Barely Breathing (Colorado High Country #1)

by Pamela Clare

  She slipped into his arms. “Morning.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “Morning, beautiful.”

  They made breakfast together and carried it out to the table on his deck, talking and sipping coffee, Mack sniffing around the back yard. The summits of the Indian Peaks rose white against a blue sky to their west, the forest alive with the calls of Steller’s jays, woodpeckers, and mountain bluebirds. It was as close to a perfect morning as anyone could hope for—unhurried, peaceful, warm. But it wasn’t their surroundings that made it perfect for Austin. It was the company.

  Morning sunshine filtered through the trees, making Lexi’s tousled hair glow like copper. In this light, her skin seemed almost translucent, her eyes impossibly green. Her face lit up as she spoke, her hands wrapped around her coffee mug.

  Austin was struck again by that sense of rightness—and a knife-sharp longing.

  You’re in love with her.

  The realization hit him in the solar plexus, adrenaline shooting through him.

  No. No fucking way.

  He refused to be in love with her.

  “What do you usually do on your day off?”

  It took a moment for her question to sink in, his pulse still tripping. The answer came out on its own, his mouth on auto-pilot. “Laundry.”

  She laughed. “That sounds exciting.”

  He tried to snap out of it. “Hawke and I both have the day off, which doesn’t happen very often. We’re talking about meeting Moretti in Rocky Mountain National Park to do some crack climbing.”

  That’s what he needed—sun, sweat, and severe pain. That would straighten his head out fast. Because he could not be in love with her.

  “I have no idea what that means. Climbing in cracks? Climbing on crack? Because, honestly, I think you must have to be high on something to think that hanging five hundred feet in the air is fun.”

  “You’re welcome to come along if you want.” What the hell had he just said? Jesus! His mouth was always making things worse.

  She got to her feet, stretched. “I can’t. I’ve got a busy day. I put myself on the schedule to help at the shelter for a couple of hours this morning. Then I’m having lunch with Kendra. After that, I’ll be heading to The Cave.”

  While they loaded the dishwasher, she told him about her most recent conversation with Kendra and explained why her stepmother was angry with her. He did his best to listen but was too caught up in his own thoughts.

  How had he let this happen? What the hell was wrong with him? Had he forgotten somewhere along the way that this was just a temporary thing?

  No, he hadn’t forgotten. He’d walked into this with his eyes open. What a fucking idiot he was! In a few weeks, she’d drive away, and he would have to forget her. Again.

  No big deal, right? It was so easy the first time around.

  A hand touched his forearm.

  “Are you okay?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “You look angry. Are you sure you’re not upset with me about last night?”

  “I’m sure.” He reined in his emotions, drew her into his arms, willing himself to savor the moment. “Besides, I’ll get my revenge.”

  She looked up at him from beneath her lashes. “What are you going to do to me?”

  He couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on her face—part seduction, part nervousness. “Don’t play innocent with me. After last night? I don’t know what I’ll do, but you can bet I’ll come up with something—and not even Scarlet’s fire chief will be able to save you.”

  Lexi squeezed her eyes shut. “How am I going to face Eric again?”

  Austin wasn’t much looking forward to that either. “He’s seen stranger things. He told me a story once about a call involving two guys, peanut butter, and a foot-long fluorescent light bulb—”

  Lexi pressed her fingers to his lips. “I don’t think I want to know.”

  She turned and hurried upstairs, reappearing a few minutes later wearing her own clothes, her hair tied up. “Will I see you again tonight?”

  Austin knew he ought to make up an excuse—buddy night, county staff meeting, important appointment in Timbuktu—anything to put some distance between them so he could have time to breathe and straighten out his head. But he couldn’t do it.

  “Unless I get called out with the Team, I’m free.”

  “Be careful climbing today, okay?”

  “Me? Always.” He kissed her, soft and slow.

  Then he watched her go.

  Lexi was five minutes late getting to the restaurant. Kendra was already seated and sipping a margarita. “Sorry I’m late. I’m volunteering at the wildlife shelter and lost track of time.”

  “Aren’t you the do-gooder? First, you help out the Team. Now the wildlife shelter. Whatever will they all do when you go home?”

  Lexi was used to Kendra being snarky, but this was harsh even for her, those last words heavy with sarcasm. Determined not to let Kendra provoke her, she picked up the menu. “I’m starving. What’s good here?”

  “No idea. The place opened a month ago, and your dad didn’t feel like bringing me. He thought we ought to save money and stay home. He’s such a skinflint.”

  A server in a white peasant shirt and black skirt approached the table, bringing Lexi a glass of ice water. “Are you ready to order?”

  “Well, I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes, so I’m ready,” Kendra answered.

  “Go ahead. I’ll make up my mind.” Lexi scanned the menu, settling on the fajita salad and a glass of iced tea.

  The server left with their orders, an awkward silence filling the space.

  Lexi decided to plunge ahead. “I’m sorry you felt misled by what I told Rose.”

  “You’re sorry I felt misled? I was misled.”

  Okay, that had been a lame apology.

  “I didn’t mean any harm. Rain is working at the inn, doing housekeeping Friday through Tuesday. Do you think my father would have let me hire her if he didn’t want her there? Do you think he’d sign her paycheck?”

  Kendra looked away, frowned. “He said he had nothing to do with it.”

  “It’s true that I did the foot work, but he could have stopped me.” Okay, so Lexi had told him he had no choice, but he was the sole owner of the business. He could have thrown her out and fired Rain. “You know him, Kendra. If he admits that he’s okay with Rain working there, it’s like admitting he was wrong.”

  “Yeah. He doesn’t much like that.”

  The server brought Lexi’s tea, interrupting the conversation. Lexi squeezed lemons into the beverage, stirred it, sipped.

  Kendra’s eyes narrowed. “You were standing right beside him when he called last night. I know you were.”

  “He called you?” This was news to Lexi.

  “Oh, come on! Don’t lie to me. You told him what to say.”

  “I wasn’t home. Dad and I had a nice supper—we actually talked, no arguing—and then I went out for the night.”

  “Off to sleep with Austin the beefcake boy, huh? Hey, I don’t blame you. Get it while you can, girl. You won’t stay young and pretty forever.”

  Lexi had to bite her tongue and count to five. “What did my dad say?”

  “He said he missed me and wanted this to end. I figured you’d written something down for him to say.”

  “You figured wrong. Don’t believe me? Call my dad and ask him.”

  “Let him squirm for a while.” Kendra licked salt off the rim of her glass, then took a sip of her margarita. “I’m surprised you’re still defending him after what he did at Knockers. Oh, yeah, I heard all about it.”

  Lexi had figured as much. “I’ll be the first person to admit my dad can be a jerk, but he loves you as much as he is capable of loving anyone.”

  Kendra shook her head. “Not true. He loved your mother more. She was his entire world. I don’t hold a candle to her—and neither do you or your sister.”

  Okay, th
at hurt.

  “Don’t bring my mother into this.” Lexi hated when Kendra spoke of her.

  “Your dear, sainted mother.” Kendra gave a laugh, then took another drink. “I’ve lived my entire life in her shadow.”

  “You can’t seriously be jealous of a woman who’s been dead for twenty-six years.”

  Kendra’s face screwed up with rage, her voice taking on an edge. “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t feel. I spent my best years raising her children and trying to help her husband move on with his life.”

  Now they were treading on dangerous ground.

  Lexi had listened to Kendra complain about not wanting to be a mother for as long as she could remember, and she was sick of it. “If you didn’t want to deal with children, you never should have married a widower with two tiny kids.”

  Kendra shrugged. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty.”

  This wasn’t going the way Lexi had intended. She drew a breath, tried to let go of her anger. “I’m sorry you feel you’ve had to compete with my mother’s memory. We can’t help the fact that we miss her.”

  Kendra gave a little laugh. “Miss her? You barely even knew her.”

  Those words hit Lexi right in the heart.

  She found herself on her feet. “Maybe I should stop trying to help my father win you back. Maybe he’s better off without you. He’s a jerk. He drinks too much and says hurtful things. But you? You’re deliberately mean. You’re bitter and mean.”

  The server stood a few feet away, their plates in her hands, her eyes wide.

  “I’d like that to go, please. I’ll pay up front.” Lexi looked down at Kendra, who sat there gaping up at her. “You can pay for your own lunch.”

  Austin tossed his rack of climbing gear and his pack into the back of Hawke’s truck then got into the passenger seat. “I meant it. Not a word.”

  Hawke gave a snort. “Shouldn’t you be in a great mood after last night? If I were in your shoes—”

  “You’re not.”

  “Ooo-kay.” Hawke studied him for a second. “Did you and Lexi have a fight?”

  “No. Nothing like that.” Austin felt like an ass. “Sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”

  “Yeah? Like what?” Hawke knew him too well.

  Shit.

  “I’m in love with her again.” Austin waited for Hawke to say “I told you so” or call him an idiot, because, God knew, he deserved it.

  He’d done this to himself.

  Instead, Hawke nodded. “You never stopped loving her.”

  That couldn’t be true, because… “Well, fuck.”

  They drove up the highway toward Rocky Mountain National Park, windows down, classic rock playing on the radio, silence helping Austin’s tension to ebb.

  “Moretti wants to hit Crack of Fear and practice his offwidth,” Hawke said.

  So that’s why Hawke was wearing a long-sleeved shirt.

  A 5.10d climb, Crack of Fear was the toughest offwidth crack in the state. The crack was too wide for fingers or hands and too narrow to fit one’s entire body. Climbers had to get creative, stacking hands and fists, using bent arms, feet, knees, and any other body part they could shove into the rock like cams. It was exhausting, painful, brutal, dangerous. No one climbed offwidths without donating a little skin and blood, not to mention the occasional limb.

  It was exactly what Austin needed. “Sounds good.”

  Moretti was waiting for them at the trailhead, a big smile on his face. “You two ready to get beat up?”

  They grabbed their gear and headed up the trail, shooting the shit along the way. The hike helped Austin get his mind off Lexi and on the climb. About a half hour later, they reached a rock spire called the Rat’s Tooth. It would take them up to the base of Crack of Fear. They broke out the gear—harness, climbing shoes, chalk, Moretti’s rack full of Big Bros and #4 and #5 Camalots—and then it was time to tape up.

  Hawke took out his tape roll, looking up at the three hundred feet of offwidth stretching above them. “Why the fuck are we doing this?”

  Moretti grinned. “Sack up, buddy.”

  Austin taped his wrists, hands, and each finger, hoping to keep some skin. “Bring on the pain.”

  They let Moretti lead. He was newer to climbing and needed the experience. Besides, he loved the bragging rights that came with this shit.

  They set a good pace through the Rat’s Tooth. Then they hit a thirty-foot stretch of offwidth, and the punishment began. Hand stacks, fist stacks, heel-toe cams. Austin forgot about Lexi, his mind focused only on the climb as they grunted and growled their way up the crack toward the ledge that marked the end of the first pitch.

  One by one they caught their breath on that ledge, taking turns being on belay. Then they hit the second pitch, a mean ten-inch crack that stretched upward for seventy feet. They paid for every inch of that distance, then transitioned to a tricky undercling, moving to the left. The third pitch was easier, but Austin’s muscles were so pumped by now that it didn’t feel easier.

  Moretti let out a whoop when he reached the summit, then he switched to a belay stance, enabling Austin and Hawke to finish. They took a few minutes to savor the view and the endorphin high, then rappelled down and hiked back to the parking lot.

  “Man, you’re a mess.” Hawke tossed his pack into the back of his truck. “You should’ve worn long sleeves.”

  “I’m no worse off than the two of you.” Sure, Austin was bleeding from his right elbow and knuckles on both hands, but they’d been nicked up, too. “Shit, look at Moretti’s knee.”

  “That’s nothing. Check out your face, bro,” Moretti pointed to the driver’s side mirror on his Jeep.

  Austin looked at his reflection. “Shit.”

  Somehow, he had managed to scrape his cheek and forehead. “That’s what happens when you pick a fight with a rock.”

  “Meet you two at Knockers for a beer?” Moretti asked.

  “Hell, yeah,” Hawke said. “I’m up for that.”

  Austin pointed to his battered face. “This climb was your idea, Moretti, so you’re buying the first round.”

  “You’re on.”

  Lexi took her lunch home. It was Rain’s day off, so her father was busy cleaning rooms upstairs. She ate in the kitchen alone, her conscience at war with her own rage. She’d lost her temper with Kendra—and it had felt wonderful.

  But had she made things harder for her father?

  She’d been surprised to hear he’d called Kendra, though she doubted it had done him any good. Kendra saw everything through a lens of bitterness. She’d said she wanted him to call her and say something nice, and then when he’d done just that, she’d rejected him. Was she punishing him?

  Maybe her father truly was better off without her.

  Except that he wasn’t. He was miserable.

  Britta was right. Lexi should never have gotten involved in this. If her father and Kendra couldn’t fix their lives, what could she possibly do to help them?

  She grabbed her files, shoved them in her handbag, and walked to The Cave, doing her best to shake off her bad mood, willing herself to think of the good things that had happened today. She’d had breakfast with Austin—after an amazing night. She’d gotten to feed the fawn again this morning. And she’d be seeing Austin again tonight.

  Don’t pretend you don’t have feelings for him.

  Well, of course, she did. They were old friends, special friends. But his life was here in Scarlet, while hers was in Chicago. That’s just how it was.

  And if some part of her wished it were different?

  She shoved that thought aside.

  She arrived at The Cave to find Megs and Ahearn doing an inventory of first-aid kits, which were spread out across the conference table, the radio quiet for now.

  Megs looked up from her clipboard. “Are we in your way?”

  “I can work at the ops desk.” Lexi took her files out of the handbag that was serving as a briefcase and spread them out, moving the mic to m
ake room.

  Now that she knew what to look for, she moved faster, working through the remaining four months of the previous fiscal year in a couple of hours. She organized what she’d found to make it easy for Megs and the other Team members to understand and explain to law enforcement. So far, she’d found proof that Breece had embezzled almost sixty grand from the Team.

  What a jerk!

  She must have said this aloud, because Megs came to stand beside her.

  “How bad is it?”

  Lexi swiveled in her chair. “Do you want the good news or bad news first?”

  “There’s good news?”

  “The good news is that you’re not going to have any trouble prosecuting Breece once the police catch up with him.”

  Megs didn’t seem cheered by this. “And the bad news?”

  “Between this year and last year, he stole almost sixty grand.”

  “That scum-sucking bastard.” Megs leaned against the desk, a look of disbelief on her face. “I have no idea how we’re going to make up for that. How can we possibly explain this to our donors? Jesus!”

  “I have some ideas about that. We can talk about it when I’ve finished the audit.”

  Megs rested a hand on Lexi’s shoulder. “I’m so grateful to you for your help. I wish we could do something to repay you, but all you’re getting is a lousy Team T-shirt.”

  Lexi laughed. “It will be my favorite T-shirt, truly. It will be the one I’m proudest to wear. But, you know, there is one thing you could…”

  Men’s voices came from the other side of the door.

  Austin.

  He and Eric were back from climbing.

  Oh, God. Eric.

  She would just pretend nothing unusual had—

  The door opened, and the two of them walked in, followed by Jesse Moretti.

  “Oh, my God! What happened?” Lexi got to her feet and hurried over to Austin.

  He had abrasions on his forehead and cheek. His right elbow was badly skinned, and his knuckles were split and bloody. Eric and Jesse weren’t much better off.

  She looked from Austin to the other two. “Did you fall?”