Why? Because he was insane, obviously.
“I’ve been talking about myself all evening,” she said after they’d finished their meal. “You haven’t said much.”
“You’ll hear all about my childhood if you’ve decided to meet my family at Christmas. I told them that I hoped to bring you to meet them once we’re back in Texas. Of course, you can decide not to go and I’ll understand.”
“Are you kidding? And miss out on all the stories about you?” She studied him for a moment. “I have a question for you. Do you really have an old army buddy back east?”
She was sorting through what he’d told her in an attempt to find what was truth and what was fiction. He didn’t blame her. In fact, he understood.
He smiled at her, enjoying the way her eyes reflected the delicate flame of the candle between them. “You betcha,” he said. “Several. We get together whenever we can find the time.”
“Those are the stories I’d like to hear.”
“You wouldn’t hear any if you met them. We don’t discuss the past. We did our jobs. Period. We don’t look back.”
She looked at him gravely. After a moment, she said, “I catch myself thinking about you as the man I knew last summer, which I know is wrong. Everything for you was pretense. I don’t really know you, despite feeling so comfortable with you.”
“What you need to understand is there was no pretense where you were concerned. There were things I couldn’t discuss with you, but what I did discuss came from me and not the agent assigned to you.”
“I wonder if the same thing would have happened if they’d sent someone besides you?”
He frowned. “I don’t want to give any thought to the idea or I’d have nightmares. You once asked me if I was jealous. Yes, where you’re concerned, but I’m working to overcome it. I’m not sure how to handle the possessiveness I feel whenever I look at you. I want to stand and shout ‘I found her first, fellas. Eat your hearts out.’” He shrugged. “Even though I know I don’t have the right to be possessive where you’re concerned.”
“How would you feel if I behaved the same way?”
He relaxed and settled back in his chair. “Are you kidding? I’d love it.” He looked at her empty cup. “Do you want more coffee or are you ready to go?”
“I’m ready.”
Jude kept his hand at the small of her back as they threaded their way through the tables and out onto the street. Once they were outside, they walked for a while, holding hands and looking into store windows. After several blocks, he said, “Are you getting tired? Are you ready for me to take you home?”
“Actually,” she said slowly, “I’d like to see where you’re staying.”
He swallowed. “Yeah? Why?”
“No particular reason, I suppose. I’m not ready to leave you quite so soon.”
“Is this a test of my willpower, because if it is, I’ve gotta warn you that it’s getting a little shaky.”
She stopped and turned to him. “I know you’re kidding. You’re too controlled ever to be swept away by emotion.” She studied his expression for a moment. “I want to explore our new beginnings this weekend, Jude. As far as I’m concerned, you can let your willpower off the hook.”
“Mmm. Now all I have to do is find a cab,” he said, looking around at the heavy traffic. “I don’t think throwing you over my shoulder and racing back to the hotel would be too smooth a move.”
She laughed. He loved to hear her laugh. He loved watching her expressive face. He loved her.
When Carina had left her apartment that evening she’d had no intention of sleeping with Jude during his visit. Of course she’d missed being intimate with him. However, she recognized that her emotions were all over the place where he was concerned and she didn’t trust her ability to make wise choices. The problem was that when Jude asked her if she was ready to go back to her apartment, she suddenly knew without a doubt that she didn’t want to leave him. Not yet. Not so soon.
His response was so typical of Jude. He made light of everything. Almost everything. She’d noticed that he didn’t joke about the way he felt about her. She still wasn’t certain whether or not she wanted him to be in love with her. Knowing that made it more difficult for her to decide what she wanted from the relationship.
Now she’d committed herself to return to his hotel with him and her nerves were jumping. She was so vulnerable where he was concerned. She didn’t know which was more painful, to spend time with him or not see him at all. Why had she thought when he suggested spending the holidays with her that she could remain detached?
They started walking toward the hotel. When one of the cabs he’d signaled saw him and pulled to a stop, Carina knew that miracles do happen: they’d gotten a cab on a very busy night.
Once at the hotel, Jude paid the driver and took her hand to enter the lobby. Once inside, she heard a live band playing in the lounge.
“It isn’t country-and-western, but if the band is part of a lounge entertainment, maybe we could listen to some music,” she said to Jude. She sounded breathless, darn it, when she’d wanted to sound blasé about the evening.
Jude wasn’t fooled.
“Getting cold feet, are you?”
She glanced down at her shoes. “Well, it is November and I’m not wearing socks.”
“That was really bad, you know,” he said with a chuckle and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her to his side. “Whatever you wish to do, milady, I’m yours to command.”
They started across the lobby. She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled. “I’ll remind you of that later.”
The dimly lit hotel lounge was like a lot of places he’d been in during his travels. At least the music was better than most. They found a small table and sat, their knees bumping. He picked up his chair and moved to her side. “Now we can have some legroom.” He casually draped his arm on the back of her chair.
The waitress took their order—wine and beer—and left.
“What would you like to do tomorrow?” he asked, hoping to sound casual.
“I don’t care. Do you want to watch the parade?”
He played with a lock of her hair, rubbing its silkiness between his thumb and forefinger. “We could do that. You know the best place to watch it?”
“Not really. Where?”
“On TV, while lying comfortably in bed. The cameras give you close-ups that you wouldn’t see if you were there, and you don’t have to fight the crowds for a place to see.”
“Mmm. It’s obvious that you’ve given the matter considerable thought. Does that come with breakfast in bed?” she asked with wide-eyed innocence.
“That can be arranged with no problem.”
She leaned her head against his shoulder.
Their drinks arrived. When the small group of musicians segued into a slow, romantic number he asked, “Care to dance?”
“Thought you’d never ask,” she said with a sigh of contentment.
They danced three numbers before the band took a break. They returned to the table and Jude looked at his glass of beer—his glass of flat beer. Stale beer was worth the chance to hold Carina close, though, even though he couldn’t hide her effect on him. He didn’t try.
She touched her glass and said, “I really don’t want this.”
“Good,” he said, standing. “I think it’s time to retire, don’t you?”
“I just remembered that I didn’t come prepared for this…. No toiletries, nothing to sleep in…no protection.”
“We’ll get a complimentary toiletry package from the hotel. You won’t be wearing anything, anyway, and I brought protection.”
“You must have been a Boy Scout.”
They left the lounge as he said, “As a matter of fact, I was for a while. As I recall, I got fired for pulling too many shenanigans. I believe it had to do with the beautiful badge I so carefully made representing rustling cattle or some such thing. The parting of the ways with the troop was one of mutual
relief for me and our esteemed leader.”
They stepped into the glass elevator. “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” she said, smiling.
When they reached his floor he strode down the hall and paused in front of a door. Once he’d unlocked it, he held it open for her to enter.
The room was beautiful—roomy and exquisitely furnished. “Wow.”
“My little home away from home.”
She peeked into the bathroom. “A Jacuzzi, as well? How do you rate?”
“Must be my good looks and charm,” he replied. The truth was he’d asked for a large room. He didn’t mind the cost. He wanted to be comfortable for the four nights he’d be here.
He noticed the bedcovers had been folded back since he’d left and a chocolate kiss sat on his pillow.
He watched Carina wander over to the window and look out. He loved the view at night high above the streets and avenues of Manhattan. He loved it more with her in the foreground.
Jude removed his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt without taking his eyes off her. “Wanna get nekkid?”
She turned and gave him a delicious smile. Without replying, she reached behind her, unfastened her dress and slowly pulled it over her head. He almost lost it then and there, but forced himself to stay where he was and finish undressing. Once she’d laid the dress aside, he said, “Let me do the rest,” and she obediently walked across to him in her lacy underwear and high heels.
He kissed her with all the pent-up longing he’d had for all these months. He stroked her lips with his tongue before dipping into the sweetness of her mouth. He paused only long enough to finish undressing them both and continued to kiss her as he sank onto the bed with her in his arms.
Jude took his time caressing her with his lips, his tongue and the pads of his fingers, slowly moving down her body until he reached her nest of curls. She was damp and ready for him. She took tiny, hitching breaths, responding to each touch, and moved restlessly beneath him.
He continued down her thigh, pausing to kiss and caress her knees and calves before slowly moving up the other leg.
“Please, Jude, please, please, please.” She whispered the litany rapidly and he nobly obeyed her wishes…sliding deeply inside her. She dug her heels into his back and clutched him to her, meeting his thrusts and causing him to lose the little control that he’d managed to maintain. He’d wanted to go slowly, to savor her, but his need was too strong to be held back from completion.
She cried out at the same time he did, and it was some time before he could get his breath or do anything more than hold her tightly in his arms.
He kept his weight off her by balancing on his elbows. She stared up at him with those unfathomable eyes and he whispered, “What are you thinking? Or do I want to know?”
Her lips turned up at the corners. “I’d forgotten what it was like to make love with you.”
“Hmm. Too many others to compare with these days?”
“No, of course not. I haven’t had any interest in going to bed. With anyone. Until now.”
“Glad to hear it,” he said, and rolled off the bed. He went into the bathroom and closed the door. After he washed up, Jude returned to the bedroom. She lay on her side, her head resting on her hand, waiting for him.
When she saw him, she smiled and said, “I’d tell you what a gorgeous body you have, but it might go to your head.”
As though he’d been celibate for years, his body leaped into life at her words. He glanced down and then up at her. “You could say that, couldn’t you?” he said, before diving into bed and grabbing her.
Fourteen
The next morning Carina and Jude returned to her apartment to get her some clothes. They’d woken up early, but by the time they actually got out of bed and dressed, it was almost eleven o’clock. They made no pretense about the fact that she would stay with him while he was in New York.
When they reached her apartment on the third floor, he said, “No wonder you keep in such good shape, climbing those stairs.”
“At least I don’t have to carry a piano back and forth to school. Gloria carts her violin everywhere she goes. Not that she complains. We’re just grateful to have been accepted at the school and that we found a place we can afford.”
She stopped at their door and started unlocking it. After the third lock opened, she turned and said, “Welcome to my simple abode.”
He walked in and turned in a circle. “Did you say three of you live here?”
“That’s right. Annie went home to visit her family for the holidays and I imagine that Gloria stayed with Frank. She spends half her time at his place.”
“I’m doubly glad I came to New York, then. You would have been here alone.”
She went into her bedroom and gathered some clothes, slipping off her dress and putting on slacks and a sweater. “I’m used to it,” she said with the sweater over her head. She felt like a turtle peeking out of its shell when she could see again.
“How much longer before you graduate?”
“I’ll be finished next June. I haven’t decided whether to continue with my education or look for a place where I can share my music with others.”
He didn’t comment.
She packed a dress to wear to the musical for which Jude had gotten tickets at an exorbitant price. They were attending the Saturday-evening performance. He’d be leaving late Sunday.
“Ready?” she asked him. He’d been wandering around the room, looking at the photos that Gloria had taped to her mirror and those that Carina had framed and set on her small desk.
He turned. “I’m always ready where you’re concerned.”
They returned to the hotel and didn’t leave the room until Saturday.
As promised, Joe Crenshaw was having a barbecue. It was a week before Christmas. Everyone in the county had been invited and most of them generally showed up for a Crenshaw event.
The morning of the barbecue, Jude left the ranch early to pick up Carina in San Antonio. He hadn’t seen her since Thanksgiving, although they’d stayed in touch daily by phone and e-mail.
They’d never discussed their relationship during their long weekend. It had been enough that she’d been willing to stay with him while he was in New York, and that she’d agreed to visit the ranch.
He knew she had little spare time, just as he knew she was very serious about her music. He wasn’t certain where he might fit into all of this and didn’t want to ask because he might not like the answer.
He drove into her parents’ driveway at close to nine. Carina waited outside, near the front door. He got out of the car as she walked toward him. He wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly against him for a long, silent hug. When he released her, he took the small bag she held and placed it in the back seat, then helped her into the car.
“A new car?”
“No. It’s one of Jake’s. I’m using it while I’m here.”
“Oh.”
He started the car and turned to look at her. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m not very good at hiding things, am I?”
“Not from me. Is it your parents?”
“Mom is very upset that I’m going with you today and more upset, if that’s possible, that I’ll be staying overnight. I explained that your sister-in-law had invited me to stay with them, but it didn’t matter. She still blames you for all the unhappiness in the family.”
Great. Just what he needed. He drove out of the driveway and headed north. After a few miles, he asked, “Does your dad feel the same way?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. He hasn’t said much.” She looked over at him. “Mother has already gone through so much that I hate to upset her more.”
“And yet you decided to come with me, despite her reaction.”
“I’d already told you I’d come with you and I’ve been looking forward to meeting your family. I finally had to tell her that I was sorry she felt the way she did, and because I was frustrated by this situation, I poin
ted out that you wouldn’t have caused any unhappiness if Al and Ben hadn’t been guilty of smuggling drugs!”
He was relieved to hear that Carina had defended him, but he hated the fact that her parents, at least her mother, felt so strongly about his role in the matter. He reached for her hand and said, “I’m glad you came with me. I would have been very disappointed if you’d cancelled.”
Her hand felt cold. “Are you nervous?” he asked.
“A little.”
“Please don’t be. You’ll meet Jake, Jared, their wives and Jake’s kids and my folks. None of them bite, no matter what you may have heard about the Crenshaws.”
“Thank goodness! That certainly relieves my mind.”
He placed their clasped hands on his thigh. “However, I will warn you that they’ll tease you unmercifully. The secret is to dish it right back at them.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Two hours later they pulled onto the ranch road from the highway and Carina looked at the area in surprise. She’d expected to see a house or two near the highway. Instead she saw large pastures dotted with trees and shrubs.
They must have driven several miles before she saw signs of human life, but she’d seen several fields of long-horn cattle, sheep and goats along the way.
The house where they stopped was the size of a hotel and looked like an old-style hacienda. She sniffed. “What’s that wonderful smell?”
“The meat Dad’s barbecuing. He cooks it several hours before he considers it ready to serve.” Jude helped her out of the car, took her hand and led her around the side of the house. A large patio filled a space between two wings of the house. On the patio there were three couples, a little girl and an infant.
The men stood as soon as they saw them. The older one stepped forward. “Welcome to our family home, Carina,” he said with an attractive grin that immediately reminded her of Jude. He took her hand. “I’m Joe Crenshaw, Jude’s dad.” He turned and led her to the tables where the others watched. “This is my wife, Gail, the love of my life, my son Jake, his wife, Ashley, his daughter, Heather, and his son, Joey.”
Double Identity Page 13
