Spaces Between Notes

by Kristina M Sanchez

  Vincente stroked his chin. “She’s a looker. Mouthy but a looker. Gotta wonder if a mouth like that is worth the trouble. Course, I guess you’d have to take what you can get, eh?”

  Niko waved his hand, hoping to remind his father he’d come here for a reason. He was sure it hadn’t been to give him crap about his love life.

  “Oh, right.” Vincente cleared his throat, glancing around as though looking for someone. “Your sister sent me over here. Del talked to Nia, and they seem to think your brother’s staying with you. I told your sister it wasn’t any of her business. He’s a grown man, and if he doesn’t want to go to school, it’s his choice. He probably ran off with some guy. No business of hers, no business of mine.”

  He raised his chin at Niko. “So is he here or what?”

  Niko held his arms out and shrugged. Obviously, he wasn’t here at the moment. The kid was a neatnik, so there wasn’t any mess in the living room or kitchen that would point to Micah’s presence. If his father cared to look, he probably could’ve easily found his bag. Niko wasn’t inclined to help either his brother or his father at that moment.

  Vincente huffed, getting that look on his face he often did when he found communicating with Niko awkward. “Right. I’m going to take off, then. Good luck with that chick, I guess.”

  When his father was gone and Niko was finally alone again, he breathed a sigh of relief. His phone chimed, reminding him that someone had been texting earlier. Jamie, he saw.

  Niko threw his phone toward the couch and headed in the opposite direction, down the hall to his room. He’d deal with them all tomorrow. Today, he was going back to bed.

  When Niko and Jamie were young and got into fights, they were fairly predictable. At some point, they’d start hitting each other. Whenever they got tired of that, they’d ignore each other. Niko was way better at it because Jamie was a tender-hearted soul. Eventually, he’d break down, first jokingly telling Niko he couldn’t possibly still be hung up on the thing. Then he’d keep wheedling until he got desperate. He’d eventually start rambling, getting all emotional, and tell Niko he was his best friend and that would never change. They were brothers. He’d keep babbling until Niko burst out, “If we’re brothers, I can’t get rid of you, so what the hell are you crying for?”

  “I’m not crying,” Jamie would say, even though he was, and then he’d call Niko an asshat. They’d wrestle, playfully this time, and that would be that.

  The deluge of text messages Niko got that evening was the adult equivalent of that, he figured. He read some of them, and they were all along the lines of “I don’t know what I thought. You were the first one I came out to. I know you’re not like that.” Blah de blah de blah.

  He’d texted back one message.

  Niko: All right. Stop before we have to braid each other’s hair or some shit.

  Jamie and Micah were waiting for him with fast-food breakfast when he drove up to the house the next morning. Micah shoved the coffee cup at Niko and was mostly quiet as Jamie went over how they were going to tackle the job they were starting today: cosmetic work. Carys said now that her porch was looking so pristine, the lawn, including the dilapidated trellis Niko had tried to knock down, looked horrible in comparison.

  The work suited Niko fine, and Jamie and Micah were both excited to put on their landscaping hats. The job of rebuilding the trellis fell to Niko both because he was the one who’d destroyed it in the first place and because he was useless as a landscaper. He’d help them with the heavy work, but in the meantime, he had things to do.

  All things considered, Niko wasn’t exactly upset he’d be working mostly on his own that day.

  Before they could break to go their separate ways, Jamie took Niko by the arm and steered him off to the side of the house. He looked like a man who wanted to have a conversation, so Niko was already glaring at him by the time he’d found his words.

  “Look, Nik… Carys told me what your dad said.”

  Niko rolled his eyes and shook his head. Of course she couldn’t be expected to have any self-control.

  “I know, I know. The woman doesn’t know when to shut up, right?” Jamie said with a huff. “Which, by the way, makes the two of you all that more bizarre. I mean, Christ, Nik. She has no secrets, and this is you we’re talking about. How did the two of you ever happen?”

  Niko’s lip twitched. His friend knew him well.

  “Anyway, it was just a shitty thing, okay? What Vincente said and what those guys did. I wish I’d known that about you before.”

  By then, Niko’s jaw had gone taut. He made a sharp motion with his hand, cutting Jamie off. This was old news, and it had nothing to do with anything. Mostly, he’d been pissed off because it wasn’t the kind of first date he wanted to have with Carys, and the handsy asshole had gotten on the last nerve he’d had.

  Jamie sighed. “Yeah. Okay. I just needed you to know. If you ever wanted to talk about it, I’m here.”

  Niko’s lips twisted as he turned, heading for the back of the house. He should’ve known Carys would blow the whole damn thing out of proportion.

  Blowing out a breath, Niko turned his attention to the task at hand, surprised to find he was excited about the work.

  It was after his parents divorced that Vincente and Jamie’s fathers decided their boys could benefit from learning an honest trade. Then, when Niko started getting in real trouble when he was fourteen, his dad had dragged him to work with him almost the entire summer and any weekend he had visitation. Somehow, Niko had wheedled Jamie into coming with him. The sucker.

  Back then, it’d been something his father subjected him to, and Niko had found little enjoyment in it except for when he and Jamie could goof around. Come to think of it, in his adult life, Niko continued to find this kind of work a chore. He visited his mother every year or so in Northern California—she’d moved there when the twins were seventeen—and usually ended up doing upgrades and repair work for her. He did them out of duty, and he never enjoyed it.

  Now, he had a whole different perspective. He supposed it came from the fact he hadn’t done anything meaningful since the accident, being unable to work in advertising and business like he used to. As it turned out, his father might’ve been right all along. When he’d looked at the front of the house, at the new porch and windows, he’d been struck by pride in his work. The house was looking good, a far cry from the rundown place it had been when Niko stumbled upon it a few months before.

  Niko’s job was to replace the trellis he’d torn down. The original trellis had been handmade, a gift from his father to his mother, so Niko didn’t think twice about building its replacement from scratch. The design he’d chosen was much more complicated than it needed to be, but given that it was meant to go in the front lawn, Niko felt it was a justified change. He liked the idea of building a bench into the middle of it. Carys had told him once that her childhood home had a bench in the front yard, where she remembered her mother would sit to watch her play. It didn’t have to be very big, he reasoned; more decorative than not, only meant to take a short rest. Then a lattice on both sides where vines could wind upward and something with white flowers…

  He’d been sitting on the porch, noting relevant changes to the designs and trying to figure how much lumber he needed, for only twenty minutes when the door behind him opened. He didn’t need to turn to see who it was.

  What he didn’t expect was for Carys to plop down right beside him. He stiffened, but if she noticed, it didn’t deter her. She leaned in, and a chill went up his spine. She was looking at the paperwork, though, not at him. “Is this my trellis?”

  He nodded and hesitated. A couple of days ago, he’d wanted to surprise her. He wanted to see her like that—eyes wide and mouth turned up with happiness. Maybe she’d be speechless for once. That was a goal he’d had, to render her unable to speak for once in her life. Now, though he was still set on the idea of making the bench for her, he was too pissed off to care about surprising her. He pass
ed the plans over.

  She flipped through the pages, knitting her eyebrows in concentration, and then she gasped. “Is this a bench?”

  Despite himself and his irritation with her, a small smile tugged at his lips. He nodded.

  Her smile was almost as bright as the California sunshine, exactly as he’d imagined. “Niko, that’s amazing. That looks like it’s going to be so pretty. Oh, my god. A little bench beneath the vines.”

  Her obvious pleasure was infectious, and he found himself grinning back at her. The moment their eyes met, the air between them charged. His eyes darted to her lips, and he watched her smile fall. He then remembered his frustration at her accusations at the club and his annoyance that she couldn’t keep her damn mouth shut. He looked away from her.

  She didn’t seem inclined to speak at first—what a shock—but she also didn’t go anywhere. Niko took the paper from her hand with an easy tug. What he wanted was to get up and get away from her. There was a weird energy in his bloodstream, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss her or throttle her. Instead, he got back to the business of fine tuning his design.

  After five of the longest, most awkward minutes in Niko’s existence, Maestro wandered out onto the stoop in the space between Niko and Carys. He craned his head up took look at both of them and mew-squeaked. Niko reached out to rub his head at the same time Carys did. Their fingers brushed, and they drew back just as quickly.

  Carys huffed. “Okay. Can we talk?”

  He gave her a disparaging look, and she grimaced. “That’s part of what I want to talk to you about. You know, I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to think about the other night. After what your father—”

  Niko stood up, though he wasn’t sure where he was going. He walked over to the spare wood pile, what was left over from building the porch, even though he knew damn well not much of what was there would work for the trellis.

  Undeterred, Carys followed him. “I get it, okay? You couldn’t tell that guy to back off, and you couldn’t yell at us when we ganged up on you. How is that preferable to you? What’s the point of being this stubborn? Look at you.” She gestured at him. “Your goddamn eyes are screaming. What the hell would you tell me if you had your voice?”

  What the hell did she want from him? Of course he wanted his voice back. If he had his fucking voice, he could’ve handled that asshole in the club without a problem. Hell, he could’ve handled the asshole in the bar the night he met Carys. He could ask her what the hell she thought she was doing, goading him like this. He tried to step away from her, but she stepped with him.

  “Why do you prefer to sit there in silence and say nothing? I don’t get it, Nik. I don’t understand this choice you’ve made to lose your words.”

  Niko hadn’t even realized he’d picked up a hammer until he flung it. The thing hit the side of the wall, and Carys jumped. When she saw him take a step toward her, she cowered back.

  That brought him up short. He wasn’t really about to lose it in front of this woman again, was he? She didn’t need to be afraid of him. Aside from defending himself in the occasional bar fight and his mostly play fighting with Jamie, Niko had never intentionally harmed another person. But how could he tell her that when he was towering over her, his fists clenched and a hammer-shaped dent on the wall?

  He took a step back and breathed deeply. Carys sighed and her shoulders slumped. “I should be afraid of you, you know that? It’s stupid of me not to be afraid of you, like it was stupid of me not to call the cops when some jackass went Tasmanian Devil on my windows.” She shook her head, holding his gaze. “I want to believe I made the right choice, but you’re dangerous, you know that?”

  He cocked his head, half of him wanting to shake no. He wasn’t dangerous, not to her. The other half of him wanted to walk away from her, get into his truck, and just leave, because why the hell were they even having this conversation? He hadn’t done anything to her, and she was pushing him for no reason.

  “You think you can just stop talking, and that’s it? No repercussions?” She waved a hand. “You— Hey!”

  Niko had turned on his heel and headed up the steps into the house. He knew he couldn’t drive off, but he needed to be away from her because he wanted to fight, though not physically. There were too many words in his head and no outlet.

  Of course, she followed right on his heels. “You think the frustration isn’t going to get to you when you can’t tell me off or defend yourself? You think it’s not going to build up every damn time?”

  He pivoted on his heel, making a sudden turn into the bathroom. Surely, she wouldn’t follow him there.

  She did. She darted inside and ducked under his arm before he could close the door in her face. Her eyes were fierce, her cheeks bright red. “You can’t let off steam in words. What the hell do you think is going to happen? Jesus Christ, Nik. It’s not like it takes a genius to see. All this crap is going to build up every damn time until you break windows, or punch assholes, or—”

  He stepped forward, one hand flat on the door, slamming it shut and the other curling around her waist. In the same instant, he had her pressed flat against the closed door, all the space between them gone as he crushed her lips with his.

  Damn this woman. Goddamn this infuriating woman. What the hell was wrong with her that she would hound him when he couldn’t tell her to shut up? Well, she wasn’t talking now, was she?

  Almost as soon as he’d done it, Niko took a huge step backward away from her. He didn’t want to be that asshole. Hell yes, he wanted to kiss her and not just to shut her up. She looked amazing, all flushed as she was. He didn’t understand how someone could be so aggravating and so damn sexy at the same time. understand. But she hadn’t given him any sign she still wanted him kissing her since the club, and she hadn’t kissed him back.

  On the heels of his thought that he needed to calm down, Carys reached out. She grabbed his shirt in her fist, hauled him back toward her, and attacked his mouth with hers.

  This was a discussion he could actually participate in. He put both his hands against the wood of the door and pinned her with his body. This kiss felt like fighting but not the bad kind of fighting—that fighting where one minute you’re screaming at the top of your lungs and clothes are being ripped off the next.

  Niko tilted his head, licking at her lips, demanding she open her mouth to him. She did, a little moan vibrating where their mouths were joined. Her fingers were tangled in his hair, giving it a yank every now and then that bordered on the edge of painful. Niko let one hand drift down along her side and let up on her enough that he could reach around, cup her ass, and pull her roughly up against him. Anything to drive out the static that had existed like a physical entity in the air between them from the moment she stepped out onto the stoop.

  She drove him crazy. What the fuck was wrong with her that she kept demanding he talk when she knew damn well he couldn’t? What business was it of hers to tell Jamie things neither of them had any business knowing? And why in all hell could he not get enough of her? She was annoying and loud and mouthy, and she made no goddamn sense. He should’ve been dying to get this job over with so he could walk away from her for good. Damn. His fingers dug into her ass… Infuriating… He met her, kiss for bruising kiss… Woman.

  Christ, he wanted her. He’d wanted her since he’d seen her on the porch, glaring down at the madman on her lawn and armed with a cell phone. She saw him as some victim of those pricks when he was a stupid kid, of this thing that had taken his voice. Fuck that. He wanted to drive that bullshit right out of her mind.

  He let his hand drift lower, down to her thigh, behind her knee, and pulled. She yelped into his mouth, her hands tightening around his neck as he hitched her leg up around his waist, and he didn’t let up his kisses even as he ground his hips against hers.

  Of course, Carys wasn’t one to make it easy on him. She bucked up off the door, meeting his hips with hers. Her hands went to his waist. He sucked in a bre
ath through his nose when her fingertips tickled his belly just above the waistline of his jeans.

  When she started to undo his belt buckle, Niko grabbed her wrists so hard that the sound of skin against skin was loud in the bathroom. She gasped, breaking their kiss, her head pressed back against the door. When she looked at him, her eyes were dark with lust, anticipation, and anger.

  What the fuck right did she have to be angry at him? She licked her lips and looked like she was going to say something.

  Oh, hell no. He didn’t want to talk. He wouldn’t have wanted to talk even if he could.

  Getting a grip on her waist with both hands, he spun her to the side and lifted her up on the counter. “Whoa,” she gasped, but the last of the word was swallowed as he kissed her again. He splayed his hand under her shirt against the small of her back.

  He wanted her. Too much. He wanted her, though not as much as he wanted to steal her words from her as thoroughly as his had been stolen, even if only for a few minutes.

  Her hands were back in his hair, her lips as demanding as his. “Shit,” she moaned, the word rumbling against his mouth when he undid the button of her jeans. But she was obedient to his silent demand. She lifted her hips, letting him yank her jeans and panties down. She whimpered when he found her with his hand. He rubbed her clit, letting his middle finger tease her entrance, and never let up his assault on her mouth.

  Carys writhed, her wriggling against his palm bringing her toward the edge of the counter. She kicked until her legs were free of her jeans and panties and then dug her heels into the backs of his legs. He pitched forward, bracing himself on the counter, his lips stilling for a moment as he caught his balance.

  No. He wanted her undone. He wanted to watch her unravel.

  Niko broke their kiss, though he only moved his mouth to her neck. He dragged his teeth along her skin, entering her with two fingers while his thumb circled her clit.