The Kidnapping of Paul McCartney

by Richard Dorrance

  Gwen gave up trying to intimidate him, and said, “Paul, Jools, Paul. When can I talk with him?”

  “Let me finish the ironing, and I’ll go down and get him on the line. If he’s still there. Bye, hon.”

  A half hour later Gwen’s phone rang, and it was Anna. She said, “The love birds don’t want to be disturbed. What’s up, Gwenny?”

  “Hi dear, how are you?”

  “Pretty good. They’re working well, once we pry them out of the bedroom. Stella has no problem with it, mainly because Renee is so sweet. Now that we have the main concept down, and some of the specific ideas, Stella’s started designing the costumes, so she’s having fun. Paul asks me to play with them every time he finishes the first draft of a song. We play with it, revise it, and get it into the computer. Then they go back into the bedroom, and then we pry them out again to start on the next song. They seem pretty confident of finishing on time.”

  “I have news. Ringo called today; he’s gotten the band together, and it’s killer.” She told Anna about David Gilmour and Christine and Alicia. “Ringo said they’re all committed, and they’ll arrive in a little more than two weeks. It sounds like Paul will have a lot of songs ready for rehearsal. Right?”

  “Yes, they will, and that’s an incredible lineup. I know you can’t wait to do the publicity on them.”

  “Anna, we still have another big problem. How is half the band going to be here at The Hall, and the other half, you guys, somewhere else? That can’t work. I thought before of having Renee be the go-between, doing the hooded person thing, taking material from you to us. But we’ve got to have the musicians together for rehearsals. You have any ideas on how to do that?”

  “Look, if we need to get out of here, I can get us out. Jools and his gun are not a problem. The problem is that Paul agreed to stay here and not escape, and he’s sticking to that. He wants the isolation. And now he’s got a squeeze here, and she’s incredible. He may never leave; stay here and write music the rest if his life; die in a concrete bunker in Charleston. Anyway, the answer is, no, I don’t have an idea of how to get the band together.” She paused, then said, “There’s something else, too. The ransoms. Two of them. Remember, Scotilly is demanding five mill from Paul and five mill from Stirg, for Anna. How does that happen, when we have this production to do, and get everyone together, and still allow Scotilly and Jools to be safe and get away with it all?”

  “Gwen said, “Isn’t that their problem? Figuring all that out?”

  “They’re not very good kidnappers. We have to help them.”

  Chapter 75 – Who is this Band?

  An hour after the conversation with Anna, Jinny entered The Hall from the stage door and laid the CDs down on the table in front of Gwen: On An Island, In the Meantime, and Girl on Fire. She said, “Thanks.”

  “Who are these people?” he asked.

  They’re some of the greatest talents in pop music, and they’re going to be here in two weeks, and you’re going to meet them.”

  He looked at the picture of Alicia Keyes on the front of Girl on Fire and said, “I’m going to meet HER?”

  Gwen nodded and waved a hand in front of his face to dispel his trance. “Guignard also is going to meet her.”

  He realized what he was doing and said, “I hang around you, and Gale, and Anna, and Slev. That’s like hanging around a group that could qualify for the Oxford debating team, the Olympic swim team, and a group shot of the cover of Vogue. I figure I can handle being around this babe.”

  “How are the NNs? What are they doing at the synagogue?”

  “The first day we made them erect scaffolding all the way around the building, three storied high. Took them fourteen hours. Then the old Polish guy made them start at the top, way up there. He makes them stay on the scaffolding all the time, work, sleep, eat, everything. Sent them up sleeping bags and pads. They haven’t been down in five days. He had a portajohn delivered, and had the guy set it up on the second story of scaffolding. He has breakfast and dinner delivered every day, and sends it up there to them. That’s it, two meals a day. Tells them that if they do a good job the first week, he’ll give them lunch. Moshe and Shalome hang out down at the bottom, reading books, shooting the shit with the people who come to the synagogue, listen to the stereo. Moshe has lots of books on tape. Stirg is paying him a lot of money, so he’s happy doing what he’s doing. When people ask him who the workers are, he tells them they’re volunteers; want to do penance for past sins and enhance their sense of faith. He’s trained the Polish guy to give commands to Shalom, and trained Shalom to take them. Moshe goes home after dinner, and the Polish guy shows up to take over. Then he goes home about 11pm, and when he leaves, he makes sure the nitwits hear him give the command to Shalom to Kill if they come down. Shalom seems to like getting that command. Moshe shows up again about 7am, everybody’s happy. Except the nitwits, of course. Nev and Moshe have become buds, and Moshe lets Nev hang out and give them shit. The Polish guy bought a case of toothbrushes, and already they’ve gone through a quarter of it.”

  Gwen said, “Dogs are amazing. Let’s listen to On An Island.”

  Jinny slipped the disc into the theater’s sound system computer, and that great voice and lyric guitar began singing and playing Castellorizon. The song mesmerized them. The entire team stopped what they were doing, came to the stage, sat and listened. After Gilmour’s songs Jinny loaded Alicia’s new CD, which they liked, and then the 1972 album with Christine playing electric piano and singing Bare Trees in that sultry voice of hers. The Russians never had heard any of this music, and they were knocked out. Gale said, “Gilmour’s mine. Mine, do you hear? What day does he arrive; I want to pick him up at the airport?”

  Jinny said, “No way Gwen’s gonna let you pick him up. We won’t see either of you for a week.”

  Roger said, “I volunteer to pick up Alicia. When does she arrive?”

  Gwen ignored the banter and said, “They’re arriving in a little over two weeks. Ringo said he’s bringing Christine on his jet, and the other two will arrive in their jets, all the same day. We’ll ALL go to meet them. That way there won’t be any deflections or defections away from The Hall. In the meantime, and she glared around the circle of chairs, we have work to do. All of the production tasks have to be done by the time they arrive. Ok?” They nodded. “I have that long to figure out how we’re going to get them together with the bunker people, so they all can rehearse together.”

  Chapter 76 – Paul Has His Band

  Back in the bunker Stella counted eight songs recorded into the computer, all rough cuts. Paul had said he wasn’t going to waste time polishing them, and told them a story about Miles Davis. “My favorite music documentary is Ken Burns’ Jazz. That’s a work of art in itself. The year is about 1956, and the film describes the life and contributions of Davis. Burns shows clips of Miles entering the studio at the beginning of the Kind of Blue recording sessions, and tells how he refused to provide the other musicians with any previews of the songs and arrangements he had done. The recording sessions started absolutely cold. He would hand each musician a sheet of paper that had the basic chord progressions and harmonies on it, and then he would start playing the melodies on his trumpet. He expected each musician instantly to understand the song, and be able to compose their parts on the spot. They would play through each song three times, and on the fourth, the tapes would roll. That was it. Those guys were so good they created one of the greatest jazz albums ever, that way.” He looked at Anna, Stella, and Renee. “That’s what we’re going to do, or something like it.”

  Anna said, “That’s putting a lot of pressure on the band, and you don’t even know who they are.”

  “I have faith in Ringo. He’ll get the best”

  It was at this point that they heard the sound of the massive iron doors opening at the entry to the bunker, and the familiar steps of Jools coming down t
he corridor to the studio. When he entered he had Anna’s cell in his hand, and said, “Annie, it’s Gwenny, for you.”

  Anna looked at Paul and said, “I want you to release me from my promise not to kill him. He called me Annie once before, and I told him that’s what would happen if he did it a second time. Ok? Can I do it? I won’t do it in here; too hard to clean blood off of concrete. I’ll take him outside in the vegetation. No one will find him till he starts to stink in a couple of days.”

  Paul looked at Renee, and said, “She’s kidding, I think.”

  Anna followed him down the corridor, and stood just outside the iron doors with her phone. Gwen told her the news about the band, which excited her. When she hung up, she clocked Jools on the side of the head with the flat of her hand, and went back into the bunker, where she told the others the news about David Gilmour, Alicia Keys, and Christine McVie. Paul smiled and shook his head. “I told you he’d come through. Damn! David Gilmour. Not only will he play some of the greatest guitar you’ll ever hear, but now he plays sax. Perfect. Way to go, Ringo. And two more women, both keyboardists, dynamite. I love McVie’s singing. And Keys, I saw a couple of videos of her playing piano. She has the most beautiful hands I’ve ever seen.” He stood up and paced around the studio. “A six person band; that’s right on, Ringo.” He paced again, and then slipped off his shoes, motioning for Renee and Stella to do the same. He picked up the shoes one by one, and arranged them on the carpet. “This is how we’ll be on stage: me standing in the center, in back of a mike stand, with the neck of the Rickenbacher pointed to the right. That way it won’t get in Renee’s way. You’ll be on my left, standing with a mike stand in front of you. Of do you want a handheld mike?”

  Renee said, “Mike stand, like you.”

  He nodded, and then moved one of her shoes to the right of his right shoe and the other of her shoes to the left of his left shoe. “Christine will be with her keyboard setup to my right, looking out to the audience, and Alicia will be with her Steinway grand to your left.” Then he picked up a cardboard box holding blank CDs and set it just behind the shoe symbolizing Renee. “That’s Ringo, on a three foot stage platform, just off-center on Renee’s side. He likes being off-center, for some reason. Always has.” He looked at the three women for confirmation.

  Anna said, “That’s the easy part. You said you wanted thirty songs minimum, and you’ve got eight in the can. All nice. That leaves twenty-two more to do, and two and a half weeks to go till opening night.”

  Renee looked at him and said, “Maybe we’ll have to cut the screwing sessions down to one a day.”

  Chapter 77 – The Band Is Coming

  Two weeks later Gwen handed a piece of paper to Gale and Jinny. On it was written: Ringo and Christine, 10:20am from LA; Alicia, 3:47pm from New York; David, 7:14pm from Hong Kong. She said, “I was hoping they all would arrive close together so we all could meet them, but no such luck. They’re spread out all over tomorrow, so you two are the meet and greeters.” Pointing at Jinny she said, “You keep her in line with David. Keep her OFF of him.” Pointing at Gale she said, “You keep him in line. No dirty jokes to Christine and Alicia. Take him to Pierre’s early in the morning and have them shave him twice. Pick them up at the private jet gate, and take them to the Charleston Place Hotel; I’ve booked them all into suites. Tell them we will pick them up at 10am the next day, and that we’re all meeting here.”

  Gale said, “You figured out yet how the whole band is going to rehearse together? And with us, the production team? How are we going to do this?”

  Gwen didn’t need reminding that she, in fact, had not figured this out. She walked away and sat at the edge of the stage, staring at the sea of seats. After five minutes she knew it was time to call in reinforcements. She dialed Roger’s cell and said, “Can you meet me at The Battery, for a walk?”

  He said, “Half an hour. See you, love.”

  Half an hour later they stood together with hands on the railing, looking over the distance at the flags of Fort Sumter snapping in the wind. They began to walk the promenade and she said, “We have to find a way to get the band and Paul and Stella and Anna together. Day after tomorrow.”

  Roger knew this was what Gwen wanted to talk about, but he waited for her to express her ideas, first. They walked one mile, and Gwen was silent. They walked a second mile, same thing. At the start of the third mile she looked at him and said, “You have any ideas?”

  He waited for half a mile to elapse before answering. “Work release.”

  “Work release?”

  “They’re in prison, right? And Scotilly’s both the judge and the warden. Paul has a deal with her to not escape, and that’s the sentence. You act as their lawyer and file an appeal with Scotilly, demanding a work release program that allows them to come to The Hall every day, if they return to the prison every night. In return for the new program, they pay an additional fine to the court. To her. She gets more money, which she wants, and we get the whole team together for rehearsals.”

  She stopped, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him. “Thanks.” They continued walking for a few minutes, and she said, “Can you imagine? Paul and Ringo together at The Hall. David Gilmour playing that Pink Floyd style guitar. The two women playing piano and synthesizers. And Renee Fleming singing. Renee Fleming singing new McCartney songs, singing with him. Unbelievable.”

  Roger walked on, then said, “Can you imagine all that, plus Gale hounding Gilmour for sex. And Little Jinny Blistov hanging out, doing his thing, talking with everyone constantly. The only normal people in the building will be you and me, and Slev and Constantine. And they’re billionaire Russians who used to be aristocratic gangsters in Saint Petersburg.”

  “Constantine was the gangster. Slev was his dutiful wife. And you forgot about Anna and Richard. They’ll be here too, and they’ve been separated for five weeks. No sex. And she will have to stay here during the day as part of the work release program. They’ll be screwing in the orchestra pit every morning when Anna gets here.”

  Roger said, “What about Stirg and Nev? Are we going to let them hang out during the rehearsals?”

  “Jesus, an ex-Nazi hunter billionaire and an ex-Mossad commando. Lot of money in here.”

  “Add a few hundred million each from Paul and Ringo and David, and then some more from Renee and Alicia and an ex-Fleetwood Mac star. That’s a couple billion, easy.”

  Gwen said, “How DO we get mixed up in things like this?”

  Chapter 78 – Putting the Team Together

  When they got back to The Hall Roger dialed up Anna’s phone and got the usual: “Good morning, Jools here. How may I help you?”

  “This is Roger and Gwen. We need to speak to Scotilly.”

  “Roger, you know she maintains a strict schedule for her toilette, nine to eleven. Call back in half an hour, please.”

  Gwen grabbed the phone from Roger and screamed into it, doing a credible rendition of Scotilly’s Taliban head chopper persona: “Jools you little twerp, get her on the phone right now or so help me god I’ll ferret out your nest by the end of the day and both of you can kiss your island paradise idea goodbye for the next twenty years. Get her. Now.”

  Jools got the picture, and made the right decision in not even answering Gwen, much less giving her any shit. He took the phone into Scotilly’s boudoir and said, “You better take this. Miss June’s on the warpath. My strong recommendation is do whatever she wants. I have an intuition about this one.”

  She took the phone, looked at Jools, and said, “Yes, dear, what can I do for you?”

  Now it was Gwen’s turn to look at Roger, who shrugged. First Scotilly screams about chopping off people’s heads, now she talks dear stuff.

  “Scotilly, the production is kicking into high gear; we have two weeks till opening night. Other members of the cast are arriving day after tomorrow, and we have to get eve
ryone together to rehearse. You understand?”

  “Not really, dear.”

  “Rehearse. That’s when the cast practices together. All of them, together. We need Paul and Anna and Stella here, at The Hall, downtown, to work with the people arriving day after tomorrow. You have to let them out of the bunker.”

  “Bunker? What bunker?” She looked accusingly at Jools.

  “Where you have them. Cut the crap. Over on Sullivan’s. I have a proposal for you.”

  “What do you mean, Sullivan’s?”

  Again Gwen screamed like an attack Taliban. “Scottily, get real. It’s crunch time, you idiot.”

  Gwen’s tone of voice hurt Scotilly’s delicate feelings, her own Taliban impersonation not-withstanding. She handed the phone to Jools and said, “You deal with this. I think I need another soak.”

  Fifteen minutes later Jools and Gwen had reached a deal. Starting the day after tomorrow, the three captives would be hooded each morning and driven by Jools over the bridge to the shopping center parking lot, where Jinny would pick them up and take them to The Hall. Each evening when rehearsals were done, the reverse transportation would occur. In return for Judge Scotilly authorizing the two week work release program, the defendants would pay a supplemental fine to the court in the amount of another million dollars. When Gwen hung up the phone, Roger said, “You just agreed to pay the kidnappers another million dollars. We don’t happen to have that laying around, do we? Who’s going to pay that?”

  “Didn’t we just do an accounting of the approximate net worth that was going to be in The Hall the day after tomorrow? Something on the order of two billion dollars, spread over a handful of people. Someone will cough it up. I have other things to worry about, like making this show come together into something memorable.”

  Over on Sullivan’s, Jools thought of going into Scotilly’s bathroom and telling her the news that he’d scored them another mill, then thought differently, and headed down to the bunker where he informed the kidnappees of the new deal. Knowing she would be seeing Richard soon, and what that meant, Anna said, “Thank god.”