Whitney knew he loved her. She just wished he wouldn’t get so upset and mean. Maybe he was right though, maybe she needed the mean.
She knew she had to do something, and that her friends wouldn’t understand, so on Monday after practice she waited outside with the other girls until both Brynley and Everley were picked up and then slipped back into the empty gym and re-laced up her basketball shoes. As she sat in the expansive room tying her shoe she breathed in the empty gym air, letting her love of the sport fill her once again. This was her comfort zone. Why did all those stupid girls have to taint this magical place everyday?
She ran through every drill she could on her own feeling better with each one. She knew she’d get more done if she had a partner, but there wasn’t anyone on her team who would challenge her like she needed, or who would be as dedicated as her, so she did the best she could alone. Finally, after an extra hour of workouts, she called her mom for a ride, more because she was starving than because she was done. This kind of basketball she could do forever.
On Tuesday she stayed again. Easily getting into the drills, in the expansive gym filled only with the sounds of her squeaky shoes and the game she loved. About twenty minutes into her extra drills she heard the boys’ team entering the locker room from the other gym. She froze with her back to the locker room doors, willing them to all just exit from the locker room to the paking lot.
Whitney listened to the muted voices as they trailed off towards the cars and breathed a sigh of relief. She grabbed a drink of water and then turned back towards the basket, right as one of the large metal doors to the boy’s locker room swung open spilling Leif into the gym and freezing her again.
“Hey,” she said as her eyes scanned the gym looking for the spy who would see this and report it to Eva. Since the tournament, Whitney hadn’t talked to Leif. Math study sessions had died over winter break and no one pushed for their return. Honestly, she’d made an effort to avoid him, therefore also avoiding more issues with Eva and he’d seemed to be doing the same. Until now.
“What are you still doing here?” he asked. His eyes held a tired sadness she hated to see.
“Getting in some extra time. I need all the practice I can get these days,” she said.
“Tell me about it.”
As he spoke he peeled off his sweatshirt pulling with it his t-shirt, momentarily exposing his magical abs and the band of his boxers. He didn’t do it purposely, as some of the other guys his age did, but instead pulled down his t-shirt quickly to avoid the exposure, which made it even more amazing to Whitney. She snapped her eyes back to his face as he tossed his sweatshirt on the stage next to them, but his slight grin told her he’d seen her downward glance. She felt her cheeks flush, which was just the perfect companion to the butterflies in her stomach.
“Are you cool if I share the gym? Maybe we can even help each other.” His offer froze Whitney. YES! She wanted to scream. He actually would be the perfect challenge for her and he’d take it seriously, but if this got out it would defy everything she was fighting against.
As if he could see her thoughts he took a step closer and said, “It’s a few drills, we are the only ones here, it’s not a big deal, nor do I plan on telling anyone about it.”
“Yeah, of course. I just wasn’t sure how long I was staying,” she said trying to play it off. She checked her phone. She had thirty more minutes until her mom would be there. She gave into the dimple.
“Let’s do it,” she said grabbing the ball and heading up the court for a lay-in.
It turned out Leif was good for more than just eye-candy and deep conversations on the beach, he was a great one-on-one challenge. They ran drills and scrimmaged without stopping for the next thirty minutes. Had she not been fully engrossed in the fight to beat Leif with every shot, Whitney would have been horrified with how sweaty she was or freaked out about how much physical contact was occurring between them, but basketball made all of those things null-in-void. When her phone rang she noticed the two missed texts from her mom sitting unread. She threw on her sweatshirt in a rush.
“I’m glad you invaded my workout. This was good,” she said.
“Well, thanks for letting me invade,” he said with a wink.
Full of butterflies making it impossible to speak, Whitney rushed from the gym. Leif’s wink burned into her brain and on the drive home, as the adrenaline wore off, she replayed it having trouble believing it was real. No longer consumed with basketball, she freaked out about the workout. She wanted to text Brynley or Everley or even Ivy and tell them about it, but she couldn’t. This had to remain a secret or it’d get out and it’d be bad. Really bad.
◆◆◆
On Wednesday Whitney shot around for ten minutes watching the door with anticipation and telling herself she was crazy for thinking he’d come again now that he knew she was there. When he strolled in with a smile she tried to play it cool, but failed wonderfully shooting an epic air-ball as she watched him walk by.
“Wow! You need this more than I thought,” he said.
“Shut-up,” she said. Her cheeks bright red again.
They filled the next hour with more drills, more shooting practice and more flirty jabs and on Thursday they repeated. It never seemed weird when they were together. Afterwards though, the anxiety always returned. She worried someone would find out. She questioned why she was letting herself get wrapped up in him again. She wondered why he wanted to hang out with her. But in the end, the flirtatious exchanges would over-rule her better judgment and she’d fall asleep dreaming of the next afternoon.
Friday brought wins for both the girls and boys varsity teams. The girls played first and full of enthusiasm from the win Whitney stayed to watch the boy’s game with her friends. Leif did awesome and with each point he scored she cheered silently to herself.
On Monday Whitney again waited in anticipation to see if Leif would come; he didn’t disappoint.
“You had a great game Friday,” Leif said. Making his way across the gym, still in his practice jersey, Whitney struggled to look away from his perfectly showcased biceps.
“I had a better game Friday,” Whitney said. “It was far from great.”
Leif looked at her suspiciously as he walked over and grabbed the ball she held in her hands.
“Do you honestly believe that?” he asked. He stood less than two feet away from her as they both still held the ball between them. His crystal blue eyes stared into hers like he was hoping to discover something mysterious within.
Whitney nodded. “Yeah. I’ve played much better and my best isn’t even great,” she said letting go of the ball and taking a step back. Leif continued to stare at her.
“What?” she said after she’d reached her uncomfortable limit, which was low with him.
“I just don’t think you see yourself as others see you,” he said.
“Does anyone?” she asked.
“Fair,” he said. “I’m worried for the rest of the girls if Friday night wasn’t nearly your best,”
“Oh, the rest of the girls…” Whitney said. “I’m sure they appreciate your concern.” Leif laughed and passed her the ball.
Tuesday the team traveled and Whitney played well, yet still not “up to her potential.”
“I don’t understand how someone as intelligent as you cannot be working on and hitting your free-throws,” her dad said when he called on her way home. She stood outside the McDonalds the team had stopped at and let him rant as she watched her friends joking inside. She longed for parents who hugged and loved regardless of the game’s outcome. She couldn’t even imagine what it’d be like.
Wednesday she made Leif work on free-throws with her for over half the time.
“You’ve missed two free-throws all season. Why are we doing this?” he asked.
“Because that’s two too many.” Whitney clapped for him to throw her the ball. “Plus,” she said, “You’ve missed eight of 15, which is embarrassing for you.”
Leif shook his head an
d passed her the ball. Workouts with Leif quickly became Whitney’s favorite part of every day. In yearbook they completely ignored each other, in math they rarely talked about anything besides math, but come 6pm they were nearly real friends. Leif was entertaining, and dedicated and funny. He made her smile and think and want to work especially hard. She loved it. She was honest with herself about what it was. Leif was still with Eva (reminders came vividly every day in yearbook) and she was still not in his league, but she was beginning to realize Eva wasn’t either. Leif was in a league of his own.
Friday they played at home again, facing one of the worst teams in the league. They won by nearly twice the other team’s score, but Whitney didn’t play very well. She got lazy in the second half and let their post sneak past her a few times to score, didn’t fight like she should have for a couple rebounds and missed a free throw near the end of the game. Everyone blanketed her with congrats about her 18 points and she tried to be gracious, but she knew her dad would have something else to say about it. Brynley and Everley begged her to stay for the boys’ game, and primarily because she didn’t want to be available when her dad called, she agreed.
After the game Brynley, Ivy, Whitney, Everley, Will, James and Jesse walked the five blocks to Dairy Queen and squeezed into a booth by the front window.
“What’s going on this weekend?” Will asked, stuffing his face with a cotton candy blizzard.
“Well, us girls are having a sleepover at Ivy’s house,” Everley stated.
This was news to Whitney and it made her feel extremely awkward. She stared at her sundae wishing she could evaporate from the table.
“We aren’t invited?” Jesse asked.
“No, you’re not,” Ivy stated.
“It’s cool, I wasn’t invited either,” Whitney said to Jesse.
Then Ivy shot Everley a death look and Everley stared back with panic enveloping her face.
“Yes you are,” Ivy said. “I thought I asked you.”
“Nope,” Whitney said.
“I’m sure I did,” Ivy said. “Anyways, wanna stay at my house tomorrow night?”
Whitney stirred her sundae into a soupy mess. “I’ll have to ask my mom.”
“You really were invited all along,” Ivy said.
“It’s fine,” Whitney reassured her. “I’ll ask my mom. For real.”
Whitney was sure her mom would say yes, but she wasn’t sure she’d tell the girls that.
“Does that mean you forgot to invite us too?” Jesse asked.
“No.” Ivy said.
“Well maybe we will just stop by for a while,” Will said. He smiled gleefully at Everley, who wasn’t giving him the time of day.
“Maybe you won’t,” Ivy said.
◆◆◆
Ignoring her better judgment, Whitney asked her mom if she could go to Ivy’s and text the girls early Saturday morning saying she’d be there. Then she stressed about it non-stop until her mom dropped her off in front of Ivy’s house around five. She stood frozen in the gravel realizing Ivy’s house meant Leif’s house. She’d been so preoccupied with whether the girls wanted her to come or not she’d failed to stress over Leif living there. This was a bad decision, she thought. She turned to get back in the car, but her mom was gone and Everley’s dad was pulling to a stop where her mom had once been.
“Hey!” Everley said juggling a bag, pillow and board game of some sort as she tumbled from th car. She passed Whitney and headed straight for the door with confidence. Whitney had to jog a few steps to catch up.
Everley barreled through the door without even knocking, mumbled something at the small children playing in the front room, gave a proper hello to Ivy’s mom in the kitchen and proceeded down the back hall. Whitney followed. Everley’s quest ended in Ivy’s room where they found Ivy and Brynley sprawled out on the floor painting their nails.
“There you guys are! Sit. Be quiet. It’s getting real,” Brynley said.
“What?” Everley whispered following the directions and grabbing a seat on the teal shag rug covering Ivy’s floor.
“You don’t even care about me.” Came a girl’s voice from the room next to Ivy’s.
“That,” Brynley said. One of her ‘I’ve got the gossip’ grins covered her face. Everley’s already huge eyes grew larger as she stuck one ear into the air to better hear through the walls. Ivy sat against her bed painting her nails, disinterested in the conflict next door. Whitney looked to Brynley with a puzzled look. Why were they treating a disagreement within Ivy’s house like a blockbuster movie? Whitney’s parents had fought a few times when she’d had friends over and it had been mortifying to Whitney.
“So what’s the plan tonight?” Whitney said cheerfully to Ivy, trying to save her from this embarrassment.
Brynley gave Whitney a death glare. “SHHHHHH!” Ivy gave a resigned smile and shrugged her shoulders. And then Whitney heard it.
“I do care about you. But caring about you is EXHAUSTING.”
Whitney immediately understood. She’d know that voice anywhere. She was actually surprised she hadn’t recognized the girl’s voice right away. It was Leif and Eva.
Whitney pushed herself closer to Ivy, leaned against the bed grabbing the baby pink nail polish and starting on her left hand while her mind ran a million miles a minute.
“If you actually cared it wouldn’t be exhausting. It’s exhausting because you’re making yourself care. I don’t want you to make yourself care about me. That’s depressing.”
“You just said I needed to care about you.”
“You do. You need to just care. Not make yourself care. Just care.”
“See THIS…..THIS is exhausting.”
“Well there wouldn’t be THIS if you just cared.”
“There wouldn’t be THIS if you weren’t crazy.”
Brynley let an “Ohhh” escape. Whitney couldn’t fight back the smile. Score one for Leif.
“Why are you so mean to me? I am so nice to you and I love you and I do everything for you and you just call me names like an asshole.”
“What exactly do you do for me Eva?”
“Everything. I love you. I come to your games and I cheer you up after you lose, which is a lot and I make you look good.”
Whitney wanted to punch her. Leif does not need you to look good you crazy bitch, she thought to herself. Ugh!
“I hate her.” Whitney let it slip and all the girls turned to look at her questionably. “I mean we all hate her, right?” She tried to cover, but it didn’t work too well. Her tone had been clearly more invested than had Brynley or Everley said it. Luckily the yelling continued and the girls turned their attention back to the other room.
“I am so done with this Eva. I am so done with perfect you and trying to be who perfect you needs.”
He sounded exhausted and Whitney could picture the sadness in his eyes. She felt so bad for him.
“I’m not perfect Leif. I don’t know why you always say that. One minute I’m crazy and the next I’m perfect and you don’t like either. You used to love me. You used to want me so bad and now all of a sudden I’m crazy and too perfect for you?”
“None of this is sudden Eva. We’ve fought like this for months.”
“Yeah, all of the months since school started and fresh meat walked in the doors.”
“Or all of the months since you started partying with everyone from last year and hooking up with college boys, not because you wanted to but ‘because you were drunk and couldn’t stop yourself.’”
“We’ve already worked through that Leif. You’re the one who is ruining us right now. You’re the one in love with a fat, ugly freshman. I don’t even know why I want to stay with you if that’s your idea of an attractive girl.”
“You are such a bitch. And I am not in love with anyone Eva. I was in love with you, until you became this. Now…now I’m not in love at all.”
Then the crying started in mass. Whitney obsessively painted her nails to avoid looking at the
girls, who all stared at her. Eva’s sobs carried through the house like those of a dying cat.
“She seriously has the ugliest cry ever,” Everley whispered.
“Tell me about it. I get to hear it way more often than I’d like,” Ivy said.
“So that’s it. You just don’t love me because older boys got me drunk and took advantage of me?”
“Again, that’s not it. Nor is that exactly what happened.”
“We’ve been over this. You know I didn’t want to sleep with them.”
“Okay.”
“Leif, we are perfect. Why don’t you just accept that and stay with me.”
“I’m not going with anyone else.”
“We both know you’ll be hooking up with Whitney by March and that’s why you want to break-up with me.”
“Oh. Do we BOTH know that? Tell me more about what I know.”
“Stop Leif. Stop being condescending. I’m serious. Do you understand how embarrassing it will be for me if we break up and you get with her? Whitney and I are not even in the same universe. You want everyone to compare me to her?”
“You are a piece of work Eva. And you’re right. You aren’t in the same universe because she’s actually a good person. She’s genuine and nice and doesn’t need to spend twelve hours getting ready to feel comfortable with who she is. And no, I hope they don’t compare you two because I don’t want people to think Whitney is anything like you.”
“I HATE you Leif! I can’t believe I wasted so much of my life on you. Don’t ever talk to me again!”
With those last words the door next to them slammed, hard enough to rattle the pictures on Ivy’s wall, then Eva stomped down the hall and the slammed a second bedroom door and all was quiet.
Whitney stared at the wall to Leif’s room trying to picture what he was doing.
“I think he really likes you,” Everley said.
“Not like that. He defended me, which was nice, but he doesn’t like me-like me,” Whitney said.
“I actually think he does,” Ivy said. “He was asking me questions about you the other night and now this. I haven’t heard him quite that angry with her before. Even when he found out she’d cheated. He’s yelled at her, but not like that.”
Being Whitney (Book one of the Being Series): A Young Adult Novel Page 14
