I’m pacing again.
“This was a terrible idea …”
The ringing stops and so does my pacing. He’s silent on the other end, but he picked up. That’s a start ... “Ryder,” I say, trying to swallow the lump that instantly forms in my throat. “I’m sorry.” I sniff, and I hate that admitting that makes me feel worse. “I know I messed up, but it wasn’t what you think. I swear I didn’t sleep with him.” Once I start talking, I can’t stop. Tears run down my face as I cling to the cold wine bottle, and my eyes are fixated on the Romeo and Juliet book. All I can think is that I have to get this off my chest. Becca was right. I have to do it for myself. I have to clear my conscience. What he chooses to do next is up to him.
“I … I love you, Ryder.” My throat tightens, and my hands gets clammy, admitting that to him. “Please know that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.” The words pour out like a dam needing to free all the extra water.
And then I start to panic over what I just said. I hang up, and my phone drops to my floor, landing by my feet
I poured out my heart last night and got nothing in return! I never knew loving someone could be so painful. Now I know why I’ve never done it before!
A knock comes on my door, and I find myself saying, “Come in.”
“Hey, are you busy?” Becca asks, peeking her head in.
I shake mine. “Come on in.”
She walks in and shuts it behind her. She sits down on the end of the bed, and Harry jumps up and crawls into her lap. “Who are you talking to?” she asks when she sees my screen light up.
“Bradley.” I sigh and push the button on the side to hide my screen from her.
He, on the other hand, keeps messaging me. But I don’t have anything to say to him. “He is still in New York,” I tell her.
Her eyes widen. “What does he want?”
“He’s staying at a hotel and wants me to come and see
him.” Why won’t he give up like Ryder did? It would be easier if he did. I hate to hurt him twice.
“Are you going to go?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I need to talk to you,” she says, and I can hear the turmoil in her voice.
I turn to face her. “Okay. What is it?”
“I spoke with Ryder toda—”
“Please tell me you didn’t do it for me,” I interrupt her. “Honestly, I’m fine, Becca,” I lie. I should have never called him last night. It was another mistake. I can’t seem not to make one.
She runs a hand through her hair. “It wasn’t for you,” she says softly. “I had heard something and needed to find out for myself.”
“What was it?” I ask, wondering what could make her this upset.
She takes a deep breath. “O’Kane’s Enterprises is buying Talia’s.”
I frown, not really understanding what she is saying. “What do you mean buying Talia’s?”
“I don’t know the specifics; I just know they are buying it.”
Ryder is buying the company I work for? What does that mean? Why would they want a gallery? And then it clicks, stinging like salt to a wound.
I look down at the wood floors and ask, “When?”
“I’m not sure. I’m sorry I don’t know much. Ryder wouldn’t give me much information about it. He said it wasn’t any of my business. But I guess it’s been in the works for a while.”
I nod, still not looking up at her. Complete and utter failure is what I’m feeling right now, and it burns like a bitch. “Thank you for telling me.”
She reaches out and grabs my hand. “I know this is hard to hear, but it’s going to be okay.”
I nod again and then remove my hand from hers. “Maybe it’s just better if I go back home.” Those words are hard to say, but the truth is never easy to hear.
She stands quickly. “No. That’s not why I told you. That’s not the answer.”
“Then what is the answer?” I look up at her. Tears start to burn my eyes.
“You’re not a quitter,” she says. “I know you, and the Ashlyn I know wouldn’t let a man dictate her life.” I sigh. “Ashlyn, you are tough. You are the woman I’ve always wanted to be.”
The first tear falls down my cheek. “We have time. I will help you find another job. I know you left your family in Seattle, but I’m your family here. And I’m not going anywhere. Please tell me you’ll stay. Tell me that you will not let Ryder get the best of you. Because he doesn’t deserve that.”
I look around my fancy bedroom. The four-post bed up against the far wall. The white down comforter that feels like a cloud is rumpled and hanging half off the bed from all my tossing and turning last night. The floor-to-ceiling windows have my handprints on them from looking down over the city last night, and the clothes and throw pillows cover the floor. And the truth hits me like a bag of bricks. “I never belonged here,” I say truthfully. It was all a big fairy tale from the beginning. Being with Ryder. Coming to New York. I should have never left what I knew just to start over.
“Please don’t do this,” she begs as a tear runs down her cheek as well. “If you leave, I leave.”
I give her a soft smile as another tear rolls down my face. “I won’t let you give up on what you have.” She’s crazy if she thinks I’ll let her pick me over all this that she has here in New York. She’s finally away from Conner and happy with Jaycent. I don’t wanna be responsible for someone else’s happiness.
“And you think I’ll let you give up on what you have?” she asks with a sniff.
“What is it that I have?” I ask with a careless shrug. Everything I own can fit in three suitcases.
New York was a mistake. But it’s one that I can fix.
“You have me,” she says with another sniff.
I reach my arms out wide. “You have a life here. A man who loves you and your family.”
“You’re my family,” she all but shouts. “Please let me prove it to you.”
I look away from her because I’ve already made up my mind. I’m moving back to Seattle. But I tell her, “Okay.”
She leans down and hugs me tightly. She knows I’m lying, and I hate that I’m going to have to hurt her. Because she truly is my sister. My best friend. Now that I’ve lost Bradley, she’s my only friend.
She walks out of my room with her head down and sniffing. And before I can sit on the end of my bed, I find myself running to my bathroom feeling that nausea again.
**
Tuesday morning went about as good as Monday did. But I managed to drag myself into work after another night of no sleep. I stared at my phone for hours. Just waiting for a text or call from Ryder. And just like yesterday, it never came. But unlike yesterday, I have to go to work today.
“Wow, honey!” Thomas says as I walk past him and fall into my chair. “You look like crap.”
“Thanks,” I mumble.
I haven’t washed my hair since Sunday, and no amount of makeup could cover the dark circles under my eyes.
“What’s going on?” he asks, leaning over my desk with a look of worry on his face. “I know you called in sick yesterday, but it looks like more than a cold.”
I sigh. Of course, I can’t go a day without him wanting to know what is really wrong.
“Oh, no.” He comes around the desk quickly and plops down beside me. “I know that tune. You’re having boy trouble.” I remain silent. “Is that why you were pissy yesterday when I called you?” He had called me last night to check on me. I wasn’t up to chatting, to say the least.
“I’m fine,” I say, refusing to look him in the eye.
“You are a little liar,” he says, giving my shoulder a little shove.
“Sweetheart, believe me, men come and go. You need to get out there and get some booty.”
“That’s the reason I’m in this position in the first place,” I say dryly, and he laughs as if I’m funny. I turn my body and face him in my chair. “O’Kane’s is buying Talia’s,” I tell him, expecting him to stop laughing, but he doesn’t.
“Oh, hun, that’s been a rumor for years.” He waves me off.
I frown. “A rumor?”
He nods. “Well, not O’Kane’s specifically. But the fact that Talia’s is going to be bought out.”
My eyes widen. “And what do you plan on doing when that happens?”
“I’m not worried,” he says with confidence that I don’t have.
He reaches out and places his hand on my shoulder. “It will all be okay. You’re stressing too much.”
“You sound like Becca,” I tell him.
He gives me a big smile. “Then you should listen to us. We can’t both be wrong,” he says, removing his hand from my shoulder and then shrugging.
And I hate to tell him that he can.
“Good morning, everyone!” I look up to see our boss, Mrs. Mills, walking down the winding staircase. She smiles brightly at us as she hits the last step. “We have a private showing in two weeks,” she informs us. “I will need you both to stay late every day next week.”
Thomas nods as I tell her no problem. “Good,” she says, placing her purse over her shoulder and walking to the door.
I get up from my chair and all but run over to her. “Mrs. Mills, may I have a second of your time?” I ask nervously.
She looks at me, and her brows pull together. “Is everything okay, Ashlyn?” she asks, noticing the change in my tone.
I nod. “It will only take a moment,” I assure her.
“Of course,” she says. “Let’s talk in my office.”
CHAPTER TWO
RYDER
It’s been four days since I saw Ashlyn and Bradley in her apartment, and I have to say the pain is starting to ease up. Now, I’m just pissed! At her. I’m pissed she invades my thoughts! That she came into my life. Then just left me hanging. She was everything I didn’t know I wanted!
The worst part is
that I’m not able to drown myself in booze. I’ve refused to stay at my apartment; that one I’m not budging on. I don’t want to see her or Bradley. Who knows if he is still here visiting her. I mean, for all I know, she went back to Seattle with him. I don’t know. I’m not speaking to my sister or Jaycent, so I am out of the Ashlyn loop. And that’s how I plan on keeping it.
The shitty part is that I actually have to work. My father walked into my office this morning and threw a file on my desk before ordering me to get my ass up ‘cause our plane was leaving in twenty.
Now I stand in a Philadelphia high rise, talking to a group of men who want to partner with me and my dad. And the sad part is I couldn’t care how much money they offer us. I’d much rather be at a local Hooters getting drunk off cheap beer and eating wings while getting a good show. My father was right—my work is going to shit.
My father’s phone rings, and he answers it. “What is it, Kelly?” he asks.
I look up at him and frown. Why is my assistant calling him?
“Did she say what was wrong?” he asks.
“Ryder …?” I turn to face the man who said my name. “Are you listening?” he asks, holding his hands out wide.
I hold up my finger. “Give me one second, gentlemen,” I say to the others as I take a step toward my dad.
“Okay. I’ll call her. Thank you, Kelly,” he says and hangs up.
“What’s going on?” I ask him, but he ignores me as he scrolls through his phone and pulls up a new number and then places his phone back to his ear. It has to be my sister. He wouldn’t care this much about our mother.
I stay close to him to see what all I can hear.
“Becca, is everything okay?” he asks into his phone, confirming I was right. “Ryder’s assistant just called me and told me that you showed up at the office crying.”
I frown. Crying? What could possibly be going on with her? I haven’t spoken to Becca since she stormed into my office, and now I feel bad for ignoring her. What is she going through that would make her cry?
Selfless (Selfish Series Book 3) Page 2
