Luna the Lone Wolf

by Forest Wells

  “That’s not what I mean!” I allowed myself to rise, but slowly, with no hint of threat or challenge. “The humans are back, Rajor. Our packs are the only ones left. If we do nothing, none of us will live to see summer.”

  Rajor’s growl stopped, though his glare didn’t. “And what? You want to come back? Be protected?”

  “No. I want you to join me in one great display. A united pack to drive the humans off once and for all.”

  Rajor’s ears went straight. He looked more appalled than anything else. This can’t be good.

  “I don’t believe this,” he said. “You risk your neck to suggest that I follow you in an attack against the humans? Has solitude damaged you that much?”

  I turned my ears back with a sigh. I had a hard time fighting past my pride to give a response that wasn’t an insult.

  When Estrella stepped forward again, this time, I let her be. It gave me a chance to regain my composure.

  “Listen to him, Rajor. We can’t live like this.”

  Rajor snorted at her, indignant as usual. “You seem to be fine. Luna said you and the others were dead.”

  “The others are dead. I escaped the humans before they could do the same to me. But I had help. If we’re to survive, we have to—”

  “No!” Rajor’s growl returned, as did his raised tail. “My pack remains because it is the strongest. The humans won’t dare risk coming after us.”

  Just what I didn’t need. The foolish side of Rajor’s pride. I countered with frustration escaping my control.

  “Rajor. We can’t wait to be the prey. We have to be the wolves we were born to be. We have to drive the humans off as we would a rival pack, or we risk losing everything.”

  Rajor instantly changed. His growl ceased, his ears fell, he even stepped back while his ears repeatedly turned back, as if constantly saying “no.” His tail never tucked, but I could still smell the fear on him. It was almost the same fear I found on Martol and Toltan when the thunder first rang out in the forest.

  “I’ve lost too much already, Luna,” Rajor said. “I won’t risk more on a fool’s assault that will only kill those I have left. They are my pack. I must protect them.”

  I tried to be as gentle as I could. “This will protect them, Rajor. You have to—”

  “No!”

  I couldn’t believe it when Rajor started trembling. From nose to tail, he shook like he might fall at any moment. He could hardly breathe as he stared at the pups below. When he came back to me, his glare was born more of fear than anger. What happened to you, brother?

  “Get out,” Rajor said. “Get out of here while I’m feeling merciful. Don’t come back unless you want to die.”

  “Rajor,” I said, “don’t be—”

  “Go, Luna! I will not ask again.”

  I didn’t wait long to push Estrella away. We had our answer. Nothing we said would change it.

  We didn’t say a word on the way to the den either. I wouldn’t have had anything to offer had we tried. I couldn’t get the image out of my mind. Rajor, my proud brother, paralyzed by fear. Were he not already dead, Toltan would have laughed to death had someone told him. If only I could find such humor in the situation.

  “Luna pack still strong and proud, Luna pack will lift the cloud.”

  About time he showed up. Haven’t had a strong perk in my ears for a while.

  “Thanks,” I said as the bird wove around trees well over our heads. “I don’t suppose you could offer any help.”

  “Luna, Luna, need no help, Luna, Luna, ain’t no whelp.”

  He left chattering away from a playful growl from me and Estrella. Darn bird hadn’t lost his touch.

  We returned to the den where the others were waiting. Folar was still favoring his leg, but he didn’t whimper anymore when Jinta licked it. I hoped it was only pain now, for he’d be no good to us hurt. Assuming he’d hunt with us, or rather me, at all.

  Tilhack saw us first. He met us near my caching tree, a soft wag in his tail, the only thing about him that wasn’t quite wolf.

  “Well, you’re both alive, so it can’t have gone that bad.”

  I growled while flopping in front of the den near Jinta. “Might as well have. Rajor wouldn’t listen. Pride, arrogance, fear, I don’t know why. All I know is he won’t help us.”

  Estrella laid beside me and offered a soft rub. “We’ll find a way.”

  “You sure about that?” Tilhack said as he found a spot to settle in himself. “I mean, where does this leave us?”

  “The same place,” I said. “If Rajor won’t help himself by helping us, fine. We’ll do this ourselves.”

  “Luna. Five wolves against the humans? It’s insane. If they were wolves, they’d never take us seriously. I don’t want to think about what the humans would do.”

  “Five wolves?” I let myself hope while looking over at Jinta. “Then Folar has changed his mind?”

  Jinta ruffed a chuckle while Folar laid his head on his paws, trying to fake sleep. His body relaxed, suggesting he might have found it anyway.

  “I didn’t give him a choice,” Jinta said. “As you said, this has to stop. If my big brother is going to scare off the humans, then I owe it to him to be there, even if he did turn me down before. Folar won’t let me go alone, which means he’s forced to join us, no matter how much he hates it.”

  “Hates me, you mean.”

  Jinta’s ears flashed back. She couldn’t stop a whine either. “You have to admit, you stung him good as a pup. You of all wolves understand the nature of those scars.”

  I ticked my ears forward through a wince of my own. Do I ever. It’s what made our parting so hard. At the time, I couldn’t stomach the thought of driving away my only chance of companionship. Yet I had enough sense to know I had to. Toltan just made it easier by relighting my rage. Unfortunately, that same rage made me far harsher than I needed to be, and led to me turning away my mother not long after. The sight of the void behind her eyes still plagued my nightmares sometimes. As did Carlin’s and Toltan’s bodies, Folar, and many other wounds not yet healed.

  “Stung me too,” I said. “I had to make a choice. I knew he wouldn’t last long with me. He had to go somewhere. He wouldn’t accept it, so I had to force the choice on him.”

  Jinta ticked her ears forward, but otherwise didn’t react. “I know that. I think somewhere he does too, but for all his pride, he’s never really moved past that night. First, he lost his family, then his hero rejected him. It’s hard to think clearly through that.”

  And unlike me, he didn’t have anyone to keep him in line when the pain hit. “I know. I can only hope someday he’ll understand. Maybe even forgive me.”

  “Don’t count on it,” Folar said from his paws. Guess he wasn’t asleep after all.

  I still flicked an ear back at him. He was young. There was plenty of time for him to change his mind.

  After so much reflecting, and staring death in the face, my chest felt hollow. Somewhere, my mind thought to look to my cache, then back at Tilhack without a word. He ruffed amusement with a forward tick of his ears. There were still scraps there. I returned his ruff before heading over to settle my stomach. I wasn’t really hungry. I just needed something other than emotion in my chest right now.

  Estrella followed, close enough to feel, far enough not to crowd.

  “Are you sure we can do this?” she said. “Five wolves is hardly the united pack you were looking for.”

  I dug into the tree and picked out a hunk of meat still left over from our latest kill. “Martol started ours with little more.”

  “Half of whom, including my parents, are now dead, without ever facing a single human.”

  My ears perked at first in surprise, followed by a turn of my head in confusion. Her parents are dead? Estrella cringed in pain, which kept me from asking the question.

  She must have seen it in my ears anyway. “Jinta told me while you were checking our trail. Solas died in a hunt, a lot like Martol d
id, as I understand it. Carfen... her heart died with him. She barely lived long enough to give birth to the pups the pack now has.”

  So that’s who they were mourning. When Jinta had come looking to join me, the howl of mourning may well have been for another lost pup, but more likely, they were mourning Carfen. The idea that the proud pair of Solas and Carfen were now dead turned my stomach inside out. As did the heavy question of what would become of the pack without them to provide new blood. Of course, if we’re all dead, it won’t matter much, will it?

  Estrella had paused to cringe in her own sorrow. “My point is, as strong as the pack was, they’ve lost members against far weaker foes. Martol told us about hunts in which she lost members, and she never faced humans either.”

  “She could have,” I said, conviction returning to settle my insides. “I have no doubt of that. Just like I have no doubt in them. Even Folar, for all his hate, I’m certain of. Five wolves, one wolf, it doesn’t matter. The humans will tuck their tails soon enough.”

  I chewed into my snack while Estrella laughed beside me. “Never thought you’d be the one telling me to have a little faith.”

  “Like you said, I do learn.”

  A quick shadow announced the mockingbird before I saw him land in the branches above us. “Learn, learn, gather more, another comes to help the score.”

  Another comes? What is that bird talking about now?

  When he said nothing more, I looked around, searching for the meaning. It wasn’t long before I saw another wolf trotting our way. Took me less time to realize it was Lonate... alone... far, far away from the current litter. The world must be ending.

  As he got closer, Lonate slowed, with his ears flat against his head and his tail tucked under him. He was acting like an omega begging for scraps. I couldn’t form a word because I’d never seen Lonate act like that, not even around Toltan. The same thoughts kept my ears soft, which allowed Lonate to approach and cower before me.

  “Luna,” he said. “I’m sorry for violating your territory. There was no other way.”

  I had to shake my head before I could think again. Is this the same wolf? “Lonate, what are you doing here?”

  “I’m here to join you on your hunt.”

  “What? Why now? What about Rajor’s pups?”

  Lonate spat as if hacking a bad meal. “Solas’ pups. They’ll be fine without me. I have to do this. I need to do this.”

  I could only stare and remember all the days Lonate spent standing guard after the thunder first echoed in the forest. That same wolf stood before me. He carried a wound none could see, but it bled just as much. I couldn’t understand why as a pup. Now I had a chance to learn, and unlike Estrella’s tale, I felt like this story was one I needed to learn. That said, for Lonate’s sake, one change was needed.

  “Estrella,” I said. “why don’t you take some scraps to the others? I’m sure Folar could use it.”

  Estrela tilted her head, confused, and probably a little hurt. “Luna? What are you—”

  “Estrella. Please?”

  I asked with my eyes only. I couldn’t say it, perhaps because even the question might betray the moment. Thankfully, Estrella appeared to understand anyway. Despite a backward tick of her ears, she gathered a few scraps, then with the bird chirping and fluttering over her, left me and Lonate alone.

  Once we were, I felt my insides grow roots. I didn’t want to do this, but I had to know. I needed to understand what the humans stirred in him. It was the only way I could be sure he could handle the task ahead and, perhaps, help him get past scars of his own.

  “Lonate, why do you need to do this? There’s something you’re not telling me.”

  Lonate cringed, then shook as if he were cold. It reminded me a lot of Toltan after I’d beaten Rajor last fall. The memory drove a tree through my heart, but it also kept me mindful of how much pain Lonate must be in.

  “I have scars of my own, Luna,” Lonate said. “Why can’t you leave it at that?”

  If only I could. “Because these scars could threaten my pack. I remember when the humans first came here. You said something about a past you left behind. I need to know what it is so I can help you face it.”

  “Face it, or answer for it?”

  “I’m not here to judge you, Lonate. I want to help you, but I need to understand the wound before I can heal it. You can’t face the humans until we do.”

  Lonate cringed so hard, his eyes closed. When they opened, they asked me, begged me not to let their owner speak. I stood silent. No posture, little emotion, only a pair of ears turned forward to catch every word. The same ears I’d used as a pup to learn everything I now knew. Lonate needed this as much as I did. Estrella had shared as much pain as she could, and the change had been immediate. Lonate was keeping all of his inside. He had to let go before it consumed him. I hoped I was helping him do so without doing harm in the process.

  Lonate cringed again, then his eyes filled with tears. I was surprised he didn’t sob when he spoke again.

  “I killed them,” Lonate stared at me as if I were responsible. “I killed my pack. First, my younger siblings disappeared, despite my best efforts to keep them safe. They were too curious. They snuck out, and I never saw them again, not until that last day. My brother and I found them, trapped, scared to death. We tried to free them, then they came. Humans. They killed my brother with their thunder sticks, and I ran. I ran to the only place I thought was safe. The humans followed me. I knew they were there, but I kept going. I led them to our den. The others... they...”

  The sobs came as Lonate looked as if he couldn’t breathe right. I felt the sting within, but I didn’t move, or say anything, for more was coming. Even though I knew the rest, Lonate needed to say it for himself.

  “I didn’t stay to fight,” Lonate said. “The humans came, and I kept running. I was so scared, I couldn’t face them. All I could hear was that terrible thunder, and the whimpers of the injured before they were killed. My fault, my wrong, and I didn’t shed a drop of blood for it. My father alone survived. He blamed me for their deaths, and so do I. He banished me for what I did. He told me I deserved a death worse than theirs for not protecting the pack when I had the chance. So you see, Luna? I didn’t do anything then. I can’t ignore the chance to do something now. It’s my only chance to make things right.”

  He continued to sob, and I remained still as I felt the weight of a thousand trees on my back. What do you say to that? I knew it was coming. Partway through, I recognized the tale, yet I still wasn’t prepared for it. Was it the story, or was it the legacy of that stubborn old wolf standing before me that did it? I couldn’t tell, nor could I find a better thing to say in response.

  “Driving the humans off won’t change the past, Lonate. Nothing will.”

  Lonate glared at me not in anger, but conviction. “No, but it might give me something I can be proud of. Something my father could be proud of if he knew. The pup that led humans to his den grew up to be one of the few wolves who defended another pack from the same fate? That has to count for something.”

  “I’m sure it would.”

  I had my answer. More than that, I knew what to say now. We’d need to talk about what happened to his younger siblings, among other things, but that was a conversation for another time. The here and now was all about getting Lonate to reconnect with the blood that ran through his veins. I stood tall, trying to act the strong alpha I felt he needed.

  “Lonate, if your father knew what you’ve done since that day, I know he’d be proud. I suspect he’d even forgive you.”

  His sobs and tears stopped all at once. I could tell from Lonate’s glare that a growl wasn’t far behind. “You don’t know that.”

  I didn’t back down, but I did offer a tap of my nose on Lonate’s. If only he knew. “Yeah, I do, but enough of that. Come on. You should see where I’ve been living the last few years, and if you’re going to hunt with us, you’d do well to learn the pack.” I turned to lead t
he way back, but stopped when I realized Lonate hadn’t moved. I found him stock-still, with his ears straight up. “Well? You coming?”

  Lonate’s ears twitched back, but he came to my side, at a trot no less. I nipped at his muzzle to get him to relax, which he returned while his tail floated behind him. We traded a panted laugh, then Lonate turned his ears forward with a snort.

  “I’m with you, Luna,” he said. “No matter what happens, I’ll do better this time.”

  “I never doubted it,” I said. “And Lonate, only you and I need to know your reasons. The others can settle for your desire to help. Make up whatever excuse you want for the tears. Your past only concerns me, and I’ve already forgotten it.”

  Lonate cringed again, but the softness of everything else suggested this one was pain. “Thank you, Luna. That means a lot.”

  Least I can do for Carlin’s son.

  Chapter 14

  MY INSIDES WERE TIGHTER than a cramp after a long chase, but it couldn’t be helped. We had to risk being close to the humans’ meeting area during the day. I needed to be sure of their number, and to see if I could find any other weakness we could exploit. That meant watching them when they were most active, and at close range. Unfortunately, I found more reasons for my stomach to turn inside out.

  The fourth pet wolf must have recovered from that night with Carlin. He was bounding around with the rest of them, playing with the humans like newborn pups. Simple games over lengths of vine, or a stick, or one game I couldn’t believe or understand. A human would throw a perfectly round pebble the size of two paws, a pet wolf would chase after it, he would carry it back to the human, the human would throw it again, and thus the cycle went on. It had no point, no reason, yet both human and... pet found this fun. That’s when they weren’t begging for simple pats or rubs that seemed to bring them some amount of pleasure. I would have felt sorry for what they’d become if I wasn’t so busy trying not to be sick.

  At least they were too busy to notice me and Tilhack hugging tree and shadow to remain hidden. It had allowed us to get a good look at their pack over the last few days.