A Winter's Knight

by Fiona Neal

  He also looked so handsome in his blue outfit, which did wonderful things for his eyes and his blonde hair.

  Alice had donned the gown of and mantle of light green trimmed with gold. Her long red tresses trailed down her back. Of course, her hair was kept from her face by thick braid circling her head, devised by Edith.

  The priest pronounced them husband and wife, and they lightly kissed for the first time. Alice was glad he Edmund didn’t impose his new power over her. He was most gentle and respectful.

  But later when they were alone, he would assert his rights. The thought terrified her.

  Oh, please God, do not let me faint.

  They then walked to the great hall to celebrate.

  Her smiling grandfather seemed happy about the nuptials. Well, he had chosen her husband. Furthermore, he would not have to worry about her being abducted. She was now married. She would sleep in the same chambers as her husband did.

  Alice and Edmund sat at the long table by her grandfather. A lovely tapestry covered the stone wall behind them. The scene depicted a happy woodland scene with a hart and a hind, birds, flowers, and a fox.

  Why does everything remind me of what is to come later?

  They proceeded to eat the fine feast the servants had prepared. There was a pea soup to ward off the chill of the day. Venison had been roasted, chickens, geese, suckling pigs, wild boar, and large fishes baked in a crust were also on the menu. Parsnips, turnips, cabbage, and peas served as vegetables. Baked apples and custards were luscious desserts. Of course, trenchers of bread were served. Wine and ale flowed freely, but Alice insisted on her hot apple juice, which she enjoyed.

  The had minstrels played ballads of love, jugglers performed, and the guests danced. The festivities continued for many hours.

  Finally, Matilda an old serving woman, and Edith approached, and the older woman said, “I think you should retire, Lady Alice, and the men will want to get Sir Edmund ready for the bedding.”

  Alice suddenly felt even more nervous, and her mouth went dry as dust. The moment when she and Edmund would consummate their marriage would soon come. All her life she had been told to guard her virtue. Now she was expected to let this man possess her body in the most intimate of ways.

  She felt panicky and wanted to run.

  But there is nowhere to run. Dear God, please do not let me faint.

  “You are nervous,” Matilda remarked. “It is all right. All virgins are a little apprehensive. I believe Sir Edmund is likely feeling the same way.”

  For the first time, Alice realized that Edmund might be uneasy. But why should he? He knew what to do—and how to do it. He was probably eager. She had heard men were always keen about making love to their wives.

  As Alice walk to the bridal chamber, she prayed. Oh, God, please let this all turn out well.

  * * * *

  Surrounded by many friends and well-wishers, Edmund walked to a room adjacent to Alice’s quarters, and divested his outer clothes. The men with him were laughing and joking. Sir Nigel and Sir Crispin seemed in high spirits.

  “Don’t worry,” Sir Crispin told him. “Just do what comes naturally.”

  “The lady is probably as eager as you are,” Sir Nigel remarked.

  Edmund was not so sure. He had seen Alice’s smile vanish when the maidservant spoke to her a little while ago. A few seconds later, the three women had made their exit and his new wife looked quite uneasy and pale as snow.

  Perhaps she did not love him. After all, she had never given him any hint that she cared for him. She was polite and kind, but that was all.

  Alice was probably waiting for him in the adjoining. Oh, God, he had never been this anxious in his life. The moments before his first battle were tense and frightening, but not as tortuous as this.

  He wanted Alice with his whole heart. His body reacted normally when he saw her, for she was a most desirable woman.

  But did she want him? What if she rejected him?

  That was hardly likely. She knew what her duty required. She must give him and people of De Winter Manor heirs. There was just one way that would happen.

  But he did not want her to do her duty. He wanted her love, affection, and devotion. He wanted to be the king of her heart. Edmund wanted her to want him.

  Still, Alice was a virgin. Suppose the act of consummation hurt her? That was possible. He had to rupture her hymen, and some women he had heard felt pain. He did not want to inflict any unpleasantness on her.

  Edmund needed a drink. He took a big swallow of the ale in the tankard that was on the table. His companions all boisterously made their way to the bridal apartments.

  Oh, God, please let her be an enthusiastic, willing bride with a heart full of love.

  But she had never acted that way toward him before.

  * * * *

  Alice heard the raucous noise as she lay on the bed, wrapped in her thick robe and shift, and her heart pounded anew. Close to panic, she hurried to the table, took several big swallows of the apple juice that she had deliberately requested and then dashed back to the bed.

  The door to the adjoining room burst open, and Edmund and the men rushed in amid much laughing and revelry. The men pushed her new husband, in just his underclothes, onto the bed, and a few of them made some jokes, which Alice didn’t quite understand.

  “I believe we should now leave the happy couple,” Lord De Winter admonished.

  The crowd of men made a hasty exit and slammed the door with such force that the sound reverberated off the stone walls.

  Alice jumped and gasped.

  Edmund sprang from the bed and slid the bar of the door in place, locking them inside. He then went to the table and poured some of the ale, set out for him, into the cup. He had on just his under clothes, but she saw how tall and strong his body was. He was taller than most men, and his muscles appeared well developed.

  Still, his leaping from bed did not seem like the act of a man who was in love with her. In fact, he seemed like a trapped animal. His behavior made her uneasy.

  Were her grandfather and Edith mistaken about Edmund being in love with her? Likely, they were.

  “Would you like a drink, my lady?” Edmund turned to her, waiting for his answer, and his handsome face looked as pale as mist

  “No, thank you, Edmund, I had one a few minutes before you came in.”

  He swiftly gulped down the drink. Actually, he drank it too quickly.

  Alice saw he was more than uneasy, and her heart slowed. She carefully rose from the bed, holding her robe, so she wouldn’t trip on its hem. But what could she say to alleviate his apprehensions? “Are you all right, Sir Edmund? You seem a little…”

  “I’m fine,” he replied. “How are you?”

  “I’m all right, though it is cold.”

  “Yes,” he said. “Let’s move closer to the fire. We don’t want another spell. You did say you were sensitive to cold.”

  They walked near the hearth, and they stretched out their fingers to warm in the heat of the flames.

  “Oh, this is better,” she said. “The flagstones are warm under my feet, too.”

  “Yes, they are,” he agreed, for his feet were naked, too.

  They then lapsed into a long and quite uncomfortable silence.

  “Are you tired?” he asked when the pause became unbearable. “It was quite a long day.”

  “Yes, she replied. “It was long and a fatiguing day.” She then sat in the chair by the hearth.

  He walked to her and took her hands. “Your hands are warm, Alice.”

  “Yes,” she nodded. “They are now, but there weren’t before. I’m sorry it is so cold.”

  “There is nothing for which to apologize,” he said, dropping into a squat, still holding her hands. He smiled. “You did not create the weather.”

  Now, he was behaving like a caring person, but his benevolent gesture did not mean he loved her. It meant he was just being a kind person. Still, his touch evoked feelings that made h
er hot and tingly.

  “True, I didn’t make the cold,” she replied.

  He finished with her hands, stood, and pulled a chair close to her, sitting in it.

  “Advent will start soon. I believe we will have a lot of snow for Christmas this year,” she said for lack of something better to say. She was finding it difficult to come up with an interesting subject because she was so nervous.

  “I think there is a good chance of that,” he added.

  “I haven’t had much time to make any presents, she confessed. “I thought by Christmas I should be a postulant in the abbey who had renounced everything about this world.”

  “Yes,” he said and frowned. “But life has taken us here.”

  “Life and God,” she said.

  “I have something for Edith, but she is the only person for whom I have a gift,” Edmund admitted.

  “What did you buy her?” she asked.

  “A golden cloak pin,” he answered

  “That must be lovely, especially with her thick, fair hair.” She gazed as his light tresses.

  “I hope that is so,” he said.

  “But you did not purchase something for your friends?”

  “No, but I shall. I intend to buy them something for their new homes. They will both marry soon.”

  “Yes, my grandfather told me they will. That is wonderful news.” She nodded.

  “It is,” he agreed. “They have wanted wives for a while, and I like the women they have chosen.”

  “That is good. I haven’t met the ladies,” she said.

  “You will soon,” he said.

  Alice knew that ask Edmund's wife, she would go to the weddings.

  Another long, torturous pause ensued, he said, “Alice, I know you are probably nervous about what we are duty bound to do. I must admit, I’m anxious, too.”

  “I am sorry, Edmund. I don’t wish to be the cause of your concern. I want to be a good wife.” She shivered. “We can, uh… postpone carrying out our duty for a while if that is all right with you.”

  “But not for long. Soon, the housemaids will come in and inspect the sheets for evidence that the deed was done. The news will then be carried to your grandfather.”

  “Evidence?” she asked. “I don’t quite understand. I’m afraid I don’t know anything about men or marriage. I was in the company of women and mostly nuns at that for long periods of time. They didn’t know any more about the subject of marriage that I did.”

  “You never overhead married women chatting?” He looked quite surprised.

  “No,” she answered. “I went to the convent often and stayed for months, ever since I was a young girl.”

  His sapphire gaze met hers. “You are truly an innocent woman.”

  “There was no reason to know about these things. I was going to be a nun.”

  “Yes, well, uh…” He looked quite uncomfortable. “There are certain signs of a consummation.” He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the fireplace, and he seemed quite embarrassed. Edmund then continued, “But if the maids see no signs of the act, that information will be given to his lordship, and that will be most humiliating for both of us. Furthermore, his lordship will be thoroughly vexed.”

  Alice felt her cheeks flaming with heat and her heart began to pound so hard she could barely breathe. “Oh, Edmund, my grandfather will be upset to say the least, and he has had so many disappointments lately. I certainly do not want to cause him more strife. He has lost so much.”

  “I feel the same about him, Alice. He does not need another heartache. But don’t be afraid. What happens between a husband and wife is pleasant.”

  “Pleasant,” she asked, surprised. How do you know?”

  “Didn’t your grandfather tell you, Alice? I felt sure he had.”

  “Tell me what, Edmund?” She frowned

  “I was once married,” Edmund confessed.

  That bit of new shocked her to her core, and she gasped. For a few moments, Alice just stared at her new husband. She then said, “No, my grandfather didn’t say anything about a previous marriage. Perhaps he thought I knew. He is not a deceitful man.”

  “And he has a great deal on his mind,” Edmund remarked.

  “Yes, he has. But you said you would never marry. What happened to your wife?” Alice asked.

  “Isabel died of a fever two months after we were married. She was a sweet woman, but she didn’t have very much of a dowry. Still, I married her because her father was dying, and she had no one else. She had three choices: the convent, life as a servant, or…

  “Or what?” she queried.

  “A fever killed her,” he continued, ignoring Alice’s question.

  Alice wondered why, but she did not press him.

  “She was a good wife, but she died. It was when I was fighting for King Stephen. Your grandfather ordered me to go.”

  “I am sorry,” Alice said. “Did you love her, Edmund?”

  “I admired and respected her every much, and I treated her with all the deference a wife deserves.”

  That wasn’t what Alice asked, but she would not ask him more questions.

  Edmund wed Isabel for the same reason he married me—out of duty and obligation.

  “My grandfather advised me to let you guide and teach me,” Isabel said diffidently.

  Edmund took her hand, and she trembled. Still, she must submit. It was her duty.

  “You’re shaking. Don’t be afraid, Alice. I will never deliberately hurt you.”

  “I believe you, Edmund.”

  He stood and drew her up from her chair, and put his arms around her, but her heart was hammering so hard that she felt lightheaded. “You smell like a pine tree, Edmund,” she said for nothing better to say.

  “The soap I used when I bathed this morning was made with pine. You smell nice, too.” He took her hand and kissed it.

  “Alice, you’re not afraid of me, are you? You’re trembling.”

  She suddenly burst into tears. What was she doing? Each time she thought about submission, Alice imagined the man who tried to dishonor her. She saw the leer in his eyes and the heard the contempt in his voice. It was as if she were living that horrible experience again.

  “Alice what is the matter?” Edmund frowned and seemed perplexed.

  “I’ve had a lifetime of guarding my honor,” she said between sobs.

  “You don’t have to guard your honor from me. I am your husband.”

  “It is difficult to cast aside the habits, Edmund.”

  “You’re not casting them aside, Alice. You and I must guard our honor from others; but with each other, it is all right to possess and be possessed. I share my body with you, too; you know.”

  “Yes,” she stopped crying and looked into his eyes. “ I suppose you do.”

  Suddenly, Alice realized that she had to tell him what happened. She could not continue as she had. They could not continue at all—for the moment. Edmund had to know. She had to unburden her heart and tell this unsuspecting man everything. She hoped he would understand.

  Edmund tried to draw her closer, but she put her hands on his muscular chest. “Edmund, there is something I must tell you, and it cannot wait. It is vitally important that you know the truth.”

  “Have you given your virginity to another man?” he asked, and his eyes widened. “I find that difficult to comprehend.”

  “No, it is just the opposite. I am afraid to give it to any man.”

  “That explains your reticence.”

  “You have noticed,” she said.

  “Yes.” He nodded. “Of course, I did.”

  “You seemed distant, too, Edmund.”

  “I was following your lead, Alice.”

  “Oh,” she said.

  “But we all have urges,” he continued. “They are strong, and they are part of the nature God gave us. The Bible says we are to increase and multiply. My deceased wife was a virgin, but she was eager for me. She was always ready to make love with me.”
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  “Edmund, listen to me. I will tell you something I never told a living soul—not even my confessor, for I did not commit a sin. Still, what happened to me left me terrified.” She paused, and drew in a deep breath and then exhaled. “I was once attacked by a drunken soldier.” Alice began to cry and sob.

  He just stared at her. “Were you raped?” he asked when she had calmed somewhat.

  “No, I’m still a virgin.” She shook her head. “He died before he could destroy my virtue, but I feel he wanted to do that”

  “Did you kill him defending your honor, Alice?”

  “No, he suddenly staggered back, and blood gushed from his nose, and he fell to the ground. I never told anyone. I just said I had found him on the walkway from the chapel to the castle keep.”

  “Oh, I remember when that happened, Alice, but there was no mention of assault or attempted rape. The man was found dead, but had bleeding from the nose. It was just around the time we were to eat the last meal of the day. I later heard his father died in the same way, a hemorrhage from the nose. Perhaps something burst in his brain.”

  “Yes, perhaps,” she confirmed. “I was leaving the chapel that evening. It was quite dark. He grabbed me from behind and dragged me into the shadows. He then pushed me against the wall.” She was trembling, but close to another fall of tears. Still, she continued with a shaky voice. “I could smell the revolting odor of alcohol on his breath. I fought, but he was so much stronger than I. He clutched my breast and tried to raise my skirt, but I still fought him. I prayed to God to help me. Suddenly, the man stopped and staggered back, and at that moment, the clouds uncovered the full moon. I saw his face. He looked surprised, and blood rushed out of his nose. He put his hands to his head and fell backward.

  “I was frightened and horrified, but I knelt by his side. I could not feel his pulse, “ she went on. “I then ran for help. Since that time, I have been terrified of men. I made my decision to become a nun. I felt safe and happy in the convent. I also felt useful, Edmund. I did not event want to leave.”

  “Oh, Alice, I had no idea. I am so sorry. You must have been horrified and so insulted.”

  “I was. I still have nightmares about it, Edmund.”

  “Yes, I imagine you would. What do we do, Alice? I cannot find it in my heart to force you into intimate relations.”