He pointed his finger in my face. “You have no idea what my gut is telling me right now. And you better thank your stars that I’ve got a more rational brain than that nasty uncle of yours.”
It hit me then and I fell against the bathroom counter in shock. “You really think I’m a monster, don’t you?”
His face softened. “I don’t think you’re a—”
I turned my eyes away from him, disgusted with his presence. “You really think, after being nearly killed almost three times now by that man, that I’d actually side with the person that killed my family over you.”
“It’s not that.”
My eyes began to water. “Then, tell me what it is, Israel. Because I can’t live my life like this anymore. I can’t live my life trying to woo you and trying to show you how much I care for you when all you’re looking for is—”
I couldn't continue on with the conversation. It hurt too much. It felt like my heart was exploding and imploding all at the same time. I wanted to sink into a puddle on the floor and leak my way into the sewer system. Because surely, the pipes below us were cleaner than the shit hanging around in this place. It felt like I could hear Giovanni breathing. Hear him wheezing down our necks like some bottom-dwelling mouth-breather. Then, a thought hit me. A thought so grotesque and so weak and so startling that I shocked even myself.
Maybe I’d have better chances on the streets.
I felt Israel’s heat against my back. “Look at me, Bonnie.”
I whispered to myself. “I can’t believe this.”
I heard the frown against his lips. “I don’t know what to believe right now. Surely, you can understand that.”
I turned around to face him. “I’m not coming down for dinner.”
He snickered. “Don’t be stupid. I know you’re hungry.”
“I’m really not. Not now, anyway. Enjoy the time with your brother.”
“Bonnie—”
I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling the need to place more barriers between us. I dug my fingertips into my arms, trying to fight off the tears of anger and disappointment. I hated this. I didn’t want any part of the insanity taking place with every passing day. All I wanted was for someone to see me for what I was—who I was, deep down inside. But, I had no control over the situation. I was being judged for actions I didn’t feel I had a right to question, and now everything I did reflected back to that one moment.
The one moment where I needed strength instead of weakness.
Never again, though. Never again would I allow myself to be put in a position of ultimate weakness.
I sniffled, wiping at the tears in my eyes. “Please, just go. I want to be alone. At least give me that.”
“Bonnie…”
“Just go!”
I turned back around as my body began shivering. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not after all this. It killed me enough to have to turn my back so I could wipe away my tears, and the last thing I needed was to collapse in his arms and cry. He didn’t deserve that kind of attention. He didn’t deserve the honor of pulling me through an emotional crisis. And if he didn’t see the worth and the goodness I brought into his life, then maybe we really weren’t meant to be.
I heard Israel sigh. “I’ll bring you up a plate later.”
It probably needs to happen anyway. “I can leave if that’s what you really want.”
He fell silent. “You know I don’t want that.”
I shrugged. “Could’ve fooled me.”
“And either way, it’s not safe for you to leave. Not right now.”
Is it really safer here, though? “I don’t care, because if this is how it’s going to be while I’m living with you, I’d rather take my chances on the street.”
“You don’t mean that.”
My eyes finally met his as I choked back the tears. “Look me in my eyes and tell me that again.”
He stared at me for a long time. When he puffed out his cheeks with a sigh, I knew he finally got it. “You’ll die alone if you leave, Bonnie. At least here, if something happens, you’re not alone when it happens. If it happens. Which it won’t, because no one will ever defile my home with such a sin.”
Did he really think so highly of himself? “You really underestimate me that much, don’t you?”
When he didn’t answer, I turned my back on him again. “I’m not dying until my uncle sees that hell first. And I’m not leaving you until I bring my uncle down. Not for your benefit, at least. Whatever beef you have with Pava is yours to settle on your own. But that man killed my family. My father and my mother. He took innocent lives and ripped me from the only two people in this world who ever set out to make me happy with no strings attached. And I intend to make sure he pays for that.”
“Trust me, I intend to do the same thing.”
Yeah, right. “But once he’s gone for good, I’m not sure I can stay here.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’ve only been here because it’s convenient for you.”
I spun around on him. “Don’t do that.”
“Hey, I’m just listening to what you’re saying. You said earlier that you're here to woo me. To show me you care. And then, in a split second, you tell me you’re only staying because our missions align. So, which is it?”
Both, but only because I’m forcing it. “I don’t know. I suppose that depends on whether or not you’re capable of loving me the way I love you.”
In all honesty, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever uttered those words to Israel. Everything about our union seemed so blurred. Days melded into weeks in the blink of an eye, and sometimes I’d forget conversations I had with him even yesterday. But as I turned around and looked up into his shocked face, I knew I’d never forget this moment.
I knew I’d never forget the first time I willfully admitted to loving Israel to his face.
His eyes widened. “You—you just said—”
I shook my head. “I know what I said. I’m not stupid like you seem to think. So, I’ll leave it at this. Your brother is going to force me to turn my back on you in any manner he can. It’ll torture me, but I’ll deal with it so you can have your ‘brother time.’ But once this is all said and done, and once this is all wrapped up, understand one thing, Israel.”
His head fell off to the side, but he said nothing as I drew closer.
“Whether or not I stay will depend solely on you.”
He raked his hand through his hair. “If it makes you feel any better—”
“Don’t try to make me feel—”
“—I’ve never trusted my brother.”
His words stopped me in my tracks. It stopped my brain from spinning and my heart from spiraling. Had I just heard him correctly? Did he just admit to not trusting his brother? It didn’t make any sense, though. I didn’t understand. He just watched his brother force himself onto her and he’d taken his side. So, what the hell was this?
My hands fell limp at my sides. “I don’t understand. Help me understand.”
He sighed. “Yeah. I’ve never trusted Giovanni. Not as far as I could throw him. So, to have two people under my own roof that have shown me many reasons why they both can and can’t be trusted is throwing me for a loop.”
“I’m so sorry, Israel.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“No, not for what you just said.”
He furrowed his brow. “Then, why are you apologizing?”
I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry I never got the chance to know you before this all happened. Because I think we could have been really happy if the circumstances had been different.”
He smirked. “Already giving up on me, Bonnie?”
I shrugged and took a step back. “I don’t know. It seems like you’ve already given up on me if you can lump me into the same group as your brother.”
His smirk faded as he moved closer to me. “It’s not like that. Not quite. I mean, my brother and I have been in competition for leadership of this family fo
r, well, our entire lives. I know he’s got ulterior motives coming into my home. I just want you to know that he’s not just gunning for you. If he proves you can step out of this relationship, then that doesn't just reflect on you.”
A moment of silence fell between us, and it helped me gather my thoughts. “It reflects back on your choice to stand by my side. Like you did with your father at lunch.”
“Exactly. It proves me weak and incapable of making sound decisions for this family and gives him a running chance at the seat I currently hold.”
“Have I mentioned I hate your brother yet?”
He chuckled. “I think so. Though, I’m not sure I’m remembering correctly.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, we should send my uncle after your brother.”
His face fell flat. “Bonnie.”
I giggled. “Come on. It was a bit funny.”
He thought a moment, biting his bottom lip, then grinned. “Maybe a bit.”
I sighed. “So, ‘yes’ to the dinner plate later. ‘No’ to literally everything else we’ve talked about.”
He chuckled and pushed himself off the wall. “I’ll bring the plate up myself.”
“Don’t get surprised if the door is locked, though. Because, well, you know.”
“Giovanni.”
“Yep.”
He turned toward the door. “I’ll have a talk with him about coming up here.”
“I’d appreciate that, thank you.”
He paused. “Are you really going to leave after all this?”
My brow ticked. “After everything is done with my uncle?”
“Yes.”
I shrugged. “Like I said, that all falls to you.”
He frowned thoughtfully. “Yes. Of course.”
And when he made his way out of the bathroom, back into the claws of his deceitful little brother, I could have sworn his shoulders were hunched.
As if he didn’t like the idea of me leaving at all.
7
Two days later
Bonnie
I opened the pantry door and stood there in shock. The damn thing was as bare as it could have been. I mean, sure, that random phone was in there, mounted to the wall. But, did the shelves in here really have to go unused?
Israel and I had eaten through everything we had in the freezer. I had one more meal I could whip up for us before we’d be completely out of food. And while it was obvious to me that he had no issues surviving on takeout, I wasn’t about to eat Chinese and Thai every night until one of us caved toward the groceries.
So, I decided to start a list.
I wasn’t sure if Israel wanted this space utilized, but I made the executive decision to use it. So long as that phone wasn’t blocked or impeded in any way, I figured I’d be fine. I closed the door and made my way back to the kitchen island. I hunched over the list, scribbling down the basics as I rattled them off in my mind.
Flour. Eggs. Rice. Beans. Does Israel like lasagna? I’ll need mozzarella for my lasagna recipe. I wonder how far that cheese place is from here?
My pen paused its motions. “Hey, Israel?”
“Hmm?”
I peered over my shoulder, glancing at him sitting at the breakfast nook. “I need to run out and go do a few things. Need anything while I’m out?”
He slowly looked up from his file of papers. “What?”
“I have to go out. Do you need anything?”
He looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “You’re to stay here until I need to go out. Then, you can come with me.”
“Well, yes. That’s the agreement for when you go out. Not when I do.”
“Then, if you leave, I leave with you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Says who?”
His eyes fell back to his papers. “Says me. When I leave, you leave. So, when you leave, I leave. It’s that simple.”
“But —”
He flickered his eyes up to mine. “That. Simple.”
I stared him down until he looked back at his handful of papers. All right. So, he wanted to play this game. That’s fine. I mean, a compromise was a compromise. But my plan for the day wouldn't work if he was at my side. I had things that needed to get done outside of grocery shopping, and if I had any chance at succeeding in my endeavors to prove to Israel that I was on his side, I had to get him to agree to staying behind.
I tapped my pen against the marble countertop. “So, guess I’m ordering groceries then?”
“Guess you are,” he murmured.
I clicked my tongue. “Want anything specific?”
“We’ve run out of olive oil.”
“Oh, the humanity.”
“Bonnie.”
I giggled softly. “It was just a joke. Lighten up. I’ll get you some more olive oil. Anything else?”
“Some chips.”
I paused. “Chips.”
“Yes. Chips. You know, crunchy potato slices.”
“Yes, I know what chips are, jack-off. I’ve just never seen you eat chips, though.”
He grinned, his eyes giving me a momentary glance. “I do now.”
I narrowed my eyes playfully. “Are you pulling my leg?”
“Trust me, you’d know if I was doing that.”
The dulcet, lowered tone of his voice made my stomach tremble with anticipation. Maybe tonight would be the night he finally cashed in on the agreement we set up. After all, I held up my end of the bargain. I was back in his bedroom, sleeping with him as if nothing was the matter. All he had to do was roll over, run his hand along my waist, and take what was rightfully his. While he wasn’t in love with me yet, I knew he wanted it. I saw it in the way his eyes lingered along my legs every time I wore a summer dress around the penthouse. I saw the way he stole glances at me every time I wore my makeup a bit differently, or whenever I tried out a different perfume. And I had to admit, my body was longing for his again.
Longing to be beneath him as he commanded my pleasures with his tongue.
I drew in a deep breath. “Okay. Well, I’m headed upstairs to order groceries. Yell up if you want anything else,” I said.
He didn’t bother looking at me. “Will do.”
I walked over to the kitchen doorway and peeked over my shoulder. Now that his attention was back on work, I could focus on getting out of there. The last thing I needed was him at my side while I went and talked with the owners of businesses I knew were on the side of my uncle. One of the things my uncle loved about me was my ability to talk my way out of any situation. I knew my tongue, and my words could be put to good use. If I could convince them to hop ship in exchange for Israel’s protection against the wrath of my uncle, we could strip Pava of his power in this city without ever firing a damn bullet. I had to find a way to get out of this penthouse.
All right, Bonnie. Think. Think hard.
I made my way upstairs and didn’t start rushing until I closed the bedroom door behind me. Then, I lunged my body over to the closet and threw open the doors. I stared at what I had, wondering if I could really pull this off. I mean, if I dressed in all black, that would certainly look suspicious. But, when my eyes settled onto my accessories, a smile slipped across my cheeks. Thank goodness, big sunglasses were the ‘it’ fashion right now, because they were also a great face-concealer. I plucked the largest pair I owned and slid them on, pleased that they covered about half of it. I plucked a silken scarf out of the drawer and draped it over my head, seeing how much of me it covered with the sunglasses. And the shadow it cast alone covered the rest of my face.
“Perfect,” I whispered.
I tossed both of the items onto the bed behind me and started stripping out of my clothes. I needed something that made me look inconspicuous. Something that everyday people wore and didn’t bat an eye at. I rummaged through my dresses and my gowns. I pulled out a few blouses before tossing them down to the floor. Everything I had was so expensive, and I never thought that would play against me in my life. But, as I continued rifling through doz
ens upon dozens of name-brand clothes that everyone would stop to ogle at, I cursed myself,
Of course, I don’t have regular clothes when I need them.
“Come on. There has to be something,” I murmured.
Then, it hit me.
I rushed over to Israel’s drawer and started rifling through his clothes. I know I’d seen them. He’d worn them once, and I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. I dug down deep into his drawer. Beyond the sweatpants and the t-shirts and the undershirts and the socks. But, when I reached way back into the bottom drawer, I felt them. I felt the rough, torn fabric against my fingertips as I stretched and maneuvered my arm, trying to get a good grip on them. The denim jeans he owned.
Then, I felt my hand grasp them against my palm.
“Gotcha,” I hissed.
I pulled them out and quickly slid them on. I’d have to roll them up since they were much too long, but they fit. Kind of. I couldn't get the button closed, though.
“Fucking thin-ass man,” I grumbled.
I laid down on the bed and sucked it in, but it was no use. My hips were too wide for the slim-waisted pants this man apparently owned. That meant I’d have to jimmy rig the jeans to work. I stood to my feet and huffed with frustration. I’d never had to do this with my own clothes before. Did other women have to do this? Figure out ways to keep their not-really-husband’s pants up just so they could go out undercover and talk to businesses about betraying their owners?
Yeah, no one deals with this Bonnie.
I waddled into the bathroom and pulled out a hair-tie before wrapping it around the button. Just because I’d never had to do this before didn’t mean I didn’t know how. I’d seen my cousin struggle with clothes all the time when we were younger. I’d never wrestled with my weight much, but Brianna had been a different story. I could remember all the times she told me she was envious of my body and how I could eat anything without gaining weight while she could ‘stare at a piece of cheese and feel her thighs widen’.
Mob Princess: An Arranged Dark Mafia Romance (Cruel King Book 2) Page 5
