by Alexa McLean
“I think that’s it,” I said as I tucked my mother’s book into my bag. It was the final item I had thought to grab.
“Are you sure because once we escort you out of here you won’t be able to come back.”
“I’m sure.” I shouldered my backpack and followed them to the front door. “So, this is it.”
“I’m afraid so. A lot of good memories in this place. It’s a shame what happened but what are you going to do?”
I did not respond. Instead, I began the journey down my long, winding driveway. I did not look back. I just kept on walking.
MY FEET WERE COVERED in blisters by the end of the night. Designer dress shoes simply aren’t made for countless hours of walking.
Despite the pain, I didn’t check on my feet because I was scared of finding them covered in blood. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not the kind of guy to get queasy at the sight of blood — but if I have the choice to avoid it, I will.
I stopped at an intersection and checked the time. It was nearing midnight and I still had a few more blocks to go.
The street was empty. A couple of stray cats wandered around but other than that, I had the place to myself. Up ahead, a street light flickered. Its unreliability was a constant in this part of town. Its job was to light up the entrance to BB’s Burgers but most nights it took a raincheck.
The smell of fast food permeated the air and reminded me of the fact that I had yet to eat something. I checked my wallet. I had a five left to my name and maybe a half a dozen coins at the bottom of my pocket. It was enough for a combo meal but not enough to leave a tip.
I hesitated as I contemplated my options.
Eventually, my hunger won the battle and I walked inside.
Ernie, the owner, was manning the grill. He raised his spatula in greeting before flipping a patty.
I took a seat at my usual booth. Nine times out of ten, I was here with Lola but today was different. Today I had reached rock bottom.
Ernie clapped me on the back. “Hey, bud, I heard the news. I’m sorry —”
“Don’t,” I said, interrupting him. “Let’s just pretend none of that happened, alright? I just want a combo burger.”
“Medium rare?”
“As always,” I answered.
“Fries or onion rings?”
“What do you think?”
He glanced at the empty booth. “Well, Lola isn’t here so I’m going to assume you want a batch of the onion rings.”
“Ding, ding, ding.” I attempted a bit of humor but it just felt incredibly flat and lifeless.
“Coming right up.”
Ernie disappeared into the back and left me staring at the emptiness in front of me.
Lola was an absolute French fry fiend. She could live off the stuff. So, whenever we went out somewhere, I would order a side of fries so she could steal from me once she was done with her own. It prevented me from getting the sides that I truly wanted but hey, at least it made her happy.
As I waited for my food, I searched for my mother’s book. I had read it half a dozen times but perhaps there was some sort of hidden advice that would help me get through this nightmare. At the very least, it would help distract me from the weight bearing down on my shoulders. I was trying to ignore it but with each hour, it became harder and harder to breathe.
Maybe I’ll wake up and find that none of this ever happened, I thought to myself. I’ll go back to being a successful businessman with countless shopping centers to his name instead of a bankrupt failure.
Who am I kidding? It’s all just wishful thinking.
I had messed up — I had messed up real bad.
Someone cleared their throat. The sound pulled me away from my thoughts. Blinking, I looked up and saw Ernie’s wife standing behind the counter. She turned on the blender while humming to herself. Her head was bobbing to the beat. At least someone was happy.
With a flare of her wrist, she poured the contents of the blender into a tall glass meant for milkshakes. She topped it off with whipped cream and a bright red cherry. Next came the iconic stripped straw.
Since there was no one else inside the diner, I assumed that she had made the milkshake for herself but instead she started walking my way.
“What’s this?” I asked once the milkshake was placed on the table. “I didn’t order this.”
“It’s on the house.”
“Oh no.” I pushed it toward her. “I cannot accept this. The last thing I want is charity.”
She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “It isn’t charity. It’s a cure for that horribly long face of yours.”
I huffed.
“And if you want another one, just let me know.” With that, she returned to the kitchen. Through the window meant for accepting orders, I saw her plant a kiss on her husband’s cheek.
It soured my mood even further.
At least they had each other and meanwhile, I had no one.
What about Lola? came that voice at the back of my head.
She cannot know about this, I returned. She cannot.
Chapter 4: Lola
AFTER LEARNING ABOUT Ivan’s bankruptcy, I tried calling him about a half dozen times but he never picked up the phone.
“I’m sure he will reach out to you when he’s ready to do so,” my mother had told me when I left her house that night. I knew she was only trying to make me feel better but the fact that Ivan did not want to lean on me in his time of need was not an easy thing to swallow. I wanted to help him but it seemed that he did not want my help.
I drove past his house and saw that he had already been evicted. Yellow caution tape had been wrapped around the gate, warning people to stay away.
How did this happen? I asked myself. Ivan hadn’t even hinted at the business going under. Every time I had asked him about it, he had always acted like everything was under his control. Had he lied to me all this time? But why? Did he believe I would think less of him?
For the millionth time, I dialed his number.
“We are sorry but the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service.”
It was the first time that the operator had answered the call.
My hand dropped to my lap.
Had his phone been disconnected?
Parked outside his house, I browsed the internet, reading every news article I could find regarding Ivan’s bankruptcy. So far, most of them were vague and frustrating. I wanted to know the details but all they told me was the obvious — that all of Manning Property Group shopping centers would either be closed or sold to new owners.
I rested my head against the steering wheel and tried to think where Ivan could have gone.
That’s when it dawned on me: BB’s.
It was our refuge point — the place we’d run away to when it felt like the whole world was falling apart.
With that thought in mind, I sped down the street and towards that part of town. What did I have to lose besides a couple of hours of sleep? And if it meant seeing Ivan and getting the answers that I so desperately wanted then it would be well worth the sacrifice.
AS I PARKED MY CAR, I noticed that there was someone sitting in our usual booth. My heart quickened at the possibility that it might be him.
I reached for the door handle but before my fingers could curl around it, I stopped myself. What if he doesn’t want to see me? I wondered. If he wanted to talk about the bankruptcy then he would have mentioned it at the airport when he got off his flight. Instead, he ran away, I reminded myself.
Through the window, I observed his posture. His shoulders were sagged and he kept his head lowered like it was too heavy to keep upright. In front of him was an untouched burger and a couple of fries. He was the only guy inside the joint and he didn’t look all that happy to be there. In fact, he looked downright miserable.
Tap. Tap.
I nearly jumped right out of my skin when there came a knock on my window. It was Libby, the owner’s wife. She usually stayed late wit
h her husband so he wouldn’t have to close up the place on his own. In terms of cute older couples, they definitely took the cake. I aspired to have a marriage like theirs.
She motioned for me to roll down the window.
I did and she popped her head right inside my car. “Are you going to come inside and try and cheer him up? I can’t stand to see him like this.”
“How long has he been here?” I asked.
“Little over an hour.”
“Since midnight?”
“Yes, ma’am. We don’t have the heart to tell him to leave because we know that he probably has nowhere to go. Maybe you could let him spend the night at your place?”
As kids, it wasn’t uncommon for us to have sleepovers. Up until high school, we shared the same bed and thought nothing of it. Then, one day, all that changed. I blame it on puberty.
“Maybe,” I said as I stepped out of my car and onto the street. Libby stood under the street lamp, her face illuminated by the light. Libby was like a second mother. Without children of her own, she had pretty much adopted any youngster that visited the diner with enough frequency for her to learn their name. She was a good woman with a heart made of gold and if she thought that I could help Ivan then I wasn’t about to let her down.
Ivan was so caught up in his thoughts that he failed to notice me. My feet felt heavy but I dragged them forward until I reached his table. I cleared my throat in hopes that it would spark his attention.
It did.
His eyes widened until they were big enough to belong to a snowy barn owl. “What are you doing here?” he spat the second he saw me. “It’s late. Shouldn’t you be home by now?”
“I should,” I agreed. “But I found out what happened and it has me worried sick.”
He grabbed his milkshake and focused on slurping what was still left on the bottom of the glass.
“Look, I know that you probably don’t want to talk about it but you can’t just ignore something like this.”
“I’m not ignoring it.”
I answered him with an eyebrow-raised glare.
“Alright, alright.” He stabbed his ketchup into a pool of ketchup and swirled it around until the thing was saturated in a dark coating of red. Ivan never played with his food unless there was something seriously nagging at his mind.
“You don’t have to burden this on your own,” I said. “I’m here.”
“This wasn’t your mistake.” His voice was so cold that I failed to recognize it. “So, you shouldn’t have to face the consequences.”
“What are you talking about?”
Libby appeared with a basket of fries. She set them down and walked away without a word. Despite the circumstances, I reached for them and started to chow down. It was way past my bedtime and an obscenely inappropriate hour to be eating fried food but did I care? Absolutely not.
“I made some stupid financial decisions at the start of my career and now I am paying the price for those decisions. You have nothing to do with that.”
“Of course I do,” I countered. “We are best friends and that means that we support one another when the times get tough. How could I live with myself if I abandoned you in your time of need?”
“You make it sound like I’m some abandoned puppy on the side of the road and needs someone to rescue it,” he scowled and picked at his hamburger bun. Saying that he was in a bad mood would be the understatement of the year.
To lift his spirits, I grabbed a nearby straw and tore off a bit of the wrapper, exposing the candy cane stripes. I twirled it around like a baton and made a show of pressing my lips against the plastic. It was meant to be a playful gesture but instead, I found the air thickening with seduction. Without being conscious of it, I fluttered my eyelashes and tossed him a sultry stare before finally blowing into the straw and sending the wrapper flying into his face.
I waited for a crack in his expression but it was as if his face were made of marble.
“Oh, come on!” I said in protest. “The least you can do is fake a chuckle.”
“If you’re aiming to make me laugh then you are going to need to try a little harder.”
“Is that so?” I asked. “Because that can be arranged.” As I spoke, I picked up a fry and pointed it at his face. “All you need to do is say the word.”
“Word.”
“You asked for it.” In the blink of an eye, I was underneath the table.
“Hey! What are you doing?”
But I had already made my attack. I positioned myself on the outside of his booth while my fingers found those most ticklish of areas. He had no means of escape and years of experience meant that I knew his every vulnerability.
His deep, throaty laugh echoed through the diner.
For a while, I had him at my mercy but then the tables were turned. He used his strength to overpower me and within a matter of minutes, I was curled into a ball, gasping for air. “Please, stop!” I begged as he continued to tickle me. “I can’t breathe!”
“You should have thought of that before you made your attack!”
Tears burned at the corners of my eyes. I could no longer see straight. My lungs felt like they were about to collapse. I really was on the edge of passing out.
Ivan must have known as much because he eased off.
“I hope you learned your lesson,” he said. “Because there’s much more where that came from.”
“Oh yeah?” I challenged.
“You’re a glutton for pain, do you know that?” He advanced like he was about to start tickling me a second time but with a scream, I managed to get away. “That’s what I thought.”
“I’m just glad that I got to make you smile,” I said, sitting down. “I think I should keep it up.”
“How?”
“The beach.”
“Do you realize what time it is?”
“Do you realize that tomorrow is my day off and I’ve got nothing better to do?”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I can show you my schedule if you want me to.”
“No, I mean about you having nothing better to do. I doubt you want to spend your night with a nobody.”
“You’re a somebody to me whether you own Manning Property Group or not.” I fed him a fry just to prove my point. “Now, stop being so hard on yourself and accept my invitation before I change my mind.”
“Alright, alright but I won’t keep you for long. Besides, I should probably head over to Ben’s house before it gets too ridiculously late. He’s a night owl but I think even he goes to be at some point.”
“You’re spending the night with Ben?”
“Just for the time being. He was gracious enough to let me couch surf until I could find something a bit more permanent. I just gave him a call a little while ago.”
“I see.” Ben was Ivan’s old high school buddy. They had played on the football team together and kept in touch ever since. The men were close, sure, but I didn’t expect Ivan to ask Ben for help without asking me first. Had something sent a wedge between our friendship? It certainly felt that way but the more I thought about it, the more impossible it became to understand.
“But the beach does sound good right about now.” Out of habit, he reached into his wallet, meaning to pay the bill but it was as empty as a water bottle in the desert.
“I got it,” I offered but Ivan didn’t look very happy to hear me say those words. Instead of acknowledging me with a response, he simply shoved his hands into his pockets and stomped his way outside. Through the window, I watched as he kicked the lamp post. The light flickered and went black.
“Have patience with him,” said Libby as she came over to wipe down the table. “We cannot imagine what it is that he must be going through. He has lost everything and in the blink of an eye, too.”
“I know but he isn’t making it easy for me to try and help him. He’s being rather difficult about the whole thing.”
Libby saw that I was unzipping my wallet and stopped me
before I could withdraw any cash. “Please. It’s on the house.”
“I can’t let you do that,” I protested, trying to grab the amount that I owed her.
“I insist.”
I relented. “Fine but I intend to repay you one day.”
She smiled. “You can start by turning his life around.”
“That’s a tall order to ask for but I promise I will try my very best.”
“And that is all that I can ask of you.”
“WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE ocean?” Ivan asked as he stood on the edge of the water and looked out at its depths. The waves lapped at his feet, soaking his leather shoes.
“I don’t know,” I said, joining him. “But it always has a way of making all your troubles go away. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had an awful day, the ocean is always there to listen.”
“And its whisper is always there to comfort.” He sat down and held out his arm in an open invitation. I did not need to be asked twice. I settled in beside him and rested my head on his chest. The swell of the ocean was loud but the beating of his heart was even louder.
I listened to its rhythmic beat before a while before Ivan ran his fingers through my hair. “Why didn’t you tell me that all this was happening?”
His fingers stopped and his body became frozen.
“I always thought that we could tell each other anything and yet, lately, it’s like you’ve been building this wall.” I shifted slightly so I could look into his eyes. “Was there something I did...?”
He shook his head. “No, Lola, nothing. You’ve been nothing short of an angel and I am blessed to have you in my life.”
“Then let me help you.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this right now. My head had been pounding since the second I woke up.”
I frowned and started to massage his scalp. “You know what they say about heads...” I started to say but then I trailed off once I realized where I was going with it.
