Barely Breathing (Colorado High Country #1)

by Pamela Clare

  She shook off the praise. “I’m not such a badass. Finishing a five-nine route in a rock gym is nothing compared to what all of you do.”

  She knew the truth. She was still very much a beginner.

  “He’s not just blowing smoke up your ass,” Eric said.

  “He’s not,” Sasha agreed. “You’ve got natural talent.”

  Megs piped up. “You know I never say anything I don’t mean. For someone who started two weeks ago, you’ve come a long way very quickly.”

  For Megs, that was high praise.

  “Thanks.” Lexi felt a rush of gratitude. “Thanks to all of you for taking the time to teach me over the past couple of weeks.”

  “Hey, thanks to you for stepping up to help the Team,” Megs said. “Drinks at Knockers, and Lexi’s first one is on me.”

  Austin sat at the table, beer in hand, watching as Lexi belayed Sasha, who was slaying a 5.12 route on the rock wall.

  Two weeks. That’s all he had with her.

  Damn it.

  The whole situation was fucked up—their arrangement, her plans to leave Scarlet, his obsession with her. He’d spent the past month pretending, lying to himself, telling himself that he’d be able to handle it when she left again. He’d carved out a world of hurt for himself, and it was staring him right in the face.

  Hawke scooted down the bench to fill in Lexi’s empty spot across from him. “You sure weren’t expecting that today, were you?”

  Austin shook his head. “I don’t know why I didn’t figure it out—all those bruises, her shin. I guess I never imagined she’d even want to try climbing.”

  “When Megs told us that she wanted us to teach her how to climb, I thought, ‘Yeah, that won’t last beyond the first hour.’ I guess I underestimated her Colorado blood. She worked hard, and she did it for you, man.”

  Austin hadn’t missed that part of it.

  Hawke studied him for a minute. “You okay?”

  “She’s leaving for Chicago two weeks from today. She has her plane ticket.”

  “Have you told her how you feel? Have you asked her to stay?”

  “What good would that do? It didn’t make a damned bit of difference last time.”

  “Dude, you were eighteen—and so was she. She had to leave for school. It was a completely different stage of your lives, a different situation.”

  Austin watched her lower Sasha to the mat. “I don’t want her to stay because of me. She would only end up resenting me later. She needs to stay because she wants to stay, because she wants to live here.”

  “Give her time. She loves you. She might come around.”

  What Hawke had just said reminded him of what Lexi told him that night after they’d had dinner at his parents’ house.

  All it took was a little distance from this place for me to realize that I would have come back here just to be with you.

  “Maybe.”

  Lexi walked up to them, sat beside him, slipped her arm through his. “I was impressed with all of you before I knew anything about climbing. Now I’m in awe.”

  “You should be,” Hawke joked.

  Austin pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Ready to leave this place?”

  She gave him a sexy look. “Is it bedtime?”

  Hawke shook his head. “Lucky bastard.”

  They drove back to his place, Lexi chattering a million miles a minute, almost bouncing in her seat, still high on excitement and adrenaline. “On a scale of one to ten, how surprised were you?”

  Austin considered this, trying to set his bad mood aside. She’d worked hard for tonight—to impress him. “I knew you and Hawke were up to something, but I never imagined it would be this. Eight.”

  “Were you really impressed with my climbing?”

  “That was a full ten on the blow-me-away scale.”

  She seemed to bask in his praise, and he wondered how often her old man or Kendra had taken the time to say anything kind to her.

  “I cannot wait to get you inside and rip off your clothes.”

  As it turned out, there were more practical things to see to first. Austin let Lexi have the first shower so he could feed Mack and take him for a short walk. While she blew her hair dry, he washed off the day’s sweat and sunscreen, the hot spray doing nothing to clear his mind.

  He should end the lie. He should tell her how he felt—all of it.

  And if that meant she walked away, and he lost these last two weeks?

  Towel around his hips, he stepped out of the bathroom to find her waiting for him in bed. She got up, crossed the room, removed his towel with a yank. Then she surprised him again, dropping to her knees and taking him into the heat of her mouth.

  “Jesus.” He was hard in an instant because—damn!—she was just that good.

  He slid his fingers into her hair, gave himself over to her, let his mind go blank.

  Lexi was here with him tonight, and that would have to be enough.

  Lexi lay in Austin’s arms afterward, her body still singing, her fingers trailing through his chest hair. Sex had been somehow different tonight, more tender, more intense. She wondered about that for a time but soon started to drift. She was almost asleep when he spoke.

  “I’ve been lying to you.”

  “What?” She opened her eyes.

  “I’ve been lying to both of us. I thought I could do this, but I can’t.”

  Oh, no.

  She propped herself up on one elbow, looked down at him, cold fingers closing around her heart. “What do you mean?”

  He reached up, brushed a strand of hair from her cheek. “I said I could do this ‘friends with benefits’ thing, but I can’t.”

  God.

  Austin was dumping her. He was dumping her again.

  She sat, did her best to face it. “You want to end things.”

  “God, no.” He sat up, the sheet falling to his hips.

  Relief washed through her.

  “Last time, I pushed you away. I was so upset over the fact that you were leaving that I used the first excuse I could find to end it. It wasn’t a conscious thing. I think some part of me just wanted to get the loss behind me. Or maybe it was easier to let you go if I could find a reason to be angry. Who knows? I was an idiot.”

  He gave a little laugh. “I won’t do that this time, but I want you to know that we are no longer just friends. We’re lovers.”

  Her heart gave a hard kick. “Austin—”

  He leaned over and silenced her with a kiss. “Not long ago, you told me you realized you’d have come back to Scarlet just to be with me. You said you didn’t figure that out in time. Well, that was my fault, wasn’t it? This time, I’m going to trust you. I’m going to trust in us. But I’m done pretending. You’re not my fuck buddy, Lexi. You’re the woman I love.”

  Her heart was thrumming now. She wanted to tell him that he couldn’t possibly love her because, if he did love her, she would have to face the fact that she loved him, too, and that would turn her entire life upside down.

  Was she in love with him, too?

  Well, shit!

  Chapter 20

  Austin’s alarm woke him. He tried to shut it off before it could wake Lexi, but when he sat up, she sat up too, her cheek coming to rest against his back, her arm sliding around his waist. He laced his fingers through hers. “Morning.”

  “Morning.”

  He got dressed while she made coffee and scrambled some eggs. When he came downstairs, she was just putting breakfast on the table—scrambled eggs, toast, sliced cantaloupe, OJ, and lots of coffee. The windows were wide open to let in the fresh morning air, a bank of storm clouds rising over the Indian Peaks to the west.

  “Thanks. This is amazing. You didn’t have to do this, you know.” He didn’t want her thinking that a change in their relationship meant that he expected her to take over in the kitchen. He wasn’t a Neanderthal.

  “I don’t mind.” She met his gaze for a moment, a new vulnerability in her eyes. “You ha
ve a long day ahead of you and need a good breakfast, and I have to eat, too.”

  Neither of them brought up last night’s conversation. She hadn’t said a word then, either. She’d just stared at him through wide eyes, reminding him of a cornered rabbit. When he’d held her as they’d fallen asleep, he’d been able to feel her heart pounding. It had made him smile to himself.

  He had forced her to face her feelings for him—and she was terrified.

  He took a sip of his coffee. “It’s Father’s Day—

  “Shit. Really?”

  He laughed. “We’ll be having a big family cookout tonight. You’re welcome to come if you want. Chey will be there, of course.”

  Lexi shook her head. “I should make dinner for my dad. Besides, Cheyenne doesn’t want me around. I ran into her in Food Mart. She told me I was your kryptonite.”

  “What?” That pissed him off. “I hope you didn’t let that get to you.”

  He would have to talk with his sister tonight. She was loyal to a fault, but she needed to learn when to keep her opinions to herself.

  Lexi shrugged. “I figured if you wanted me out of your life, you’d tell me. You didn’t have trouble with that last time.”

  “Ouch.” There was truth in that.

  She smiled sweetly over the top of her coffee cup. “Besides, kryptonite makes Superman limp. I do not make you limp.”

  “Um ... no.” He couldn’t help but laugh. “Do you want a ride home?”

  Lexi shook her head. “My car is here. I’ll clean this up, take Mack for a walk, and then drive in.”

  He glanced at his watch, tossed back the last of his orange juice, then got to his feet, quickly making his lunch and tucking it into his pack. “Will I see you tonight?”

  He’d meant it when he’d said he wouldn’t push her. Given what he’d told her last night, it wouldn’t surprise him if she needed some space.

  She stood and wrapped her arms around him. “Just try to keep me away.”

  Her perfect answer melted tension he hadn’t realized he was carrying. He tilted her face upward, kissed her. “I’ll text when I leave my parents’ place.”

  And then it was time for him to get to work.

  He said a quick goodbye to Mack. “You’re a lucky little shit. You get to spend the morning with my woman.”

  He scooped his pack onto his shoulder, gave Lexi a long, slow goodbye kiss and walked out to his Tahoe, his heart feeling lighter than it had in days.

  Lexi stood in the greeting card aisle in Food Mart, looking through the Father’s Day cards. Given that she and her father were actually getting along, she felt it would be right to honor the day. The only problem was the cards themselves.

  The people who made them seemed to think that every father and daughter had a close relationship and a lifetime of happy memories. They didn’t take into account the people who cared about their fathers, but rarely got along with them. She settled on a blank card with a wolf on the front and filled it out in the checkout lane.

  Dear Dad,

  I’m glad we’ve had this time together. Wishing you a very happy Father’s Day.

  Love,

  Lexi

  The house was silent when she got home, last night’s dinner dishes still in the sink, the curtains closed despite the fact that it was almost noon.

  She set the card and the groceries for tonight’s supper on the table. “Dad?”

  She found him sitting on the sofa in the living room, a bottle of rum in his hand.

  Damn it!

  He was drunk again—in the middle of the morning.

  “Dad, I thought you’d given this up.” She reached for the bottle.

  He jerked it away. “Don’t!”

  The rough, hostile tone of his voice stopped her cold.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Kendra’s divorcin’ me.” He pointed to papers sitting on the coffee table.

  “What?” Lexi picked them up, glanced through them.

  Holy shit. Kendra had done it. She’d filed for divorce. And she’d dropped the papers off on Father’s Day. What a bitch!

  “She wants half the inn.” The words were slurred, but Lexi understood.

  “I’m so sorry.” Lexi sat down beside him.

  He glared at her. “This is partly your fault. You think you can come here and get into everyone’s business. You made it worse.”

  The words hit Lexi in the face. She fought to push her hurt aside. He’d just gotten devastating news, and he was drunk. There was no sense in getting upset over things he wouldn’t remember saying once he was sober. “I can help you pay for an attorney. We can fight this. We can—”

  He staggered to his feet. “Don’t want your help. You’ve done enough. Go back to Chicago. I didn’t ask for your help. Go live with your sister if you don’t have a job.”

  “I’m not here because I’m broke and need a place to live, Dad.”

  Why even bother trying to set him straight? It was pointless.

  She stood, reached out for him, afraid he was going to pitch onto his face. “You’re going to fall if you’re not careful. Let me help you get to bed.”

  He didn’t seem to hear her but repeated himself. “Go back to Chicago. I didn’t ask you to come here. Go live with your sister.”

  She reached for him again. “You need to lie down. I’ll make some coffee.”

  He shouted at her, rage on his face. “Leave me ’lone!”

  Lexi stepped back from him. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

  “She wants half the inn. Half of my goddamned inn.”

  Fighting tears, Lexi bolted for her room, slamming and locking the door behind her. She took out her cell phone and called Austin. He was at work and wouldn’t get her voicemail for hours, but she knew he’d call her back.

  She left a message, trying to keep her voice from shaking, then ended the call and started to pack. If her father didn’t want her in his life, she wouldn’t impose herself on him. She would move her things to Austin’s house. She knew he wouldn’t mind. She was practically living with him anyway.

  It took a couple of trips to carry her suitcases to her car. She came back inside to check her room, the bathroom, and the laundry for anything she might have left behind. Then she walked back through the kitchen, saw the groceries and the card. She put the food away, then picked up the card.

  Tears blurring her vision, she set it on the table, then turned and walked back out to her car. She sat in the driver’s seat, setting her handbag down on the floor.

  “Are you leaving, Lexi?”

  Lexi almost jumped out of her skin. “Rose.”

  Her neighbor stood next to her open car door in a white gauze bowie blouse and jeans, red beads around her neck. “I heard shouting and came over to see if your father was okay. Oh, but you’ve been crying. Come here!”

  It was a sign of how awful Lexi felt that she actually got out of the car and let herself be swept up in Rose’s patchouli embrace.

  “Come over to my place, sweetheart. You can tell me all about it.”

  And to think Lexi had almost made it through a visit to Scarlet without getting a Tarot reading.

  It was late afternoon before Austin finally got a lunch break. The Team had been toned out to help a kayaker who’d been separated from his kayak while practicing rolls in Middle Scarlet Creek. The RP had seen a kayak floating upside down in the creek and called 911, fearing the worst, and for a time, the swift-water rescue unit had thought they were searching for a body.

  As it turned out, the kayaker had washed downstream but had managed to climb onto a pile of logs, branches, and other debris left over from the catastrophic 2013 floods. Beat up and stranded in the middle of the creek, he shouted and waved when he saw rescuers making their way slowly down the water in their own kayaks.

  The whole affair had taken place on a stretch of the creek that transected county park land, so Austin had acted as incident commander during the rescue. He’d helped rig a Tyrolean t
raverse over the pile of debris so that the Team could bring the kayaker out that way. The victim was now en route to the hospital with a suspected head injury and some lacerations that needed stitching.

  Whitewater could fuck a person up.

  Starving, Austin sat in the shade of ponderosa pines at the Moose Lake picnic area, pulled his lunch out of his pack, and ate, a breeze from the west taking the edge off the heat, driving those storm clouds over the mountains.

  They’d have a thunderstorm this afternoon.

  His sandwich disappeared far too quickly, and he was glad he’d taken the time to pack some carrot sticks and an apple. While he munched, he dug out his cell phone and saw he had a call from Lexi. He listened to her voicemail.

  Hey, Austin. I hate to bother you. My dad is drunk and shouting. Kendra filed for divorce. He says it’s partly my fault. He told me to leave. He wants me to go back to Chicago. I can’t stand being near him right now, so I’m packing up and heading to your place. I hope that’s okay. I know you’re at work, but I really wish I could hear your voice, even for a minute.

  She’d been upset when she’d left the message, on the verge of tears, her voice shaking. Damn it! Austin wished he could drive to the inn, sit the old man down, and give him a piece of his mind. Bob had certainly earned it.

  What kind of father blamed his daughter for his marital problems and then threw her out of her home? Bob had turned into an angry drunk. He’d alienated his wife, and he’d lashed out at Lexi—again.

  Well, the old man’s loss was Austin’s gain.

  She was moving in with him. That’s all there was to it.

  He had to admit it touched him that she’d turned to him, that she wanted to hear his voice. He glanced at the time on the message and saw that she’d called more than an hour ago. Damn. He wished he’d thought to give her the number for his work phone.

  He dialed her number, but she didn’t answer. He called his house next, but she didn’t pick up there, either. He called her cell phone once more. Still no answer. This time, he left a message.

  “Hey, Lexi. I’m so sorry the shit hit the fan with your dad today. He’s wrong. None of this is your fault. Of course, you’re welcome to stay at my place. You can stay for as long as you need. Make yourself at home, and let Mack cheer you up till I get there. See you later. If you need me, call my work cell phone.”