by Abigail Agar
Please, tell me what is really going on. Have you done anything to bring this shame upon us? What is really behind all of this? How did you manage to get us into an even worse spot than the one which we were already in?
Your Mother
Eric recognised the tone. His mother was furious. He would have to explain, and he sat down to write her again.
This time, he would give her a good deal more detail, as opposed to vaguely warning her as he had done the night before. It was clear that she was distraught from the things that she was hearing said about him and about their family name.
Dearest Mother,
Forgive me for not having given you more information. I failed in not sharing a great deal more with you and I am deeply sorry for that. I hate that you have suffered due to all of this and I wish that I could make it right.
Mother, allow me to explain what exactly has happened.
I have been trying to continue to get to know my sister, but her mother is unhappy about it. In fact, my sister is quite torn, I can see. A part of her wishes to be loyal to her mother, but a part of her clearly wants to know me as well.
Her mother, as a result, is trying to bring me down as best she can.
I have also met a friend of my sister. We have spoken a few times and it is clear to me that Liza Lockhart has chosen to use this as a way of ruining my name. It is all a misunderstanding. No impropriety has taken place, I can assure you. I only wish that I had managed to stress that sooner.
I love you, Mother, and I will do all that I can to mitigate these difficulties.
Your Son,
Eric
He sent the letter but realised that there was another note he must send.
Eric wrote to Emma, asking if he could speak with her about everything. To his dismay, he received a letter back from her, refusing.
“What does it say?” Reginald asked.
“She says that she does not believe it to be a good idea as we are both currently under scrutiny,” he replied.
“That is probably wise. The two of you are going to get into trouble if you do not protect yourselves,” Reginald said.
“Perhaps. But I also don’t think that we have to keep our distance entirely. You know, we need to discuss what we are going to do about all of this,” Eric said.
“That is your idealism working again. Don’t you think it would be a good idea to take a step back and allow some of this to settle before you jump in and continue the mess?” Reginald asked.
“I can’t let it go,” Eric said.
“You might be in a situation where you have no other choice,” Reginald warned him.
But Eric would not listen. He wanted to see Miss Sproul and he wanted to talk to her about everything, to hear her thoughts on all of these matters.
Eric rushed out of the inn and made his way down the street to find the tenements where Miss Sproul lived. By the time he reached them, he ran up to the door and knocked for her.
The landlady let him in, and he went up to her door where he knocked once more.
When she opened the door and saw him, her eyes went wide.
“Lord Thornbury,” she said, taking a step back.
“Forgive me for showing up like this. I know that you said we should not see one another right away, but I had to see you. I think we need to discuss matters and I thought that, perhaps, being around your mother and father might make it less dangerous for us,” Eric said.
“My mother and father are not here at the moment. I understand that you want to discuss the matter and the difficult rumours that are being spread about you, but I really must insist. We cannot be seen with one another at the moment. It is not wise. I wish that we could speak. I really do. But I must ask you to leave,” she said.
“We may not talk for even a moment?” he asked.
“No. We may not. Please, go,” she said.
Eric realised that she was being perfectly serious. She was nervous. Worried.
Perhaps there really was reason for them to not see one another. Maybe she had every reason to be anxious.
No matter how difficult it was for Eric, he nodded and pulled himself away, recognising that he would have to let go of some of the idealistic hopes that he had had all along in this.
He would not be able to sit with Miss Sproul in the comfort of her small home and address the issue at hand.
No, instead, he would have to hope and pray that things would come together.
Chapter 18
Emma had no intention of speaking with Amelia when she arrived at work the next day. There was still far too much anger between them and she was not ready to let it go. She was far from ready to be at peace, even if she was bothered by the thought of not having forgiven Amelia yet.
With that in mind, Emma sat down in her place. She remained silent rather than greeting Amelia as she typically did.
She felt Amelia’s eyes upon her. But rather than looking up and making eye contact, she began her stitching with precision. Never had she given more attention to detail.
It would have amused her had she not been so angry and upset. But this was not a situation for amusement. This was a time in which Emma wanted justice. She wanted her good name back.
She wanted the freedom to make her own decisions.
Before she could continue on in her anger and frustration, Emma heard Amelia clear her throat.
“Hmm?” she asked, acknowledging her friend without giving her much leeway.
“I…I wanted to speak with you,” Amelia said.
“What of?” Emma asked, keeping a cold distance in order to protect herself.
“I know that things are not good between us at the moment, but I wanted to speak with you regarding the matter of our…disagreement,” Amelia said.
“Disagreement?” Emma repeated, the question in her voice more of an accusation. She could hardly believe that Amelia was trying to boil it down to a mere disagreement.
“Very well, perhaps that is the wrong thing to call it. You and I both know that it was much more than a simple disagreement,” Amelia said, apparently having understood Emma’s indignation.
“Yes, it was more than that,” she agreed.
“Well, I wanted to say that you were right. About all of it. There was so much at stake for my mother and I and I tried to justify what we had gone through by blaming you, or at least allowing you to suffer as a result of it,” Amelia said.
Emma was unaccustomed to her friend taking on this sort of responsibility. It felt good to hear Amelia acting so willing to share her confession of guilt and the mistake that she had made.
“I see,” Emma said, still cautious.
“To be perfectly honest with you, I felt betrayed. When my mother first told me that she had seen the two of you speaking, I was furious. But I know that you did not intend to hurt me and I am sure that you were not trying to betray me,” Amelia said.
It was a relief to have Amelia apologise. Emma had been terribly frightened that this would continue to linger between them. She was worried that they would never find peace with one another again.
But everything was working out. The two of them were finding their friendship again.
Emma had chosen to reject everything that she wanted. She was willing to give it all up for her friendship with Amelia. It was a relief to know that that had been acknowledged.
Still, she disagreed with the decisions being made by Amelia and Miss Lockhart.
“I did not intend to betray you,” Emma said.
“I know,” Amelia nodded.
“But there is more to it than you know, Amelia. That evening, when your mother saw me with the earl, nothing happened. We passed one another on the street. He asked me for dinner. I refused him,” Emma said.
“He asked you for dinner?” Amelia asked.
“Yes,” Emma replied.
“Why would he be foolhardy enough to do something like that? What made him think that you would ever want to go to dinner with him?” Amelia
asked, a laugh in her voice.
This was when Emma knew that she would have to share the truth about something that would truly upset Amelia. She only hoped that her friend would have grace for her.
“Amelia, the night before that, we did eat together. I was frightened to tell you because I thought that you might believe me an enemy. But I assure you that it was entirely to learn whether or not he was a legitimate man. I told him to leave you alone. I wanted to assess his character,” Emma said.
She could see the hurt in Amelia’s eyes but was surprised that her friend did not lash out in anger at her for this terrible betrayal.
“So you ate dinner with him…” Amelia said, testing the words on her tongue as though she was not sure how they would feel to say.
“Yes, we had dinner. And that is all. I departed from there, eager to return home. We spoke of nothing but you and the fact that I thought that he should listen to you more. He explained that it was his care for you that has stopped him from doing as you have asked,” she said.
“And then?” Amelia asked.
“There is nothing more. I left. I saw him in the road the next evening and he asked me to join him once more for dinner. I refused, telling him that we should not spend time with one another because I did not wish for you to be hurt by it,” Emma said, her honesty feeling like a relief to share.
Amelia nodded and looked at the gown in her hands.
“I understand,” she said.
“You do? I am sorry, Amelia. I did not wish to upset you,” Emma told her, somewhat pre-emptively.
“I know,” Amelia said, looking up at her. “I know that you did not want to hurt me. And I am glad that you rejected him the next evening.”
Having refused and rejected the earl, Emma was still upset. She continued to wish that things had been different.
But this was a sacrifice that she was willing to make. Her loyalty to Amelia was more important than her feelings for him.
But Emma was not naïve to what she was giving up. Although she told herself that she was willing, that it was perfectly acceptable to her, the reality was far different. The reality was that it broke her heart to have to pretend that she didn’t care about him.
She knew that it was still obvious. She knew that anyone could see right through her. But she would not confess the fact that she had an interest in him.
“I have promised not to see him again. At least, I have promised myself that. Now I suppose I must make that promise to you as well,” Emma said.
“I would be glad of that promise. I want to know that you are all right with letting go of him. Honestly, you should not have to put up with a man like that, Emma. There are better men out there,” Amelia said.
“Perhaps…” Emma began. Quickly she stopped the words from continuing, knowing that it would be unwise to say anything else on the matter. The last thing she wanted was to let those feelings surface when she had been working so hard to put them down.
“I mean it. I know that I often say that there are no good men out there, but I am sure that they exist. It is only that you should not have to be subjected to the lousy ones, like my brother,” Amelia said.
For a moment, Emma wished she could shake her friend. It was so obvious at times that Amelia wanted a relationship with her brother.
And then, there were times like this, when she flatly denied any goodness in him. She would passionately refute anything that might bring hope that there was ever going to be peace.
“Your brother is not a man that I will ever enter into a relationship with. I would never be courted by him, of course. But that does not mean that he is a bad man, Amelia. You shouldn’t forget that. He is still your brother and you ought to remember that there is goodness in him,” Emma said.
“I don’t have to believe that. It would be utter nonsense to waste my time in the hope that there was anything worth getting to know,” Amelia said.
“But I cannot believe that you mean that. I have seen how you look at him,” Emma said.
“And I have seen how you look at him. Your eyes convey an admiration that your lips deny,” Amelia said.
“And your eyes convey a hope that you believe yourself not allowed to have. A hope for family, for knowing him. Why do you not act upon it? Why do you not draw near and get close?” Emma asked.
“Why would I? He is not worth my time or my energy,” Amelia said.
Emma shook her head, thinking it rather sad that Amelia believed this. She could have been so much happier if only she had listened to her own heart rather than her mother’s.
“Well, whatever decision you make, I want you to know that I will not betray you. You have made your feelings perfectly clear regarding myself and the earl. So, with that in mind, I promise you that I will not do anything that will wound or upset you,” Emma said.
“And I shall do my very best to trust you instead of continuing to speak ill about you and my brother. I shall try to convince my mother to leave you out of all of this and ensure that it is only he who suffers,” Amelia said.
“Why must he suffer?” Emma asked.
“It is a by-product of revealing his father’s sins to the world. I am sure that it will be difficult for him, but once this has all passed, he will be just fine,” Amelia said, as though it did not matter in the least.
Now that Amelia trusted her and knew that she had refused the earl, Emma believed that everything was going to be all right. Well, everything aside from Amelia’s bitterness and the fact that the earl had gone through so much already.
Of course it was not going to be easy. In fact, it broke her heart to do. But this was the sacrifice that she was required to make. This was the thing that she had to let go of in order to maintain the relationship that she had with her dearest friend.
For Emma, loyalty was everything. And if she did not continue in her loyalty, who was she?
The two continued their work and Emma tried to push aside the misgivings that still rested in her mind. She would not allow Amelia to destroy herself. She would not allow Amelia to lose the woman that she was all because of a grudge held by her mother.
Things had to be better than this. They had to improve. Because even if Emma tried to tell herself that everything was going to be all right, she could not deny the fact that Amelia was fading fast into the realm of someone who was taken in by her hatred, someone who could not be released from the rage and anger that held her in their grasp.
Amelia deserved better than this. Would her mother ever understand that? Would she come to realise that she had all but destroyed her daughter?
Or was her own revenge too important? Was it more vital to her than her own daughter’s wellbeing?
Emma wondered, wishing that she didn’t have to consider it. But Amelia was the one who had so much at stake. And if her mother would not learn to forgive, learn to accept things the way that they were, there would be no hope for either of them.
There would be only a future of continued pain.
Chapter 19
Eric knew that it was a bad idea. Going to the dress shop with any intention other than peace was only going to get him into trouble.
