The Sweetest Sin

by Jess Michaels

  Despite all that, she was not horrified. She was aroused. Her body wept with desire, to the point that she felt dampness on her thighs when she squeezed them together to fight the tingling of need that had been born there. Her breasts ached as her hardening nipples rasped against the silk of her gown. And when Landon looked at her like he wanted nothing more than to lower her to the floor and rut with her right then and there, she actually had to bite her tongue to keep a needy moan from escaping her lips.

  But how could she agree to his proposal of quid pro quo? How could she give herself to this man she loved, knowing full well that his every touch would be a way to punish her for abandoning him and their marriage? How could she survive when she knew that in the end he would discard her, as he believed she had discarded him? When she thought of the pain of that ultimate end, it burned her chest and brought fresh tears to her eyes.

  She looked at him, ready to refuse despite her willing body’s insistence that she acquiesce. But then she thought of Evelyn. Out there somewhere, going through God only knew what.

  Pain? What was Juliana’s pain in comparison to the horrors her sister was probably going through at that very moment? She was suffering at the hands of some unknown man, just as Juliana had suffered at the hands of her late husband.

  And after all Juliana had done, had sacrificed to make sure this horrible thing would never come to be, she had to save Evelyn. She had to. No matter what the cost to her personally.

  “Answer one way or the other, my lady,” Landon said with a yawn of boredom that was belied by the way his gray eyes never left her face. “But do it now. I’m tired and I wish to conclude this negotiation.”

  Drawing in a long breath, Juliana forced herself to nod. “Yes,” she whispered and her voice cracked. “I will do what you ask of me, Landon. Just help my sister.”

  He drew back, almost in surprise at her agreement. Then he nodded. “It will be done, Juliana. To the best of my abilities.”

  “Thank you,” she murmured as she backed toward the door. She had to run away. To digest what had happened. To prepare herself for the onslaught sure to come when they began this bargain. “I’ll leave you now.”

  Landon arched a brow. “I don’t recall asking you to go.”

  She stopped, heart throbbing, at the door and turned toward him. “But you said you wished to conclude our negotiation.”

  He nodded, a cold little smile barely tilting his full lips. “And now the negotiations are finished and our bargain has begun.”

  She nodded. “So I shall leave you.”

  “It is night, Juliana,” he said softly as she moved again to the door. “The bargain was that your nights would belong to me. Starting now.”

  The air left Juliana’s lungs in a painful whoosh and she hardly kept herself upright as she spun on him in surprise. “Tonight?” she squeaked. “No, I-I’m not ready for this tonight. I am expected at home.”

  He folded his arms. “These are not my problems, Juliana. We made a deal. I expect you to hold up your end of the bargain.”

  He turned and strode to a little desk beside the window. From it, he withdrew a quill pen, inkwell and a few expensive sheets of linen paper. Holding them out, he said, “Write a note to explain your absence if you wish. Once you are finished, you will retire to my chamber upstairs and wait for me. I’ll leave instruction for Winston to show you the way. I will join you when I have finished with a few items of business.”

  He didn’t wait for her response, a fact for which she was thankful. She wasn’t sure how to formulate one as he gave her a short bow and stalked from the room, leaving her to ponder what would happen that night.

  Leaving her to thrill at the idea of it all.

  * * *

  Landon could hardly catch his breath as he paced his office. What was he doing? What the bloody hell was he thinking?

  If he was in his right mind he would march up to his bedroom right now and tell Juliana to leave. Tell her that the bargain was off. He would find her sister and return Evelyn home without ever setting eyes on Juliana again.

  Yes, that was exactly what he should do. But he wasn’t going to. He had come to accept that, even though he knew it was wrong, oh, so very wrong. He was going to go to his chamber and he was going to play out his fantasies with a woman who didn’t even care enough for him to stand by his side.

  It was utter madness. And yet his cock, his mind, his heart all screamed with excitement, with anticipation. Hadn’t he earned this? For five years he had punished himself, hardened himself, loathed himself for letting Juliana get so close. For loving her. For wanting her. Now he had a chance to purge her from his system. To fulfill every hot, erotic dream he’d had of her. Perhaps when it was over, he would have had his fill and could finally let Juliana go. Let the past rest.

  Groaning, he made his way to the door. He wasn’t stupid. He knew very well that he would never fully let Juliana go. No matter how much he hated her betrayal, no matter how much he tried to hate her, she had a place in his heart. And no matter of weeks or months or years would erase that fact.

  But damn if he wasn’t going to enjoy this.

  He took his time moving through the hallway toward the main stairs. He had to remain calm. Collected. He couldn’t let Juliana see just how much she still held sway over his heart. And that would take every bit of the emotional control he had cultivated over the years.

  He took the stairs two at a time, unable to stop himself from rushing toward his chamber. Rushing to where she was waiting for him. Outside his door, he stopped and calmed his ragged breathing.

  “Tonight you will be mine, Juliana,” he vowed as he opened the door. “Mine for the taking.”

  * * *

  Juliana trembled in the chill of Landon’s chamber. The fire had burned down and she didn’t dare do anything to make it higher. This wasn’t her room and she was sure Landon would call her on her impertinence.

  All of this was a test. From the way he dismissed her concerns about returning home, to the way he had kept her waiting and anticipating his return for nearly an hour. They were all ways of telling her that she belonged to him now. That she could not deny any order he made of her.

  She paced around the dim room in a slow circle. From what she could tell the chamber was very much Landon… or at least what Landon had become. It was stark, cold. Not really a home, but just a place where he slept. The bed was big, dominating the room, but it wasn’t particularly sinful. There were no rich, sensual coverlets or satin sheets to entice a guest.

  It was wrong, but Juliana took a little pleasure in the fact that Landon didn’t have a woman advising him on home decoration. That meant he probably didn’t bring any women here. She was the only one who would share this bed with him… at least for now.

  The door behind her opened and Juliana froze as Landon entered. The light was dim, but the glow reflected in his eyes anyway, making them glitter as he shut the door.

  Now he would take her. She braced herself as he came a few steps into the room. But like in the drawing room, he did not touch her. She should have been grateful when the fire caught his eye. Instead, she was bereft. How could he so easily resist her? She had been fighting the urge to throw herself into his arms since he came home to find her waiting for him.

  “It’s cold,” he murmured, crossing to the fire and tossing a few logs on. Immediately, the room brightened. “Why didn’t you have my man stoke the flames when he showed you the chamber?”

  She shrugged. “It wasn’t my place.”

  His lips pursed. “Of course.”

  She cocked her head. Why did he sound angry?

  He looked at her from across the room, then he grasped the back of the nearest chair and turned it to face her. He sank down into the cushion, steepling his fingers in front of him.

  “And so we begin,” he murmured, almost more to himself than to her. “Here you are, after all this time, and I’m not even sure what to do with you.”

  Juliana bit
back the plethora of wicked suggestions that leapt to her lips as she fought to remain as passive and detached, as he seemed to be. Where was her passionate Landon? Where was her ardent lover? Why didn’t he touch her and relieve a bit of the ache that had been in her heart and body since the last time they made love?

  “Your clothing,” he mused, tilting his head. “Remove it.”

  She hesitated. God, he sounded like he didn’t care. And if she hadn’t caught the briefest glimpse of desperation in his eyes, she would have thought that impression was true. But it wasn’t and that buoyed her strength.

  Swallowing, she lifted shaking hands to the little buttons at the front of her simple gown. She’d chosen a pale, spring green muslin, knowing it made her eyes dark. Landon had always liked it when she wore this color.

  Landon had liked it even more when she wore nothing but her hair to shield her body and a welcoming smile. She could give him that tonight, as well.

  “Slowly,” he ordered, breaking her concentration and making her hands tremble even more.

  Inch by inch, she revealed herself, pulling her gown open further and further until her bodice gaped all the way to the high waist. She thought she heard Landon draw in a harsh breath, but his face remained impassive so she wasn’t sure.

  “Now take the dress off,” he said, his voice barely carrying in the large, quiet room.

  She did as she was told with jerky movements, yanking the short, gathered sleeves of her gown down over her shoulders, past her elbows and finally letting the garment droop around her waist. Landon watched each movement, his hand resting across his mouth the whole time, as if he were watching a particularly engrossing stage show. But as she had seen earlier, the desire in his eyes grew ever hotter, letting her know that this meant more to him than he wanted her to see.

  With a shimmy of her hips, Juliana let the gown pool at her feet. She stepped away from the dress, pushing it to the side with one foot and letting him see her in her undergarments for the first time in five, long years.

  She’d worn her best chemise. At the time she dressed for the night, she’d told herself it wasn’t by design, but now she realized it was. In some deep, dark place in her soul, she had hoped she would end up exactly as she was now, with Landon’s hot gaze taking in her nearly nude form. With the immediate future holding a promise of searing passion.

  The chemise had slender straps with tiny silk flowers at the shoulders. The material was so light, it was almost sheer and only came to the middle of her thighs while it dipped low on her chest, revealing a generous vision of cleavage.

  Landon groaned.

  It was a guttural sound, a reflexive reaction and one she knew he had no control over. Her nipples immediately puckered, thrusting against the thin fabric so that the pink flesh was visible through the cotton.

  “Take it off, Juliana,” he ordered, his voice harsh and hard.

  She swallowed. His order, his stare made her nervous. Her own desire to rip her clothing off and bare herself to him left her ashamed. But the idea that she would soon be on her back in his bed titillated her. And that last reaction was the most powerful of all.

  Gliding each hand beneath the straps of her chemise, she pulled it away from her body and stood before him clad only in her stockings and green slippers.

  Landon made love to her with his eyes. He started at her lips, staring until they burned as if he had spent an eternity kissing them. Then his gaze drifted on a lazy path down past her collarbone to her breasts. There he paused, drinking in the sight of her before he continued his visual journey over her belly and finally looked at the downy auburn curls at the juncture of her thighs.

  She was wet already. She had been since she arrived. But his stare had more desire gushing to coat her with cream. He had to be aware of that by his knowing, heated smile.

  “Have you found pleasure while we were apart?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

  She gasped at the personal nature of his question. “Landon,” she protested.

  He let his gaze snap back to her face and there was a warning there. “The bargain was anything I desired, anytime I desired it. At present, I desire honesty. Have you found pleasure while we were apart?”

  Her lip trembled as she slowly nodded. “Yes.”

  His eyes widened with disappointment and anger.

  “But only at my own hand,” she whispered, heat filling her cheeks.

  That was not something a lady admitted. In fact, she was certain it wasn’t something most ladies dare do at all. But she had crossed the line away from being a true lady long ago. And once she had experienced the bliss of Landon’s body, she had needed release during the lonely intervening years.

  Even though she knew her fingers were a poor substitute for him.

  “You have brought yourself to completion?” he asked. His hands curled around the chair armrests, knuckles whitening with the force of his grip.

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  There was a heated moment that passed before Landon’s eyes snagged hers. “I want to see you do that now.”

  She sucked in a breath. That was what he wanted? Not to touch her, but to force her to pleasure herself while he watched and judged. His request brought the full reality of her situation home. This truly was her punishment. And Landon would only give her what he chose, when he chose it. She had no alternative, no argument on the subject.

  “Where do you want me?” she whispered.

  His eyes widened at the question, but he tamped his reactions down with a casual shrug. “The bed…” He seemed to consider that for a moment, then shook his head. “No, not my bed. Not yet.”

  He looked around until his eyes settled on a chaise lounge just a few feet away from where he sat. The fire’s light glowed directly on its dark cushions and a little smile turned his lips.

  “There.” He motioned to the chaise with one hand.

  She crossed to the chair with shaking legs. She would be so close to him, yet he would deny her his touch. Her only hope was that the denial hurt him as much as it wrecked her.

  She laid back on the chaise, her head on the cushion and her bare legs brushing the soft fabric it was upholstered in. Landon jerked his chair to face her with a deafening screech.

  Hot blood darkened her cheeks as she realized she had no way to put off the inevitable. She would have to pleasure herself. For him. Now.

  Her fingers faltered as she glided them along her skin. She was so on edge that just the lightest touch made her jerk and tingle. If it were his hands gliding over her, she had no doubt she would be moaning already. But he only watched, his face impassive, eyes shining with intent.

  She cupped her breasts, testing their weight in her palms before she strummed her thumbs over the nipples. With every ounce of wavering control she had in her, she battled not to gasp with pleasure, but she lost. At the sound of her expelled breath, Landon jerked. Her eyes darted to him and she saw him adjust slightly to ease the ache of an impressive erection.

  That only made her arousal worse. Knowing he was ready, knowing he could take her so easily, was enough to make her skip a slower seduction of touch. She left her breasts and immediately cupped her sex.

  The wetness and heat weren’t a surprise to her. She had been burning with desire the entire time she’d been there. It was consuming, powerful and she needed to ease the insistent ache being around Landon created in her pussy. She parted her pouting outer lips with one hand and found the little bud of her clit.

  Landon coughed, but she knew it was meant to cover another groan. He was staring at her, unable to tear his eyes away, unable to do anything but watch as she glided her hands over her flesh.

  She bucked when her fingers brushed the pleasure nub. God, it felt so good to give herself a little release. She worked her fingers, toying with her clit, rubbing herself with just the right amount of pressure.

  How many nights had she done this, alone in her empty bed? How many years of her marriage had she shut her eyes and pictured Lan
don while she bucked against her own hand?

  And now he was there. She slipped two fingers into her slippery sheath and pumped them in and out as she bore her thumb down against her clit. Already pressure and pleasure were building, focusing themselves at the juncture of her thighs. She was close, so close. Her breathing came heavy, her muscles quivered in anticipation.

  And then her hazy gaze settled on Landon. He was staring at her, leaning forward, waiting. And she exploded.

  Her hips bucked, her toes curled and she let out low, uncontrollable moan of pleasure as her body clenched and quivered around her fingers. Slowly, she came down from the peak, panting. She withdrew her fingers with a blush as Landon leaned back in his chair, though he continued to stare at her.

  Already her body ached again, left unfulfilled, or at least not fulfilled enough, by the act of self-pleasure. Truth be told, she hadn’t been fully satisfied for a long time. Since Landon last touched her.

  And now she was ready for that again. To feel his body move inside her. To arch beneath his hands, his mouth, his cock. Struggling to sit up, she stared at him, waiting for him to join her. To reach for her.

  But instead, he arched a brow. “Thank you,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. “You can return tomorrow at midnight.”

  She drew back in surprise. “I beg your pardon?”

  He rose to his feet, the fire briefly outlining the insistent thrust of his erection before he turned his back to her. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. You can leave now. Return tomorrow at midnight. If I hear anything important about your sister’s whereabouts in the interim, I will send word, of course. Otherwise, we can discuss my findings tomorrow night and continue with the payment.”

  She got to her feet, but her whole body shook. He didn’t want her anymore? He wasn’t going to touch her after all? God, did he hate her so much that he couldn’t even bear to be near her for this long?

  The idea of that broke her heart. Yet she couldn’t show him that, couldn’t give him that kind of power. Already, she was giving so much by offering her body. If he no longer wanted her, then by the terms of the bargain she had agreed to, she had to leave.