Wish You Were Here

by Mike Gayle

  I had to give Andy the credit that was due him. Inviting Lisa over to Crete was a masterstroke of strategic thinking on his part. The perfect win/win scenario. He’d had his fun during the first part of the week and now at a stroke he’d allayed her fears and banked himself a tonne of perfect-boyfriend points in the bargain. It was genius really. Utter genius. And I probably would’ve given him a standing ovation had his actions not made me feel like the lowest of the low. How did he think he could pull off such barefaced deceit without being crippled by guilt? He obviously didn’t know the meaning of the word. But I did, and thanks to him I felt forced to take on the burden of his guilt for cheating on her as well as my own for hiding the fact from her.

  ‘It doesn’t matter how you got here,’ I said, squeezing Lisa in my arms. ‘It’s great anyway.’

  ‘That’s really nice of you,’ said Lisa. ‘Even if you don’t actually mean it. I know this was meant to be a bit of a boys’ holiday and now here I am messing things up. I promise you I’ll do my best not to cramp your style.’

  ‘Look, Lisa,’ said Tom grinning, as he too greeted her with a hug, ‘we’ve been about as rock and roll as a bunch of old age pensioners. Your presence can only improve matters, believe me.’

  ‘Right then,’ said Andy as if he hadn’t got a care in the world. ‘Who’s coming down the beach?’

  ‘That sounds great.’ Tom exchanged glances with me warily. ‘I could do with a day in the sun.’

  ‘Me too,’ I replied acknowledging Tom’s look. ‘It’ll give me a chance to catch up with my reading.’

  As we made our way down to the beach there was a certain amount of tension between us. Lisa was obviously conscious of having gate-crashed our holiday. Tom seemed on edge because despite not wanting to get involved he had now been covertly sucked into keeping Andy’s secret from Lisa. And I was anxious because not only had it been me who had promised to keep Andy on the straight and narrow and failed to do so, but in addition I had my own private source of tension with Lisa due to our last conversation on the phone. The only one of us who seemed to be anywhere near relaxed was Andy.

  Because of all this apprehension, we all made an effort to talk as a group rather than splitting off into our natural pairings. But the route to the beach was so busy that it was impossible to walk along four abreast. At one point near Stars and Bars, the pavement got so crowded that Tom and Andy broke off and I found myself walking a few paces alone next to Lisa. As I didn’t want to talk to her about my mission with Andy, or indeed about Sarah’s pregnancy, as she opened her mouth to speak I started fake frantic coughing while carefully speeding up my pace to join the others. When it happened again a few yards later, I was forced to pretend that I had a stone in my sandal. And a few yards after that my solution was to get in first with conversational topics that couldn’t be construed as personal. And while these were possibly the least subtle methods I could have chosen to keep Lisa at arm’s length – bar my obtaining a loudhailer and yelling the words ‘Don’t come any further!’ – they did at least do the job.

  As usual the beach was heavily congested with young sun-worshippers. But whereas before the three of us had felt like intruders into a world of youth and beauty, with Lisa in our midst I felt as though we now had as much right to be there as anyone else. Although at thirty-one Lisa was probably one of the oldest – if not the oldest – women on the beach, she easily looked five years younger and had the body to prove it. So suddenly we were no longer just a bunch of sad thirtysomething blokes spending the whole day with their noses pressed up against the sweet-shop window, instead we were three thirtysomething blokes who had a three-in-one chance of being mistaken for Lisa’s boyfriend. I couldn’t have asked for more. And as the three of us trooped across the sand towards the sun-loungers, I could see gangs of younger guys straining to get a better look at Lisa’s magnificent figure. It really was all I could do not to turn round to them with their sinewy bodies, their perfect tans and stupidly youthful haircuts and kick sand in their faces.

  Gathering together four spare sun-loungers, we set up camp for the afternoon. Andy lay down on his lounger first and then Lisa lay down next to him. At this point Tom looked at Lisa and then at me as if to say, ‘You know her better than me,’ and so I stepped forward to take the lounger next to her and Tom tucked himself on at the end.

  ‘This is fantastic,’ said Lisa, as she undressed down to her bikini. ‘I wish Andy had invited me to come earlier.’

  ‘I know what you mean,’ I replied eyeing my best friend’s girlfriend’s perfect bikini-clad figure from behind the privacy of my sunglasses and then immediately wishing I hadn’t. I closed my eyes and tried to delete the image from my retinas.

  ‘Charlie’s only saying that because you’re here now,’ said Andy mischievously. ‘Secretly he’s really enjoyed being one of the lads this week. Isn’t that right, Tom?’

  ‘Hmm,’ said Tom who was already engaged as usual with his Rough Guide. ‘Definitely, mate.’

  ‘Has he managed to pull any “birds” while you’ve been here?’ asked Lisa pouring a small amount of sun lotion into the palm of her hands.

  ‘Was that your attempt at being one of the boys?’ laughed Andy.

  ‘Don’t you call girls “birds” any more?’ asked Lisa as she began to rub the lotion into her arms. ‘I know it’s a long time ago but I quite liked being a “bird” when I was young free and single.’

  ‘You’re still a “bird” to me,’ said Andy. ‘Isn’t that right, Charlie? Lisa’s still got “bird” status, hasn’t she?’

  ‘Yeah, of course,’ I said wincing as I covertly watched Lisa rubbing suntan lotion into her thighs. ‘She’s a “bird”, all the way.’

  ‘Thanks, guys,’ said Lisa. ‘That’s just what I needed to hear.’ She turned to Andy and handed him the suntan lotion. ‘Could you just rub some on my back, babe?’

  ‘No problem,’ replied Andy as Lisa lay down on her front and deftly untied her bikini top to reveal the full allure of her naked back.

  ‘So, Charlie,’ said Lisa as Andy straddled her back and began to massage the lotion into her shoulder blades. ‘What’s the talent been like?’

  ‘What are you asking him for?’

  ‘Because he’s the only one of you that’s legally licensed to check out the women here,’ grinned Lisa. ‘Come on, Charlie, remember I’m “one of the boys”, now. You can tell me anything.’

  ‘It’s been . . . all right,’ I replied.

  ‘The man’s on fire, actually,’ interrupted Andy who was now massaging the middle of Lisa’s back. ‘He managed to pull at the airport before we’d even collected our bags.’

  ‘He’s exaggerating,’ I replied. ‘All that happened was that a girl came up to me while we were waiting for our bags . . . she said she wanted to meet up in some bar. It must have been a practical joke or something because she didn’t turn up . . . it’s all a bit embarrassing, really.’

  ‘Rubbish,’ said Andy. ‘She definitely fancied him. She had a look in her eyes like she really wanted a morsel of Mansell. I think something must have happened to stop her coming that night.’

  ‘Was she nice?’ asked Lisa.

  ‘Gorgeous,’ said Andy, working the sun lotion into Lisa’s lower back. ‘Like a young Naomi Campbell.’

  ‘Wow,’ said Lisa. ‘A babe like that could be just the thing you need, Charlie. Maybe we’ll bump into her tonight. Talking of which, what exactly have we got planned for tonight?’

  I shrugged and passed the question over to Tom in a bid to distract myself from Lisa’s glistening back.

  ‘What do you reckon, Tom?’

  ‘My vote is somewhere quiet,’ he replied. ‘I don’t mind having a big night out tomorrow but after last night I could do with taking it easy.’

  ‘This is what I’ve been up against all holiday,’ said Andy climbing off Lisa’s back. ‘Some people wouldn’t know a good time if it bit them on the backside.’

  ‘Actually I think Tom’s r
ight,’ said Lisa struggling to retie her bikini top. ‘Maybe we should save ourselves for the last night and have a big blow-out then? Tonight we could go out for a nice meal and then maybe have a bit of a drink and a chat on the balcony when we get back. It’s nice out there.’

  ‘Sounds okay to me,’ said Tom.

  ‘I suppose that’s all right,’ added Andy, ‘as long as we’re definitely going out tomorrow.’

  Lisa turned and looked at me expectantly. ‘What do you think, Charlie?’

  ‘Sounds like a great idea,’ I replied even though I was already beginning to get the feeling that this quiet night out might turn out to be more eventful than we’d bargained for – Lisa was an unknown quantity in what was already a pretty volatile mix. ‘Count me in for sure.’

  Mine has a little extra kick!

  It was now just after ten in the evening and we were all sitting at a table on the vine-covered terrace of Taverna Stefanos. The taverna was tucked away in the older part of Malia, far enough from the hectic pace of the main strip to imagine that we might be somewhere rural. Much of the tension from earlier in the day now seemed to have evaporated. Tom was talking to Andy. Andy was talking to me. And I was even talking to Lisa. Everybody seemed to be getting on and the meal, the wine and the entertainment (halfway through our second course a couple of bouzouki players dressed in traditional Greek costumes emerged from the rear of the restaurant) seemed to bind us all closer.

  ‘Now that was a fantastic meal,’ said Tom to Georgiou, the owner, as he brought our bill. ‘We’d be back in a shot if tomorrow wasn’t our last night.’

  ‘Well if you were to bring this lovely lady back with you tomorrow night,’ grinned Georgiou, ‘you might get yourself a free bottle of wine.’ He paused and gave Lisa a cheeky wink. ‘What do you say?

  ‘It’s tempting,’ said Lisa, allowing Georgiou, who had complimented her on both her beauty and her dress sense at regular points throughout the meal, to steal a kiss on the cheek. ‘We’ll have to see.’

  I couldn’t blame Georgiou – a middle-aged father of three – for trying it on with Lisa as she was absolutely stunning in her black backless dress. Sitting with the three of us at the table she was the perfect definition of a rose amongst thorns.

  ‘I feel I have died and gone to heaven,’ said Georgiou swooning theatrically from Lisa’s kiss. ‘To which one of you lucky men does this stunning lady belong?’

  ‘This is my boyfriend,’ said Lisa, pointing to Andy. ‘And these two handsome gents are just friends.’

  ‘Well, my friend,’ said Georgiou in a mock whisper as he leaned in towards a clearly embarrassed Andy, ‘I hope you know that you are a very lucky man.’

  We piled up a small mountain of Euros in the middle of the table to cover the bill and as Georgiou was about to sweep the cash away, Andy asked if there were any chance that we could buy a bottle of raki from him to take away. Georgiou immediately called for one of his waitresses to get a bottle.

  ‘I make it myself,’ said Georgiou as she returned with a plastic litre bottle of the clear liquid. ‘I make the best raki on the island.’ He thumped the table dramatically. ‘Mine has a little extra kick!’

  ‘That’s good to hear,’ said Andy. ‘A little extra kick is just what we all need.’

  We thanked Georgiou for the meal and then slowly made our way out of the taverna to the quiet street outside.

  ‘What have you bought that rot-gut for?’ asked Tom as we made our way through the winding back streets. ‘We’ve still got some beer back at the apartment.’

  ‘I’m not touching a drop of that stuff,’ I said, adding my weight to Tom’s objections. ‘That stuff is lethal.’

  ‘Will you two stop acting like old ladies?’ said Andy. ‘This stuff is brilliant.’

  ‘What is it?’ asked Lisa taking the bottle from Andy’s hands to examine it closely.

  ‘Have you ever had ouzo?’ asked Tom.

  ‘Not since I was seventeen and my parents went away for the weekend,’ replied Lisa. ‘A couple of friends came over to keep me company and things got a bit out of hand. We ended up dumping a whole bottle of ouzo that my parents had brought back from a holiday in Athens into the remains of a two-litre bottle of Coke and split it four ways.’ Lisa shook her head in shame. ‘Before long some boys got invited round, my friend Katie ended up getting a huge love bite from a boy called Kevin and we all ended up in my parents’ bathroom taking it in turns to be sick.’

  ‘Well,’ said Tom laughing, ‘it’s just like that . . . only stronger.’

  Lisa looked at Andy. ‘Do we really have to do this?’

  ‘Of course we do,’ he replied. ‘It’s a rite of passage. You know as well as I do that every holiday needs a good hangover story.’

  ‘Like you haven’t got enough already,’ sighed Lisa. ‘Fine. Count me in. Only because I don’t want you moaning that I spoilt things by not getting into the mood. But when you wake up in the morning with a screaming headache don’t come running to me.’ Shaking her head in disapproval, Lisa joined Tom who was walking slightly ahead of the group. She looped her arm through his and started asking him lots of questions about his kids, which forced Andy and me into walking together. Neither of us spoke for quite a long time but as we paused waiting to cross a road Andy eventually broke the silence.

  ‘Listen, mate,’ he began, ‘I’m sorry about yesterday. What

  I said was absolutely out of order.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ I replied. ‘It’s no big deal.’

  ‘So we’re all right, then?’

  ‘Yeah . . . we’re all right.’

  There was another silence.

  ‘So, did you always know you were going to bring Lisa out here?’

  ‘Yeah,’ replied Andy. ‘Pretty much so.’

  ‘So this holiday was never about me?’

  ‘Of course it was about you. But it was about me too.’

  ‘And you don’t feel guilty?’

  ‘About Lisa?’

  ‘Of course about Lisa.’

  Andy shrugged. ‘I don’t think about it.’

  ‘I guess that’s the big difference between you and me.’

  Andy checked that Lisa and Tom were out of earshot.

  ‘Nina called me today,’ he began quietly. ‘Said she wants to carry on seeing me when I get home.’

  ‘You’ve said no though, haven’t you?’

  Andy shook his head. ‘It’s difficult.’

  ‘What’s difficult?’

  ‘I think I might want to see her again.’

  ‘What about all that stuff you said to me yesterday?’

  ‘I think that was more for my benefit than yours.’

  There was another long silence.

  ‘Being with Nina . . . it makes me feel like I’m alive again.’

  ‘So what about Lisa?’

  ‘I need her too,’ said Andy. ‘Like I said, it’s difficult.’

  ‘Look,’ I said pointing to Lisa and Tom up ahead. ‘Just look. That beautiful woman there is your girlfriend. And more than that she loves you. Why would you want to risk losing all that?’

  ‘I wouldn’t be risking anything,’ said Andy evenly. ‘She’d never find out. All Nina’s suggesting is that we meet up once in while.’

  ‘You’ll get caught.’

  Andy shook his head. ‘No we won’t,’ he said confidently. ‘I’ve thought it through.’

  ‘People who cheat always get caught,’ I replied. ‘It’s a fundamental law of the universe. You take one risk, and then you take another and another until you’ve convinced yourself that you’re invincible. Then one day you’ll take a risk too far . . . or you’ll get careless . . . or you’ll end up hating Lisa so much for not catching you out that you won’t care if she finds out . . . but whichever way it happens, the truth will come out because it always does. Just like it did with me and Sarah.’

  Andy stopped and looked at me. ‘I thought you said you only found out when Sarah left you.’

&nb
sp; ‘That wasn’t true,’ I replied. ‘I lied to you because I didn’t want to look stupid. But the truth was I knew Sarah was cheating on me long before she left.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘I went through her things one morning after she left for work. I went through everything – her bags, clothes, underwear, diary – even her computer. I was trying to find evidence that might explain why she had changed so much in the past few months. I felt terrible. I really did. It felt like a real intrusion. Until I found something. It was a letter from him folded inside an empty compact in her make-up bag. It had all the stuff you’d expect. And it was quite obviously not the first letter of its type either. So I had to ask myself what was so special about this one? I read it and reread it a million times and I couldn’t work out why she’d kept it when she’d obviously disposed of the earlier ones. And then it hit me . . . she’d kept it because the thought of destroying the letter upset her more than the idea that I might find it. That’s when I knew that it wouldn’t be long until she left me.’

  ‘So, why didn’t you say something?’ said Andy. ‘You shouldn’t have let her walk all over you like that.’

  I could’ve predicted Andy’s reaction down to the letter. He didn’t understand because he couldn’t understand. And he couldn’t understand because he’d never been in love.

  ‘I didn’t say anything because I knew that would mean she would leave me sooner rather than later. So I put all of her stuff back exactly where I’d found it and carried on as if nothing had happened. A month later she left me anyway. And do you know what? I don’t regret not confronting her about it for a second because the thing you won’t understand – I don’t think you can understand – is this: when you love someone and you find yourself living on borrowed time, you’re just too grateful for every last moment you get to worry about anything else.’