Lucky Me

by Saba Kapur

  “Would you stop complaining all the time?” I said, hands on my practically bare hips. “You’re worse than I am.”

  Before he could reply, I began walking toward the buildings ahead with the jacket still draped across my shoulders. Jack hadn’t gotten around to unlocking the car doors so I wouldn’t be able to put it back. Plus, I had no doubts in my mind that he would send me home kicking and screaming if I didn’t come to some compromise with him. So the jacket stayed.

  Jack kept looking down awkwardly, talking about how people were staring at me weirdly and how I just sent three people into cardiac arrest. But I was too busy concentrating on how beautiful the campus was to pay attention to him. UCLA was full of old-fashioned buildings with rustic brick walls and square roofs. There were lots of grass lawns and the entrances to the corridors were arched. I wasn’t sure it was the right place to go to college for me, but it would definitely have made one heck of a wedding venue. There were students everywhere, lying on the lawn and lazily soaking in the L.A. sun. Others were running, clutching stacks of books as they rushed to get to class on time. Jack was right; I was definitely turning heads with my inappropriate outfit, which should have embarrassed me, but it didn’t. It was nice to be getting all the attention for once. Jack was a pain to go out with. I was the daughter of an Academy Award winning actor, and nobody even cared when Jack’s blonde head was bobbing around the place.

  We stopped a nerdy looking guy walking alone across the lawn and asked him to direct us toward the fraternity houses. His eyes practically fell out of their sockets when he saw what I was wearing, but he finally got it together long enough to give us some directions. After ten minutes of aimless loitering and getting majorly lost, we had finally entered the world of sorority and fraternity houses. I looked around, taking in as much as I possibly could. Veronica, Aria, and I had toured universities a few months ago to get a better idea of possible colleges. I had never gone to UCLA, but my friends had. Surely there was some excellent reason for missing out on the most obvious choice, but I can’t remember it now. Oh yeah, that’s right. Louis Vuitton was having a sale on handbags.

  Standing on the street lined with white houses was like being in a slightly shabby part of Greece. It didn’t even look like part of a university, with cars parked along the sidewalk as if it were any random street in L.A. and not on a college campus. I had always been a little creeped out by the infamous stories of sorority loyalty gone too far and the emotionally scarring things they made you do to become a member. Mostly, I was going off things I had seen in horror movies and teen TV shows. I mean, it made one hell of a storyline. But there was a part of me deep down that thought it would be kind of cool to be able to call myself a sorority sister.

  A group of four guys were jogging down the road, making lots of noise as they went by. They were dressed exactly alike, in blue jeans and black t-shirts that had Greek symbols on them. To me, it just looked like scribbles, but clearly it made sense to the other students around us because they were all cheering the four boys on.

  “Local celebrities?” I said to Jack.

  “Looks like it.”

  I had a sudden image of Jack in a fraternity. If you were going off looks, he’d have been the president of his frat. But based on personality, Jack wouldn’t have lasted one day in a house full of boys with egos as big as his. His own pride would take up the entire campus.

  The four boys passed us, as we stood rooted to the road, watching them work the small crowd of onlookers as if they were at a rock concert. Less than ten seconds after they passed, one of the boys jogged backwards so that he came up behind me to my left, beaming at me. He had sandy blonde hair and perfect teeth, and I was beginning to think that I should just drop out of school and pretend to be a student at UCLA for a while. He jerked a thumb toward Jack.

  “Is he your boyfriend?” he asked, eyeing me up and down.

  Jack and I looked at each other. “No,” we said simultaneously.

  “Great!” The blonde guy said, thrusting a flyer in my hand. “We’re from the Kappa Alpha Psi house, and we’re having a party this Saturday night. We would love for you to come.”

  I looked down at the flyer. It was black and had a picture of a cartoon vampire on it and another of a cauldron. In block, red letters it read:

  HALLOWEEN PARTY

  Saturday 9 PM

  Kappa Alpha Psi House—INVITE ONLY

  You should really know the place by now. It’s the cool one with the palm trees and white gate.

  B.Y.O but no drugs, we almost got shut down last time. Dress up. Or down. No ugly people.

  PARTAY!

  Well, I had to give them some points for creativity. And really, they got right to the point, which is useful for those of us who can’t read or just don’t have the time to get through a whole invitation.

  “Halloween?” Jack said. “That’s months away.”

  “So?” The blonde guy replied with slight hostility. “People celebrate Christmas in July all the time. It’s just like that.” He turned back to me with a broad smile. “Besides, costumes are more freeing. They help people get their freak on!”

  On the word “freak,” he did a little seductive shimmy in my direction with his pelvis. I took a step back and bit my lip, hoping I wouldn’t burst into laughter and offend the poor guy’s very talented hips.

  “We’ll try to make it,” I told the blonde guy politely. “But I can’t promise anything.”

  I put a hand on Jack’s shoulder, urging him to keep going so that the blonde frat boy couldn’t hit on me any further. I gave him a little finger wave as a goodbye and Jack and I continued walking down the road.

  “See you there!” I heard the blonde guy say from behind me.

  He wouldn’t, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that. Jack and I continued on our heroic quest, past groups of sorority girls batting their eyelashes at Jack, and frat boys doing a double take at my outfit. The sorority houses weren’t in the same area as the fraternities, but it was clear that the girls knew the right places to hang out. After what felt like another hour of walking, when truthfully it had been about five minutes, Jack pointed out the fraternity house we were looking for.

  “Phi Kappa Psi.” I read from the sign attached to the top of the large, white house. I couldn’t have understood the Greek symbols if you had paid me, but thankfully they had it written out.

  “That’s what Milo said, right?”

  “I think so.”

  The Phi Kappa Psi house that stood in front us was a bit of a sight for sore eyes. Compared to its surroundings this fraternity was a rundown band geek amongst the jocks and cheerleaders of Greek housing. There was a narrow set of stairs leading to the front door, with two boys standing on them, seemingly having a deep conversation. One of the boys had brown hair and had his back to me, but the other brunette in desperate need of a haircut looked over at Jack and I as we approached them.

  “Hi,” I said, turning my charm switch on. If my short shorts didn’t work on these guys, then nothing would. “Is this the Phi Kappa Psi house?”

  The other guy turned around to face us, his eyes practically bulging out of his head as he saw my outfit.

  “Uh,” he began, trying to peel his eyes away from my legs. “Can we help you?”

  Jack rolled his eyes and said, “This is the Phi Kappa Psi house, right?”

  Both boys nodded silently, eyes still glued on me. My smile broadened as I turned to face Jack. I mentally sent him a ha! In your face message, but he was purposely avoiding my victorious expression.

  “Yeah,” the boy with over-grown hair said to me. “Can we help you with something?”

  “Well,” I began, careful to stick to what I had rehearsed in the shower this morning. “Jack here wants to join a fraternity house, and we heard this one had a good reputation.”

  “Really? A good reputation?” He tu
rned to his friend in surprise. “Dude, I told you handing out money would work!”

  Well then. Clearly Ao Jie Kai didn’t have good taste in fraternity houses. If the brothers had actually resorted to bribing people to join, something was obviously wrong with them.

  “Hey you look a little familiar,” the Jesus look-alike said, peering at me. “I feel like I’ve seen your face in a magazine or something.”

  I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Dad could stop me from covering Cosmo if he wanted, but there was no stopping me from occasionally appearing in Us Weekly, especially now that the Miss Golden Globe role was up for grabs. I turned to Jack with a panicked look. No one had recognized me in my shower rehearsal!

  “Uh, no. You must be thinking of someone else,” Jack said as smoothly as he could. “This is my sister, Miranda.”

  I forced myself not to whack him on the arm. Miranda? I looked nothing like a Miranda, let alone Jack’s sister. He was blonde, I was brunette. He was a sex-god who was a clear ten out of ten at all times. When I wore extra eyeliner, I was an eight.

  “Anyways,” I continued before they could start questioning us some more. “Jack and I, Miranda, Jack’s sister Miranda—”

  “I think they got the point, Miranda.”

  “—talked to a few fraternities and we were considering yours.”

  Jack nodded and said, “Do you have many members?”

  “Well,” the guy with long hair began, finally coming to terms with my provocative get-up. “We’re one of the smaller frat houses, but we have a really strong brotherhood.”

  “Yeah,” the other guy agreed. “We’d invite you in to meet some of the boys, but three of them are probably still asleep, and the rest are at class or out at the moment.”

  “I’m Ryan, by the way,” the guy with mop-hair said.

  “I’m Lou,” the other one said.

  “Nice to meet you guys.”

  “So do you go to UCLA, Miranda?”

  I gave them a tight smile. “Uh, no.”

  The two boys standing on the stairs looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to elaborate, but I didn’t. Hey, I didn’t have to write them an autobiography on my fake Miranda life. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds as I thought of my next step. Clearly my shower rehearsal sucked, because it hadn’t helped me at all. I couldn’t exactly just blurt out “Hey, do you know someone called Ao Jie Kai, because he may be stalking me?” Actually, I could.

  “So—” Jack began, but I intervened.

  “Oh!” I cried in fake surprise. “Phi Kappa Psi! That’s why you sound familiar! Do you guys know someone called Ao Jie Kai?”

  “You mean AJ?” Ryan asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “Yeah, he’s one of the brother’s here.”

  Jack’s eyes widened as if to say what exactly do you think you’re doing? I ignored him, concentrating on my new plan of action.

  “How do you know him?” Lou asked me.

  “I have a friend who goes here,” I explained, impressed with my impromptu skills. “She introduced me to him at a party. Great guy. Super nice.”

  I sent a mental message to the heavens above, hoping that Ao Jie Kai actually was a nice stalker.

  “Oh yeah?” Ryan said with a smile. “Yeah, he’s great! Who’s your friend? Anyone I’d know?”

  “Oh, I doubt it,” Jack cut in, shaking his head. “She does fashion designing.”

  “Hey, my girlfriend does that!” Ryan replied, and Jack and I looked at each other. What were the odds? “What’s your friend’s name, she may know her?”

  “Um—” Jack began, but I got in first.

  “Scarlett,” I replied quickly. “Scarlett . . . Johanessburg.”

  Jack let out a sigh next to me. The boys probably wouldn’t have picked up on it, but I knew exactly what it meant. He thought I was an idiot.

  “Hunh,” Lou replied thoughtfully. “Isn’t that an actress?”

  “Uh, no, it—it’s really not,” I said truthfully, shaking my head. Hey, it wasn’t technically a lie.

  Ryan shrugged and said, “The name doesn’t ring a bell, but I’ll ask my girlfriend.”

  “So,” Jack continued, his fake smile reappearing. “Is AJ around? I know Miranda and him really hit it off.”

  I forgot for a few seconds that I was Miranda and Jack nudged me lightly with his elbow as a reminder he was talking about me.

  “Oh right!” I said. “Yeah, we really hit it off. Is he home? I’d love to catch up with him.”

  “He’s at class right now and then he’s got work right after,” Lou told us with an apologetic smile.

  “Today’s a pretty packed day for him, but you can stop by sometime later tonight if you’d like. He should be home after eight.”

  The two boys looked at each other hopefully and I raised an eyebrow. It’s amazing what minimal clothing will do to the human mind.

  “Oh that’s okay, we may stop by when we’re in the neighborhood next,” Jack replied, grabbing onto my wrist. “But thanks anyway.”

  I gave the two boys one last killer smile and could almost see birds circling their heads. The trip had been kind of a waste of time, my feet were killing me and I actually did feel a little ridiculous in those clothes. It had been nice to have my fifteen minutes of fame amongst the testosterone packed males of UCLA, but I just wanted to go home.

  “Are you going to the party?” Ryan asked, and Jack and I turned around to face him.

  “What party?”

  Lou pointed to the flyer that was still in my hand. I looked down at it in surprise.

  “I haven’t really thought about it,” I told them, folding the flyer in half.

  “Well they have great parties and all,” Lou said. “But the guys aren’t the friendliest. I mean, it’s great if you want rich boys in Tommy Hilfiger shirts with fancy cars and alcohol. But you know, our brotherhood is real. Plus, they don’t have Pictionary night like we do!”

  Truth be told Tommy Hilfiger shirts and fancy cars sounded like just my type, as long as they weren’t as immature as Brendan’s friends. But the boys were really pulling out the fireworks to try and convince Jack to join. Sure, it was probably because they hoped his all too liberal sister Miranda would visit frequently in her tiny clothing, but all the same.

  Jack nodded politely and said, “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks guys.”

  “You know,” Ryan said, right as we turned to leave again. Beside me Jack gave an impatient sigh. “We were planning on going to their party this Saturday, if you’re interested. AJ’s going to be there. You guys could always catch up there?”

  The hopeful look on both of their faces returned, but I wasn’t celebrating my newfound attention anymore. Jack and I were already exchanging glances that told me we were thinking along the same lines.

  “I’ll consider it,” I said simply, trying my hardest to be noncommittal and suppress my excitement.

  We said our goodbyes, I smiled some more and we finally left, making our way back down the fraternity house street.

  “So what do you think?” Jack asked.

  I weaved my arms through the arms of my leather jacket, deciding my outfit had completed its job for the day. I unfolded the flyer and tried to smooth out the creases.

  “About the party?” I said, and Jack nodded. “Well Ao Jie Kai is going to be there. It may be worth it to make an appearance.”

  Jack nodded in agreement and said, “That’s what I was thinking.”

  “Wait,” I said, genuinely shocked at how easy that had been. “You actually agreed to go to this party without complaining?”

  “Oh don’t gloat,” Jack replied, but he was smiling a little. For some reason that made my insides do this little hip-hop crunk thing that was extremely unsettling.

  “Now we just have to figure out how to get out
of the house on Saturday without Dad making a big deal out of it.”

  “We’ll figure it out,” Jack said. “Your dad loves me.”

  The sad thing was, my dad did love Jack. I was always getting yelled at and grounded, but Jack could throw a puppy off a bridge and my dad would still think he was incredible. It was super depressing, but also convenient if Jack and I ever did decide to take whatever we had to the next step. Oh lord. Now that was a scary thought.

  “Miranda?” I asked him, and his smile widened. “Really?”

  “What?” he said. “I was thinking about Miranda Kerr and it kind of just came out.”

  Trust Jack to be thinking about Miranda Kerr while we were on a secret mission. Although, if Miranda Kerr had ever met Jack, I doubt she’d be able to walk the runway without him in mind. The two of them would have fantastic children, which is a little heartbreaking.

  “Why not just say Scarlett! It wouldn’t have even been lying because she’s actually your sister!”

  “Maybe it was because you turned her into a fictional student with a real actress’s name!”

  “Hey! That’s not her actual name! I changed it a little.” I felt my phone buzz in shorts pocket and pulled it out with a groan. “It’s probably Dad. Yet again.”

  But it wasn’t Dad. And in a snap second, being grounded for all eternity actually seemed pretty ideal after I saw the increasingly familiar title of No Caller ID staring back at me.

  “Pick it up,” Jack said, after leaning in and reading the caller ID.

  I thrust the phone at him and shook my head. “I don’t want to.”

  He sighed and took the phone, taking me by the wrist and leading me to a corner of the sidewalk, out of everyone’s way. He answered the phone and put it on loudspeaker, holding the phone out of my reach when I tried to hang up in a panic.