by Ally Hayes
“Now that you ask, are the Hamiltons invited?”
“Oh, yes, of course. They’re always invited. They’re just kind of hot and cold about parties, you know. Anyway, Patty replied with a ‘probably not.’ She thinks Robert is going to surprise them with a trip at Christmas again. She said he’s been very secretive these days. I told her to come by if plans fall through, though.”
“So there’s a chance she’s wrong about the surprise and they’ll come?” Matt figured the cat was out of the bag anyway now. No harm in playing with it.
“I guess so,” Ann answered quickly and left the room so Matt wouldn’t notice she was beaming.
Matt was too busy staring off into space and grinning.
A few weeks later, with Christmas over and the moratorium of not calling friends during “family time” past, Ann could not stand the suspense any longer. She dialed Patty on the afternoon of December twenty-seventh.
“So, will you be joining us this year?” Ann sounded anxious.
“Honestly, Ann, you know I’m not much of a partier. I never have more than a glass, two tops, and I’m not much of a conversationalist. What’s the big deal of having boring old me around?” Patty asked honestly.
If Ann was being honest, she would have said, “To get your daughter with my son,” but instead she strung her along. “Patty, don’t sell yourself dull. It will be fun. Or did Robert come through with a big trip?”
“No. I guess I was wrong on that one. I can’t complain, though. The sapphire necklace and earrings are probably worth two trips. He hasn’t answered me about New Year’s Eve. I hate to push him. I feel like it’s his vacation from work, not mine. So don’t count on us, but I appreciate the effort to include me, I really do.”
“Oh well, maybe next year. Try not to have too much fun without us,” Ann said and placed the receiver back on the kitchen wall mount.
Matt thought the same thing as he slid his finger off the mute button and hung up the phone shaped like a puppy in Meg and Mel’s room.
“Hello?” Matt answered groggily on the fourth ring. He assumed everyone else must be out or one of his sisters would’ve answered.
He had no idea what time it was or how long he’d been staring at a sports channel in the den. He had been doing that a lot over the last few days.
“Oh, Matthew, hello. This is Mrs. Hamilton.”
Matt perked up as if slapped. He cleared his throat. “Oh, hi, Mrs. Hamilton. Did you have a nice Christmas?” Matt asked politely.
“Why, yes, thank you for asking. I hope you did, too. Is your mom home?”
“No, and I’m not sure where she is or when she’ll be back. Do you want me to have her call you?”
“Actually, if you could just please tell her that we will be coming to the party after all. I’ll bring my mushroom caps.”
Patty sounded like she was announcing this to someone on her end of the phone, as well as Matt.
“Great, I’ll tell her to add you three to the list.” Matt tried to sound happy, but not as excited as he was feeling.
“Oh, no, just put two actually,” Patty said sadly.
Matt’s heart sank. What would Jackie be doing tonight? “Okay, so I’ll tell her to add you and Mr. Hamilton.”
“No, just Jacqueline and myself.”
He needed an outlet for the jumpy energy he couldn’t seem to shake since the phone call and found himself offering to help Ann set up. Matt moved furniture, rinsed out coolers for beer and soda, and opened folding tables and chairs. When he told her about Mrs. Hamilton’s call, he knew his mom could read the elation on his face and didn’t bother to hide it. She returned with a look of surprise and then matched enthusiasm.
“Have one more drink; loosen up, man,” Matt told Joey, hoping it could buy him another fifteen minutes. Jackie hadn’t shown up yet, and the guys were eager to start the poker game. Matt didn’t want to get trapped at the table before talking to her. Figuring out where to start after how things had ended was still baffling him. How had it ended? Who knew? Did she hate him? All he knew now was that he needed her. Not that he could tell her that. He would figure the rest out later. Or now, he thought, as she was descending the stairs in her pressed jeans and V-neck designer sweater.
Before he realized how obvious he was acting, he was standing right in front of her. Swaying, actually.
Trying to act cool and stagnant, he slurred, “Hey, Jackie, how’s it going?”
“Oh, great, Matt, you’re already drunk. This should be fun.”
“Just buzzed,” he smiled. “Time for you to catch up. Let’s go to the bar and take care of that situation.” He reached for her hand.
She quickly retracted it. “Hold it, Matt. There are two reasons I agreed to come here tonight. One is none of your business, and the other is to tell you in person that I cannot and will not do this anymore.”
“Whoa, won’t do what anymore?” He knew, or had an idea, what she meant but wanted her to make an argument so he could refute it with his charm.
“You know, this cycle of hooking up and then ignoring me or worse, going out all serious and then nothing—no call, no letters, no explanations. I won’t let you hurt me again.” Jackie sounded so clear, but her eyes were far from it. She sniffed and looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to thwart the tears threatening to fall.
She waited for him to say something, anything.
Dave broke the silence, yelling, “Matt, get over here!”
“Stop the goo-goo talk and act like a man,” Joey added.
“Jackie, listen. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say or how to show you,” Matt confessed.
“Save it, Matthew. It might have meant something months ago, but not anymore. They’re just empty words now.”
“Matt, now or never, dude!”
“Just go.” Jackie turned away, heading for a group of girls.
All he was left with was the chance to score better with the guys. From the poker table, he tried to track her in the crowd, but it wasn’t easy. He got up to use the bathroom eventually and saw the neon clock reading eleven. He had only an hour to find her. When he came out of the bathroom, he desperately searched the crowded basement to no avail and headed back to the table.
“Fall in?” Joey teased.
“Long wait. One more hand then let’s load up for the ball drop,” Matt announced. They all nodded. They were all teenage boys thinking of only one thing.
At the bar, he pounded another beer and made a sweet, punchy drink in hopes of enticing Jackie. Joey and his girlfriend du jour had found him and informed him he had ten minutes to find someone to kiss. At eleven fifty-six, he saw her. She was talking to an older guy, one of his sister’s friends, a football player and a junior.
“Is that for me, Matt?” Joey’s girl, Alyssa, asked, pointing at the pink drink.
“Yeah, it is. Happy New Year.”
10, 9, 8…
…1, lights out, confetti, yelling, kissing, sulking.
When the lights came back on, he ran for the bathroom. He couldn’t bear to see what he assumed he would. From the bar he could hear Joey calling him.
“Sorry, man. That’s rough.” Joey handed him a shot of something clear—Matt couldn’t recall what it was called, ooze or something like that. He downed the licorice-tasting drink and chased it with a beer the way he had seen his dad do many times before.
“There she goes, up the stairs. I mean, but slowly. She’d definitely looking for you. I can tell,” Alyssa alerted Matt.
Matt turned dumbly toward his friend for confirmation.
“Your call,” said Joey.
“What are you waiting for, go after her!” yelled Alyssa.
He ran though the room while it spun around him. “Jackie, wait!”
“Yes?” she asked in her overly polite and cool way.
“Jackie I-I’m sorry. I mean, um. I dunno.”
“Exactly.” She turned and continued making her way upstairs.
“Did you hav
e fun last night?” Ann asked Matt as he drank orange juice straight from the carton while standing inside the open fridge door.
“Sure.”
“Anything special happen?” she dared. It was twelve-thirty. Ann wasn’t sure whether to offer him breakfast or lunch.
Matt reached in and came out holding a plate of cheese and pepperoni covered in plastic wrap from the party. “Nope.”
“Well, there was a lot of that last night. Nothing, I mean, kind of tame.” Ann sounded disappointed.
“Why didn’t Mr. Hamilton come?”
“Well, since you asked, when Patty first got here, she said he had to go on an important trip with some other partners. She seemed okay with it, but come on, who goes on a business trip over New Year’s? I played along then gave her a glass of wine, then another, and she let down her guard. She got weepy and confessed she suspects he’s seeing another woman.”
“Wow.”
“I know, so maybe cut Jackie some slack if she was cold to you. Even if she doesn’t know, I’m sure she’s picking up on some tension.” Ann felt a little badly telling her son this information, but she really did think it could help him understand. Plus, he had asked. She vowed to herself to support Patty and try to help her through this tough time.
Back at school on Monday, basketball kicked into high gear. All the hard work and glory preoccupied Matt, and he enjoyed being reinstated as star and stud. But Jackie still gnawed at him. She was the one thing he wanted that he just couldn’t seem to have, and when he did, he couldn’t hold onto her. He had no idea why. She was the one girl who wasn’t offering herself to him, and it tortured him.
Countless times he almost called, but how do you call when your only reason is desire? He needed a real explanation, a reason to call other than desperation. Months went by before he could come up with a legitimate reason to reach out. Their birthdays, of course. It didn’t get him anywhere last year, but he felt like now it was a tradition. At least that would be the reason he would give if she asked.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Jackie. I’m glad you answered. I wasn’t sure if you would, but I guess you didn’t think it would be me, huh?”
“Matthew, of course I knew it was you. Who else would be calling at eleven-thirty the night of our birthday?”
“So you’re not mad?”
“I didn’t say that.” Jackie sighed audibly. “I don’t know.”
“That’s the last thing I said to you. It seems like neither of us ever seems to know. Can we start over—again?” Matt asked. He squeezed his eyes tight, bracing himself for a rejection or at least some yelling.
“Oh, Matt,” was all Jackie said. To anyone else it would have sounded like caving in or giving up, but to Matt it sounded like a victory speech.
***
“Matt, you need a job this summer. And don’t give me bull about needing to practice. There’s plenty of time for both. You’re going to be a sophomore. It’s time you started contributing around here,” Ann proclaimed in her seldom-used stern manner that made Matt know he was beaten.
“Okay, I’ll see if they’re hiring at the pool, or I could caddy,” he offered.
“Actually, I was thinking of something a little less cushy. In fact, I already landed you a great job with Mrs. Hamilton. You will be doing the grunt work, carrying and removing—hauling stuff. And before you moan and groan, I know Jackie is going to be working for her, too. Apparently, she doesn’t want to go to camp this year. Something about wanting to stick around Westhaven this summer. Don’t suppose you know anything about that?” Ann looked at Matt directly, and again he knew he was beaten. She knew.
“Well, I guess it would be rude to back out on Mrs. Hamilton now that she’s counting on me,” he conceded while grinning.
Ann’s voice trailed as she left the kitchen. “I had a feeling you’d agree.”
Matt grinned, realizing he now had another reason to call the Hamilton house. If Mrs. Hamilton happened to answer, he could just act like he was calling to thank her for the opportunity, suck up to her.
“One more week and you won’t be able to ignore or resist me,” Matt chided Jackie when he called a few hours later. “Looks like you’re stuck with me every day.”
“Actually, I’ll only be with you on Wednesdays and Fridays, some Mondays. I’m taking two art classes.”
“Better than nothing.” Matt hung up. He was pushing but slowly. Since the birthday call a month ago he had called a few times, nudging her, but she was holding tough. She was going to make him work for her affection this time. The calls were getting friendlier, flirtier, and he could feel her cracking. Once they could actually be together, it would be easy…he hoped.
After his first day working with Patty, it was clear to him that she had no idea anything had ever happened between them or was about to happen. On Wednesday, Jackie was in the car with her mom when she picked Matt up as she had the two previous mornings in a jeep sporting a newly painted “Restoration and Decorating by Patty” in flowery script on the side door panel. He climbed in back, trying to hide his grin.
He couldn’t keep his eyes off her, and he could feel her watching him as he tore up carpet and hauled trash to the rented dumpster. His muscles were still pumped from basketball season, and he filled out his jeans just right. He knew she noticed. She looked so casually put together in her college T-shirt and soccer shorts. She did something with her long, silky, black hair that involved twisting and an elastic band but didn’t come out as a ponytail.
“It’s a knot,” she answered when he accidentally asked about it.
“It’s cute,” he said aloud while he thought silently, I’ve got a knot for you.
“What was that?” she asked, looking surprised.
“Nothing.”
“Oh, I thought you said something else. Oh well.”
Conversation for day one together had ended. Working on Thursday without her was torture. He watched the clock constantly, and the seconds felt like hours.
On Friday, he waited in the driveway for the mother-daughter duo to arrive at eight a.m. He wanted to be early, appear eager. He had intended it to be a great day; he had plans to impress her—witty jokes and worldly knowledge. He had been watching Jeopardy every night that week. What actually came out, though, were sarcastic, sexual innuendos and blatant attempts at breaking through her resolve. Surprisingly, she played along which only fueled the fire in Matt.
Jackie had been stripping old varnish from a dresser all morning in the client’s backyard. Matt was scraping paint from the trim in the room where the dresser had originated. The homeowners were transforming the room into a nursery. Having not spent any time with her all morning, he snuck glances out the window at her and had a hard time refocusing when he turned back to his work and checked the time, again. When noon finally arrived, Patty announced she would drop them off at the local diner—her treat—while she went to the paint store.
Alone at last, Matt was all prepared to stun her when his fifteen-year-old mind and mouth took over. “How’s the stripping going?” He couldn’t help it.
She took a sip of soda, not picking up on his innuendo. “Fine so far. I actually enjoy it, and I think I’m getting the hang of it,” Jackie answered innocently.
“Glad to hear you like stripping, and I’m sure you’re awesome at it. If you want some additional practice, I’m available. I can watch and make sure you’re doing it correctly.”
She spat out her soda. “Oh, Matt, you’re pathetic. What are you working on?”
“One of my favorites: trim.”
“How’s that going?” As soon as she said it, she realized where the conversation was headed but found herself just as caught up in it as he seemed to be. Jackie rolled her eyes to indicate she knew what was coming.
“Well, I really enjoy working with trim and must say I’m quite adept. If you’d like to see my work…”
“Okay, that’s enough now. Our food is here. That should shut you up.”
> They laughed and ate their lunch while Matt made crude remarks about other patrons at the diner. He was falling head over heels again, and she was breaking down.
While shutting the car door and saying goodbye at his driveway, he froze. Could he ask her out in front of her mother? It was the weekend now, and he didn’t want to wait until next week. He was just about to open his mouth when he saw Jackie give him the face that told him to cut his losses.
“See you Monday, Mrs. Hamilton. Jackie, Wednesday?”
Jackie nodded, and mother and daughter waved goodbye.
Shooting hoops later that night with Joey helped keep his thoughts under control. Joe was working for a landscaper that summer and trying to save up for a car he fantasized and talked about constantly. Matt listened for the millionth time about how great it would be when they turned sixteen and could drive and go to parties, pick up chicks.
“What do you think?” Joe asked, catching Matt off guard.
“Huh, oh sorry, dude. I missed that last bit.”
“Or all of it. What gives?”
“Nothing, tired I guess. Work is hard, but you know…good.”
“Sure.”
Matt couldn’t talk to Joey about Jackie; he just didn’t understand. Since she wasn’t covered in lipstick and mascara and her clothes weren’t painted on, she failed to register on Joey’s radar. Even Matt didn’t fully comprehend his attraction to her, but he could deny it no longer.
Feeling like he might explode and say something he might regret, Matt decided it best to call it a night with Joey. He told him he was going to see if there was any pizza left from dinner and catch some sports on television.
“Okay, you’re on for the pool tomorrow, right?”
“Oh yeah, don’t leave without me. Wake me if you have to,” Matt called back as he walked toward his back door.
“Dude, we’re not going until like two in the afternoon. You’ll be up.”
Matt spun the basketball on his forefinger. “Ya never know.”
They rode their bikes and met up with Dave and Brian at the entrance to the town pool. Hot from the ride, they threw their towels, shirts, sneakers, and balled-up socks in a heap by a chair and noisily jumped in. Jackie and her friends couldn’t help but notice the raucous foursome.
