Right Kind of Mistake

by Rebecca Thomas

  I could never be so callous.

  “I know what you’re thinking.” Elle leaned closer to me. “You think you’re too good for revenge sex.”

  “No, I’m not.” Or wait – yes I was. At least that is what I thought before Cam showed up. “Actually, I’m not sure.”

  The bartender set down another beer for me.

  Elle said, “Put it on my tab.”

  The very cute, very tattooed bartender said, “Sure thing.”

  He gave Elle a look, like he knew her, but I wasn’t going there. Elle lived on the wild side. Or the much wilder side than me. But if I was being completely honest, I was a little bit jealous. I longed to be more carefree, like Elle. The only person I’d ever been with was Tyler. I was curious about others. What would it be like to sleep with someone else?

  If Elle had something going on with the bartender, couldn’t I? I could sleep with a complete stranger. Wasn’t that the fantasy of lots of women? I was getting entirely too contemplative.

  Construction worker guy asked me to dance. I gladly accepted and let the music engulf me. My gaze lingered on Cam’s table. A group of girls had descended upon them, which was no surprise. What was it about hunky athletes? They were like a magnet for attention-starved girls. Didn’t they know any of those guys would sleep with them, and then think nothing of it? If I was going to venture off into the land of sleeping with someone else, then why not have some purpose to it? I didn’t want to be a cast-off and completely forgotten the next day.

  My dance partner would take me home. I’d already forgotten his name. But what would be the purpose in sleeping with him? No one would know.

  “Are you having fun?” he called out to me over the sound of the music.

  I placed my hand on his shoulder and yelled, “Yeah, of course.” But the heat of his body didn’t unsettle me the way Cam’s did. I looked over construction worker guy’s shoulder and saw Cam drinking a beer with a girl hanging on his arm. She may as well have been glued to his torso.

  I couldn’t keep track of all the pucks on campus.

  The song ended. I wanted to make it clear to my dance partner that I wasn’t interested, so I said, “See ya later.” I purposely stayed away from my spot at the bar. I didn’t want to unconsciously invite construction guy to join me, so I walked toward the dartboards instead, which just happened to be in the direction of Cam’s table.

  I didn’t want to look at him, but my eyes betrayed me. People were everywhere, but my stare kept going back to him like some kind of invisible force. I inwardly scolded myself as I walked by his table. Why did I care one bit about Cam and who was hanging on him?

  Elle had confirmed my suspicions of Cam having an eye on me, but then, I couldn’t really be sure. My body shivered in anticipation, like some kind of homing beacon said Cam was in touching distance. His coat was off now. The well-defined muscles of his chest and biceps filled out his snug tee shirt. He lifted a bottle of beer to his mouth and the cords of his throat flexed with each swallow. My mouth went suddenly dry. I willed myself to hustle past him.

  Two steps past his table, I let out the breath I’d been holding. Then in an instant I felt a warm hand coil around my forearm and hot breath brushed against my ear. “Dance with me.”

  The fast paced music draped around me.

  I closed my eyes and leaned back against Cam. The buzzing in my head couldn’t only be from the alcohol. My stomach flipped over. Something about this guy turned my senses on high alert. I reminded myself he was a hockey player and I’d vowed to stay away from them, but my body had other ideas.

  He pulled me toward the dance floor. I didn’t resist. I couldn’t. My body felt separated from the good sense in my brain.

  We danced with the rhythm of the beat until sweat glistened on my skin again. I breathed faster as my body moved. I closed my eyes, not allowing myself to look at Cam. He was everything I needed to stay away from, but Elle’s words entered my head: A little revenge sex never hurt anyone. My goal was to live on the wilder side, but sleeping with Cam for the purposes of revenge went way beyond wild. The idea of it sounded so calculated and cold.

  The song ended and I started to walk off the dance floor. I had to get away from him to clear my head. A slow song sounded through the speakers. Cam linked his hand with mine and pulled me close. I couldn’t resist his warmth or his embrace. I let myself lean into his chest. My body hummed with pleasure. His arms tightened around me. He felt so good, so strong, and safe. A knot formed in my throat. If he had a girlfriend, he wouldn’t cheat on her. I was sure of it, but then I never thought Tyler would cheat either.

  I believed in him. I believed in us. And look what it had gotten me.

  As much as I tried to erase my pain with alcohol and music and dancing and laughing with my friends, I still hurt horribly inside. I had been betrayed. I willed myself to quit thinking about Tyler and concentrate on the strong arms around me. I sunk my cheek against Cam’s chest and moved in time with the music. I would take this moment and enjoy it. Cam would never hurt me. He was my safe haven for the night.

  One of his hands gently rubbed my back. The other reached up into my hair and massaged my scalp. His hands were like magic. His smell like fresh soap and spruce trees. My skin buzzed with anticipation, longing for where he’d touch me next.

  I coiled my arms around his neck and pressed my body harder against his. His hardness pressed against my belly. The shock of it left me undone. Desire coursed through my veins. I automatically backed up a step, but still kept my hands linked behind his neck.

  “It’s okay, Haylie. Lean against me.” The smooth timbre of his words echoed in my brain.

  The knot in my throat tightened. I wasn’t sure what I needed or wanted, but somehow Cam did. His strong arms felt perfect, like they were made for me, for holding me, for easing my pain and making me forget. He put his chin on the top of my head and we swayed together with the beat of sound pulsating through the crowded bar.

  It didn’t feel natural to be in Cam’s arms, but it felt good. More than good. I’d been fighting my body and it was so nice to just give in.

  The song ended. I didn’t want it to end. I could have stayed there in Cam’s arms for several more hours at least. I’d let Maya and Elle drag me here when I’d done my best to avoid social settings, but they were right. I needed to get out. Experience life again. See other people. Make a new me come out, but where was that new girl? Who was I kidding? I was a girl who got good grades, who turned in her assignments on time, who followed all the rules. A few New Year’s resolutions weren’t going to transform me in one night.

  I certainly didn’t need to drink anymore. I looked up at Cam. “What are we doing?”

  “We’re just dancing, Haylie.”

  The way he said my name sent fissions of desire through me. He held me a little closer. I let myself melt into him. If I’d felt like his prey before, now I’d become his captive.

  Another slow song started. Thank you music gods, I wasn’t ready to leave. He rubbed his hand up and down my back with just the right amount of pressure. His hands were like a torture machine sent to coax me into his lair. But hell, I’d already willingly entered the lair and was enjoying it. In fact, I wanted more of it. I wanted more of him.

  I let myself press against him. He groaned.

  I wanted him. I’d always wanted him. I’d skillfully avoided Cam because he made me nervous. Whenever he was around, I’d sensed the tension between us. But before, I’d had a boyfriend – now I didn’t.

  “Will you take me home?” The words slipped out before I thought about what I was saying. Will you take me home could be misconstrued. But isn’t that what I was asking? My body screamed to be near him, but my brain still hadn’t decided.

  He loosened his hold on me and leaned back. “Yes.”

  He must know I didn’t mean take me home in that way. I just needed a ride in a reliable vehicle back to the dorms. That’s all. I swallowed hard, wrestling with my conflicting tho
ughts. “Let me tell Maya.” I glanced around and didn’t see my roommate at the bar. “Maybe she’s in the bathroom. I’ll meet you by the front door.”

  Cam released his hold on me, but his eyes held me transfixed. “Don’t take too long.”

  “I won’t.” I forced myself to leave the warmth of his strong embrace. Even though a crowd of people surrounded me, I immediately felt cold and alone and wished his hands were caressing me again. Cam headed toward his table and friends.

  I hugged my forearms to my chest and searched for Maya. I finally found her near the dart boards. “Cam is gonna take me back to the dorms.”

  “Wait.” She threw a dart and it didn’t even hit the board. “Dammit. I’ll go with you.”

  “No. I got this,” I said before letting myself think.

  “You got this?” She eyed me quizzically, then grinned. “What do you mean, you got this? Got this, as in, Cam? Are you going to sleep with him? Because if you are, just remember…oh never mind, go have fun.”

  “I am not going to sleep with Cam,” I whispered loudly. I couldn’t believe she said that or would even think it. Elle thought that way, but not Maya.

  Maya was my conservative, humble friend who didn’t see her own beauty. She was curvy, which she claimed was fat, but I thought her looks were sensual, like J-Lo. I never thought she’d consider a hook-up, but now she was almost encouraging me. “I’m just ready to go. I’m going to let him take me back. Besides, he’s off my list of possibilities by virtue of his hockey player status.”

  “Yeah, yeah, so you’ve said, but Haylie” – she grabbed me by the forearm – “if you want to do something crazy and let’s say, have a one-night-stand, it’s okay. Cam is a great guy and you don’t always have to be good.”

  Her words hit me in a rush. I didn’t always have to be good. I deserved something more. I headed to where I’d left my coat and purse. I met Cam by the front of the bar and he held open the door. We stepped out into the frigid minus twenty degree night air. I slipped and nearly lost my footing.

  Cam laced his hands around my waist. “I’ve got you.”

  Yes, he did, and in so many more ways than saving me from a fall. I didn’t have to be good. My heart sped up and pounded in my chest. We walked arm and arm across the parking lot. I thought about how hard he was, pressed against me when we danced. There wasn’t anything soft about Cam. My skin tinkled where our arms touched. Was he attracted to me? I must have been imagining things, or had one too many beers.

  I needed to get home and in bed. But my nights, for so many weeks, had been filled with images of Tyler and some puck slut. I was sick of dreaming about Tyler. I was sick of him being in my thoughts at all. I needed new images. “I’m not ready to go home yet.”

  “Okay, what would you like to do?” His tone was sincere and genuine. My knees wobbled. I felt devious for considering him as my hook-up fantasy, also known as revenge sex for the night.

  “I don’t know. I’m just not ready to go home.” Besides, I wanted to stay with Cam just a little while longer and make a decision about whether I should follow my brain or my body. Regardless, it felt so good to be given undivided attention by someone like Cam. Someone who appeared to be thoughtful, someone who liked me…but could I exploit that?

  “Should we go for a drive?” His voice sounded so confident, as though he knew exactly what he was doing.

  I, on the other hand, had no idea what I was doing. Nervous energy passed from my freezing cold toes to the tips of my fingers. Why did I have the feeling I was going down a road I’d never return from? I was making a choice, a decision, and I’d never be the same again. “Sure.”

  Was it time? Time to leave the good-girl side of me behind, if only for one night.

  Cam glanced up. “The northern lights are out. Let’s get a ways out of town so we can see them better.”

  “Sounds perfect,” I said. He was in charge. I could lean on him. He knew what he was doing, even if I didn’t. Who was I kidding? I knew exactly what I was doing. Elle had suggested a way to get back at Tyler and I was jumping on the idea – literally and figuratively. Cam was the perfect candidate.

  Cam opened the passenger side door of his pick-up truck. I stepped inside. He walked around the front. Should I sit in the middle next to him, or near the window on the passenger side? I wasn’t sure what to do except I knew I was cold and sitting next to him would be warmer than the frosty window side.

  Butterflies erupted in my stomach. I was a mess of emotions, but Maya’s words reverberated in my head; you don’t always have to be good. I had the support of my two best friends. I could do this. I could be wild. I could have a one-night revenge sex hook-up.

  Cam didn’t look surprised when he saw me sitting in the center. He slid in beside me and started the truck. He kept both hands on the steering wheel as we pulled out of the parking lot.

  I didn’t know what to say. Cam was a sort-of acquaintance. A teammate of Tyler’s who I really didn’t know. Cam must know a lot more about me, than I knew about him. Tyler must have said something. But then, had I ever really known Tyler at all?

  Thankfully, Cam spoke first. “For what it’s worth, Tyler’s an idiot.”

  “Let’s not talk about Tyler.” If Cam was going to talk about Tyler then maybe letting him take me home was a huge mistake.

  Cam fisted his hands around the steering wheel, then loosened them again. “You’re right. Sorry.”

  “No apologies.” I shook my head. “No regrets,” I whispered.

  Cam took his right hand from the wheel and placed it on my thigh.

  A shiver laced through my body. I should tell him to stop. I should tell him I didn’t really mean for him to take me home in the way it sounded, but instead I placed my hand on top of his and my heart raced.

  I couldn’t deny that his hand on my thigh felt good. Better than good. I was turned on by sitting beside Cam and being alone with him. Did his hand on my leg mean he was thinking the same thoughts that I was?

  “Cam, what are we doing?” I said the words so quickly, my brain had to catch up.

  He glanced at me. “It’s your call, Haylie. Completely your call.”

  Our eyes met and I knew I wasn’t misreading anything. He wanted me, but what happened from here was completely my decision. I swallowed and knew I wanted to step outside my normal predictable existence. My world had already been spun on its axis compliments of Tyler; why not spin it a little more? “Take me back to my room. Maya won’t be home for a while.”

  The words sounded calculated. I was planning this. I had agreed to take this path. I wanted to have sex with Cam.

  I didn’t have to be good. I was allowed to have a one-night hook-up and if Tyler found out about it – all the better.

  Cam’s hand gave me a slight squeeze and I felt reassured. He wasn’t innocent in this. He knew what he was doing. I had made the right choice. Cam was perfect.

  My hand shook as I unlocked my dorm room door. Cam stood behind me. I set my purse on my desk and turned on the reading lamp. My movements were automatic and so different from the riotous jumble of nervous energy inside me. I took off my coat and hung it in the closet.

  Cam took off his jacket and hooked it on the back of my desk chair.

  I glanced around the room, glad Maya’s half wasn’t too filthy. I wrung my hands together, wanting to bite my fingernails, but refusing to partake in my horrible habit. I was interested in starting new habits.

  My rule of no dating hockey players pushed its way back into my brain. But I wasn’t dating Cam, I just wanted to sleep with him; there was a big difference. There was my second idea to consider: live it up a little.

  No going back. I wanted this. I wanted Cam.

  So in a way, Cam was a conflict between my two options. Being with him would mean living things up in a very big way, but he was also lumped into the hockey player category and therefore off limits.

  If I took the time to contemplate my rules, maybe I could make an amendme
nt. I stepped around Cam and turned the dead bolt on my door. I didn’t want any time to change my mind. I didn’t want to consider my rules. I’d obviously made them much too hastily anyway. Besides, it’s not as if Maya or Elle would hold me to them. We were just goofing around when we made dating rules.

  Cam’s large, looming presence made the room feel smaller than it already was. Things were going to move quickly from here on out, if I had anything to do with it. I didn’t want to change my mind. I launched myself at him and he wrapped his strong arms around me just like when we danced. His lips were warm and soft against mine, but I didn’t want soft. I wanted hard. My patience was gone. I didn’t let any thoughts of rules enter my mind except I wanted Cam in the worst way.

  I didn’t want time to remind myself that I was using him.

  I wanted to be with someone. Why not Cam? So what if he was Tyler’s teammate. I’d thought Tyler and I were going to be together forever. I never gave a second thought about sleeping with anyone other than him, but now everything was different.

  I had avoided Cam for a reason. He was too sexy. He was like the forbidden fruit and I was finally going to take a bite.

  I laced my hands behind Cam’s neck and kissed him hard. He kissed me back. Kinetic energy or some kind of unknown force charged around us. I was breathing so heavily that I nearly lost my balance and toppled over on my too-high heels.

  Chemistry – that’s what it was. We had intense, all-consuming chemistry. I not only wanted to kiss him. I wanted to bite him. Brand him and make him my own. I’d suddenly become some kind of sex-starved crazy extroverted rendition of myself I didn’t recognize. This couldn’t be blamed on how much I’d had to drink. I tasted the beer on Cam’s tongue and whatever this was, I knew it went far beyond drunk-sex. I knew in the marrow of my bones there was something more between us and the intensity of it scared me.