Dawn of Change

by Gerri Hill

  “I do have a phone, you know. It would be nice if you called occasionally, just to let me know to expect company.”

  “You wouldn’t think your own husband would have to call,” Ruth said sarcastically.

  “Ruth . . .” Susan warned, but turned eyes to Dave. “What is it?” she asked.

  “I wanted to talk. If we’re not intruding on . . . anything, that is.”

  Susan glanced quickly at Shawn, seeing a strength in her eyes that she herself didn’t feel. Then she squared her shoulders and lifted her head. She had nothing to be ashamed of. She was an adult. Whatever she did was her own business. Not Ruth’s and certainly not Dave’s. Not anymore.

  “You’re not intruding, I just wasn’t expecting company,” Susan finally said. “We’ve finished breakfast.”

  Dave nodded.

  “Can we talk for a minute? In private?” he added after a quick look at Shawn.

  “Of course,” she said. “Let’s go inside.”

  Shawn watched them go, seeing the uncertainty in Susan’s eyes and feeling powerless to help her. Instead, she turned to Ruth.

  “I’d offer you coffee, but we finished the pot.”

  “I’m sure you did,” Ruth said flatly. “You’re here early this morning.”

  “Yes.” Shawn didn’t feel the need to clarify.

  Ruth turned on her quickly.

  “Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on,” she spat. “Susan’s vulnerable. I can’t believe you’d take advantage of that! And after she’s invited you into the family, made you a part of it.”

  “And what exactly do you think is going on? Wild sex?”

  Ruth’s mouth dropped open. “She is practically undressed,” she said quietly. “What do you expect me to think? What do you expect her husband to think?”

  Shawn drew a deep breath, wondering how far to take this conversation with Ruth. It was really Susan’s place to tell her, not Shawn’s. But she couldn’t let it go. What was happening with Susan had nothing whatsoever to do with Ruth.

  “Susan’s a grown woman, Ruth. She’s not your little sister that needs protecting, you know. She makes her own choices.”

  Ruth laughed. “And you think she’s chosen you? You aren’t even from the same world, Shawn. She’s high society, country club material. You’re nothing more than a street person, living in a tent. Whatever you’ve done to . . . influence her will pass. She used you to get to Dave . . . disgusting as it may be.” Then she smiled. “I’m sure you got your little jollies, though.”

  “Do you even know what you’re talking about, Ruth?”

  “Oh, you are such a child,” Ruth drawled. “Why do you think Dave is here? They are going to reconcile. Don’t be so blind,” she said.

  “Reconcile?”

  “She didn’t tell you that they’ve been talking? Of course not. Why would she?”

  Shawn shook her head, knowing Ruth was lying. She had to be. Surely Susan would have told her. Wouldn’t she?

  “She’s going back to Fresno, Shawn. It’s time to face up to that. Summer camp is over. Maybe you should just leave now so there won’t be an embarrassing scene when she comes out with Dave. She’s been through enough, you know.”

  Shawn looked around, not wanting to believe the words Ruth was saying but finding no reason why she would so blatantly lie. She tried one last time.

  “She’s filed for divorce, Ruth. She’s not said anything about changing her mind.”

  “Please. Have you seen papers? Dave hasn’t,” she said.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Susan glanced at the dirty dishes in the kitchen and moved on into the living room with Dave following silently behind her. He had no doubt received the divorce papers. She wished he had just called. Whatever he had to say surely didn’t warrant a trip up the mountain—and with Ruth tagging along for protection.

  When she turned to him, his eyes weren’t on her but on the room and he turned a circle, taking in the once familiar room.

  “I used to love to come up here,” he said. “It was a great escape from the office. We used to come up practically every weekend, didn’t we?”

  “We did. It was an escape for me, too. I was the one stuck at the house all week, you know.”

  “Yes, I know.” Then he shrugged. “The last few years, though, there just didn’t seem to be enough time. There was always something going on and the business, well, I had to work a lot of weekends to keep up.”

  Susan nodded, remembering the endless business dinners and clients, and the many weekends she spent alone. Now she wondered how many of those weekends he really spent with clients on the golf course or at the office catching up on paper work. How many were spent with young blondes?

  “It’s been at least five years since we’ve come up here on a regular basis, Dave.” She sighed and spread her hands. “But I’m sure you didn’t come here to reminisce.”

  “No.” Then he sighed, too. “I got the papers. I was shocked, actually. I didn’t think you’d go through with it, Susan. We haven’t really talked about this, you know. You took off, came up here and I’ve seen you one time since then. Don’t you want to at least talk about this?”

  “Dave, why would you want to continue our marriage? You’re not in love with me and I’m not in love with you. You want to go back to living together like we were? Why? Because it was familiar? Because I was there to take care of the house and your dinner parties?”

  “It’s not like that, Susan. I do still love you. I know we had problems and most of them were my fault. I wasn’t around enough, I didn’t take you out, just the two of us. That can change.”

  “Why would that change? Are you going to quit working? Are you going to suddenly tell clients that you can’t play golf with them on Saturdays because you’re taking your wife out?”

  “You’re not even willing to give me a chance, are you?”

  “I wasn’t happy, Dave. Not in a lot of years. Going back to that and having you tell me that you’ll be around more is not going to change anything.” She sighed heavily, holding his eyes. “We never talked, Dave. Do you realize that? And the only thing we had in common was a daughter. That’s not enough.”

  “So? Just throw twenty years away, just like that?”

  “It’s not just like that, Dave. Do you think this is just a rash decision because I found you in our bed with a . . . young girl?” His face flushed at her words and she knew that was what he thought. That nothing else mattered, just that he was caught cheating. Well, she knew one way to drive home her point.

  “Come with me,” she said quietly, leading him to the back of the house and the bedrooms. “I’ve had company the last few days. Shawn’s been here.” She opened the door to the guestroom, which was impeccably neat. He looked inside then back at her and shrugged.

  She turned to her bedroom, the door standing open, the crumpled bed and scattered clothes all in full sight. And not just her clothes.

  “I’ve discovered some things about myself this summer.” She looked up and met his eyes. “And I’ve fallen in love with someone.”

  “Shawn?” he whispered, disbelief evident in his voice.

  She nodded.

  “You’re not saying . . . that the two of you . . .” he muttered, his hand pointing to the room.

  “Yes. She’s been here since Thursday.”

  “Jesus. This isn’t who you are, Susan. Why? Just because I . . .”

  “Why? I don’t know why. I only know how I feel, and this feels right, Dave.” She clutched at his arm, making him face her. “It’s not anything you did, please don’t think that. I’m just . . . it’s almost like I’ve been waiting for her all my life.”

  “Susan, listen to what you’re saying,” he pleaded.

  “I am listening, Dave. I don’t think you are.”

  “You’re not a Goddamned lesbian!”

  “I’m in love with another woman,” she said quietly. “I’m having a sexual relationship with another woman. Label
it however you want.”

  “I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” he said. He shoved both hands into his pockets. “Ruth hinted that this was happening. I should have listened to her. I just couldn’t believe it.”

  Susan laughed bitterly. “There was nothing you could have done. And it’s not Ruth’s concern. If she would spend half as much time worrying about her own life, maybe she could find the courage to change things with Franklin.”

  “Susan . . . please. I know you haven’t thought this through. What about your mother? What is she going to think?”

  Susan smiled. “You know, I don’t think Mother will have a problem with Shawn. And knowing Ruth, she’s probably already warned her. And I think Lisa will be okay, too.”

  Dave laughed sarcastically. “Of course. Like mother, like daughter.”

  “Don’t you dare!”

  “What? Has Ruth been lying about Lisa, too?”

  “What’s happening with Lisa has nothing to do with me. I’ve not discussed this with her at all. Lisa is all grown up, Dave. You have to deal with this.”

  “Jesus Christ! I can’t believe this is happening! Not to Lisa . . . and certainly not to you.”

  Susan stared at him for the longest time. She was at a complete loss for words and she very nearly felt sorry for him. Even the picture of him in bed with the blonde couldn’t change that. But she didn’t know what to say to him.

  “I’m sorry, Dave,” she finally murmured. “But I’ve got to do what’s right for me. I can’t be concerned with everyone else right now.” And she knew it to be true. For so many years, she had put everyone else first in her life. Now it was time for her to live her own life, on her own terms. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you, Dave. Like I said, our marriage was over long ago. Even if I’d not met Shawn, I still wouldn’t come back to you. I know you know this is for the best. Admit it, David. You haven’t been happy, either.”

  His stared back at her, finally nodding.

  “You’re right. I know neither of us has been happy. We should have talked about it. I just . . . didn’t know how. And now I’ve just got to deal with this. And with Lisa. It’s just such a shock. I never thought . . . in a million years . . . that you would do this . . . with a woman.”

  “I know. It’s not you, Dave. It’s me. And it’s Shawn. And this is right for me.”

  He shook his head. “I just . . . can’t believe it. It’ll be the talk of the country club, that’s for sure.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, well, at least you won’t be there to hear the remarks or see the pathetic looks I’ll be receiving.”

  Susan lost what little sympathy she still had for him. “It’s always been about what others will think, hasn’t it? I suppose you got plenty of pats on the back for your little twenty-year-old blonde. I hope your golfing buddies don’t tease you too much, knowing your wife left you for another woman.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Susan was surprised to find Ruth alone on the deck. There was no sign of Shawn or Alex.

  “Where’s Shawn?”

  Ruth shrugged. “She left.”

  “Left? What do you mean?”

  “I mean, she got in her truck and left,” Ruth said slowly.

  “What did you say to her?” Susan demanded.

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing? She wouldn’t just leave, Ruth.” Susan grabbed Ruth’s shoulders hard and squeezed. “What did you say to her?”

  Ruth looked from Susan to Dave, her eyes wide. “I told her . . . I may have indicated that you two were getting back together.”

  “What?” Susan’s voice was but a whisper but Ruth’s eyes widened even more.

  “I did it for you, Susan. She’s nothing but trouble. Don’t you see that?”

  Susan pushed Ruth away forcibly. She clenched her hands at her sides, wanting nothing more than to strike Ruth.

  “I’m so Goddamned tired of you interfering in my life. You had no right. No right!” she yelled. “What I do with my life is none of your Goddamned business!” Susan ran both hands through her already rumpled hair in complete frustration. “You have no idea what’s going on, Ruth, so stay out of it.”

  “No idea? I’m not blind! She’s trying to seduce you . . . convert you. God only knows what happened here last night. It’s not too late, Susan,” Ruth pleaded.

  Susan gave a humorless laugh. Too late? It was far too late for her to reclaim her heart.

  “Ruth, I’m in love with Shawn. And it is too late. I’ve just spent the two most wonderful nights of my life with that woman. And you’re wrong. She didn’t seduce me. I seduced her.”

  Ruth gasped, putting a shaky hand to her chest. “My God, you’ve completely lost your mind. What do you think Mother is going to say?”

  This time Susan did laugh.

  “I’m not a child, Ruth. I don’t care what Mother says.” She tapped her own chest. “This is about me. Not you, not Mother and not Dave,” she said, pointing toward him.

  Ruth looked to Dave for help. “Can’t you talk some sense into her?”

  Dave shook his head. “I’ve tried.”

  Ruth raised her hands, her voice louder as she turned back to Susan. “So now what? You’re going to be with her? You’re going to do God knows what with . . . her? You’re sick! You need professional help! I can’t believe you’re throwing your life away for that . . . that slut. It’s no wonder your daughter turned out this way.”

  Susan raised her hand and slapped Ruth before she even had a chance to think. But Ruth’s gasp and shocked expression hardly mattered. She would do it again.

  “Get out,” she said quietly. “And the next time, wait for an invitation before you just come up here unannounced.”

  Ruth stood there, stunned, a hand touching her reddening cheek. She finally turned and left without another word. With a weary sigh, Susan turned to Dave.

  “Deal with my attorney from now on, Dave. I won’t go through another scene like today.”

  “I’ll have Richard look over the papers, but I think you’re rushing this, Susan.”

  “Regardless of what happens with me and Shawn, I’ll never be your wife again, Dave.”

  “You’re making a mistake.”

  Susan smiled. “Good-bye, David.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Shawn drove blindly down the mountain, trying to make sense of what had happened. Part of her knew it couldn’t possibly be true. Not after the last few days, anyway. Susan would never use her to get to Dave. Susan was one of the most honest people she knew.

  But that other part of her said that the last few days were too good to be true, that a woman like Susan would never be able to make a life in a relationship like this.

  And Ruth! Shawn pounded the steering wheel with both fists. She would have liked nothing better than to slap that smug, know-it-all look off her face.

  Alex licked her face and whimpered. She stroked his head then accepted another wet kiss.

  “I know. I’m a mess. But we’ll get through this.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Susan tried Shawn’s number one more time, again listening to the endless ringing before her machine picked up. She’d already left several messages and she didn’t think one more would help. Instead, she called Lisa.

  “Mom?”

  “Glad I caught you. Are you busy?”

  “Busy? I just got up.”

  “It’s nearly noon, Lisa!”

  “And you’re calling to check on my sleeping habits?” she asked around a yawn.

  “Sorry. Actually, I was wondering if you’d heard from Shawn.” Now the test. How much to tell Lisa?

  “No. She’s not up there with you?”

  A pause. “She was. She left.”

  “Did you have a fight or something?”

  Another pause. “Something. Ruth and your father showed up. She left before I could talk to her and now I can’t find her.”

  “Did you try her cell?”


  “I’ve tried every number I have, including work. Lisa, I don’t know where she lives. And I’m still at the cabin. Do you think you could swing by her place?”

  It was Lisa’s turn to pause. “Mom, what’s going on?”

  Susan closed her eyes. Telling Dave, Ruth, that was one thing. She wasn’t ready to tell Lisa. She wasn’t ready to face that.

  “I just . . . need to talk to her. If you don’t have time, don’t worry about it.”

  “I’ll go over there. I just wish I knew what the hell was going on. Why was Dad up there?”

  Susan sighed. “He got word on the divorce. He wanted to talk about it.”

  “Oh? And?” she pushed.

  “And what? We talked.”

  Lisa paused. “And that’s why you’re upset?”

  “No, damn it, it’s not,” Susan snapped. “Ruth told Shawn that your father and I were getting back together. She took off and I can’t find her.”

  “I see. And are you?”

  “Getting back together?” Susan nearly laughed. What, exactly, would Lisa’s reaction be if she knew how her mother had just spent the last three days? “No, Lisa. That’s one thing I’m very sure of.”

  “Mom, do you . . . do you want me to come up there? Do you need to talk?” Lisa asked hesitantly.

  Susan grabbed the bridge of her nose and rubbed, her eyes squeezed shut. Lisa wasn’t stupid. She should have realized that Lisa would be able to read through her words.

  Susan took a deep breath and wiped at an errant tear.

  “Oh, Lisa,” she whispered. “I’m the mother here, you know.”

  “We can still talk. I’m not blind, Mom. I know that you and Shawn . . . well, I could see that something was going on.”

  “What?”

  “Can’t you just tell me?”

  Susan sobbed and clutched the phone tighter.

  “Mom?”

  “It just happened,” she whispered. “I don’t know when, I don’t know why. But Shawn . . . Shawn came into my life and . . .” She couldn’t say any more. Tears closed her throat completely.