“You’re pretty,” Heather said, bouncing on her toes. “You look just like a doll my daddy gave me for my birthday. Want to see it?”
“Sure,” Carina replied and watched Heather run into the house.
“This is my son Jared and his wife, Lindsey,” Joe said, continuing the introductions. He turned to the family and said, his eyes dancing, “And in case you’ve been wondering why Jude’s been acting so lovesick these past many months, here is the reason: Carina Patterson.”
“Gee, thanks, Dad,” Jude said. He’d let go of her hand when his dad met them, but now he reached for the other one.
She looked up first at one man and then the other. “They grow really tall Crenshaws in this part of the state, don’t they?”
Ashley jumped up and hugged her. “Oh, yes! You’re going to fit in just fine around here, honey. Come, sit down and have some iced tea with us.”
“Hey, guys, I’m not really invisible. It just seems that way,” Jude drawled, pulling up a chair for Carina and another one for himself.
The men sat down once Carina did. Jared looked at Jude. “Too bad you aren’t invisible. Guess that means I have to look at your ugly face all day.”
“You’re confused, bro. The only ugly face you see around here is when you look in the mirror.”
Carina kept looking at first one male and then the next. They were all gorgeous men…well-built, quick-witted and very sexy. She could appreciate their good looks and charm but her heart kept pumping in its normal way until she met Jude’s eyes.
She blushed.
Gail said, “Don’t let these guys embarrass you, Carina, this is the way they show affection for one another.”
Everyone looked at Carina, and she knew she turned a brighter pink.
The door slammed and she heard running footsteps behind her.
Jake said, “She only has two speeds, you know—full-out and asleep.”
Heather appeared at Carina’s side. “Here,” she said, thrusting a doll at Carina. She took it and smiled. It was a doll with long, dark hair, dressed in a colorful, Mexican-style costume. “Isn’t she pretty?” Heather asked. “She’s my most favoritest doll.”
“That’s true,” Ashley said. “She wanted to sleep with it when she got it in September, but I convinced her to place it on a shelf at night so she could see it and not roll over on it.”
“Uh-huh, ’cause I could break her and then I’d be sad.” She looked at Jude. “Did you bring Miss Carina for me, Unca Jude?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
Carina lifted her brows at Jude and waited for his answer.
“Actually, honey, I brought her for all of us to enjoy. I agree with you. She’s a beauty and so is your doll.”
“Her name is Sophia,” Heather explained, taking her doll back from Carina. “You can play with her if you want.”
“Thank you so much. Maybe later.”
The next few hours flew by for Carina. She helped the other women prepare a light lunch to hold everyone until the barbecue; she rocked Joey while the others made huge amounts of beans, potato salad and coleslaw. Later, she toured the house with Heather as a talkative and delightful guide. The best part, in her mind, was when the women told her stories about the Crenshaw males and how they’d met them. The stories were hilarious and touching and highly informative.
She loved Gail’s stories about bringing up four wild-child males. Jude had been right. She was definitely hearing stories that didn’t put him in a favorable light.
That evening she got a further glimpse into Jude’s background when friends and neighbors showed up for the party. A band set up on the patio and several of the men moved the tables aside for dancing.
She stood on the lawn some distance from all the activity and watched. Jude walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. “Think you can stand all this confusion for a few hours?” he asked and nibbled on her ear.
She turned her head and kissed him. “I’m amazed that there is no confusion. Everyone has a specific duty, even Heather, and they do it as though it’s a routine.”
“Oh, it’s that, all right. I’ve lost count of the number of parties Dad has thrown since I was born. I told him once that if we didn’t raise our own beef, he’d be broke buying supplies.”
She turned to face him. “I like your dad, Jude. And your mom.”
“I’m glad. They’re both raving about you. Dad can’t believe I have such good taste and Mom asked if you’d ever done any modeling. Both of them are wondering how I managed to get your attention.”
“Do they know about my brothers?”
“Yes. I don’t keep secrets from my family. What you have to understand is that your brothers’ choices in life have nothing to do with you. I know you love them but the fact remains that if they hadn’t been breaking the law, they wouldn’t be in their present situation.”
“I know. It’s just so hard for my parents to accept.”
“And I’m a constant reminder of their loss.”
“I’m afraid so.”
“I can live with that, Carina. I hope you can.”
She sighed. “It was easier in New York, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess it was. But the reality is that we both have family and they’re a big part of who we are. We’ve got to face that and deal with it if we hope to have any sort of relationship in the future.”
“I know,” she said sadly. She stepped away from him. “I think I’ll ask if I can help with something,” she said, and walked away.
Jude watched her leave with an ache in his heart. He’d known that building any kind of relationship with Carina would be difficult, given their circumstances. He’d done his best to walk away from her until he discovered that he couldn’t do it.
She might decide not to see him again and somehow he had to accept that possibility. He just didn’t know how.
Fifteen
Carina had dozed off when she heard a quiet click that meant her door had opened. She turned over and saw a shadow moving toward the bed. In a low voice, she said, “I hope that’s you, Jude, and not one of your brothers walking in his sleep!”
Jude sailed onto the bed, grabbing her and rolling, doing his best to muffle his laugh. He gave her a passionate kiss and her body melted like butter on a hot stove. When he finally lifted his head, he asked, “Recognize me yet?”
“I’m not sure,” she mused. “You might want to kiss me again.”
Their lovemaking was fast and furious and each of them experienced an explosive climax, leaving them limp and satisfied.
He stirred and muttered, “I have to go back to my room.”
She played with his hair, pausing to say, “Poor baby, who sent you to your room?”
He rolled over onto his back and heaved a sigh. “As a matter of fact, Jake did. He told me if I absolutely had to be with you tonight, not to linger because Heather might wake up before we do.”
“Ah, that explains the urgency.”
“Naw, I was urgent because it’s been weeks since I last made love to you and I’ve been suffering.”
“Really. Suffering, huh? Are you out of your misery now?”
“For the moment.” He caressed her face and shoulder. “Would you like to spend Christmas with us?”
“I’d like to but I can’t. Mom and Dad wouldn’t understand. They’re doing their best to accept the fact that I’m seeing you again. Since I’ll be their only child able to be home, I need to be with them.”
He slipped his hand over her breast and teased her nipple. “I hope that in time things will ease between your parents and me.”
“I called them after you left New York after Thanksgiving because I wanted them to know that I was seeing you again. I pointed out to them that if my brothers hadn’t been breaking the law and smuggling drugs, none of this would have happened, that you had done the job you were hired to do.”
“I’m glad to hear that you understand.”
“It’s taken me a
while. I know the pain my parents feel and I suppose it’s only natural they want to find someone to blame.”
“When can I see you again?”
She thought about it before she said, “Let’s wait. We’ll both be going back east. Perhaps we should wait until then.” He didn’t say anything. Rather, he moved away so that he was no longer touching her. When he got out of bed, she said, “Jude?”
“I need to go. I’ll see you in the morning.” He pulled on his jeans and silently left her room.
Instead of going to his room, he went downstairs and out to the patio. Once most of the guests had left for home, the family had removed all signs of the party and replaced the table and chairs on the patio. He sat at one of the tables and stared at the sky. How had he ever gotten this messed up?
He needed to forget about her and get on with his life. Oh. Wait. He’d already tried that. He hated feeling so powerless over his life. Maybe it would be better for both of them if he stopped seeing her, toughed it out and stopped trying to build a relationship with her.
He didn’t know how long he’d been outside when he saw the kitchen door open and Jake step outside. Like him, Jake wore jeans and was barefoot.
Jake sat down beside him and adopted Jude’s posture—he slid down in the chair and propped his feet on the chair across from him. Jake didn’t speak.
After several minutes of silence, Jude finally asked, “What are you doing up?”
“Got thirsty. You?”
“Figuring a way to get my life back. Carina’s parents despise me. How’s that for encouragement? I hate wondering if Carina will give in to her parents’ pressure. I hate being in limbo—will she, won’t she, does she love me enough to stand up to them or will she decide to settle for an affair until eventually she moves on.”
“Did I ever tell you that Ashley refused to marry me when I finally asked her?”
Jude’s head rested on the chair back and he slowly rolled his head until he could see Jake’s profile. “Uh, no, as a matter of fact, you didn’t. She’s been in love with you practically all her life. Doesn’t make sense.”
“Didn’t to me, either, but it seemed perfectly logical to her.”
“Women,” Jude muttered. “You can’t live with them, you can’t drown them.”
Jake chuckled. “True. Very true.”
They fell into silence again.
Sometime later, Jake asked, “Have you asked her to marry you?”
“Nope. Hell, if she won’t spend Christmas or New Year’s with me, what would cause her to say yes to a proposal?”
“You’re missing the point,” Jake said. “Ashley and I are married now because we worked through what was bothering her. Bottom line, I hadn’t communicated how I felt. If you don’t, they don’t have a clue where you’re coming from.”
“I told her I loved her.”
“And?”
“And nothing. She just stared at me from across the table like she didn’t understand English.”
“Not too encouraging.”
“You could say that. My only encouragement is that she’s willing to go to bed with me, but that doesn’t tell me much except she enjoys sex.”
“Has she ever told you how she feels about you?”
“Not really. I guess she enjoys my company.”
“She must care. She came to meet your family.”
“Yeah, and then told me tonight that we should wait until we return east to see each other again, as though she’s ashamed to be seeing me.”
“You gotta admit the situation is highly unusual.”
“I know. That’s why I think we should forget about having a relationship.”
“You’d be happy with that?”
“No. But I’m not happy now. Limbo sucks.”
“What do you want to do?”
“Haul her off to a JP and marry her before she knows what happened.”
“There’s a reason Neanderthals no longer exist, bro. The women wouldn’t tolerate their attitudes.”
“You asked what I wanted to do, not what I would do, which is good, because I haven’t a clue what I should do. The more I think about it, the more I think that breaking up is the answer.”
“Your choice.”
“At least I’m doing something.”
“Even if it’s wrong.”
“Who’s to say it’s wrong? I want my old life back, the one before I ever laid eyes on her.”
Jake yawned, stretched and stood up. “Lots of luck on that one, little brother. I’m going to bed.”
Carina didn’t see Jude when she went down for breakfast the next morning. Maybe he was still asleep. She found Ashley in the kitchen talking to a couple of women. She introduced them to Carina as the wives of a couple of the ranch hands who came in to do household chores.
“I have to go to the clinic,” Ashley said once the women left the kitchen. “Thank goodness for preschool. That keeps Heather occupied. I drop her off each day and Jake picks her up at noon.”
“Who keeps Joey?”
Ashley laughed. “Gail. She wouldn’t hear of us hiring someone. The woman who usually looks after the kids had to leave for a while to take care of her sister who recently had surgery. So this is a temporary arrangement.” Ashley looked around the kitchen. “Help yourself to whatever you want to eat. We usually grab whatever’s available most mornings.”
Carina poured some coffee. “Do you know if Jude’s up?”
“Oh, he, Jared and Jake have been gone for the past couple of hours. No telling where they are, probably in the barn. Jake’s got a mare ready to foal. I told him she’s doing just fine but he’s hovering. After that, it’s anyone’s guess where they went.” She lowered her voice. “Jared said Lindsey wasn’t feeling well this morning. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn she’s pregnant.”
“The thing is, I really need to get home and I was hoping Jude would be ready to take me.”
“Hold on.” Ashley picked up the phone and pushed a button and waited. After a moment, she said, “Hi, sweetie. Is Jude with you? Oh, good. Carina wants to speak to him.” Ashley handed her the phone. “I’ve got to take Joey to Gail’s and get to work. It was so good to meet you, Carina. Please come back as often as you like.”
“Hello? Hello?”
Carina realized that Jude was on the phone. “Oh. Sorry. I was wondering when you could take me home?”
Silence.
“Are you ready to go?” he finally asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll be right there.” He hung up.
Carina went back upstairs and gathered her things together. Last night had been almost perfect. She and Jude had danced, laughed, visited with other guests and been in perfect harmony.
All that had obviously changed once she told him they should wait a while before seeing each other again.
What did he want from her? She didn’t know. She supposed that if she wanted to find out, she’d have to ask him.
They were halfway to San Antonio before Carina broke the extended silence that had filled the car since they’d left the ranch.
“Jude?”
“Mmm?”
“Talk to me.”
“About what?”
“Why you aren’t talking to me for starters. Something’s wrong. Has something happened with your family? Are you angry with me? I really dislike the silent treatment.”
“Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“Want to share?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve been wondering why you’re bothering to see me if your parents are so against the idea.”
She didn’t answer right away. She knew she needed to be honest with him, but how could she explain the conflict between her head and her heart?
“I want to spend time with you,” she finally said. “We’ve known each other six months. We can afford the time it will take for my parents to accept you in my life.” She turned her head and looked at his profile. “I took you at your wo
rd last fall when you said you wouldn’t push me, that we’d start over. Unfortunately, my parents aren’t willing to start over. If you want to continue to date me, I think we need to see each other while we’re on the east coast.”
He gave a brief nod. “You’re right. I promised not to push and now I’m pushing. I’m sorry. I want to continue to see you, regardless of what happens in the future.” He looked at her, wearing a lopsided smile. “I wish I knew where I stand with you.”
“I enjoy being with you, Jude. I believe that’s been obvious.”
“And?”
“And, what?”
“This is where you’re supposed to give me some hope that I’m not the only one in love here.”
She looked out the side window for a moment. “I miss you when you’re not around. I think about you way too much. I dream about you. I would say that I’m besotted.”
“You don’t sound very thrilled about it.”
“I wish I didn’t have such conflicting feelings about you. It helped to meet your parents and brothers. You were right. I got a much clearer picture of who you are, being around them.” She turned and looked at him. “It’s too soon in our relationship for me to know if what I feel will last. I got too involved with you too quickly last summer and I paid dearly when I learned why you were pursuing me.”
“I told you that—”
“I know,” she said, interrupting him. “What happened made me realize how little I know about you. You had all of us convinced that you were a man with lots of money and no ambition.”
“So what you’re saying is, you fell for my cover persona.”
“I suppose. If I could be so easily duped then, I know that I need to be much more wary now.”
“Do you think I’ve been lying to you?”
“No. Not really.”
“Do you believe that I’m in love with you?”
“I believe that you’ve convinced yourself of that, yes.”
“Bottom line, you don’t trust me or trust your own feelings.”
“Yes,” she replied in a quiet voice.
Double Identity Page 14
