Selfless (Selfish Series Book 3)

by Shantel Tessier

  “Why?” she demands, standing. “Because I was just a fuck?”

  My shoulders slump. “I didn’t mean that, and you know it.”

  She places her hands on her hips. “Actually, I didn’t know that, so why don’t you explain it?”

  “I was mad at you,” I say as if that justifies my actions.

  “And that makes it okay?” she snaps.

  “Stop!” Becca calls out. “Both of you just stop.” She points a finger at me. “I’m not gonna let you tell me who I can and can’t love.”

  “Love?” I ask with a snort. “You can’t possibly …”

  “I hooked up with Jaycent four years ago, Ryder,” she declares.

  My mouth falls open, and I look over at the man I call my best friend. “Four years ago?” I ask breathlessly, and he hangs his head as if he didn’t want me to know that.

  “Yes,” she answers me, and I look back at her. She narrows her green eyes at me, and then she smiles. “And we’ve decided to move in together.”

  I start shaking my head. “You can’t be serious—”

  “I am!” she snaps, interrupting me. “And you have no chance at changing my mind, Ryder.” I open my mouth, but she continues. “Now, my ass is going back to bed. Good night.” Then she turns and gives me her back.

  I turn to face Ashlyn and Jaycent. He faces me as the coffeemaker turns on. He leans his back against the countertop and places his arms over his chest as if daring me to say something. To challenge him.

  And I’m not gonna pass this up. I’ve got an entire week of rage built up in me. I walk over into the kitchen and come to a stop in front of him. I take a deep breath and try not to just go off on him. Four years? He slept with her four years ago. She would have been …what? Seventeen? Eighteen?

  “How could you not tell me this?” I say, trying to keep my voice down now that Becca went back to bed.

  “Ryder, I wanted to—”

  “No! You didn’t!” I interrupt him. “Or you would have!” I snap.

  He takes a step toward me as he narrows his brown eyes at me. “I tried!” he growls. “But then you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself over Ashlyn.”

  “This has nothing to do with Ashlyn,” I argue.

  “It has everything to do with her.” He points over at where she sits on the couch. “You haven’t cared about anyone else but yourself for a week, and now all of a sudden you want to know what Becca and I are up to?”

  “That’s because I didn’t know about the two of you. It’s obviously been going on for a while,” I snap. “Believe me, I would have been all over it.”

  “Why because you wouldn’t have allowed it?” he growls. “Like we need your fucking permission.”

  “Of course, I wouldn’t have!” I snap. “I’ve seen how you treat your whores.” His eyes widen before narrowing into little slits. “You think you can make her happy? That you’re better than Conner?” I ask, shaking my head. “You’re not. You’re gonna break her heart and then what? You’re just gonna walk away from her like you did Jasmine.”

  The next thing I know, his fist connects with my jaw, and the power behind it knocks me on my ass. Sprawled out on the kitchen floor, I look up at him.

  His jaw clenches as he stares down at me with pure hatred, and I realize I may have made a mistake.

  “Jaycent …” I sigh.

  “I’m not having this conversation with you, Ryder,” he says through gritted teeth. “I don’t have to justify why or how I love her. Because it really just comes down to I don’t give a damn what you fucking think.” And then he walks out, leaving me sitting on the cold floor.

  I sit up and touch my jaw and hiss in a breath from the sting of his punch. I look up as Ashlyn walks in, stepping over my legs and walking to the fridge. She pulls out an ice pack and then hands it to me.

  Taking it from her, I press it to my face. “Thanks,” I mumble. My face is not the only thing hurt. My pride is pretty bruised.

  She leans against the countertop and sighs heavily as she drops her head to look down at me. “You’re mad at the wrong person,” she says, and I frown.

  “He kept a secret from me. A big one,” I argue.

  “You should be mad at yourself,” she says, and I start shaking my head. “Yes,” she argues. “There’s so much you don’t know, Ryder.” I frown at her words. “Your sister is in love with a man who treats her right and loves her back. And you and I both know he is a much better person than Conner.” She looks away, taking a deep breath, and I hate that he was right. That I pushed everyone away because of her. That I didn’t have to go this past week without her. I could have been with her all along. Now my chances are smaller than they were when I thought I had lost her to Bradley. “That man loves her. That man wanted to tell you a hundred times, but he didn’t because she was too afraid if you found out that you would ruin the best thing that ever happened to her.”

  “Ashlyn …” I start as I stand, removing the ice pack from my face.

  “Have you ever stopped and listened to anyone other than your father?” she asks softly.I frown. “What does that mean?” What does my father have to do with my sister being in love with my best friend?

  She runs a hand through her hair. “It means if it doesn’t have potential to make you money, you ignore it.”

  She’s not the first woman who has said something along those lines.

  “That’s what’s wrong with all of you.” Leslie looks from me to Jaycent and then back to me. “All you care about is what you can buy. Nothing to you holds value.”

  I remember Leslie saying those words to me as she stood inside my apartment. But at the time, I didn’t understand. Now that Ashlyn has come along, I can see the meaning behind the words.

  “That’s not fair,” I say but don’t argue because she’s right.

  She looks away from me and lets out a laugh that holds no humor. “Life isn’t fair. And neither is love,” she adds. “Everyone in her world seems to be against her love for Jaycent.”

  “Nobody knows about it except for you and me,” I say confused by her words.

  Her blue eyes meet mine, and I hate the way they look so cold. Not like the ones that looked at me a week ago when she was chasing me out of this apartment. Those eyes held desperation, and now I understand why. She was afraid of losing me. But somehow, over the course of a week, she’s moved on. “Yes, they do. Your mother knows. Your father knows …”

  “What? How in the hell am I the last to know about this?”

  “You were too busy ignoring her because of me, and you missed out on so much.” She runs a hand through her messy blond hair. “You have a choice, Ryder. Either accept it or not. That’s up to you. But when she pushes you away, it will be nobody else’s fault but yours, and you won’t only lose a sister but you’ll lose a brother as well. Because he’ll take her side. That’s how it should be when you love someone.” She turns to walk away.

  But I reach out and grab her, pulling her to a stop. “Why are you for their relationship?” I ask, wanting to understand. There must be something here that I’m missing.

  She looks down at my hand wrapped around her arm and then her eyes meet mine. “The real question is why are you against it?”

  ASHLYN

  I turn and give him my back and walk to my room.

  “And you?” I hear him ask.

  “Me what?” I ask as I turn around, holding in a sigh. “I already told you how I feel about them.”

  “I know. I’m talking about us.” He places the ice pack on the counter. “How do you feel about us?”

  Us? He thinks there’s an us? He walks out of the kitchen, and my heart beats faster as he nears me. Now that we are all alone, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about those three words he said outside the restaurant—I love you!

  My lips part, and I suck in a long breath, trying to calm myself, but it doesn’t work. He’s had this effect on me since I first saw him, and the time apart hasn’t helped.
>
  He comes to a stop, and those dark green eyes look me up and down slowly. My robe isn’t flattering in the least, but the way he licks his lips makes me think he is remembering what I look like underneath it.

  “Ryder …” I whisper as my legs start to shake. Don’t get sucked back in, Ashlyn. He left you when things got tough. He’ll do it again. He didn’t even give you a chance to explain yourself. But then again, he did say I love you. Is that all it’s gonna take to get me back? Three little words?

  All these things go through my mind, but then he raises his right hand and brushes some loose blond strands behind my ear, and a shiver runs through me. “I love you, Ashlyn.” My knees buckle.

  “That’s not fair,” I manage to whisper.

  He gives me that panty-dropping smile. “I told you I wasn’t going to play fair.”

  I let out a long, ragged breath, and his face grows serious. “Please tell me there’s still an us, baby,” he whispers, taking a step closer to me. His chest now pressing into mine, and I’m breathing heavily. “Tell me that you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you,” I say without thought as I look into his dark green eyes. I’m almost in a trance. Unable to pull away. Unable to push him away. I lift my hands and fist his black t-shirt. I expect a cocky smile, but instead, he cups my face with his soft hands, and I lean into him even more. My legs turning to Jell-O, and my head going foggy. This is what I have wanted for a week. This is what I’ve been dreaming about, and here it is, coming true.

  “God, I wanna kiss you,” he says softly, and his eyes drop to my lips as he licks his.

  My hands let go of his shirt, and they wrap around his neck. I pull him into me and tilt my head. He lowers his lips until they graze mine, teasing me, and I beg, “Please kiss me.”

  His hands on my face pull me toward him as his lips capture mine in a rough kiss. His tongue meets mine, and I moan into his mouth.

  All of a sudden, he pulls away, and I growl in protest as his hands let go of my face. They go to my sash around my waist, and yanks my robe open.

  “Jesus!” He hisses when he sees I’m naked underneath it.

  I don’t know why, but all of a sudden, I feel nervous. Insecure. I grab for the sash and go to tie it when he pushes my back into the hallway wall and presses my hands above my head.

  “Ryder …” I pant as I shake my head side to side. My pussy tightens, and my lips part. God, he can get me so wound up in a matter of seconds.

  “Don’t hide from me, baby,” he says, grinding his hips into mine, and I can feel how hard he is. “I wanna see you.” His hands cross my wrists, and he holds them both above my hand in one of his. “I wanna feel you,” he moans, running his nose down the side of my face until his lips touch my neck. My head falls back against the wall. “I wanna fuck you.”

  My eyes spring open, and I rip my hands from his grip. “Ashlyn, what …?”

  “Stop, Ryder,” I demand, pushing him away, and he takes a step back.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  I swallow the lump that forms in my throat because I realize just how pathetic I am for him. He has ignored me all week, and all of a sudden, I’m willing to spread my legs for him. Hell, I was on a date with another man less than ten hours ago, and now here he is, and I’m all ready to take him back.

  I look down to grab my sash and quickly tie it. Looking back up at him, I straighten my back and lift my chin. “I told you there is no us.” The words are hard to say because I don’t want them to be true. Now that I know I have such strong feelings for him, I can’t push them to the side. But this is my only option. What is done is done. “You promised me that you weren’t going to hurt me.” His face falls. “And you also said we were the exception. Turns out it was just a lie, and we are nothing but an average couple who failed one another.”

  I push off the wall and give him my back as I walk to my room. It takes everything I have not to turn around and run into his arms, begging him to take me to bed.

  CHAPTER NINE

  RYDER

  It’s been two days since I made a fool of myself at the girls’ apartment. And I’ve concluded everyone was right. It’s all my fault. I pushed them away, and I wasn’t there when my best friend or little sister needed me. I think I should have been the first one she told about her and Jaycent. But I understand why she didn’t. I would have still made an ass of myself.

  And then I couldn’t leave it at that. I had to go and make an even bigger fool of myself to Ashlyn. I tried to get her into bed. It’s not like that was all that I wanted, but it was the only thing on my mind at the time. And just as I thought I was about to succeed, she woke up and pushed me away.

  So I’ve let them cool off—all three of them. I’ve continued to jump back and forth between Becca and Jaycent being in love to the woman I love not wanting me. I can’t stop one and can’t force the other. It’s a bitch. But all I can do is accept it. And although I’m not a hundred percent sure I can, I have to try. I have to hear Becca out and find out what it is I’m missing.

  So for two days, I’ve been blowing her phone up wanting to see her. She has done nothing but ignore me up until an hour ago. She finally responded with a very short and clipped answer.

  Becca: Yes.

  Was all it said when I asked her to please come by my work and give me ten minutes. Of course, I need more time than that, but if I told her I needed an hour, she would have refused.

  I’ve been pacing back and forth in my office ever since she responded, trying to think of what to say. Of what to ask. Ashlyn said there was so much I didn’t know about, and I knew better than to ask her what I’m missing. Only Becca can fill me in, and I need to know.

  I come to a stop when my door opens. Becca walks in and shuts it behind her. She crosses her arms over her chest and lifts her chin. Not a good sign. She’s already on the defense.

  “Have a seat,” I say, gesturing to one of my chairs.

  “I’ll stand,” she responds flatly.

  I sigh and rub the back of my neck nervously. “I … I’m sorry.” Might as well get this part out of the way.

  She snorts and looks away from me.

  “I truly am sorry,” I tell her. “I …”

  “What exactly are you sorry for, Ry?” she asks. “For making a fool of yourself? For barging into my apartment at four in the morning? Or for calling me one of his whores?”

  My jaw tightens. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  She pushes her right hip out. “Then what did you mean?”

  I throw my hand out to the side in surrender. “I don’t know. I was pissed, okay? Do you think I want you with Jaycent?”

  “What is wrong with Jaycent?” she demands.

  “He’s my best friend,” I state the obvious.

  “He is.” She nods, agreeing with me. “But tell me what the problem is. Tell me why he’s okay to be your best friend but not okay to be mine.”

  “Ashlyn is your best friend,” I say, rolling my eyes.

  “She is. But so is Jaycent,” she says, taking a step toward me. “Ashlyn was not only my best friend but my only friend for so long,” she whispers, lowering her voice. “She was all I had when I was with Conner.” She looks away and sighs. I can see her eyes start to well with tears. “Jaycent took up for me when no one else did.”

  “Took up for you how?” I ask. “What did he do that I couldn’t?” I’m her big brother, after all. I should be the one who takes up for her.

  She looks back at me, opening her mouth, and then shuts it, looking away again. “What is it?” I ask. “Ashlyn said there was so much I didn’t know about. What do I not know about, Becca?”

  “She’s right,” she says, and the first tear falls down her cheek.

  I hate to see her cry. Normally, tears don’t bother me, but when they’re my sister’s, it tears at my heart. I walk over to her, and she allows me to wrap my arms around her. She hugs me back tightly as a sob breaks throu
gh.

  “It’s gonna be okay,” I say, rubbing her back. “Here, let’s sit down.” I walk her over to my couch and sit down beside her.

  She turns to face me, her green eyes glossy and her cheeks wet. She lifts her hands to wipe them away. “I need to know that you support us, Ryder,” she whispers, and I sigh. “I tried to be all tough the other night, but I want you to know it means a lot to me that you’re okay with this.”

  “Sis …”

  “I love him,” she says through fresh tears. “I love him, and he loves me. That’s enough for me. And it should be enough for you.”

  I think about what Ashlyn told me—how I would not only lose a sister but I would also lose a brother—and she’s right. I have always considered Jaycent my best friend and my brother. And it’s not that I don’t agree with them being together, it’s the fact that he hid it from me. But that is a conversation I need to have with him. Not Becca.

  I take her hands in mine and smile, hoping she doesn’t see that it’s not a hundred percent real. “I could never not support you, sis. I love you. And if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.”

  She throws her arms around me and gives me a big hug, continuing to cry on my shoulder. After a few minutes, she pulls away and wipes her face.

  “Now tell me what I don’t know,” I urge.

  An hour later, I have canceled two meetings and declined countless phone calls due to listening to my sister pour her heart out to me. And I’m more pissed off than I was at four a.m. the other morning.

  I realize I have missed a lot. I thought my life was falling apart by losing Ashlyn when my sister was the one truly hurting. She filled me in on things about her relationship with Conner. Things that I would have never guessed. I mean, I hated the guy, but I had no idea just how horrible he was to her. She filled me in on how Conner told Jaycent that my mother had paid him to practically fuck her. Then the fact that Vicki knew about it. And how when she confronted our mom, she didn’t even try to deny it.

  I just sat there, shaking my head at times and fisting my hands. Pure hot rage went through me at what my mother had put her through. For no fucking reason other than being a selfish bitch!