Wish You Were Here

by Mike Gayle

  Donna waved goodbye and as she crossed the square back to the city, the cathedral bells began to chime, sending the pigeons that had been resting in the bell tower soaring one last time into the sky.

  Happy face

  It was just after six-thirty when Tom returned to the apartment. He came out on the balcony where I’d been sitting and I offered him one of the two remaining cans of Heineken I’d brought out with me. Though worn out from his day walking he looked happy, almost carefree and we exchanged highlights of our day apart with none of the awkwardness of earlier. He was back to being Tom and I was back to being me. And everything between us was just fine.

  ‘So is it too crass to ask the big question?’ asked Tom.

  ‘Which big question would that be?’

  ‘The one about you and Donna,’ he said, smirking. ‘Do you think anything will happen tonight?’

  ‘I’ve no idea,’ I replied. ‘It’s not like I got any sort of positive vibes from her . . . not unless you count agreeing to eat Belgian waffles with me.’

  Tom shrugged. ‘Well I wouldn’t discount it altogether. Back when I was single I knew plenty of girls that wouldn’t even talk to me, let alone eat waffles in the same vicinity.’

  ‘You see,’ I sighed, ‘this is the bit I always found difficult, back in my single days: the “how to tell if they’re interested part”.’

  ‘What does the evidence say?’ asked Tom.

  ‘Well, other than the waffles she did say that I should come out with her sister and her friends tonight.’

  ‘That’s all the evidence you need right there,’ said Tom.

  ‘Do you think so? She told me to bring you along too.’

  ‘Even better,’ said Tom. ‘That’s a clear case of using me as a smokescreen to hide her true motive.’ He paused. ‘So what’s Andy got organised for tonight anyway?’

  ‘Nothing too excessive . . . you know . . . a few beers and a bit of a laugh. Tell me you’re coming.’

  ‘I can’t,’ said Tom, wincing. ‘This walk really took it out of me. I was at the front of the entire walking party there and back. Tonight all I want to do is have a shower, phone Anne and the kids, and then sleep. Just give Andy a ring and tell him you’re definitely coming tonight. If he gets a little too Andy even for you then at least you’ll have Donna to chat to.’

  ‘I think I’ll do it,’ I said reaching for my phone. I dialled Andy’s number and he answered after three rings. ‘It’s me. I’m just calling to see what you’re doing tonight. Tom’s knackered from his hiking thing so he’s going to—’

  ‘Brilliant!’ yelled Andy down the line. His voice became muffled but I could still just about hear him informing Nina that ‘my mate Charlie is coming out tonight’.

  ‘We’re starting off at Club Tropicana,’ said Andy coming back on the line. ‘It’s an eighties-themed bar and restaurant on the main strip, just past Pandemonium. We’ll be there around nine-thirtyish. How does that sound?’

  ‘Cool,’ I replied. ‘Nine-thirtyish. Club Tropicana.’

  ‘That’s the one.’ He added cheerfully, ‘Charlie?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Make sure you bring your happy face with you, okay, mate?’

  ‘Happy face?’

  ‘You know . . . give misery the night off for a change. It’s the girls’ last night in Malia. They want it to be a good one and I just want to make sure that everything is in position.’

  ‘In position for what?’

  ‘For you to have the best night of your entire life.’

  What plan B?

  As I sauntered into Club Tropicana at close to twenty to ten I was quite sure that it wasn’t going to be the best night of my life. For a start, my clothes didn’t feel right. I’d wanted to wear the same clothes I’d worn on our night out at Pandemonium (a tried and tested ensemble that was virtually my going-out-on-the-town uniform back in Brighton) but after all that time in the bar the shirt stank of cigarette smoke. My back-up ensemble, a pair of beige trousers and a white patterned shirt, had never been matched together before and though technically they should have had no trouble getting on together, for some reason the whole thing didn’t quite work. Secondly, on my way to the strip that night I’d been waylaid by two Geordie girls who looked about seventeen. The first girl cheered me up immensely with the greeting: ‘You’re gorgeous, you are,’ but then a second girl leered drunkenly into my face and tittered: ‘Stay off the Bacardi Breezers, Tina, he’s at least forty.’ Thirdly, though not completely up to speed on the rules and regulations for having the best night of your life I was pretty confident that it wouldn’t be sound-tracked by a Jive Bunny mega mix.

  I found Andy and Nina sitting at a table on the club’s outdoor terrace surrounded by Nina’s friends, but there was no sign of Donna.

  ‘Charlie!’ said Andy, greeting me like I was his long-lost brother. ‘How are you, mate? Come and sit down and meet the girls.’

  One by one I was introduced to Nina’s friends: Stacey, Melissa, Hattie and Beth. They all seemed nice enough and several of them were actually incredibly attractive but none of them sparked off anything in me the way Donna had that first night in Pandemonium – none of them looked as though they had stories to tell.

  ‘I thought there were six of you?’ I asked as I settled down in a chair between Andy and Melissa. ‘Who’s missing?’

  ‘That’ll be my sister Donna,’ said Nina. ‘She wanted to have some time by herself so we said we’d meet her around midnight in Bar Go-Go.’

  ‘Couldn’t you have told her we were going somewhere else?’ said Andy.

  ‘Why would you do that?’ I asked.

  ‘Andy thinks Donna doesn’t like him,’ said Nina. ‘But he’s wrong.’

  ‘How can I be wrong since I was there when she took me aside yesterday and said to my face: “I don’t like you.”’

  ‘It’s not that she doesn’t like you,’ said Nina breezily. ‘She’s just looking out for her kid sister that’s all. Trying to make sure that I’m not being corrupted by an older man.’

  Andy stood up and began taking orders for the next round of drinks. But because I was determined to make a good impression I told him that I would get the next round in. We then proceeded to bicker in a pantomime fashion before agreeing to a compromise: I would pay while Andy would come to the bar with me and give me a hand getting the drinks back to the table. It was a perfect rendition of our ‘how-to-look-good-in-front-of-the-opposite-sex’ routine lifted straight from our college days and could only have been improved if Donna had been there to witness it.

  ‘So what do you think of the girls then?’ said Andy as we made our way to the bar.

  ‘They seem nice enough.’

  ‘Well, my friend, you’re in for some luck tonight,’ said Andy. ‘With them going home tomorrow there’s a bit more of a party atmosphere in the air than usual. And if you want my advice I think Hattie – the tall girl in the black dress – is your best bet. She hasn’t pulled all holiday so might be up for some last-minute action. If Hattie’s not your thing, try Stacey – blond hair, red top, white skirt. Nina says Stacey’s pulled a different bloke every night so if you don’t mind being number seven you could be well in there. I think you might be out of luck with Melissa – dark hair, black top, white skirt – because she’s got a boyfriend back home but I reckon if you turn on that old Mansell charm to its maximum setting she might be persuaded to forget about him. Finally there’s Beth – red hair, blue dress – she’s actually single but to be truthful, mate, she is so out of your league it hurts. I only say this because she’s pretty much out of my league too. I suppose if you’re feeling ambitious she might be worth a go but I reckon you’d be wasting time that could be better spent charming Hattie out of her knickers.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ I asked, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.

  ‘You came out tonight to pull didn’t you?’ said Andy.

  ‘No,’ I replied, reasoning that
there was no point in weakening my argument with the truth, ‘I came out tonight because I spent today, the third day of a holiday we’re supposedly on for my benefit, on my own while Tom went hiking and you hung out with Nina.’

  ‘Well, I’m here now aren’t I?’ said Andy. ‘And the girls are here too. All you’ve got to do is give it a bit of the old chat and you’ll be away.’

  ‘Fine,’ I said glancing over to our table in the hope that Donna might have arrived. ‘I’ll get the drinks and you—’ I stopped as I felt my mobile phone vibrate in my back pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the screen.

  ‘It’s Lisa,’ I said locking eyes with Andy guiltily.

  ‘Why is she calling you again?’ he asked staring at the screen on my phone.

  ‘How am I supposed to know?’ I replied. ‘Do you want me to answer it or let it go to voicemail?’

  ‘Answer it,’ said Andy quickly. ‘Speak to her. Find out what she wants.’

  ‘Look,’ I replied as the phone continued to ring. ‘I’ve been thinking about this and I’m really not comfortable at getting into the middle of all the stuff with you and Lisa.’

  ‘I know, I know,’ he said urgently. ‘Look, I’ve got a Plan B sorted that will solve everything, okay? Just answer the call and it’ll be the last thing you have to do with her I promise you.’

  ‘What do you mean you’ve got a “Plan B?”’

  Andy winked at me. ‘I’d tell you but I think I’d prefer to see the look on your face when I pull off my masterstroke. Now just answer the phone and talk to her for as long as you need to, okay?’

  ‘Fine,’ I replied. ‘But you’ll have to get the drinks in.’

  It’s not Malia

  ‘Lisa,’ I said breezily into the phone as I watched the hordes of late-night revellers milling in the street outside Club Tropicana. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Where are you?’ she asked quickly. ‘It sounds noisy.’

  ‘Outside a bar,’ I replied. ‘It’s quite crowded around here so—’

  ‘Is Andy with you?’ she interrupted.

  ‘He’s at the bar getting the drinks in.’ I paused. ‘Look, Lisa, what’s with all the questions? Are you okay? Is something wrong?’

  ‘I’m really sorry, Charlie.’

  ‘Sorry about what?’

  ‘I’ve got it into my head that you’re hiding something from me. You’re not are you?’

  ‘What makes you think that anything is wrong?’ I asked, side-stepping the issue.

  ‘Nothing really. It was just a small thing that you said earlier that didn’t quite add up. You remember the text message you sent me? You said you and Tom and Andy spent the day on the beach, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yeah, I did.’

  ‘Well, are you sure about that?’

  ‘Of course I am.’ Then I paused and, employing my best acting skills, corrected myself. ‘Well . . . actually . . . come to think of it . . . we actually spent most of the day by the pool because we were too wrecked to go anywhere else, but then we did make it to the beach a bit later in the afternoon once our strength was up. But you know how it gets when you’re on holiday, everything sort of merges into one doesn’t it?’

  ‘You’re right.’ The acute relief in Lisa’s voice was clearly audible. I felt like the lowest of the low. ‘You’re absolutely right.’ She paused. ‘I really am so sorry, Charlie. I should let you go. I feel like I’m single-handedly ruining your holiday.’

  ‘You don’t have to go,’ I said quickly. Her guilt was making my own spiral out of control. ‘It’s not like I’m missing out on much. I think they’re playing Tears For Fears at the moment.’

  ‘Okay,’ laughed Lisa. ‘Leaving aside Tears For Fears for the moment . . . how has your day been?’

  ‘How has my day been? All right . . . I suppose. Nothing special. It started pretty crappily but then—’

  ‘Why did it start crappily? Andy’s not being a real pain is he?’

  ‘No,’ I replied. ‘It’s not Andy . . . it’s just that . . . well last night I heard some bad news and it was pretty much the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning—’

  ‘It was Sarah wasn’t it?’ said Lisa with genuine pity in her voice. ‘She’s finally told you.’

  ‘Told me what?’

  There was a long pause. I could feel Lisa panicking at the other end of the line.

  ‘It’s . . . it’s nothing . . .’ she stammered. ‘I thought that . . . look, it doesn’t matter.’

  ‘What do you know about Sarah that you’re not telling me?’ I demanded. ‘She sent me a text message on Sunday but I didn’t reply. You know what she wants to talk to me about, don’t you?’

  ‘Please, Charlie, don’t make me say any more,’ pleaded Lisa. ‘I’m begging you. I’ve said too much as it is. It’s the sort of news that you need to hear straight from Sarah not me. Call her and I’m sure she’ll tell you everything.’

  ‘Just tell me, Lisa,’ I snapped. ‘Whatever it is I’m not going to blame you, okay? This is Sarah’s fault. Not yours. So tell me what she wants and we can move on.’

  ‘I can’t,’ she said.

  ‘Just tell me.’

  ‘I can’t,’ she repeated.

  ‘Look, I’m not going to hang up until you do.’

  ‘She’s pregnant,’ she said finally. ‘Sarah’s pregnant.’

  There was a long silence.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Charlie.’

  Silence.

  ‘Charlie, you have to forgive me. You should never have heard this from me.’

  Silence.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘I know you are,’ I said softly and then without saying goodbye I switched off the phone.

  DAY FOUR:

  THURSDAY

  Voicemail

  It was just after midnight. I was sitting on my own in a booth overlooking the strip in the McDonalds at the crossroads. In front of me were a cold cup of coffee (mine) and the remains of a Big Mac Meal (someone else’s).

  I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and switched it on. Within seconds it beeped frantically to let me know that I had several voicemail messages. I dialled the mailbox and listened to the messages:

  Message one: ‘Charlie, this is Lisa. Where are you? I’m so sorry for what happened. Please call back and let me know you’re okay.’

  Message two: ‘Charlie, it’s Andy here. It’s nearly half ten. Where are you, mate? I know I said talk to Lisa as long as you want but this is ridiculous. Come back quick. Nina’s mate Hattie is definitely interested in you.’

  Message three: ‘Charlie, Andy here again. It’s half eleven. You’ve chickened out on me and gone back to the apartment haven’t you? Is it because of Hattie? Well you’ve missed out there. She’s pulled some Scottish guy with an armful of tattoos. Just come back okay? The night’s still young and even Beth – the one I said you didn’t stand a chance with – is looking a bit desperate. We’re off to Bar Go-Go in a bit so look sharpish.’

  Message four: ‘Charlie, whatever time you get this message please call me to let me know you’re all right. I’ve tried calling Andy to find out where you are but his phone is switched off. I’m starting to get worried that something bad has happened. Please call.’

  I put my phone down on the table and took a moment to look through the window in front of me. A large gang of lads in Newcastle United shirts were passing by the restaurant singing at the top of their voices. Sighing heavily, I picked up my phone again and typed out a text message for Lisa:

  Message Charlie: ‘Hi, don’t worry. I’m fine.’

  As I switched off my phone and looked out of the window again a huge tidal wave of emotion crashed over me, threatening to engulf me completely. My heart began racing and I felt as though every last one of my internal organs was being slowly crushed inside.

  The intensity of my reaction took me by surprise. I couldn’t work out what it meant or why it was happening. Even after Sarah first left me I’d been more angry than
upset. I’d been more interested in exacting revenge than in responding in any kind of emotional way to her actions. I almost took comfort from the fact that she simply didn’t push the button. Yes, she had the power to make me depressed but she wasn’t the trigger that opened up the flood gates. And for that small mercy, at the time at least, I was grateful because it made me feel as if I was superhuman. She had gone and wrecked my life in the process and yet I didn’t feel a thing. I was bulletproof. I was invincible. I was Superman. But as I wiped the tears from my eyes in the crowded restaurant I realised that even Superman had his Kryptonite, and thanks to Lisa I’d now discovered mine.

  I dumped my cold coffee in the bin by the exit and strode into the street outside with such purpose that I almost bumped into someone coming the other way.

  It was only when I looked to apologise that I realised that the person standing in front of me was Donna. She was dressed in a white top and skirt with matching sandals. Her hair was tied back in a pony tail.

  ‘Charlie,’ she said surprised. ‘Aren’t you going the wrong way for Bar Go-Go or have I missed something?’

  ‘I’m not going,’ I replied.

  ‘Are you all right?’ asked Donna as though she had a sixth sense for troubled minds. ‘Has something happened?’

  ‘I’m just not in the right mood to be here tonight.’

  ‘You’re not the only one,’ said Donna. ‘I’m missing Sadie like crazy and on top of that I’m really getting sick of this place.’ Donna paused and looked at me again as if trying to see inside my head. ‘I was only going to show my face at Bar Go-Go so that Nina wouldn’t keep on about me being miserable,’ she began. ‘Why don’t you come too? We wouldn’t have to stay long and if you came I’d at least have someone nice to talk to.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I sighed. ‘But—’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m sure.’