White Lies and Promises

by Ally Hayes

  Upon arriving home each night, he would tentatively open the front door, not knowing which version of Kristie he would find. Some nights she would be all bubbly and excited about something she’d tried to make for dinner. Other nights she would be on the couch claiming nausea and exhaustion. Those nights he fended for himself and often fared better. Regardless of the dinner plans, they would always end up watching television, and Kristie would chat away on the phone. They were still keeping to their own sides of the bed.

  Weekends were different. Kristie wanted to have fun; Matt wanted to work on the house. They both did what they wanted. Until the Fourth of July.

  Over dinner a few days prior, Kristie told Matt tentatively, “Becky’s having a party at her family’s beach house.”

  “Oh, that sounds like fun,” Matt answered without looking up from the sports section.

  “I want to go. I want us to go.”

  “Kristie,” Matt began, trying not to sound harsh, “you have to understand, I don’t know any of them. They’re your friends.”

  “You won’t get to know them by avoiding them. You’d really like some of the guys.”

  He sighed and put down his fork. “I know you’re right, but it’s not good for me to be around alcohol right now. It’s still too soon.”

  “Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I cannot drink at all these days.”

  Matt had to admit defeat. “You win, we’ll go. But just this once.”

  It was exactly how Matt thought it would be, and in another lifetime, he would have had a blast. He would have been the life of the party; he could easily imagine it. What he couldn’t have seen, though, was the way his wife would act at the party.

  Kristie was either gripping Matt’s hand or sitting in his lap the entire time. She prattled on and on to anyone who would listen about their house, plans for the baby’s room, and of course the baby itself. All the topics she and Matt did not talk about. It made Matt sad to witness the obvious need Kristie felt to legitimize their situation to her friends. Once again, Matt was torn between acting phony to make her feel better and being honest and running the risk of hurting her feelings. He struck balance by nodding his head and agreeing with her in instances where it was clear she wanted his agreement. He was getting used to performing this charade.

  What wasn’t easy was declining the many beers that were offered to him throughout the night. He claimed he had physical therapy in the morning and hobbled a little more than necessary for effect. He was glad Kristie was ready to go once everyone else was drunk and obnoxious.

  Once home, though, the night wasn’t over in Kristie’s opinion.

  “I appreciate your effort tonight. I just wish you actually did talk about us and the baby.”

  “I know you do, and I know I should. It’s just still so hard to believe.”

  “Well, it’s time to stop ignoring the fact that you’re going to be a father.”

  The next day, a day off for the national holiday, Matt decided to show Kristie he was interested in the baby in his own way. He got to work on the second bedroom. He supposed he had to call it the baby’s room. By the end of the day, it was painted the shade of yellow he had heard Kristie describe to a girl at the party.

  “Oh, Matt, it’s perfect.”

  “Well, the carpet is in okay shape, and the blinds are fine for now. We need stuff, though. A dresser, um…a crib?”

  “Oh, we’ll get all that at the baby shower.”

  “Really? I mean, I know that’s what people do, but even in this—our—situation? Do they still do it?”

  “Some people are actually looking forward to this baby you know.” Kristie stormed out of the room. Matt sighed and began to clean up the rollers and brushes.

  “I have a doctor appointment this morning,” Kristie announced the next morning.

  “Oh, right, I guess you need to do that.” Matt was pouring a cup of coffee—his latest addiction.

  “I want you to come.”

  “I have to work, you know that.”

  “I already called my father. He said it’s fine, as long you’re in by eleven.”

  So Matt drove them in what was now their car—Mrs. Noland’s old mom-mobile. She had made it seem like it was breaking her heart to give them the noisy sport wagon, but Matt knew she was happy about the deal—she was upgrading and downsizing to a sleek, luxury coup with an unmistakable status symbol on the front.

  Kristie kept her hand over her still-flat stomach and chatted on about the doctors in this office and their reputations.

  “We should get a firm due date today.”

  “Good, I was kind of wondering. I figured it would be in the winter. Will they do that thing to find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”

  Kristie smiled at Matt’s newfound interest. “You mean an ultrasound? It’s still too early; I think next month. Do you really want a boy?”

  Matt wanted to say that he really wanted all of this to go away, that he didn’t want a baby at all. Did she really think he cared if it was a boy or girl? Did he care? She looked so happy, so he played along.

  “Doesn’t matter, as long as it’s healthy.” He knew that was what you were supposed to say.

  They met the nurse and the desk staff, and finally the doctor came into the exam room. It didn’t go as either Matt or Kristie had expected.

  At first it was fine, routine. He asked Kristie when her last cycle was, what she had been eating and drinking, and did a quick listen for the heartbeat. Matt had never heard anything like the staticky thump-thump and found himself smiling despite himself and looking at Kristie with a new tenderness. They were really having a baby.

  Then Dr. Hunter said he wanted to discuss some matters in his office.

  “I’m sure it’s nothing. Standard procedure for new patients probably,” Matt reassured Kristie as she looked panic-stricken.

  Dr. Hunter sat behind his imposing desk opposite Matt and Kristie who sat in low chairs facing him. It was so cliché, Matt wanted to laugh, but what the doctor had to say next was nothing to laugh about.

  “Now, I know this baby wasn’t planned. I further know you are both young and were in college when this happened. You both seem like good, smart kids who don’t need to start parenthood at this early stage in your lives. What I am saying is, you have options. Good options, safe options. We live in a sophisticated world where no one should be denied options available.”

  “Doctor, are you saying we shouldn’t have this baby?” Kristie clutched at her belly.

  “Not necessarily, but it is still early if you wish to terminate. What I am suggesting, though, is adoption. You are both very healthy, and there are plenty of childless couples out there who would love to adopt a healthy, white infant these days.”

  “No!” Matt found himself yelling.

  “Easy there. I’m just saying I don’t think you’re ready to be parents. Someday, when you are ready, but not now. This is not a situation you would have chosen.”

  “But we’re married,” Kristie argued.

  “Yes, and I’m sure that was someone else’s idea, or insistence, correct? Well, just think about it. You can call the office to schedule a termination in the next week or so; otherwise, I will see you next month, and we can see how you feel about adoption at that point.”

  Matt and Kristie left the office silently but holding hands.

  “We’ll show him and everyone else what good parents we can be,” Matt said.

  “I had no idea he would suggest that, or feel so strongly about it.”

  “Don’t worry about worry about it. We’ll be fine. Us and our baby.”

  Matt called Judge Noland from a payphone and told him he needed to take Kristie shopping for maternity clothes and curtains for the nursery. His boss was pleased to give him the rest of the day off.

  Things changed after that. They actually appeared like a happy, newlywed couple. If only a bit young. The waitress smiled at them almost jealously when she delivered their ginger ales. They p
ondered their menus and asked each other’s opinions about dinner choices. Ravioli or the lasagna, maybe garlic bread to start. After the waitress took their orders, Matt realized something astonishing. He choke-laughed on his drink; he had to share his revelation.

  “I think this is our first date!” They both started laughing, and other diners looked in their direction.

  “You mean you don’t count the wedding?” Kristie joked.

  Now everyone was looking at the fit of laughter they were sharing. Matt didn’t care; they were having fun. Finally.

  Joey finally returned one of Matt’s many messages.

  “Dude, I was a wreck. What can I say? I’m sorry,” Matt pleaded.

  “I know.”

  “So, are we okay?”

  “I guess.”

  Matt understood that Joey wasn’t going to make it easy. “I get it. I’ll do my best to earn it back.”

  They chatted about dumb stuff for a while and finally addressed the white elephant holding them back.

  “So, like, you’re married.”

  “Yup.”

  “And you’re going to have a kid. How are you doing?”

  “It’s actually okay right now, you know, considering.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So what’s new with you?”

  All in all, the first call went all right. Matt realized he would have to be the one to call for some time, but that was okay, as long as Joey would answer. His biggest obstacle would be getting the phone away from Kristie.

  “Let me know when you go back to that doctor again.”

  “August tenth. Why, are you gonna give him hell?” she half-joked.

  “Bet your ass.”

  They walked in holding hands, greeted the nurses enthusiastically, and anxiously awaited Dr. Hunter. Kristie nervously rubbed her belly, telling Matt to notice the bump. He still couldn’t see one but played along. They got quiet when they heard the handle turn on the exam room door.

  “So, I assume we are continuing with the pregnancy?”

  “We are continuing with having our baby,” Matt corrected.

  From the exam table, Kristie gave Matt an affectionate, proud smile. To Dr. Hunter, she gave a smug one.

  Dr. Hunter pulled out a tape measure from a drawer and proceeded to place it on Kristie’s stomach. He seemed puzzled, looked at her chart, and then palpated her belly.

  “How have you been feeling?”

  “Great, actually, no more nausea. Appetite is back.”

  “Cramping?”

  “Yeah, actually, but I read that happens when the muscles stretch out for the uterus to expand beyond the hip cavity, right?”

  “Well, yes, it can, but…”

  “But what?” Matt asked, picking up on the doctor’s tone.

  “Let’s take a listen.”

  His suspicions were confirmed when he could not detect a heartbeat on his handheld Doppler. He asked them to be patient while he went to hunt down a portable ultrasound machine. He left them alone.

  “Matt! What is going on?”

  “I don’t know. We’ll find out soon, just be calm.” Matt already knew, though.

  Dr. Hunter returned quickly and smeared cold jelly on Kristie’s abdomen then slipped a wand around with surprisingly firm pressure.

  “Now, you’re going to see the outline of the fetus—we know that is there. What I am looking for is an active heart,” he explained and warned.

  Kristie and Matt grasped hands as they watched the monitor. Neither saw any movement.

  “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat.”

  “What? Look harder, do something!” Kristie exploded.

  “I’m sorry, honey, but you’ve had a miscarriage. These things happen, and it doesn’t mean you cannot have kids in the future, only that this one wasn’t ready for the world.”

  “What happens now?” Matt asked.

  “In some instances, the body with expel the fetus on its own, but I don’t expect that’s going to happen here as it would have already, so we’ll have to perform a D&C tomorrow.”

  Dr. Hunter went on to explain the procedure and what to expect afterward in terms of physical recovery, not emotional. It sounded horrible.

  Matt and Kristie returned to their home in stunned silence. Kristie called her mother who immediately came over. When she arrived, the tears began to fall, and Matt was rendered unnecessary. After comforting her daughter and giving her something to sleep, Mrs. Noland joined Matt in the family room and addressed him in a matter-of-fact manner.

  “I will take Kristie to the appointment in the morning. The judge needs you tomorrow. Also, she will recover at our home, spending the night with us tomorrow to allow you to remove all of the baby items from that room and all the maternity clothes from the closets and drawers. Put them in boxes in the garage, and we’ll see they are taken care of properly.”

  Mrs. Noland lingered only long enough for Matt to nod. He checked on Kristie who was out cold in their bed, so he retreated to the couch hoping the TV would drown out the rambling thoughts he could not process.

  Kristie returned to the house not one but three days later. It was after dinnertime; Matt had waited until seven then gave in and made himself a frozen pizza. He was just tying up the kitchen trash bag when she walked in. Kristie slipped silently into “her” chair at the table. He had only spoken to her on the phone briefly when she arrived at her parents’ house after the procedure.

  He tried to sound cheerful but concerned. “Hi. Are you feeling any better?”

  “I suppose. Taking a lot of Advil,” she replied flatly.

  Then, without looking at him, she asked Matt the question that both his parents and Joey had asked him on the phone just an hour ago.

  “What are we going to do?”

  Matt had yet to come up with a reply to any of them, including himself.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Patty and Ann

  By the fall, Ann seemed like her old self again, and Patty couldn’t have been more thrilled to have her crazy friend back again. Patty had gotten so used to walking on egg shells around her that she had developed a routine of keeping silent each morning until Ann was ready to talk, and usually just about messages or her upcoming appointments. Patty was shocked one morning in August to find Ann in the office before her, straightening her desk and singing to herself—and not quietly.

  “Isn’t it a beautiful day?”

  “Why, yes. I’m glad to see you enjoying it, Ann.”

  Patty went about her morning rituals, while Ann’s exuberance became unbearable. She was practically floating around the office, organizing swatches and rearranging sample books. She even answered the phone on the first ring.

  “Okay, Ann, I give up. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing! Not a thing. Isn’t that great?” Ann gushed, spilling over with relief.

  “Nothing is going on. Hmm. I still don’t get it.”

  “No baby. Matt’s not going to be a father. She lost it!”

  “Oh, that’s awful,” Patty began, instantly remembering her own history with miscarriages.

  “Bite your tongue. This is a blessing. She’s only twenty; she’ll have plenty more with someone else. Now Matt can have a life, a second chance. It’s like a miracle!”

  Patty realized there was no arguing with Ann. She was glad her friend was happy, and she guessed in time Kristie would be, too. She could sense Ann wanted to talk about it more, so she asked what they were going to do about the marriage.

  Ann went on to explain that Kristie had just told Matt that she was going back to school. Not too kindly, Ann said that Kristie would be welcome back with open arms, “The poor thing,” and she could pick up right where she left off. Her friends would fawn over her. Matt, though, was stuck; at least for now. He couldn’t go back to UConn, and he felt he owed Judge Noland. He would be sticking it out at the law clerk position and fixing up the house as an investment property for the Nolands. Kristie had told Matt they would discuss t
heir “situation” later when “clearer heads prevailed,” which sounded like the judge had advised her to do nothing right away, either for some legal or financial reason unknown to them.

  With Jackie back at school, Robert wasn’t bothering to come back to Westhaven on the weekends which left Patty with plenty of time to work on her ever-expanding business. Now that Ann was a productive member of her office again, the new venture seemed even more attainable. She had even devised a plan to bring Bill on board that wouldn’t seem gratuitous.

  “Ann, I have two clients so far who want me to decorate their homes for Christmas. I’m shooting for starting the weekend immediately after Thanksgiving.”

  “That’s great—and fun! What can I do to get things started?”

  “Well, I was hoping you would ask your husband if he’ll help me out on these. See, it will involve hanging wreaths and other heavy indoor and outdoor decorations.”

  Ann shook her finger at Patty but smiled. “I see where you’re going to with this.”

  “Well, keep that under your hat for now. I don’t want to pressure him about the landscape design yet, but I really do need help with this project, and it would give him an idea whether he’d like to take it further.”

  By the Tuesday following Thanksgiving, Patty had three more clients. Her “holiday home enhancing” was clearly a hit. Ann suggested placards be placed in the yards advertising her name, but Patty argued it would be tacky. Effective, yes, but still tacky. It was Joey Barone who came up the idea that to advertise that would launch Patty’s new direction.

  The previous year, Joey began creating local ads for just about anyone who would hire him. He was excelling at graphic design but was still longing for his parents—his father, really—to see the value and possible future in his “doodling.” He had already had a handful of his ads appear in the local paper, but so far, his biggest claim to fame was a window leaflet announcing the Chamber of Commerce Olde Home Day Fair. The house on Briar Lane Patty had previously decorated gave him the idea to approach her with a plan.