The Complete Works of Leo Tolstoy (25+ Works with active table of contents)

by Leo Tolstoy

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. What sale? There is no need to sell any. But above all, how can one let in people from the street into the house? One can't let people in from the street! One can't let people into the house who have spent the night heaven knows where!... [Getting more and more excited] I daresay every fold of their clothes is full of microbes--of scarlet-fever microbes, of smallpox microbes, of diphtheria microbes! Why, they are from Koursk Government, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria ... Doctor! Doctor! Call the doctor back!

  Leoníd Fyódoritch goes into his room and shuts the door. Gregory goes to recall the Doctor.

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [smokes at the Peasants] Never mind, mamma; if you like I'll fumigate them so that all the microbes will go to pot! Eh, what?

  Anna Pávlovna remains severely silent, awaiting the Doctor's return.

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [to Peasants] And do you fatten pigs? There's a first-rate business!

  FIRST PEASANT. That's just so. We do go in for the pig-fattening line now and then.

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. This kind?... [Grunts like a pig].

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Vovo, Vovo, leave off!

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Isn't it like? Eh, what?

  FIRST PEASANT. That's just so. It's very resemblant.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Vovo, leave off, I tell you!

  SECOND PEASANT. What's it all about?

  THIRD PEASANT. I said, we'd better go to some lodging meanwhile!

  Enter Doctor and Gregory.

  DOCTOR. What's the matter? What's happened?

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Why, you're always saying I must not get excited. Now, how is it possible to keep calm? I do not see my own sister for two months, and am careful about any doubtful visitor--and here are people from Koursk, straight from Koursk, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria, right in my house!

  DOCTOR. These good fellows you mean, I suppose?

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Of course. Straight from a diphtheric place!

  DOCTOR. Well, of course, if they come from an infected place it is rash; but still there is no reason to excite yourself so much about it.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. But don't you yourself advise carefulness?

  DOCTOR. Of course, of course. Still, why excite yourself?

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. How can I help it? Now we shall have to have the house completely disinfected.

  DOCTOR. Oh no! Why completely? That would cost 300 roubles or more. I'll arrange it cheaply and well for you. Take, to a large bottle of water ...

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Boiled?

  DOCTOR. It's all the same. Boiled would be better. To one bottle of water take a tablespoon of salicylic acid, and have everything they have come in contact with washed with the solution. As to the fellows themselves, they must be off, of course. That's all. Then you're quite safe. And it would do no harm to sprinkle some of the same solution through a spray--two or three tumblers--you'll see how well it will act. No danger whatever!

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Tánya! Where is Tánya?

  Enter Tánya.

  TÁNYA. Did you call, M'm?

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. You know that big bottle in my dressing-room?

  TÁNYA. Out of which we sprinkled the laundress yesterday?

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Well, of course! What other bottle could I mean? Well then, take that bottle and first wash with soap the place where they have been standing, and then with ...

  TÁNYA. Yes, M'm; I know how.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. And then take the spray ... However, I had better do that myself when I get back.

  DOCTOR. Well then, do so, and don't be afraid! Well, au revoir till this evening. [Exit].

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. And they must be off! Not a trace of them must remain! Get out, get out! Go--what are you looking at?

  FIRST PEASANT. That's just so. It's because of our stupidity, as we were instructed ...

  GREGORY [pushes the Peasants out] There, there; be off!

  SECOND PEASANT. Let me have my handkerchief back! [The handkerchief in which the presents were wrapped].

  THIRD PEASANT. Oh Lord, oh Lord! didn't I say--some lodging-house meanwhile!

  Gregory pushes him out. Exeunt Peasants.

  PORTER [who has repeatedly tried to say something] Will there be any answer?

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Ah, from Bourdier? [Excitedly] None! None! You can take it back. I told her I never ordered such a costume, and I will not allow my daughter to wear it!

  PORTER. I know nothing about it. I was sent ...

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Go, go, take it back! I will call myself about it!

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [solemnly] Sir Messenger from Bourdier, depart!

  PORTER. I might have been told that long ago. I have sat here nearly five hours!

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Ambassador from Bourdier, begone!

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Cease, please!

  Exit Porter.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Betsy! Where is she? I always have to wait for her.

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH [shouting at the top of his voice] Betsy! Petrístchef! Come quick, quick, quick! Eh? What?

  Enter Petrístchef, Betsy, and Márya Konstantínovna.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. You always keep one waiting!

  BETSY. On the contrary, I was waiting for you!

  Petrístchef bows with his head only, then kisses Anna Pávlovna's hand.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. How d'you do! [To Betsy] You always have an answer ready!

  BETSY. If you are upset, mamma, I had better not go.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Are we going or not?

  BETSY. Well, let us go; it can't be helped.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Did you see the man from Bourdier?

  BETSY. Yes, and I was very glad. I ordered the costume, and am going to wear it when it is paid for.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. I am not going to pay for a costume that is indecent!

  BETSY. Why has it become indecent? First it was decent, and now you have a fit of prudery.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Not prudery at all! If the bodice were completely altered, then it would do.

  BETSY. Mamma, that is quite impossible.

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Well, get dressed. [They sit down. Gregory puts on their over-shoes for them].

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Márya Konstantínovna, do you notice a vacuum in the hall?

  MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA. What is it? [Laughs in anticipation].

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Bourdier's man has gone! Eh, what? Good, eh? [Laughs loudly].

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Well, let us go. [Goes out of the door, but returns at once] Tánya!

  TÁNYA. Yes, M'm?

  ANNA PÁVLOVNA. Don't let Frisk catch cold while I am away. If she wants to be let out, put on her little yellow cloak. She is not quite well to-day.

  TÁNYA. Yes, M'm.

  Exeunt Anna Pávlovna, Betsy, and Gregory.

  PETRÍSTCHEF. Well, have you got it?

  VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH. Not without trouble, I can tell you! First I rushed at the gov'nor; he began to bellow and turned me out. Off to the mater--I got it out of her. It's here! [Slaps his breast pocket] If once I make up my mind, there's no getting away from me. I have a deadly grip! Eh, what? And d'you know, my wolf-hounds are coming to-day.

  Petrístchef and Vasíly Leoníditch put on their outdoor things and go out. Tánya follows.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH [alone] Yes, nothing but unpleasantness. How is it they can't live in peace? But one must say the new generation are not--the thing. And as to the women's dominion!... Why, Leoníd Fyódoritch just now was going to put in a word, but seeing what a frenzy she was in--slammed the door behind him. He is a wonderfully kind-hearted man. Yes, wonderfully kind. What's this? Here's Tánya bringing them back again!

  TÁNYA. Come in, come in, grand-dads, never mind!

  Enter Tánya and the Peasants.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Why have you brought them back?

  TÁNYA. Well, Theodore Ivánitch, we must do something about their business. I shall have to wash the place anyhow.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. But the business will not come off, I see that already.
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  FIRST PEASANT. How could we best put our affair into action, respected sir? Your reverence might take a little trouble over it, and we should give you full thankings from the Commune for your trouble.

  THIRD PEASANT. Do try, honey! We can't live! We have so little land. Talk of cattle--why, we have no room to keep a hen! [They bow].

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. I am sorry for you, friends, but I can't think of any way to help you. I understand your case very well, but he has refused. So what can one do? Besides, the lady is also against it. Well, give me your papers--I'll try and see what I can do, but I hardly hope to succeed. [Exit].

  Tánya and the three Peasants sigh.

  TÁNYA. But tell me, grand-dads, what is it that is wanted?

  FIRST PEASANT. Why, only that he should put his signature to our document.

  TÁNYA. That the master should sign? Is that all?

  FIRST PEASANT. Yes, only lay his signature on the deed and take the money, and there would be an end of the matter.

  THIRD PEASANT. He only has to write and sign, as the peasants, let's say, desire, so, let's say, I also desire. That's the whole affair--if he'd only take it and sign it, it's all done.

  TÁNYA [considering] He need only sign the paper and it's done?

  FIRST PEASANT. That's just so. The whole matter is in dependence on that, and nothing else. Let him sign, and we ask no more.

  TÁNYA. Just wait and see what Theodore Ivánitch will say. If he cannot persuade the master, I'll try something.

  FIRST PEASANT. Get round him, will you?

  TÁNYA. I'll try.

  THIRD PEASANT. Ay, the lass is going to bestir herself. Only get the thing settled, and the Commune will bind itself to keep you all your life. See there, now!

  FIRST PEASANT. If the affair can be put into action, truly we might put her in a gold frame.

  SECOND PEASANT. That goes without saying!

  TÁNYA. I can't promise for certain, but as the saying is: "An attempt is no sin, if you try ..."

  FIRST PEASANT. "You may win." That's just so.

  Enter Theodore Ivánitch.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. No, friends, it's no go! He has not done it, and he won't do it. Here, take your document. You may go.

  FIRST PEASANT [gives Tánya the paper] Then it's on you we pin all our reliance, for example.

  TÁNYA. Yes, yes! You go into the street, and I'll run out to you in a minute and have a word with you.

  Exeunt Peasants.

  TÁNYA. Theodore Ivánitch, dear Theodore Ivánitch, ask the master to come out and speak to me for a moment. I have something to say to him.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. What next?

  TÁNYA. I must, Theodore Ivánitch. Ask him, do; there's nothing wrong about it, on my sacred word.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. But what do you want with him?

  TÁNYA. That's a little secret. I will tell you later on, only ask him.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH [smiling] I can't think what you are up to! All right, I'll go and ask him. [Exit].

  TÁNYA. I'll do it! Didn't he say himself that there is that power in Simon? And I know how to manage. No one found me out that time, and now I'll teach Simon what to do. If it doesn't succeed it's no great matter. After all it's not a sin.

  Enter Leoníd Fyódoritch followed by Theodore Ivánitch.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [smiling] Is this the petitioner? Well, what is your business?

  TÁNYA. It's a little secret, Leoníd Fyódoritch; let me tell it you alone.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. What is it? Theodore, leave us for a minute.

  Exit Theodore Ivánitch.

  TÁNYA. As I have grown up and lived in your house, Leoníd Fyódoritch, and as I am very grateful to you for everything, I shall open my heart to you as to a father. Simon, who is living in your house, wants to marry me.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. So that's it!

  TÁNYA. I open my heart to you as to a father! I have no one to advise me, being an orphan.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well, and why not? He seems a nice lad.

  TÁNYA. Yes, that's true. He would be all right; there is only one thing I have my doubts about. It's something about him that I have noticed and can't make out ... perhaps it is something bad.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. What is it? Does he drink?

  TÁNYA. God forbid! But since I know that there is such a thing as spiritalism ...

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Ah, you know that?

  TÁNYA. Of course! I understand it very well. Some, of course, through ignorance, don't understand it.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well, what then?

  TÁNYA. I am very much afraid for Simon. It does happen to him.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. What happens to him?

  TÁNYA. Something of a kind like spiritalism. You ask any of the servants. As soon as he gets drowsy at the table, the table begins to tremble, and creak like that: tuke, ... tuke! All the servants have heard it.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Why, it's the very thing I was saying to Sergéy Ivánitch this morning! Yes?...

  TÁNYA. Or else ... when was it?... Oh yes, last Wednesday. We sat down to dinner, and the spoon just jumps into his hand of itself!

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Ah, that is interesting! Jumps into his hand? When he was drowsing?

  TÁNYA. That I didn't notice. I think he was, though.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Yes?...

  TÁNYA. And that's what I'm afraid of, and what I wanted to ask you about. May not some harm come of it? To live one's life together, and him having such a thing in him!

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [smiling] No, you need not be afraid, there is nothing bad in that. It only proves him to be a medium--simply a medium. I knew him to be a medium before this.

  TÁNYA. So that's what it is! And I was afraid!

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. No, there's nothing to be afraid of. [Aside]. That's capital! Kaptchítch can't come, so we will test him to-night.... [To Tánya] No, my dear, don't be afraid, he will be a good husband and ... that is only a kind of special power, and every one has it, only in some it is weaker and in others stronger.

  TÁNYA. Thank you, sir. Now I shan't think any more about it; but I was so frightened.... What a thing it is, our want of education!

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. No, no, don't be frightened... Theodore!

  Enter Theodore Ivánitch.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. I am going out now. Get everything ready for to-night's séance.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. But Mr. Kaptchítch is not coming.

  LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. That does not matter. [Puts on overcoat] We shall have a trial séance with our own medium. [Exit. Theodore Ivánitch goes out with him].

  TÁNYA [alone] He believes it! He believes it! [Shrieks and jumps with joy] He really believes it! Isn't it wonderful! [Shrieks] Now I'll do it, if only Simon has pluck for it!

  Theodore Ivánitch returns.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Well, have you told him your secret?

  TÁNYA. I'll tell you too, only later on.... But I have a favour to ask of you too, Theodore Ivánitch.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Yes? What is it?

  TÁNYA [shyly] You have been a second father to me, and I will open my heart before you as before God.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Don't beat about the bush, but come straight to the point.

  TÁNYA. The point is ... well, the point is, that Simon wants to marry me.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Is that it? I thought I noticed ...

  TÁNYA. Well, why should I hide it? I am an orphan, and you know yourself how matters are in these town establishments. Every one comes bothering; there's that Gregory Miháylitch, for instance, he gives me no peace. And also that other one ... you know. They think I have no soul, and am only here for their amusement.

  THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Good girl, that's right! Well, what then?

  TÁNYA. Well, Simon wrote to his father; and he, his father, sees me to-day, and says: "He's spoilt"--he means his son. Theodore Ivánitch [bows], take the place of a father to me, speak to the old man,--
to Simon's father! I could take them into the kitchen, and you might come in and speak to the old man!