What's Life Without the Sprinkles?

by Simon, Misty

  “It’s going to be time to get ready soon. Remember, we have that lunch at Aunt May’s house today. I want you in your good clothes, not a holey T-shirt.” Leaning against the doorjamb, she tried to be inconspicuous about her roaming eyes as she took in his relatively clean room. Well, that might be a little too optimistic. How about his not-as-messy room? “Wear the button-down shirt and a clean pair of jeans, at least.”

  “Can I wear my Converses?”

  Ugh. She really wanted to say no, since the things should have stayed in the trash where she’d put them last week, but was it worth the fight? Probably not. “Fine, but make sure the shirt is tucked in.”

  “Okay,” he said as he began closing the door in her face.

  She put her palm against the wood, keeping it open. “I think we should talk for a few minutes.”

  His smile drooped a little around the corners. “Why?”

  “Because I think we should. Now, do you want to do this in your room?” She suppressed a shudder. “Or can you come out into the living room for a sec?”

  “I guess I’ll come out to the living room,” he said, grudgingly.

  There was nothing like a grudging consent to get a difficult conversation off on the right foot.

  Zoe must have been lurking in the kitchen, because she emerged with three cups of hot chocolate and a plate of toast. “I thought we’d get the day started right, since it might not continue to go that way.”

  “Not helping,” Claudia said under her breath so only Zoe could hear her.

  “But I’m trying. Doesn’t that get me brownie points? Plus, I promised to be on my best behavior today, and hot chocolate with dunking toast will go a long way toward that goal.”

  Claudia sighed. Truthfully, she had been hoping to do this without Zoe’s interference. Of course, she could ask her sister to leave, but it wouldn’t accomplish anything. And she’d known there would be more than just herself in charge when she decided to move into this home with her sister instead of striking out on her own with Justin. “Fine, but try to keep your mouth shut.”

  “Mum’s the word, dear sister.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  Justin plunked himself down on the sofa. Claudia chose the chair, and Zoe plopped down on the floor. They all dipped buttered bread into hot chocolate for a few moments before Claudia got the conversation rolling. Perhaps the chocolate would mellow out the conversation. She could always hope.

  “So, Justin, Peter is most likely going to be there at Aunt May’s house.”

  “Yep.” He popped another soggy piece of bread in his mouth.

  “And I just wanted to know if you had any questions or concerns that you wanted me to address before we got there.”

  “Nope.” Another piece of bread went in.

  “Nothing?” She tried to keep the incredulousness out of her voice, but the glare Zoe shot at her told her she had been wrong.

  “No, nothing. Can I go now?” No more toast popping this time, but his mouth was set in a line she knew was seconds away from quivering with near tears.

  “I’d really like to talk about this with you, Justin. I can’t imagine that it’s all just as peachy-keen fine as you’re trying to make it out to be. Talk to me and we’ll sort things out before we get there.” Zoe pinched Claudia’s calf through her pajama pants, but Claudia ignored her.

  “There’s nothing to sort out, Mom. I’ll be just fine. The guy didn’t want me all those years ago, and I don’t want him now. So I’m just going to go and see all my real family, and hope Grandpa will give me something cool, and then come home and play some video games.” He got up this time without waiting for her to let him go. He didn’t precisely stomp back to his room, but it was a close thing.

  She was so tempted to go after him, to explain that Peter’s desertion had never had anything to do with Justin, but she didn’t have any new words to give him, and obviously the ones she’d been saying for years had never penetrated.

  Resting her head back against the top of the couch, Claudia released the breath she’d been holding, while letting just one single tear leak from her eye. “Well, I guess that didn’t go nearly as bad as it could have gone. Right?” She rolled her head to look at Zoe still sitting on the floor, eating the rest of the toast.

  “Sure, Claudia. He could have actually stomped down the hall instead of merely shuffling loudly.”

  “You’re not helping.” Closing her eyes, Claudia took a deep breath. “Should I go follow him?”

  “Honestly?”

  “Yes, honestly. I’m not going to ask you to lie to me.”

  “Then, no. I think you should let him go. He’s probably anxious and nervous right now. You gave him the opportunity to open up to you if he needed to, and he knows you’re here for him. I think that’s all you can do at this point without making him angry and defensive. If you keep going at him about it, then he’s going to think his response is wrong or his feelings are wrong, and that will just make things worse.” Zoe rose from the floor, taking the empty toast plate with her.

  Claudia took a sip of her rapidly cooling hot chocolate. Perhaps there was only so much she could do, but that didn’t stop her from feeling helpless—and hopeless that today was going to pass by without a serious hiccup in her stride and Justin’s.

  ****

  A lazy Sunday morning ranked right up there with some of the finer things in life, as far as Nate was concerned. The buzz of lawnmowers run by more energetic people than himself created a dull hum to punctuate how little Nate planned on doing today. He’d told Claudia he might show at the lunch at May’s today, but he was still debating whether that would be a good idea.

  Rolling across his big king-sized bed, he grabbed the remote control from the nightstand and flipped on the flat screen he’d hung on the wall opposite the bed. Stacking his hands behind his head, he let the sheet ride low on his hips. This was the life. Quiet mornings with no one else to take care of, no plans but those he made, and no demands on his time that he didn’t want.

  The news played low across the room. He watched with half his attention because the other half was gnawing on the thought of Claudia and how she had kissed him last night. He had told himself it was a fluke, but he was hard pressed to believe that in the light of day.

  What if she did want more? What if his lazy Sunday morning involved lying in bed with a half-dressed Claudia, her hair spread out against his navy-blue pillowcase? Morning snuggling and her giggle under the covers. A knock on the door as they covered up for Justin to come busting through the bedroom door and jump on the bed, demanding Nate come out to play baseball with him in the backyard…

  He could almost see it, and that frightened him. He and Claudia enjoyed a comfortable friendship, a way of having each other’s backs without smothering. Sharing the little things and the big things. If they did get together, they’d still have all that plus the giggles under the covers, but the potential for disaster was bigger, since it could all be gone in the time it took to utter one or two words that couldn’t be taken back in an argument.

  Restless now with his thoughts and doubts, Nate climbed out of bed, heading for the shower. The phone rang before he could get there. He thought about leaving it to the answering machine, but since today was the big lunch day, he picked it up. It could be Claudia in need of some last-minute support. He wasn’t planning on going to the lunch at May’s until it was nearly over, simply because he didn’t know how much Peter he could stand in a day. Being available for Claudia was important, though.

  As soon as Nate picked up the receiver, Justin started talking in a low voice. “Can you talk, Nate? I have a problem, and I think I need a man-to-man talk.”

  It was the equivalent of the emergency girl meetings held by Claudia, Zoe, and May, and Nate knew enough to take the call seriously. “What’s up, buddy? Are you getting ready for the lunch over at your Aunt May’s house?” Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, he realized it was only eight-thirty in the morning, too early
for Claudia to start everyone dressing for a lunch.

  “Not yet. Even my mom isn’t that fanatical about stuff.”

  Nate laughed at the way Justin almost mirrored Nate’s thoughts. “Good word, guy. I guess you are learning some stuff in school.”

  Normally Justin would have laughed, too, but he didn’t this time. It made Nate pull up his joking immediately.

  “What’s up, guy? Do you need me to come get you for an hour or so? Talk to your mom?” Nate tried to never come between Justin and Claudia, and he certainly did everything he could not to step on her parental toes, but this might be the one time he overrode that unspoken rule.

  “Nah, Mom wouldn’t take too well to me leaving right now. My grandparents are coming to get me in about thirty minutes to go to church, but I have to talk to you. I’m in my closet with the cordless. Can you talk?”

  “Of course, Justin. What do you need?” Nate’s shower could definitely wait for this.

  There was a long pause on the other end on the line, but Nate waited. Justin was one of those kids who could not be prodded to open up. He had to come out with it in his own time.

  “My mom just tried to talk to me about Peter being my biological father.”

  “How’d that go?” This was a touchy subject no matter how you looked at it or when you tried to address it.

  “Not so good. I left the room when she tried to get me to tell her how I felt. I hate all that sappy crappy talk.”

  Nate didn’t call him on the crappy thing since he himself would have said much worse. “Okay. And now you’re hiding out in your closet?”

  “Well, kind of. I don’t want her to say anything else, because she always gets this really sad look in her eyes when she talks about me not having a father. And it bugs the crap out of me because I don’t think I missed out on anything, especially because I have you. But I can’t tell her that, because then she gets all teary-eyed and says things like ‘I’m sorry he left you,’ and then it gets worse. I just avoid it altogether, usually, but now that this bozo is here, I can’t anymore. And I really, really do not want to see him today, but Mom’s going to make me. It’s going to be a really screwed-up day. You know?”

  His words had all come out in a rush, but Nate knew where he was coming from. “Look, Justin, I’m going to be straight with you, okay?”

  A brief hesitation and then Justin said, “Okay.”

  “Your mom does her best job with you. And part of her best job is to make sure that you’re loved and to also make sure that if you have to talk to someone you know you can talk to her, even if it’s an uncomfortable conversation.”

  Justin’s sigh gusted through the phone. “I know.”

  “So part of that whole thing involves her bringing up subjects that you might think don’t need to be talked about but ones your mom isn’t sure how you feel about, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then it follows that she wants you to know you can talk to her about Peter if you want. I know she hasn’t always said a lot about him, hardly anyone does, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist.”

  “I wish he didn’t.”

  “But if he didn’t, then you wouldn’t, and that would take a certain midget light out of my life.” A laugh from Justin followed that felt like a pot of gold at the end of this thorny rainbow.

  “Yeah, who would you have to trounce you at basketball if I wasn’t around?”

  “No one, and that would be so sad for my ego.” Nate smiled and sat on the end of his bed. “Look, my best advice is to go in there today and show Peter what a good guy you are and what a great job your mom has done raising you. You don’t have to interact with him any more than you want to, but I know your Aunt May is anxious for you to meet Peter, since this is the first time he’s come home after you were born. But you have every right to treat him like a stranger. You don’t have to call him Dad or give him a hug or anything. You just go in, say hi, tell him you love your mom, and then walk out with your head up. He’s the one who lacks something, not you. He’s the one who missed out, not you, and certainly not your mom. You’re a great guy, and he’ll know that right away. Got it?”

  “You’re the best, Nate. Thanks for not getting all girly-gushy on me.”

  “That’s what guys are for, Justin. Hang in there. Give your mom a break in all this, and have a good time. I can’t wait to see what Roger thinks you want from his possessions. Maybe he’ll give you one of those dead stuffed animal heads on the wall of his study.”

  Justin pretended to gag, and they chatted for a few more moments before Justin said his grandparents were there to pick him up and his mom was banging on the door. Nate set the phone down on the nightstand and stood massaging the back of his neck for a moment. He hoped he had done the right thing. It felt like the right thing, so it couldn’t be all bad.

  Grabbing his towel, he moved toward the shower again. And the phone rang, again. He really needed to think about installing Caller ID. Who else was calling him on a Sunday morning?

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Nate, my boyo,” his grandmother said in far too frail a voice. “You need to come over here and help your granny. I think I’m not in too good a shape, and your mom’s out doing some grocery shopping while all those churchgoers are pretending to do more than preen in their fancy clothes. Might be a heart attack or something. If you could hurry?”

  Nate was already out the door and in his car with the cordless still against his ear. “I’ll be right there.” He floored it, not caring that he only wore sleeping pants and yesterday’s T-shirt.

  Throwing the phone on the seat, he made a beeline for his mom’s house and whatever happened to be waiting for him there. It looked like he might not be able to make the lunch today, but he was sure Claudia and Justin would do just fine without him tagging along to run interference that they wouldn’t need. They were strong and had each other. They always had.

  ****

  “For the last time, Zoe, I’m fine!” Claudia enunciated each word clearly and slowly, as if explaining a particularly difficult concept to a small child. They had an hour left until the lunch at May’s, and Zoe had not let up, even for a second, since Claudia had tromped into her room hoping to escape Zoe’s presence and unwanted fashion consult on Claudia’s closet.

  Slamming the armoire door closed, Claudia whipped around, blonde hair flying in her face, to stare her sister down. She knew she sounded bitchy, but she didn’t care anymore. This day could just go right to hell. She’d gladly provide the handbasket.

  She understood that Zoe wanted her to look good for this meeting, to “wow” Peter, in Zoe’s words. But after her initial thoughts of panic and making him miss what he’d thrown away, she no longer wanted to deal with that kind of crap. She just wanted to survive it. He would be gone soon, and she wouldn’t be a thought in his head—the same as it had been for ten years. Dressing the part of some vixen was not going to change that. In fact, she didn’t want it to. Part of her almost wanted to dress dowdy so as not to draw attention to herself. Pull out another pair of flats and fade into the wallpaper. Though that went against everything female inside her, it was still tempting. Not that Zoe the Harpy would let her.

  In the end, she’d decided she was actually going to pull a Peter—get in, get what she wanted, and get the hell out before the fireworks started.

  Zoe flopped onto her back on Claudia’s satin bedspread and heaved an exaggerated sigh as she lifted her sandal-clad feet into the air and pointed her painted toes toward the ceiling. “All I’m saying is that you should at least think about wearing something sexy. It would be good for your ego, especially now. You can go, devastate him wearing one of your new fabulous dresses, and leave him breathing hard.”

  “This from the woman who won’t even give a certain lawyer a chance? I find it hard to believe you feel that way.” Claudia stuck her tongue out, but then immediately turned serious. “And it’s not that simple. Sure, the awe at my current beauty would be great, but
what if Peter tries to talk to me? What do I do then? ‘Hi, Peter, how are you? It’s been a long time. Oh, by the way, your son is growing like a weed and becoming a wonderful person along the way, but I guess that wasn’t important enough for even a phone call in the last ten years? Your whole family was able to connect with this great kid in some way, but not you.’ That would go over really well.” Her voice almost dripped with sarcasm. She took great satisfaction in slamming hangers back and forth in her closet, looking for something to wear that said, “I did fine without you, now go home!”

  Zoe had been only fifteen when Peter left Claudia pregnant, but she was one of the few people Claudia had confided in when she was scared, terrified of giving birth and doing it alone. Of all people, Claudia thought her sister understood. She’d been there when Claudia had peed on the first pregnancy indicator—and the second, and the third. She’d gone with Claudia to all her doctor’s appointments. She’d held Claudia’s hand when Claudia had told their parents that she was going to have a baby. Why was she pushing so hard, knowing so much about how this was not some lark?

  For her part, Zoe wasn’t without sympathy. “I’ll tell you what, Claude. I’ll walk in first and do reconnaissance. I’ll keep him distracted and won’t let him talk to you at all. But I still think you should wear the sexy outfit, or at least one that shows off a little cleavage. And your hair has to be perfect. He needs to pay at least a little for walking out.” Zoe stopped and stared at her feet as she rotated her ankles clockwise—her only brush with exercise.

  “I’m not interested in him paying for anything.” But in her head she couldn’t deny the little spark of something that said it wouldn’t be a bad thing to look great when she had to face Peter again. She’d ignore him, but if he couldn’t ignore her… Well, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

  She shooed Zoe out and got down to the business of looking fabulous. She ignored the ringing phone, trusting Zoe to get it while she pulled out her brushes, compacts, lipstick, and eyeliner.

  “Are you ready?” Zoe called through the door twenty minutes later. Thankfully, May had chosen the day the shop was closed to have this lunch, since everyone was involved, but Zoe was driving her crazy with being a time cop.