Up in Flames (Firehouse Three Book 1)

by Sidney Bristol

  “It took me a while, but I’m fine with how things are.” Jesse squeezed his hand and tilted her head so she could see him. Let him see her. “I don’t need people in my life who don’t want to be here. Justin and James might annoy the ever loving hell out of me, but they’d die for me. Nick, too. At the end of the day, that’s what matters. Even if they will always treat me like I’m that same, screwed up sixteen-year-old. It’d probably be better if I didn’t work with them, but it’s hard enough being the chick on a construction site. I’m too tired fighting to be taken seriously to waste energy on a mother who doesn’t want to be in my life, you know?”

  “Shit. Yeah.”

  “Yeah, bet you didn’t expect that.”

  “No.” He picked up their joined hands and kissed her knuckles. “But at least now my family doesn’t sound as fucked up. They’re still more fucked up than yours, but I’m not alone.”

  “More fucked up than mine?” She arched a brow at him. This was a story she wanted to hear. “I seriously doubt that.”

  “What you want to bet mine’s worse?” Hunter grinned, but it didn’t touch his eyes. Those were…haunted. What kind of hell had he lived through?

  “Is this a contest now?” She licked her fork clean and tossed it on her plate.

  “Maybe. Depends on what you want to bet.” His gaze dipped lower, not that there was anything to see, but she felt the heat of his stare anyway.

  “A chewed up dog bone.”

  “Not a bad offer but…how about something else?”

  “What do you have in mind?” Jesse swallowed. The way Hunter was looking at her, she had a pretty good guess whatever he was thinking about was bound to make her blush.

  Hunter snagged one of the pot stickers and popped it in his mouth. Jesse still gave him that wary look as she shoveled food in. If she was hungry and not nauseous, that was a good sign. The goose-egg on the side of her head was almost gone, but she’d still have some ugly bruising for a week or two.

  Everyone had a sob story. Which was why he didn’t talk about his. But Jesse…hers hit close to home. He knew what it was like to be the fuck-up. The one who inevitably ruined anything good in his life. If there was one thing he’d learned growing up and out of that life, it was that he wasn’t the only one.

  Where to start?

  “You know what my parents wanted to name me?” He wiped his mouth then his fingers.

  “What?”

  “Helen.”

  “What?” Jesse frowned.

  “Mom was determined she was having a daughter. Dad didn’t want kids, period, but mom won that argument. Then I popped out.”

  “Okay…”

  “I very clearly was not a girl.” He spread his hands and Jesse blinked at him.

  “I’ll say.” One side of her mouth screwed up. “Did your dad come around?”

  “Hell no. To this day, he reminds me how much he did not want kids. Mom was pretty horrified she’d had a boy, but she tried to make it work. I think in the end they wound up resenting each other for having me, and me for being born a boy.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. I spent a lot of time at my buddy Drake’s house. Mom used to try to dress me up in suits and shit. I’ve never been that kind of guy. I’ve always been rough around the edges. More like my dad. I moved to Dallas in part to get away from them. Have a fresh start.”

  “And firefighting? How’d you get to doing that?”

  “Drake. As a kid, if Drake did something, I had to do it, too. But don’t tell him that, okay?” Hunter winked at Jesse and she shook her head. He much preferred her smiling and blushing to the apathetic way she’d related the events of her family’s implosion. “I get the not feeling wanted by your family bullshit. It sucks. Dad, I didn’t so much mind. He was always an asshole, not around a whole lot and I avoided him like he avoided me. I wanted Mom to at least like me, and I think she likes the idea of me. But not the reality. We’re all happier now that I’m here.”

  “That seriously sucks.” Jesse sipped from a bottle of water, her eyes scrunched up and thoughtful. “I think having your mom run out on you is way worse.”

  “Worse than her rubbing your nose into how much she wanted a girl at least once a month? She bought a box of tampons when I was in high school and left them in my bathroom so when I brought girlfriends over—which I never did—they’d have whatever they needed.” He wasn’t even going to mention the moaning that happened whenever his mother was PMSing and giving him the woe-is-me act about how they couldn’t share in this glorious occasion.

  Yeah, no thanks. He liked being a dude.

  “Seriously?” Jesse snorted and laughed.

  “I wish I was kidding.” He shook his head.

  “Parents are weird.”

  They both reclined back on the sofa, relaxed, sated. But his mind was going now, and his mouth wouldn’t stop working.

  “What kind of a parent do you think you’d be? I wonder sometimes, like, am I too fucked up to be a dad?” Hunter stared at the ceiling. A very loud voice in his head was screaming, “Shut up!” His mouth wasn’t listening.

  “Are you a good pet parent?” Jesse asked without hesitation.

  “Hell yeah.” He didn’t even have to think about that one. Caring for her came naturally, and Elsa made it easy to love her.

  “I bet you’d be a good dad. I’d be a helicopter parent. I already am with these fluff-mutts.” She gestured at the two sprawled on either side of the coffee table.

  “I don’t know. Sometimes I think about the shit I’ve done…” Hunter shook his head, a long list of regrets and things he’d done differently scrolling on by.

  “What about the tattoos? Is that in the shit you’ve done or the other category?”

  “Other.” He lifted his arms. “I got some really crappy tattoos when I was seventeen and eighteen. I got to be…twenty four? Yeah, twenty-four, and I had a guy do these.”

  “Fish?” She leaned over and squinted at his arm.

  “Koi fish. Traditional Japanese style.” He pulled his sleeve up, giving her a better view.

  “Does that…mean something?”

  “It’s about overcoming adversity, the past, that sort of shit. Plus, they look badass.”

  “Very.”

  “Not much for tattoos, are you?” He didn’t recall any hidden tattoos but he’d been pretty preoccupied with being inside of her last night.

  “I can’t decide on a nail color, let alone a tattoo for the rest of my life.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “I’m stuffed. This is a boring date, I’m sorry.” She closed the lid on the food, set it on the coffee table and leaned back.

  “They can’t all be exciting. Come here.” He tugged her over to his side and wrapped an arm around her.

  Maybe this was why he’d been drawn to Jesse. She wasn’t just different. She was different—like him. In a way that only the unwanted ever recognized.

  “Do you think Arthur will find something about my truck or the explosives?” The worry in her voice betrayed her calm exterior. All things considered, she was holding it together well.

  “If it’s going to be found, Arthur will do the finding.” He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back.

  The explosives locker hadn’t been cleaned out, but several pounds of C4 were gone. Enough to blow up something or someone. It was scary any way Hunter looked at it. Any way it went down, someone was going to get hurt—unless Arthur found the thief.

  It was awfully quiet in here. Did he want to know what the dogs—or Elsa—were up to?

  “I’m scared.” Jesse’s voice was quiet, barely a whisper. The admission squeezed his heart.

  “We’ll find it. Someone can’t steal that much without a plan.” He peered over the back of the sofa. All seven dogs were sprawled on the hard wood floor in post-food-bliss, much like he and Jesse were. At least they weren’t destroying anything.

  “Will you stay?” Jesse peered up at him. She wasn’t t
he kind of woman to ask for help. She was strong, even when she didn’t have to be, and she was asking for his help. Even if all she wanted was company.

  “Of course.” Hunter didn’t have to think twice about it. “I’ll have to be out by mid-morning though. I go on shift tomorrow at noon for twenty-four hours, then forty-eight off.”

  “Elsa could stay here, if that helps. She’s getting on well with the others.”

  “There. Everything’s figured out and I bet Elsa will love playing with dogs her size.”

  Jesse pushed to her feet and stretched, giving him the tiniest glimpse of bare skin at her stomach.

  “This is a really sucky date,” she said again.

  “You could always make it up to me later.” Hunter stood and scooped up the trash from their meal before the dogs woke up and realized there was more food around. That could easily incite a canine riot.

  “Thanks, Hunter.” She stroked her hand across his back on her way to the door.

  He tossed the trash and Jesse made the rounds, turning off lights and scratching dog heads, petting bellies.

  She was special.

  He’d known that the moment he saw her. That she was different. And now he knew why.

  Drake was going to give him shit for this, but Hunter didn’t care. Yeah, he had a track record when it came to women, but he’d always known that someday the Right One was going to walk into his life. His fear was fucking it up before he knew it was her. Somehow, some way, he hadn’t. He was just lucky he’d recognized Jesse, after he stopped being butt-hurt that she’d been more into the dog than him at first.

  “You better stake your claim on the bed before they do,” Jesse said over her shoulder.

  She didn’t have to say anything to the pups. All she did was turn toward the open door on the other side of the room and five of the dogs leapt to their feet, charging ahead of her.

  Hunter waited for Elsa and Sirius before following in their wake. He was glad to see the California King sized bed, though it did seem kind of small for two humans and seven mutts to sleep on, much less anything else.

  Jesse shed her boots, jeans and bra without a care for what went where or who was watching until all she had left on was her T-shirt. He liked that about her. Her awkwardness was forgotten, no need to be shy anymore. She was just—Jesse. And that alone was perfect. She didn’t need the pretty dress or anything else. He liked her as she was.

  Hunter shucked his clothes and hit the lights. He had to give one of her pack the boot to make room in the bed for himself, but as soon as he slid between the sheets, Jesse reached for him, curling her body around his. Like they belonged together. As if this were normal.

  Whatever shyness had plagued her before was gone. She’d let him in, and the poor thing probably had no idea he was making plans to stay there. Hunter knew what it was to not be wanted, he made a habit out of leaving relationships before his woman got bored, but Jesse was worth keeping. Now he just had to figure out how to convince her she needed him, too.

  8.

  Jesse tiptoed out of the bedroom, one hand wrapped around Sirius’ collar, and lightly patted her thigh. She still wasn’t completely awake and neither were the other dogs. But she knew how to fix that.

  “Come on, food,” she whispered. “Let’s go potty.”

  She’d been startled awake by Sirius gnawing on her foot. Not the best way to wake up, but at least the rowdy pup hadn’t peed. Yet. She really should have made sure he piddled before she climbed into bed last night, but she’d been too wiped out to care.

  Her five mutts roused themselves from the bed, floor and window seat to trot after her. Food was the magical word around here. Even Elsa followed the pack after a quick sniff at Hunter to make sure he was okay. Thankfully, he hadn’t yet woken up. Neither of them had a lot of sleep the night before and yesterday had worn her out, so she was glad one of them was getting to sleep in a little.

  She snagged a pair of shorts from the clean laundry hamper still waiting on the kitchen counter and ushered the seven fur babies down the stairs. Usually, she could walk around naked, if she so chose—which she did not. Her brothers avoided the barn altogether. But after yesterday, she figured James at least would come poking around eventually. Her middle brother was the peace keeper, the glue that bound them together. Without him, Jesse wasn’t so sure she’d have ever come back from Odessa. Most of the time she was pretty sure Justin wanted nothing to do with her out-of-the-box ways.

  At the bottom of the stairs she let Sirius go exploring and stepped into the shorts.

  The dogs filed out into the runs, the urgency of needing to go winning out over their stomachs. At least for the moment. They were a well-mannered brood. She’d had several animals with less manners and a tendency toward canine petulance, but these got on well enough and minded better than most.

  While the pups roughhoused and did their business, she began portioning out the morning’s wet food and a few treats to make amends for having left her pack penned up for so long. Usually, she tried to give them free reign, but not with two new additions and her out of pocket for big chunks of time.

  The barn door swung open, casting a long rectangle of light.

  Jesse paused and cocked her head, listening for her oldest brother’s summons.

  Silence.

  She glanced over her shoulder long enough to see the curly head of hair.

  James.

  As expected. She blew out a breath, relieved Justin was still avoiding her.

  She slowed her motions, giving her brother time to cross the barn to her side.

  “What? None of that raw food stuff today?” His tone was cheerful, as if yesterday simply hadn’t happened.

  “They get the raw food treat Monday and Thursday. You know that.” She wasn’t ready to let go of yesterday. Not without some sort of sibling chat. And that would have to include Justin.

  “Oh. Right.” James let the smile go and leaned against the counter, shoulders sagging, the light gone from his eyes. “It was an accident, you know?”

  “Yup.”

  “Justin’s real sorry.”

  “Then maybe he should tell me that himself instead of talking over my head like I’m a God damn child.” She slammed the cabinet door shut harder than intended.

  Lupin and Elsa loped closer, ears flat against their heads. Their concern was evident, from the way they carried themselves to the tuck of their tails.

  Shit.

  Of course these two would pick up on her mood and come to comfort her. Now she needed to reassure them everything was fine. She was okay.

  “Hey, guys.” She knelt, offering her hands and a few pets as a “thank you” for their worry.

  “He doesn’t treat you like a kid. You’re our sister. Justin just has a weird way of showing us he cares.”

  Jesse straightened and wrapped her arms around James. It wasn’t his fault their oldest brother had a stick permanently shoved up his ass. She just wished James wouldn’t stick up for Justin’s bad behavior quite so much.

  “This is weird,” James whined, body stiff.

  “What?”

  “You aren’t wearing a bra.”

  “Oh my God, your little sister has boobs.” She poked James in the ribs and let go. Sometimes she had to wonder about his maturity. Would James ever grow up? He was like a kid playing with his favorite dump truck, only these days it guzzled gallons of diesel and moved a couple tons of earth. “You’re lucky I remembered to put on shorts.”

  “I don’t want to think about that.” James rubbed his eyes and groaned. If he had his way, Jesse would remain his baby sister for the rest of her life, but at least James didn’t begrudge her growing up the way Justin did. “Your boyfriend’s Jeep’s still here.”

  “Yeah. So?” Jesse wasn’t going to entertain arguments about Hunter. Not when her brothers—her family—had abandoned her yesterday.

  She snagged Elsa by the harness and led her to an empty run. Once the wet food was out, some of the pack
ate their manners.

  “Nick will be by in a little bit.”

  “Okay.” One by one, she closed the dogs into their kennels.

  James waited for her, watching her progress back down the line without further comment.

  Jesse had never spoken about Nicholas to her brothers, and likewise, they’d never pointed out how Nicholas didn’t treat her the same way he treated them. They’d all just ignored it. For years. Pretending that uncomfortable vibe wasn’t there, disrupting their otherwise calm, orderly existence.

  “You know he has feelings for you,” James said softly.

  Jesse closed her eyes, her hands buried in Dumbledore’s fur. Of course it would come back to that. She recognized Nicholas’ interest in her around the time she’d developed breasts. The only problem was…she didn’t like him back. Not when he was just like Justin in the worst ways. She could feel the double weight of their disapproval every time they had to include her on a job, how they’d both prefer she were off doing something more appropriate for a woman. It was…exhausting. And she couldn’t love someone who didn’t love every part of her. Nicholas would always be a brother to her, but nothing more.

  “The feeling isn’t mutual.” She nudged Dumbledore into his run and closed the last kennel.

  “Have you even tried?” James handed a bowl over and she pushed it through the food slot.

  “I thought about it, but we’re wrong for each other in very important ways.”

  She’d die before she told her sweet brother about that one time. She’d been seventeen and curious about boys. Nicholas had seemed like a safe enough option. She’d known he liked her, and she’d felt—thought—she could trust him.

  In a moment of adolescent desire to be loved, to find out what was so great about sex, she’d offered him everything. No, she hadn’t loved him, but she’d gone to him as a safe place. Someone she could be honest with. She could still remember the way he’d stared at her. How he’d treated her. He was just like Justin. He’d made her feel so small and insignificant and…dirty. Nope. She didn’t need that in her life.

  Jesse shook her head, casting off those memories.