White Lies and Promises

by Ally Hayes

  Richard had not called when she got home on Saturday, and it was okay. She knew he would be thinking of her and aware that she would be tired, jetlagged, and busy catching up with old life. Now on Sunday night, she wondered if it would be appropriate to call him. He was in New York, staying with friends. “Home” was a neat apartment near campus, and as such Richard craved an escape as soon as classes ended. The couple he was crashing with were friends he had known since college. They were married now, and Richard had made up one-fourth of a foursome until three years ago.

  Jackie was glad he was with friends, but it also made her uneasy when he was with Ben and Laura. She could easily imagine him having a great time at their familiar apartment, sipping wine, and reminiscing. She further imagined then that Richard would retreat to a bed or a couch and begin to miss his old girlfriend—the one-fourth missing from their friend pie. The missing piece still lived in New York.

  Just thinking about it made Jackie feel insecure, young, in need of hearing him tell her otherwise. She desperately wanted to call him. She had the phone number; it was Sunday night, and it seemed reasonable. Richard had a lot of redeeming qualities, and being reasonable was certainly included.

  After making small talk with Laura, Richard took the phone. He was still laughing at something Ben had said when he answered. Suddenly, she felt nervous and edgy.

  “Welcome home.”

  “Thank you. How are you? Having fun in the city? Getting some work done?” Jackie rambled anxiously.

  He laughed at her nervousness. “I’m good, and yes to both. Now, how are you? Happy to be home, or are you resigned to become a true expatriate?”

  Jackie could hear more voices now in the background. It was a work night for most. How many people were there? Who was there?

  “What? Oh, I don’t know,” Jackie found herself answering honestly.

  “Oh, something amiss at home?”

  “No. Yes. Well, sort of.”

  “Jackie?”

  “No, my parents are fine. I’m fine. I guess I must be more jetlagged than I thought. And well, there have been some changes around here.” She began to well up and feared he would hear her vulnerability.

  “Are you certain you’re all right? You don’t sound sure of yourself.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you want to talk about it? I’m here for you.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Well then, I understand, I suppose. However, we aren’t getting anywhere now. I suggest you do some soul searching and get a good rest. You can call me again when you feel ready.”

  There was nothing she could say. She couldn’t tell Richard about Matt. Jackie had never even mentioned his existence. She just couldn’t. How could he understand something that she was never able to put into words?

  Early on Richard was not convinced they could make a relationship work. As much as he wanted to be with her, he had tried to discourage her at first. He tried to point out possible bumps along the road. Their age difference and teacher/student status, of course, being the largest of the bumps.

  “There must be scores of undergrads lined up for you.”

  “I wouldn’t know,” Jackie had scoffed.

  “You mean to say you’ve never dated any of the boys on campus?”

  “I’m not interested in campus boys.”

  She had told herself the only way to move on from Matt would be to not discuss him, ever. She would no longer count him in her life, and to mention him would be to bring him back in. There was really no need to tell Richard. Richard was a no-nonsense type of guy, straightforward, nothing extraneous about him. He had a witty, intelligent sense of humor which impressed her, made her want to be at his side. Jackie felt the need to not only move on but grow up. She decided Richard would be good for her. The fact that he was opposite in looks from Matt didn’t hurt either, and the irony wasn’t lost on Jackie. His hair was dark, and he kept it on the longish side. He also preferred some form of facial hair. Sometimes it would be a goatee, other times just scruff, and during Christmas break he would embrace a full-fledged beard until it got too itchy. She was used to the close-cropped, clean shaven look and saw Richard’s style as part of the departure she was in need of. Jackie knew it would require perseverance and patience to make it work, but she felt prepared to do so with him.

  Now she felt like she was back to where she was before she and Richard decided to become a couple. Right back to feeling the undeniable pull to Matt she had been trying to deny. The old need and then the obligation to justify her worthiness for dating someone like Richard. Was it fair to Richard? Was she fair to herself, she wondered. It didn’t matter now, anyway. Matt belonged to someone else, no matter how much she wished it were untrue or told herself she didn’t care.

  She allowed herself one more night of pity-party bargaining, then Monday would be a fresh start.

  Brianna and Sydney made that resolution difficult, though. They had arrived at ten in the morning bearing coffee and condolences.

  “We heard. We’re sorry.”

  There were hugs and back pats, but it wasn’t long before the admonitions began.

  “I always knew he was trouble.”

  “You were too good for him.”

  “You should be thankful it was someone else.”

  “I heard she’s not even pretty.”

  “And I heard...”

  Jackie held up her hands. “Stop, I don’t want to hear it. It doesn’t change anything. I can’t change anything. I just want to move on.”

  With that, the other girls turned talk to gossip, themselves, and summer plans. They sounded so carefree to Jackie.

  “So, when do we get to meet Richard?”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Bill and Robert

  Bill finally felt in control of his life. He was in a stable, healthy place when it all fell apart around him. He had been sober for so long that he had stopped keeping track of the days and weeks as he had been performing faithfully. He had paid off all his gambling debts and loans to the “guys” and was comfortably, almost painlessly, making incremental payments through an installment plan to the banks and utilities with the assistance of a consolidation advisor. It amazed him how much further his paycheck could go once it wasn’t being consumed from a pint glass. The gambling was the last to go, but it went eventually, except for the occasional itch when the lotto was particularly high. He had only bought two tickets in the past year and had confessed both to Ann.

  Ann steered him on the path to recovery, pointing him in the right direction but never telling him what to do. Ultimately, it was Meredith who got him straight. Bill had met Jason quite a few times and liked the kid. He figured the feeling was mutual. However, upon Meredith announcing their engagement, he discovered his misconception. Bill had congratulated them and suggested getting together with Jason’ parents to celebrate.

  “That’s not a good idea, Dad,” Meredith said sadly.

  “What, you don’t want me meeting them until the wedding day? That would be awkward,” Bill had joked.

  “Actually, Dad, I was going to wait to tell you this, but here it is. Unless you clean up your act, I don’t want you at my wedding. Jason and I are going to pay for a small, yet classy ceremony and reception where you will only be welcome if you are sober. It will be in August.”

  It was October. He could do it, Bill assured himself. He simply had to do it.

  He made a deal with Ann. She drove him straight to and from work each day, never giving him access to the car and thus temptation. Thrilled, Ann took it a few steps further insisting she pack him a lunch and he exercise while she made a home cooked dinner each night. He would get healthy while saving money and drying out.

  The first couple of weeks were rough, and Bill’s temper was all over the place. He could not handle the exercise at first, due to the shakes he had to endure, but by the fourth week he was using Matt’s old weight set in the garage and punching out his frustration on a boxing bag his
brother bought him for encouragement.

  By Christmastime, he was sleeping better and had lost seventeen pounds. Ann didn’t even argue when he suggested they take a year off from hosting the New Year’s Eve party. Without that expense and Bill receiving a bonus for the first time in years—productivity had increased on Bill’s line—they had a nice family Christmas and paid off the first loan by January. Matt was only home for a short stint during that break as the season was heating up, but Bill was so proud and excited for him this year. He would play more as a sophomore; he would see his son on television.

  The year started off well for Bill, and by August, Meredith was clutching his arm as they walked down the aisle.

  With Ann working for Patty, and most of his girls on their own—Melissa occasionally reappeared between roommates and boyfriend changes—Bill’s life was going more smoothly than ever at the one year mark.

  He and Ann took nightly walks and talked more than they had in years, even the early ones. When the weather turned, he got a bit restless, and they decided to take a vacation over New Year’s.

  “Next year, I’ll be ready to have the party again. One more year off, so let’s make it count.”

  They returned rested and energized, and the good mood seemed to be contagious. Melissa received a promotion and finally secured her own apartment. Megan and Melanie were both student teaching for the semester, and the newlyweds were living a few towns over and visited frequently. And Matt… Matt was at the top of his game as a junior and was somehow keeping up his grades as well. The family attended as many games as they could and got together to watch or listen when they could not.

  Bill finally felt that the worst was behind him; only blue skies ahead.

  He was laid off the same day Matt came crashing down, shattering both their dreams.

  ***

  Some days Robert could hardly believe his luck. More often, though, he felt he deserved the rewards of late. He called the shots now and was keeping everyone happy while under his control. It had been an easier ride to the state Senate than he anticipated. For a time, he even wondered if he was merely a pawn of the Republican nominating committee. However, Robert was an expert at self-promotion and reassured himself his charisma and credentials simply overshadowed any opposition.

  He continued to keep his office at the law firm for posterity and his home address in Westhaven for residency requirements. However, he had spent most of his time at the state capital, and now ever increasingly more time in D.C. He had been on a hot issue committee for well over a year now. It only made sense, he had told Patty, that he should rent a small apartment there. He was ready to defend his decision on a number of points, but she didn’t argue at all. She didn’t even seem surprised. Robert failed to mention Stacia would be re-locating as well.

  He hadn’t truly lied to her. He had sworn to Patty that it would end. He tried. She made it difficult and expensive, but Stacia had finally backed off during the election. Robert was both relieved and dejected simultaneously. He really thought it was over, and he must have seemed as miserable as he felt because it convinced Patty to put on her best smile and play the loyal spouse role throughout the campaign. She attended the rallies and answered the interview questions with professional dignity. Robert appreciated her support and silently vowed never to wander again.

  At his victory party, Patty waved and hollered along with the crowd. She thanked all the campaign volunteers and shook hands. She stood by Robert’s side while he made his acceptance speech.

  “Party time,” Robert announced as he was handed a glass of scotch by a volunteer, soon-to-be-paid assistant, thanks to the drink.

  “Sleep time,” Patty corrected with an exaggerated yawn. Robert laughed and thanked her, giving her a peck on the cheek. The media was still there. A car arrived to take Patty home to her long-awaited bed.

  Hours and drinks later, Robert retired to his hotel suite. Stacia was waiting for him.

  The only way to continue would be to live two separate lives. He was beginning to divide his time and was sure Patty knew the truth and was just as content to share him. The distance didn’t seem to bother her. It also didn’t bother her that the press had taken an interest in her and had spotlighted her as an entrepreneur. She and her business were featured in Better Homes and Gardens.

  Robert was in D.C. for a good portion of March the following year. Georgetown basketball was in the dance as usual, causing a buzz in the Capitol. The first round daytime games were an acceptable excuse to adjourn early and mingle with the crowds at the bars.

  He was half-heartedly paying attention to the screens and trying to schmooze a senior congressman when he overheard a familiar name.

  “Have you seen that Foster kid on the Huskies?”

  “Yeah, and he’s on fire today. Amazing three-pointer right before the half.”

  Robert walked over to the two men seated at the bar discussing Matt. “Are you talking about Matthew Foster?”

  “Yeah, have you heard of him?”

  “He’s practically family,” Robert gushed. “He and my daughter were an item in high school. My wife and I are close with his parents.”

  “Wow, small world. You should encourage your daughter to get back with him. He’s going pro for sure. You’ll have to hook us up with tickets when he signs with the Knicks or the Celtics.” The guy didn’t sound like he was kidding.

  Robert enjoyed the spotlight, while Matt poured his heart out on the court. His jaw dropped along with the rest of the patrons’ when Matt didn’t get up from the fall.

  “That’s a game-changer,” said a voice from the crowd.

  “You mean a life-changer,” Robert replied, somehow knowing.

  He hated to admit it and probably would never aloud, but, of course, he was relieved when he discovered Matt Foster was getting married. He had feared Jackie would take pity on him that summer and rekindle their relationship. Clearly, Matt had turned to other means to heal before summer ever arrived. Robert was selfishly glad, but not proud, of the fact that Matt was out of the picture for good now.

  How bad could this Richard fellow be?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Ann and Patty

  For the first time in all their years together, Patty was worried about Ann. Truly worried. Ann had every right to be down, considering the current state of their family affairs, but now she was concerned Ann might be clinically depressed.

  Ann had weathered many storms with her husband and kids in the past, and she was always the optimist, the family cheerleader. Now she had no pep left in her step. Since Matt had moved to New Jersey, she had ceased taking care of herself; and Ann always took care of herself, if nothing else. She sulked at her desk with not only her hair not styled, but with a solid inch of gray roots gleaming, and she was biting her nubby nails which were once acrylic. The blouse that was un-tucked from her skirt was making its third appearance of the week. Patty shuddered to think what the house might look like.

  Except that Bill was home. He had been home now for almost six months. It was such a shame after all that hard work to get straight and pay off his debts only to be laid off and forced to struggle again. Patty had heard Ann mention he was cutting lawns and taking other odd jobs outside work during that summer. That was all well and good—it kept him busy and less tempted—but how long before they’d be back to paying high-interest rates again?

  Patty knew she couldn’t just give Ann a raise. She wanted to do something, but it could not be obvious or appear like a handout. She had been so lucky. Fortunate, really, throughout the years and desperately wanted to devise a way to assist her friend.

  “Designs by Patty,” Ann answered flatly on the second ring.

  Patty listened from her desk, pretending to be busy but checking to see that Ann was being efficient.

  “No, we only provide interior.”

  “Right. No, I actually do not know of any. I know plenty of landscapers but no landscape architects or designers in this area, sorry.�
� Ann hung up the phone and went back to work on her thumb cuticle.

  “We could,” Patty mused aloud.

  “Could what?”

  “Do landscape design. I never thought of it before, but what a great combination. Think of it ‘Your perfectly designed space, inside and out.’ It would be an easy transition.” Patty rose from her chair and began to walk around the office. Thinking out loud, brainstorming to Ann. “Of course, this season is a wash, but I could come up with a business plan and secure prospective clients to get it off the ground in time for next spring.”

  “Whoa, slow down. I know you’d be great at the design aspect, but you’ll need to hire a crew with equipment. Big stuff, like those Bobcat things.”

  “Well, I first have to meet with an advisor at the bank, but maybe some of the contacts I’ve made through those interviews would help. Just think, Better Homes and Gardens could come back to spotlight the garden part next time. It will be work, but, again, it will mean more profits, too.”

  “That’s true,” Ann answered without realizing what Patty was scheming for Bill.

  Patty spent the rest of the day fueled by her passion and sudden obsession. Ann seemed a little livelier, too, she thought.

  Chapter Twenty

  Jackie

  When Jackie committed time to help her mother for the summer, she assumed she would be going to job sites and occasionally assisting in the office. She figured she would eventually have to see Mrs. Foster. She never thought she’d be able to help out by staying home at her new drafting board performing her absolute favorite activity: sketching.

  The morning started out like most had recently. She met Brianna for an early power-walk—she, too, was afraid of getting “secretary butt” as she sat all day doing data entry for her father’s company for the summer. After coffee and a bagel, Jackie was now surrounded by magazines lying open to scenes of English gardens and rows of border flowers.